The night arrived and I set up my computer to take the meeting with León.
I was nervous but I smoothed out the slip of paper with the promise he gave me. It felt like a job interview, but I knew regardless of the outcome I just had to do my best and ensure the me he sees is the best version of myself.
The minute the clock hand moved to set on our agreed meeting time the video connected and his face appeared on the screen. He looked ever as serious as I have known him. His wife who I half expected to join him was not seen in the screen.
"Hello sir." I was not about to embarrass myself and refer to him casually by his name. "Hello Celeste." He dropped my name casually but I made kept the stoic look I sport. "What expectations do you have regarding this conversation today?"
An odd question to ask. The words of my father wrapped around my head and I knew I needed to stop overthinking before I tripped myself up. " I expect that we will discuss the nature of my relationship with your son as well as get an idea of who I am as an individual. In terms of expectations regarding the outcomes within this conversation... I do not anticipate any type of resolution or decision right away."
His face did not give me any clues and I suddenly recognized that maybe this is how I come off to other people.
Deans dad simply wrote something on a notepad next to his hand and that feeling of this being a job interview grew stronger. I clasped my hands together to stop myself from wringing them and just focus my energy on the conversation.
"I see. If you had to rank the order of importance how would you rank your husband, parents and possible children?" It was a hard hitting question. And an odd one to ask. And it was here I felt he was egging me to answer one way.
"This is a tough question. I value my parents deeply as they raised and cared for me. As for any children I have I would want them to also share that love and respect for their parents. However, my parents have also taught me to value my husband in higher regards than them. My husband is expected to be my life partner. A stable marriage comes when a husband and wife prioritize one another. A high priority we will share when we have children is to ensure their happiness and well being."
"If I had to rank my children would go first, then my husband, then my parents." It was an answer my father would respect as that was how my parents modeled my home life. They love one another deeply but when I came into the picture they considered what was best for me first even if it contradicted their own wants and needs.
My father did this when he was asked to go home to Italy for the family tradition but he chose to wait until after he fully retired as he prioritized my safety and stability. My mother chose to stop working to raise me as she felt that if she worked the way she wanted to work, I would be raised by nannies which she wanted to avoid. She wanted to personally make all of the decisions regarding my upbringing and have no contest to who I would trust.
They both had personal desires which they set aside to ensure I got what they felt was best for me. It did not mean they neglected themselves nor one another, rather for the most part they considered me first when weighing their options.
I had no complaints about that model and I felt I could do the same if God by some miracle blessed me with children.
"I see." Again he just jotted something down before coming back again. He gave no indication to how he felt about my answer which turned my anxiety up a notch. "Prenups. Would you sign one?" This question was actually one I did think he would ask.
It was a question film and other entertainment outlets would make one assume was a bad thing. It can be considering insulting depending on the contents of the contract however... "My family is an active supporter of them and I see their value. If done with the best intentions on both sides, it can be a powerful tool to ensure the marriage is setup for success and to protect everyone if it fails."
"If I asked you to leave my son right now and break up with him, would you? Consider that any choice you make will have a significant consequence." This was also an anticipated question. But even though I considered it, the sting from it still burned.
"Good question. For that I have two answers. My first answer is that I deeply love your son. He respects me as a person and has shown me overwhelming compassion and love. He treats me well so giving him up would be difficult. However, I recognize the dangers that come with our union. It is not just external factors that could affect us, there is internal factors as well. If it boiled down to his life being endangered I would force myself to free him."
I cared too much for myself to be a cause of pain and suffering for him. I had no doubts he could take care of himself but this is unprecedented. Anything could happen.
"And your second answer?"
I pulled out the promise he gave me. The smallest flicker of something flashed in his eyes. I could not recognize the emotion. "I am selfish. I want to keep your son by my side as long as he is willing to be by mine. I don't want to force anyones hand, especially yours. I want true acceptance as I do genuinely like both you and Estelle and want our relationship to start on the correct foot. Having that in mind, for a while I considered just never letting it see the light of day when I thought about its uses. However, I knew that I would never forgive myself if I did not put every effort in my disposal to fight for your son."
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