章 36: An Interrogation
"Now then, I would like to ask you a bit about what happened the day before
yesterday."
It was two days after Amane's outing with Mahiru. The day he had plans to go sing
karaoke with Itsuki and Yuuta.
As soon as they had assembled and entered their reserved room, Yuuta immediately
turned to him with a smile.
Amane had prepared himself for an interrogation, but even so, he felt really awkward
being asked about this again.
Itsuki seemed to have heard about the incident from Yuuta and was wearing an
expression that said Uh-oh, you got caught! He wasn't even trying to hide his
amusement.
After bringing the cup of melon soda he had gotten from the self-service drink bar to
his lips and wetting his throat, Amane reluctantly began to explain.
"…It's nothing that serious. Itsuki and Chitose knew about it already. Mahiru and I live
next door to each other. That was honestly a total coincidence. And well, a bunch of
things happened, and we got closer, I guess."
Thanks to Chitose, there was no use in trying to conceal the fact that they were already
on a first-name basis, so as he explained the situation, he used Mahiru's name like he
always did at home.
"You got to know each other, and then you went out together?"
"Yeah."
They were obviously more than simple acquaintances. In the best-case scenario, they
looked like friends, in the worst, lovers. But as far as Amane was concerned, for the
sake of Mahiru's honor, he had to flatly deny everything.
"It's definitely not the kind of relationship you're imagining, Kadowaki," he reasserted.
"And I have a feeling it's not quite what you're describing, Fujimiya."
"Come on—"
"Their situation goes way beyond friends, I'd say," Itsuki interjected. "Considering
Shiina comes over to make dinner for him every day."
Amane's cheek twitched as he glared at his friend. "Itsuki!"
"The truth was gonna come out sooner or later, so it's better to just hurry up and spill
it all now."
When he put it that way, Itsuki was probably right, but by suddenly providing the
detail that Amane was eating Mahiru's home cooking every day, he all but guaranteed
a misunderstanding.
"…So she's like your girlfriend?"
"Not even a little," Amane insisted. "We both live alone, so it's more convenient to split
the food costs and make enough for two; that's all."
"Yeah, that's definitely all it is…," Itsuki said without a trace of sincerity.
Yuuta looked unimpressed. "That's not very convincing, Fujimiya…"
"Not you too, Kadowaki…"
He and Mahiru definitely were not in love with each other, but he was having a hard
time explaining that, and the way Yuuta was staring at him was making him nervous.
Not that he'd been all that composed to begin with.
"Normally, a girl won't hang around a guy she doesn't approve of, and she definitely
wouldn't follow him into his apartment. Unless she's the one chasing after him
anyway."
Yuuta's addendum at the end sounded like it came from a place of experience, which
reminded Amane how wary Yuuta was of girls and their intentions. But he was right,
more or less, Amane realized.
Girls, and Mahiru in particular, were usually very careful and typically didn't approach
guys without reason. Amane recognized that the fact that Mahiru associated with him
at all was close to miraculous. But he knew this was a special case.
Amane just couldn't imagine she would ever like him as a guy, or anything like that.
Sometimes he even thought that the reason Mahiru was so comfortable around him
was because she didn't even consider him a man.
"…Fujimiya, you're so hard on yourself," Yuuta said. "And you can be really stubborn."
"What he said," Itsuki agreed.
Itsuki and Yuuta were both looking at Amane with exasperated looks, so it was really
uncomfortable.
"So when it comes down to it, do you like Shiina?"
Yuuta chose to thrust this outrageous question at him at the exact moment Amane
took a drink of his melon soda to mask his discomfort, and he very nearly spit it back
out. "…Why would you ask that, all of sudden?" he sputtered.
"Well, you're being pretty cagey, but I saw how you acted when you were out with
Mahiru, so I'm sure you must care about her, even if only a little. Plus, I could tell by
the way you looked at her—and by your whole demeanor, really—that you like her."
Amane nodded meekly. "…Is there something wrong with that?"
