章 67: Chapter 65
AUSTIN'S POV
He was trying, I had to give it to him. The lingering tension was still there, but somehow he was fighting to overcome it, and that just made me genuinely happy. To see the effort, that he was trying so hard even though he didn't have to. Because no matter how many times I told him I couldn't keep making the first move, the truth was that I could. For the rest of my fucking life if I had to.
" What's your obsession with peanut butter?"I asked in regards to the flavour of his Froyo, of all the types he could have gone for. I wasn't a fan but I wasn't against it either. Especially when it gave me a chance to get closer to him .
" Don't you dare start up that argument again."
Laughing, I assured him that I wouldn't, then I looked around our surrounding and recalled something.
" You know what this place reminds me of?"
" No, what?"
I realized he wasn't really eating, perhaps because he was still a bit self conscious, so I raised a spoonful of the stuff to his lips and leveled my gaze with him, waiting to see what he would do. And when I expected a look of disapproval, he instead wrapped his hand around my wrist and guided the spoon to his mouth, my eyes were glued to the action, the simplicity of it and the wild way my heart reacted. But what really got me was the way he smiled afterwards, the pure gesture calmed me down because it told me he was really okay with being there.
" Do you remember that tiny place my mum took us to when we were kids, the chocolate themed one?"
His lips parted as if recalling something he couldn't believe he had forgotten, then he gasped and ran both hands over his face.
" God, What was its name?"
" Can't remember either. "
It had been out of town, my mom had wanted to visit a friend of hers who had given birth and she had taken us along, then the said friend had suggested we stop by there on our way back. My mom had listened and I was glad she had. The place had been everything a chocolate loving child could wish for.
" We ate too much though, " he said, delight on his face as he recalled the sweet memory.
" I know, I hated chocolate for like a week after that. "
" You're right, this place does give off the same vibe. "
I leaned back against the seat, reaching out and digging my hand into his hair. I knew people were talking, people always talked when I was with him. I had heard the rumours and I wasn't bothered with them, partly because they weren't technically rumours and partly because I had more important things to do. Miles himself had asked me what the exact status of Kyle's and my relationship was and I had told him the truth. I said I liked Kyle and I was interested in taking things between us to the next level. Miles was a cool guy, he didn't really care much about all that and all he had done was wish me the best. He had however been a little shocked and I had overlooked it. One of the dumbest things I had ever heard from people after they realized I was gay was, " You really don't seem gay to me. "
What the fuck was that even supposed to mean? I had no idea there was a specified trademark when it came to sexuality. I gripped his dark strands with a little force before loosening my hold, I was using my injured hand but I didn't care. He turned to face me, and I saw so many things on his face it was hard to keep track. All the questions and words he wanted to keep to himself, but it was also very obvious that he held no objection towards my action, so I freely combed my fingers through his hair as I waited to see whether he would talk. Because from my reading, he wanted to say something. But instead of talking he continued eating, stopping when he was halfway done to check a text he'd just received, he only stared at the screen for a second before placing the phone upsidedown on the table's surface and slightly shaking his head. I was curious, but I wouldn't ask.
I let go of my hold on his hair, lowering my hand to his neck because it was the only exposed part of him apart from his face, the only skin I could actually touch without gaining any unnecessary attention, then I stretched my free arm on the seat.
" Stevens?" I calmly called out. He turned towards me again, then he raised his brows inquisitively and waited for me to talk. I realized that even though I liked that place, I preferred it more when we were alone. It was odd since I had always wanted him to take such a step, but now that he had all I wanted was to have him entirely to myself someplace where no one else could see us. The parts of him I got to see when we were alone were the absolute best.
" It's not enough, " I whispered, my eyes boring into his. Admiring how striking that shade was and how it would never not amaze me.
He immediately understood what I was talking about, his eyes darted around the place before he looked at me again. I wanted to see what he would do, how he would try to fix the situation.
Whether he would try at all.
Although I wouldn't blame him if he didn't. I had only told him that because the words demanded to be said, to let him know that I wasn't at all satisfied and that my soul was craving something more, something it could actually feel because the slight contact I currently had with him wasn't anywhere near enough.
He looked down at himself as if to confirm something. Then his eyes shot up to mine again and I saw a little disappointment. He was wearing a hoodie, and that made things a lot harder when it came to access.
" I'm afraid there's isn't much I can do. It'll just have to be enough, " he informed me afterwards. And I liked that he actually sounded sorry. He looked like he was as well, maybe because we were linked and whenever I wanted more, so did he. Although when it came to me, I always wanted more. I wanted him entirely.
" Tough but true, "I admitted. There were people around anyways. It wouldn't technically be appropriate, plus even without the people, I doubted Kyle's courage stretched so far. His phone buzzed again but he didn't look at it, and a while later it started to ring and he clicked before he picked it up.
" What?" He angrily asked. I frowned and grew concerned.
" Have you checked your closet?" He asked and I immediately knew who he was talking to.
" It's right there, you're just not checking properly. "
He went quiet, and I watched as his expression turned slightly dark, a little enraged, but he managed to hold it together.
" What reason would I have to do that?! Just check the freaking closet for God's sake!"
Hanging up, he put the phone on silent and tucked it into his pocket, then he blew out a frustrated breath and slowly leaned back against the seat.
" What's-"
" Don't!" He warned before I could even ask. But then he seemed to regret it immediately after and apologized, Pressing his hand on my thigh as he did so, and when he would have put an end to the contact, I prevented him from doing so by placing a hand on his. And he let his hand stay right where it was even after I took mine off.
" You're right, " he said afterwards, staring at his hand before turning to face me, a far away look on that lovely face.
