章 49: An intense uncovering of lies
He hasn't stopped staring, not even once.
Since yesterday his eyes had been upon him, not one moment did they stray as footsteps followed in his with almost silent thuds.
It didn't help that the servant questioned everything he did, it rolled off the other in waves, it was a never ending cycle.
Frankly it was disturbing, every shift noted, every word mentally listed.
It was obvious that June tried extra hard to catch his double meaning words, eyes lighting up with recognition combined with a twinge of loss.
Didn't stop him from watching like a hawk, yet another on the ever growing list, watching how his knife cut delicately into a piece of meat.
Popping it into his mouth, he swallowed it with a small wrinkle before letting it vanish, again noted.
How attentive.
He was tired, plagued with memories that aren't, weren't his.
But like everything there was a reason why he was thinking of those very memories and that reason was standing right behind him.
Getting confronted and forced to relife certain memories would make every being nostalgic.
Gazing down with still saddened eyes he thought back to the days where a full cooked meal waited upon them, hugs and kisses upon their return, full of love and adoration.
It all felt so conflicting, he was torn, his own heart ached from deep within.
Brown eyes and brown hair so very much like his past.
Yet.
He never had a lovely family like that, never had somebody to share pain and happiness with, seeing a past that was not his own left him feeling jealousy and utter want.
Even though it was ripped from Acacius after his parent's death, he had experienced the beauty of it all, one could say he did too as Adrian yet that childhood was riddled with lies even if he didn't want to admit it.
Was he yearning for familiarity?
Was he like a child, wanting for his mom and dad?
For Aethelstan? And what about Dawn?
Disregarding the small burst of the past, he let his fork and knife clatter down, while he had spent some time at the table and it looked like he ate quite a bit, if one were to really look it would become clear that it was merely an illusion.
Pieces cut so small and divided made it possible to see the bottom of the plate.
''The taste was perfect, give the cooks my compliments. Someone clean this up.''
He didn't bother waiting for an answer, chair scraping over the ground as he left straight to the study.
A servant exclaimed he would clean it, his own servants and guards falling in line behind him.
Everything was so perfunctory.
So boring, he needed something new, wanted something and yet his mind was clouded with only ideas, only plans, how could he risk anything else when his life was at stake?
Could he risk everything for just a few moments of pleasure? A few moments of relief?
No.
The answer was no.
It always was and he didn't necessarily like it but when need came to choose he just had to follow along.
One day he won't, one day he will rise and if he wants blood no one will be capable of stopping him!
But today is not that day and neither will it be ten years from now!
He was stuck, a position that had proven itself to be difficult to get rid off.
It was hard and maybe that was the first time he had admitted it to himself, everything was so complicated while he only had wanted peace or at least peace that aligned with his description of it.
Yet it would never be and the headache that was forming was more than proof of it, it didn't help that he was getting confused of who he was.
What part of his feelings belonged to the entity called Acacius and which part to Adrian?
Who and what kinda person he was, was getting changed, the memories overtaking his body and mind, slowly but surely overtook his identity as Adrian Amdis Acheron
Line thinning dangerously as the life of Acacius crossed over his memories as Adrian, so strongly that it felt like they overtook the very essence of Adrian. A life so far away, dancing just between his mind and the edge of forgetfulness.
His own, well second life faded into obscurity as the life of Acacius became clear, he felt himself falling into the identity of Acacius. Becoming him and if he wasn't careful he would.
It was a worry, he had not expected it to happen yet it was there and instead of trying to change it, the numbness inside him accepted it. As if he was always meant to be that.
He was confused, how could he not when his entire character was shifted anew? Warped into a different intensity, an entity with different thoughts and dreams? Changing his very thoughts and acts.
Blinking away his sleep he thought of a few more ideas before disregarding them.
It wouldn't do, he was tired and while it was only morning, he hadn't felt like he slept a wink the previous night.
Mind clouded with everything and nothing, he felt stuck, incapable of moving forward, a thought that was just an illusion.
...
It was...confusing.
The emperor, a being that he hated, disliked so venomously that he had thought himself capable of killing looked lost, stuck between four immovable walls, a cage specially made for him.
It was impossible yet the words that he had whispered just the day before had haunted June all night, even now it was still vibrantly ringing on his dazed brain.
Did he say it on purpose or was it a falter?
What did it mean and if it were true, does that mean there was someone else?
Someone who tightly held the strings, moving the emperor like a puppet and if so was it since the beginning?