Man, Yuuta sure as hell pays close attention…
For some reason, Yuuta smiled wryly at him. "No, it's not bad or anything, but… mmm,
it probably won't be easy, I'd imagine."
"I have no delusions about dating Mahiru."
"Yes, yes, I can see there are still some things you don't understand. Itsuki's here to
give you some encouragement, too."
"You could say that," Itsuki muttered. "What I really want is to give him a strong kick
in the ass."
Yuuta nodded. "I know just how you feel."
"Don't tell me that's where you two agree…," Amane groaned.
So now Yuuta's ready to kick me in the butt, too?
"Look, man, the thing is: It's really frustrating to watch," Itsuki said. "We want you to
push the issue a little."
"Give it a rest already!"
"Hold on; just listen for a sec, all right?" Itsuki continued. "Shiina lets her guard down
around you. If you put a little pressure on, she'll give in for sure."
"Okay, listen, I admit, Mahiru probably likes me, but… she doesn't like me that way;
you know what I mean?"
Itsuki made it all sound so easy, but Amane knew better.
To begin with, he was incredibly self-conscious about the very fact of his deep affection
for Mahiru. He did have to admit that she seemed to care about him more than any
other guy, but he didn't think her feelings were romantic. Instead, he figured it was
something akin to the way you might feel about a close and trusted confidant.
"How can you say that, when you've seen the way she looks at you?"
"What would she find attractive about me?"
When Amane offered that rebuttal, Itsuki smacked him on the back as hard as he
could.
"…Oww!"
"I feel bad for hitting you, but come on, are you kidding me? You seriously have way
too little confidence! You lose your nerve or run away at the most crucial moment."
"…Yeah well, so what? That's just how I am. I can't help it."
"We've got to break the habit, then. You're way too down on yourself."
"Mahiru tells me that a lot."
"…So it's bothering Shiina as well?" Yuuta asked.
"It's bothering all of us who have to watch him!" Itsuki clamored. "This guy is so
stubborn about things like that."
"Shut up, will you!"
Amane really hated it when people ganged up on him.
This was just the way he was, and even if he did try to change, it certainly wouldn't be
that easy. Traumatic memories didn't just go away because he wanted them to. Not
enough time had passed yet for him to try to forget and move on.
Amane was well aware of how pathetic and worthless he was, but there was nothing
he could do.
"I mean, I can't force your hand if you tell me you've had enough," Itsuki said. "But if
you like Shiina, and you want to go out with her, you need to try harder."
"…And you think I can do that?"
"If you weren't such a wuss…"
"Oh, shut up."
"Come on, that's enough," Yuuta chided. "But I do have to say I agree with Itsuki. You
should have a little more faith in yourself, Fujimiya. Really, you'd get a lot of attention
at school if you dressed up like you did the other day. Maybe you should give it some
practice."
"Practice?"
"Well, you didn't have any trouble getting dressed up for Shiina, and you didn't freak
out when I saw you like that, either. So maybe practice your new look on people you
know, so you can get used to it. A good way to enjoy this precious break, don't you
think?"
"…Meaning what?"
"Let's see; I've got some hair wax in here somewhere…"
Swiftly, Yuuta pulled some men's grooming wax out of his bag. When their eyes met,
Yuuta was grinning boldly. Typical of the class prince, it was a lovely smile, but it sent
a chill down Amane's spine. "So how about it?" he asked.
"…I'll pass."
"Come on now, don't be shy."
"Hey, uh, aren't we at a karaoke parlor? Shouldn't we be doing karaoke or something?"
"Oh, you're right!" Yuuta replied. "Okay, I'm gonna sing, so I'll entrust Amane to your
capable care, Itsuki my friend."
"Just leave it to me."
"You've gotta be joking…," Amane muttered. All he got in return was an enthusiastic
grin.
"I mean, usually this isn't the kind of thing I'd do by force, but… in your case, Amane,
it's time you got used to being the center of a little bit of attention, so I've got to take
drastic measures!"
"Hey, you can't… Waah!"