" It's nowhere near enough, " he added, tapping his fingers on my jeans and inching closer to me even though it wasn't technically possible. We were as close as we could be. And even though the booth in a way provided a false sense of privacy, it wasn't strong enough to convince us that we were alone. There were too many prying eyes, enough to make even me uncomfortable.
" Wanna go for a walk?" He suddenly asked, and I was glad that he did because the suggestion was extremely refreshing. Without saying a word, I nodded, my eyes on the exit already. But when I was about to stand he pulled me back down and pushed the bowl over to me.
" Finish it up first, " he commanded in this casual tone that made me smile to myself. The thing about Kyle's sweetness was how subtle and measured it was, it was like he didn't even have to try because it was just a part of him. I ate up as first as I could, feeding him the last three spoonfuls before I stood and waited for him to join me, then we walked out of there and stood outside the exit.
" Where to?"
I asked, glancing at both sides and waiting for his instruction. He also didn't seem to be aware, then he shrugged and pointed to the left, but I immediately shook my head and began walking towards the right.
" That'll just lead us to school. And I like my weekends to be as school free as possible. " I curtly stated.
" Why ask me then?"
" Because I believe in fairness. "
He scoffed, unsuccessfully hiding his smile, then he fell into step beside me and we walked along the sidewalk. There were a number of streetlights in that area, making the place extremely bright, but we were walking, so even if there were people around, it didn't faze him as much. Mostly because they were all minding their own business and not concentrating in whatever was happening around them.
" How's your hand doing?" He asked and I told him it was fine, that I was sure it would be okay in a couple of days. he seemed glad to hear that.
" Can I ask you something?"
That caught me off guard, but I told him to go ahead.
" Why'd you do it?" His eyes and time implied we were still talking about my hand.
I huffed out a breath, then I looked at it and tried to think of a good enough reason. He had been walking on my right side, but then he shifted to my left and I felt him as he locked our fingers together. And when I turned to him he didn't return the gaze, he was acting as if he hadn't done anything.
" Anger, frustration....but stupidity mostly, " I replied. And when I said that, it felt almost as if I was summoning those emotions back. I hadn't really wanted to talk about that.
" Why were you angry?"
He really sounded curious, and although I didn't think it was fair for him keep his secrets hidden, I decided to share mine. He was the only one I felt like I could talk to about such things without feeling weird about it.
" My dad and I got into a fight, "
" Was it that serious?"
" I suppose you could say that. We haven't really been seeing eye to eye lately. "
By lately I meant the last five years, but there was no reason for Stevens to know that. I couldn't believe there was a time when he used to envy me and my dad's relationship. Seeing as he had never really known his dad. Although he had admitted that he had no wish of finding out who he was. I guess even though he had been young, he had guessed that his father was probably one of the random guys he had seen his mom with. There had even been one who had always been a little nice to him and he had been almost certain he was the one. Mostly because the guy had bought him a burger once without any specific reason. Although in truth, I had feared for Kyle, knowing there were chances the guy had other intentions. I had accidentally walked in on my mom watching some documentary that had freaked me out, and it had made me all the more worried for Kyle because I had learnt just how evil the world actually was. How manipulative some grown-ups could be because they wanted something from the child.
" I hope you clear things out. "
" Yeah...me too, "
I had only said that to put him at ease, the possibility of my dad and I clearing things out was almost non-existent.
I saw a bench on the opposite side of the street, then I gestured to it and asked if he wanted to sit.
" Sure, "
It was still early, but I had decided that I'd get back home by nine, there was no reason to stir the pot between my father and I even more than it was. I didn't care whether he had given me the chance to act as unruly as I wanted, I knew he was still keeping a close on me to see what I would do.
As soon as we sat, Kyle tucked his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, then he took them out and seemed to be considering something.
" Do you mind?" He asked, his fingertips on my jacket's zipper, I looked down, then I shook my head and watched him carefully unzip it. And when he slipped his hand underneath both the jacket and my t-shirt, I leaned forward to grant him access. His skin so was cold all I wanted to do was hold him against me as tightly as I could. Actually, that had been a long time favorite memory of mine. Something I had always thought about because it filled me with warmth and yearning. Thinking of the few chances I had ever gotten to hold onto him for as long as I could and how I had utilized them. And now there was nothing I wanted more. Those few minutes I got were never enough.
He rested his palm flat on my back, then he gently rubbed it over my skin and I wrapped my arm around him just to keep him close.
" Be honest with me, you wore that perfume because I like it, didn't you?" I asked, referring to his lavender scent that was so enticingly floral I couldn't even explain it.
" It's not perfume, it's just soap, "
" Really?"
I tucked my head into his neck as if to confirm, but then I found the position quite nice and stayed like that.
" Yap. You got me, my intentions were to seduce you into eating peanut butter, and I can proudly say the mission was a success. "
" There was no need to go through all the trouble Stevens. Next time just rub the peanut over yourself and you'll see how fast I'll be willing to consume it. "
" Pervert."
I laughed into his neck, then I rubbed my hand over his inner thigh and he shuddered in a very familiar way, tensing up when I got too close to his crotch.
" We're in public!"
" We perverts don't really care about such limitations."
" I'll injure that hand as well if you don't--" He began,but then I did exactly what he feared and his words caught in his throat, his fingers dug into my back with surprising forced and I wasn't even shocked on realizing that I liked it.
" You can scratch me if you want to, I don't mind, " I joked, but he was in no mood for it. Not when I was casually rubbing my hand over his him through his jeans. His breathing hitched up and he shook his head, silently telling me no even though he made no actual move to stop me.
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