And yet even as prince Acacius he was ruthless, working from dusk till dawn and proving his strength and ruthlessness by killing his brother.
Even now, years later, it only got worse as he didn't hesitate to kill a child, for the mere reason of her father being troublesome. He had no patience and yet every move looked calculated.
Over the years all who opposed him vanished without a sound, no one ever could point in the emperor's direction yet it was obvious. From the moment anyone even dared mention the former emperor there fate was sealed.
Even the empress was a silent matter, for whatever reason she just silently let herself be jailed, not even trying to resist.
It had been suspected the young crown prince was with her but no one came forward to tell the truth of the matter and June, himself, hadn't quite felt comfortable to ask questions about such a sensitive subject.
Everyone had their own ideas as to why, maybe the then prince Aucacius felt threatened at the idea of another prince or princess being born in the foreseeable future and thus decided to just get rid of the number one cause.
It was said that the attempt to kill the crown prince failed, so instead he made sure that there was still a card in his hand. The empress, a huge one that hung over the crown's prince head.
What if he killed her, the only real family he had left?
It was only accidental that June had heard the crown prince open up about his worries yet those words were following him even now, just like said uncle from the crown prince.
The two were like two sides of one coin, June didn't know why he thought that, it just seemed like a fact. Both covering weakness with strength and it just didn't make sense!
Why, why would he say that dying would have been easier??
Why??
His finger tapped in impatience as he continued to watch his emperor, it didn't look like he was planning to speak, no doubt it was because of his slip up.
Barely containing his sigh, he cursed himself, only now he could see the obvious flaws in a character that was ever so clearly forged.
In the time he had been a servant, he had never seen the emperor speak without a reason, he dutifully kept his silence until clearly addressed as if scared his lips would loosen.
More and more he noticed things he normally didn't, for one the other's sleep schedule was a mess. If he got more than four hours of sleep in a night it was much, another thing he had accidentally found out was the fact that before visiting the empress he got rid of all his hidden knives and even after that left his sword at the door.
Not once had he been seen without it, either he had it or a servant carried it for him but he abandoned the sword just behind the door without even a twitch as if it was a process he had done millions of times before.
He wanted....no needed to know why.
"I can hear your impatience.
Should I send you back so you can relearn the basics?"
Flustered at being called out.''It won't happen again, your majesty.''
''Indeed it won't.''
He stilled, the tone wasn't good as if there was already a decision made, the emperor stilled with him just a few steps ahead. Waiting in the tense silence, he could only get flustered as a paper rolled open in front of his eyes. The royal seal stamped upon it making the decision final, another closed roll in his other hand.
"You will take this one to the young who spoke about the fighting ring, afterwards you will take this scroll and go to the servants quarters assigned to the cleaners and introduce yourself.
I've sent word, there is no need for you to return.''
When did he.?
"Your majesty?!"
''When you deliver this, tell him that he should use the opportunity that the fighting clubs provide to bring stabilization in the far east. Either by bringing the strong men and women over here to provide for their family or discreetly opening one and therefore providing job opportunities and a method to fight for money if one is capable of that."
Opening his mouth to refute was unnecessary as the other vanished rapidly, he had messed up and put his part to help the rightful heir on the throne in jeopardy.
Instead of sulking more than necessary he hid behind a corner and discreetly fished the delivered message out of his pockets.
Eyes rapidly crossed over the written test before he groaned in annoyance, it seemed nothing had gone the way he wanted it too or planned it too.
(We have taken your claim seriously and have sent someone to check.
Upon their return, your claim has been deemed untrue.
In case of further investigations, pieces of evidence will be needed.
Within the foreseeable future we shall discreetly send a package in which a chance shall be given to unveil the truth.
For obligatory mentions this had been taken care of by division DSO, rank two.
Burn this!)
Who did they send? He hadn't noticed anyone new and he kept a tight watch over all the personnel.
Was his claim denied because of the matter with the council men?
How was he even supposed to find evidence, especially when the emperor had removed him from beside him? Causing him to be unable to monitor him or watch him closely.
Fighting off a chill, he suppressed the thought of the emperor knowing. It was impossible, however, if he were to point out a reason that would surely be the slip up yesterday.
If this was the reaction then there must be a sliver of truth in those rushed words and that meant that the real culprit was really someone else?!
With a beating heart that felt like it would jump out of his chest at any time, he went to look for the council man in charge of the fighting clubs.
Slightly wondering about the package he would receive in the future.
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