Itsuki grinned and brandished the comb and hair wax, and though Amane tried to back
away, there wasn't enough space for a proper retreat in the small karaoke room.
Amane was forced to endure Yuuta's joyful singing while Itsuki meddled with his hair.
"…Welcome ho… me…?"
When Amane made it back to his apartment, Mahiru came out to greet him with a
question in her voice.
She was making stewed hamburger steaks for dinner and had let herself into Amane's
apartment early to make the sauce.
She had sent him a message saying that dinner was nearly done, so he knew that she
would be at his place, but when he saw Mahiru's face again, he felt a rush of relief.
"I'm back…"
"Why do you look so worn out…?"
"…Itsuki had his way with me."
Itsuki had never seen Amane's "mystery man" look, so he had styled Amane's hair in
a way he thought looked cool, which of course didn't really fit what Amane was used
to.
To make matters worse, after they were done with karaoke, the other boys had dragged
him to a store that carried the type of clothes that Amane wasn't likely to have and
then embarked on a hunt for something that would suit him.
He hadn't particularly hated the experience or anything, but he was completely
exhausted, having been treated like a dress-up doll by his two friends.
"Uh-huh, you had a tough time, didn't you?"
"…They played with me like a toy…"
"You must be tired."
Maybe because she could tell he wasn't actually upset, Mahiru let a quiet chuckle slip
out as she commended him for his patience.
Feeling slightly embarrassed at being so transparent, Amane tossed the bag containing
the new clothes he had purchased into his room and went to the sink to wash his
hands.
Mahiru returned to the kitchen to serve dinner, so when Amane entered the living
room after properly washing his hands and rinsing his mouth, she had already set the
dishes of stewed hamburger steaks down on the dining table.
Amane felt bad for not helping, so as he always did, he headed for the kitchen to dish
up the cooked rice.
Amane had always thought rice paired nicely with hamburger steak, and the
indescribable sweet aroma of freshly cooked rice made him smile.
"Man, I'm really tired… But actually, it made me appreciate Itsuki and Yuuta again.
They're amazing."
"What do you mean?"
Once they had set out the salad and potage soup and taken their seats across the table,
Mahiru tilted her head at Amane's curious grumblings.
"Well, we got hassled constantly while we were walking around. It made me realize
that guys who have always been popular are a different breed of human. They're used
to that treatment, and the way they go through life is just different."
When the boys had gone on their shopping tour after karaoke, for some reason, various
girls who seemed to be about college age had come up to talk to them several times.
Well, Itsuki and Yuuta were both handsome guys, although in different ways, so it
seemed only natural for them to catch girls' eyes. They had experienced the so-called
reverse pickup.
They had declined every proposal, though. Itsuki had his true love, Chitose, and the
class prince apparently hated pushy girls. He wore a sweet smile but was always on
guard, and before long, their would-be dates got the message that he was turning them
down. Even when he was rejecting them, Yuuta was affable and considerate, so he
wouldn't hurt their feelings. And it seemed to work well for him. Amane had struggled
to deal with a similar situation earlier, and he was impressed by his friend's wellpracticed tact.
"…Did the girls talk to you, too, Amane?"
"They did, but only because I happened to be with the guys."
If he had to guess, the girls were really only interested in his two friends and saw
Amane merely as a nice bonus. After all, as he well knew, he was very bad at talking to
strangers. Once in a while, somebody would talk to him when he went out somewhere,
but this time there had been two exceptionally handsome guys next to him, so no one
was going to give him a second look.
Amane shrugged and grinned wryly, but for some reason, Mahiru was sticking her lip
out in a little pout.
"What is it?" he asked. "You want to tell me I'm being too hard on myself?"
"Well, there's also that… But that's not it."
"What is it, then?"
"…If you don't know, then don't worry about it," Mahiru said unhelpfully, before
pressing her hands together in thanks. "Let's eat."
Amane was perplexed, but he mimicked her and pressed his hands together, giving
thanks for the food and for Mahiru.
It was the day after the three boys had gone to karaoke.
