章 1: chapter 1
i died, poofed, gone. there is many ways to describe it, but the fact that it all mean the same things does not change the fact that i died at the the young age of 27. you see i am not even sad or shocked to be honest. you become aloof and uncaring if you lost your sight at a young age to protect your self. and feel like a burden to the people around you. and no i am not a depressed person or someone who send all of his days feeling sorry for him self.
i was born to mixed parents , a Russian mom and a British dad. named Michael at the year of 1996,
you see you become detached from things in life if you become blind. i was not always blind. i lost my sight at the age of 13. i was born with Juvenile macular degeneration. JMD for short. its a dieses that make you blind as you age.
add that i have a weak body that i did inherit from my mother. you already accept that your life will be tough and shitty. so the best way is to become aloof, or pretend as hard as you can till you fake it enough it become real.
because my mother had weak body, she unfortunately lost her life when i was only 8. because of the sudden death of my mom, my JMD start to get worse and worse in super fast pace until i lost my vision and could not see anything at all.
i won't lie, before my mother death it was a true heaven. my family were truly happy and close to each other . like it came from a movie type of happily. i don't know if the pain was to much for me and my father to handle or my mom was the one thing that kept us connected, but after her death my relationship with my father got lost, like we became strangers in a way. we even stopped living together after a couple of years.
fortunately my father was rich enough for me to be able to do that. he was CEO slash owner of an international multimillion dollar company, so money was never an issue for us.
the only thing that helped me from sinking in self pity is music and my step-sister. especially after i lost my sight. my father tried to be there but it felt like there is a mountain between us and we just couldn't connect together. especially after he started to see someone a couple of year later after my mom death. then got married after that.
i didn't hate him or my new step mom. hence after he got remarried my relationship with him got better because of my new little step sister. she basically lived with me , with how much time she did spend with me. i just couldn't click with him. and i guess he felt the same because i was the spitting imagine of my mother, it was just too hard for him.
after becoming blind, i spent my time with things related to music or just reading books. thankfully my father was rich enough to hire a translator who translated every book i want to braille , which is basically a dot system for blind people to read. i didn't have a preference to what to read, i read from romance to philosophy , from kids books to smut, and from finance and how money works to web novels with audiobooks. i read anything as long as it interested me.
as for Music , it just calms me. it make me forget about everything around me and make me live in the rhyme of the music I am listing to. my favorites were the classic and poets. it just astonished me how someone can express their self with only a music instrument or making a story or a world with poets or the modernization of it known as rap.
in fact i loved music so much that i got my self a piano and guitar teacher. it was tough and hard as heck to learn and remember where each cord and key is. but every time i took a break i just become depressed. so after a year of trying i got the hang of the basic's, and a couple of years later at the age of 17 i was at the 4th rank out of 10 in piano , as for guitar it was easier to play for me but i never went past intermediate. i fell in love with the piano, i could express my self more with it.
my hobbies if you could call them that was one of the reason me and my new sister bonded was because of books. she was a book nerd like me in a way. we spent many hours discussing about books and who's our favorite Character is or talked about finance which was her major and which company in the world is doing good and why, apparently reading a lot of books about finance make you give good points to why things happens. the other reason is because she loved to listen to me playing the piano. she was the only person i felt warmth from, i dont know if it is because she was warm to me to point of us sleeping together hugging. or because of her sweet innocent character. but i just knew that she was the light of my life.
at the age of 25 my health was bad enough that i needed to stay at the hospital to be kept under their watch, the longer i got hospitalized the longer i wished my body would just give up and for me to join my mother in afterlife. hearing my sister being all sad and crying a lot because of my health killed me inside. i felt like a burden in her life. like an emotional cancer for her that i must be gone. for her to move on. i know this was the self doubt talking inside of me. but i just could not kill this though inside of me. and it just kept getting bigger and bigger the more sad she got.
so it was more of a relief than being sad when my time finally came. it was just like my body finally given up and lost the battle to try to keep it self alive.
i excepted darkness or to just be erased from exiting , but for some reason when i closed my eyes for the last time. i saw light that is so bright that it was blinding and pain all over my body. then i blacked out.
週次パワーステータス
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