As usual, Mahiru had come over to Amane's apartment.
Recently, she had been spending a lot of time there when she wasn't at school. In fact,
since the start of Golden Week, she had been at his place almost every day. Even if she
wasn't there during the day, she would always come over to make dinner in the
evening. Amane was of course quite happy to have the object of his affections close by,
so he let Mahiru do whatever she liked.
Today, she was next to him playing on her phone. Fiddling with her phone was a
completely normal thing to do, of course, but she was staring at the screen with a bit
more enthusiasm than usual.
And while it would have been an invasion of her privacy to peek at the screen, and
Amane had no intention of doing so, he couldn't help but say something, since it was
so unusual for Mahiru to be absorbed in her phone like that, when she usually only
used it to contact someone or look something up.
"What have you been looking at all this time?" Amane ventured, figuring that just
asking wouldn't be rude.
For some reason, Mahiru jumped at his question. Then she turned to look in Amane's
direction with a nervous frown. Amane was puzzled. He wasn't sure what might make
her act that way.
Then Mahiru turned away from him. She only did that when she was feeling guilty
about something.
"…You're hiding something," Amane insisted.
"H-hiding…? Well, promise you won't get mad?"
"Are you doing something that would make me mad?"
Amane had been told that his resting facial expression looked a bit sullen, but he very
rarely got angry, and he had never before gotten truly upset with Mahiru. He didn't
think she'd give him a reason to lose his temper—at worst, he could imagine getting a
little annoyed.
"…Depending on how you're feeling, you might get upset."
"Hmm. Well, why don't you tell me, and we'll see?"
"…Well, your mother has been… sending me old photos of you."
"Oh, I'm sure she had plenty to share…"
He had a lot of questions for his mother about why she thought it was okay to send
Mahiru photos of him out of the blue like that.
"W-well, there's a reason, you see. Your mother and I were talking, and we just
happened to get on the subject of Children's Day, and… and I said 'I bet Amane was
really cute when he was little… ' So you see…"
"Wait, let me take a look at them. She didn't send you anything really outrageous,
right?"
When it came to old photos, there were sure to be some Amane had forgotten about.
But he could definitely remember a few that captured embarrassing moments he
would rather nobody see. His mother really ought to have let him inspect the pictures
before sending any to Mahiru.
Mahiru refused to answer his question. She wouldn't even look him in the eye. From
her reaction, Amane could guess that the photos were something he wouldn't like. He
glowered at her but wasn't about to try to rip the smartphone out of her hands, so he
decided to press her until she capitulated and confessed.
"Mahiru… would you rather cooperate and show me the photos, or am I gonna have
to bug you till you do?"
With a serious look on his face, Amane sat up on one knee and put a hand on the back
of the sofa behind Mahiru's head. He leaned in close to her, leaving her with little room
to escape.
Mahiru's face would go pale when she saw he had cornered her… or so he thought, but
instead she flushed red and squeezed her favorite cushion to her chest. She looked
even more nervous than before but still wasn't talking.
Is it that bad…?
Amane had a sinking feeling. He continued staring intently into Mahiru's eyes, but he
didn't get the reaction he was hoping for. Far from it, she tried to push the cushion into
his face.
Amane grabbed the cushion and tossed it aside. He didn't understand why she was
making such a big fuss. Mahiru must not have been holding the cushion too tightly,
because he was easily able to pull it out of her hand and send it rolling across the floor.
Mahiru still hadn't budged from her spot on the sofa.
"Come on; it's time to fess up," Amane whispered as he closed in to pinch her cheek.
Without warning, Mahiru flopped down on the sofa. It happened so quickly that
Amane couldn't react, and on her way down, Mahiru collided with the arm he'd been
using to support himself, so he also lost his balance and tumbled down onto the sofa.
Fortunately, he managed to catch himself before he crushed Mahiru, but he ended up
much closer to her than he expected.
Both of them froze at this sudden proximity.
Their bodies weren't too close, but their faces were so close that their breath
intertwined, and if he leaned in just a little, their noses would bump. Amane was close
enough to see that the long eyelashes that rimmed Mahiru's wide, caramel-colored
eyes were quivering slightly. At this distance, Mahiru's characteristic sweet scent filled
his nostrils, and he didn't know what he should do.
Both of them were frozen stiff, but Mahiru was the first to move.
Her light-pink lips trembled, and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Her face was
flushed, and she was taking shallow, timid breaths. She appeared nervous, as if she
was preparing for some kind of impact, but her lips looked soft and sweet. She seemed
simultaneously innocent and alluring. Mahiru practically embodied such contradictions.
Amane couldn't look away.
The sight of her aroused both his desire to protect her and the urge to make her his,
and in spite of his better judgment, Amane reached out his hand—
—and pinched Mahiru on the cheek.
"Wha—?"
"…That's a funny face," he muttered with a wry chuckle.
Mahiru's eyes flew open, and her expression changed in an instant. Instead of the
bashfulness from before, now it was more like equal parts shame and anger. She glared
at him through tear-filled eyes. "Is that what you're going to say after pinning a girl
down and touching her face?"
Amane smiled again. "Okay, okay, that was my bad. I wasn't expecting a struggle."
"Oh, well excuse me for putting up a fight!" she replied. "It only happened because you
pushed me down!"
"That was because you were hiding the photos my mom sent you behind my back."
"Ack!… Ughhh."
When it became clear that Mahiru wasn't going to say anything else, Amane moved off
of her, still smiling. He slipped a hand between the sofa and Mahiru's back and helped
her sit up. Mahiru moved her lips like she was mumbling something to herself and
made an odd expression.
"So…," Amane said. "Are you going to let me examine my own photographs?"
"…Knock yourself out," she said with resignation. She still sounded annoyed, and her
face was as red as ever, but she showed Amane the image list from the chat between
his mother and her.
If he was to point out how badly she was blushing, she would probably rush right out
of his apartment, so Amane resisted the urge to say anything else as he looked away
so Mahiru couldn't see his face.
…That was a surprise.
Amane was trying to stay calm, but even now his heart was pounding out a rhythm
with explosive force.
He wasn't sure what he might have done to Mahiru if he hadn't stopped himself and
pinched her instead. She had certainly shown no signs of stopping him.
Man, I was almost a real jerk just then…
Shame weighed heavy in his gut. Yes, it had been an accident, and maybe they were
both at least a little bit to blame. But that certainly didn't make it okay to touch Mahiru
so intimately, in a manner usually reserved for lovers. That would not have been
acceptable.
If he had gone ahead and kissed her, he was sure Mahiru would have burst into tears
or something along those lines. It wouldn't have been right to do something like that.
He wasn't her boyfriend or anything. And if he had done it anyway, she would have
definitely cut him out of her life for good.
Amane didn't want to be the kind of selfish person who only thought about what he
wanted.
"…Amane, you said you wanted to check the photos, but are you even going to look at
them?" Mahiru asked. She sounded even more sullen than before, and when Amane
looked in her direction, he saw that the redness in her face had finally started to abate
somewhat, and she had her cheeks puffed out a bit.
"Sorry, I was busy thinking."
"Dummy."
Mahiru didn't often insult him, and she had used a word that was kind of cute, but
Amane could tell from her tone that she was running out of patience, so he quickly
looked down at the smartphone.
In the photo roll were pictures of Amane from preschool and elementary school. At a
glance, he didn't see anything especially painful, so that was a relief, but there were
images of him beaming with an innocent smile he couldn't even imagine emulating
now, so he still felt awfully embarrassed.
Amane's face was turning red for a different reason at this moment, and to distract
himself from the shame welling up inside, he glanced over at Mahiru. She was no
longer wearing a sullen expression—instead, she was staring dreamily out into space
with her hand over her mouth, looking dazed.
Sensing that he wasn't supposed to see her like that, Amane quickly lowered his eyes
back to the phone.
His heart was pounding again, and he tried to focus his eyes and his mind on anything
else.
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