章 59: Rain , blood and tears 2
Blake Pov
After closing the door, I catch up with Lappland, who is standing nearby, and then we both set off on a path through the forest. On the way there is an awkward silence between us which apparently doesn't bother Lappland who looks up at the sky with a smile as her tail wags excitedly behind her. As I look at her we turn off the road to town onto a small path leading deep into the woods.
Lappland : " So what did you want to talk to me about ? "
Asks Lappland finally breaking the awkward silence . Hearing this, I myself began to wonder what to talk to her about, all the topics I had prepared before now seem pointless and the very way our last conversation ended makes it really awkward.
Blake : " I just wanted to see you . I hear there was a lot going on and I was worried ."
I say this while feeling Lappland's healthy hand reach for mine . But when our fingers touched I moved my hand away from Lappland , who as if accustomed to this doesn't even look at me when her eyes with the same gleam look ahead .
Looking at her reaction I massage the forearm of the hand that she wanted to grab , completely ignoring the silence that fell between us .
Lappland: " Don't lie Blake , don't lie to me . Not you . If it wasn't for your mom or my wounds you wouldn't visit me at all . When you do come it's only to yell at me for how awful I am or to see if I'm still alive . Then you leave disappearing for another week . "
Lappland: " You're always with Adam and when you're not with him I have missions . When I come back you go out on a mission . I get the feeling that you are avoiding me Blake ? Are you afraid of me ?
Lappland asks when her happy eyes turn into the same empty and cold ones that everyone is afraid of . I see her pupils narrowing as she looks at me as we both walk out into a small open clearing in the middle of the Forest. Her question momentarily stops my thoughts . However, after gathering myself I am about to answer honestly .
Blake : " Yes I am afraid , Lappland you are not in control of your actions . You changed Lappland, people are afraid of you . Can't you see it or are you pretending not to see it ? You have become an outcast Lappland, even in the white fang except for a reputation built on fear you have no one but Sienna . "
I say remembering the things that Lappland did. I don't know if she did it out of pleasure or out of control. Lappland has become a heartless monster with no empathy for others. However, just like last time she dismissed me with a sigh of exasperation . She does not look at the reputation of the white fang or even her own .
' She doesn't care that people have her as a murderer and terrorist what follows is throwing the reputation of the entire organization into the mud . But she just dismisses it with a sigh , it is realy too late for her to change . She needs isolation from world . '
Thinking about her approach to this matter anger grows in me and my still circulating uncertainty disappears .
'Complete ignorance , if she doesn't care then why the hell is she fighting . I think she is really just fighting to fight . Her desire to fight and shed blood , that's all that matters to her '
I think looking at her wounded body and that continued cold and indifferent face that I no longer want to look at .
Blake : " Lappland you need treatment , rehab and someone to make sure you don't hurt anyone ."
I say honestly looking at Lappland who looked at me the same way I looked at her .
Lappland: " So you want to put me in a straitjacket with a muzzle and collar in the name of safety. I'm not stupid Balke . Did the great hero Adam , the savior of our race tell you something about me again . ? "
Said Lappland mockingly when her silver eyes looked straight into mine . I could only swallow my saliva when I felt the pressure from her eays. And as I generally still have some courage in front of her now I lost it completely .
Lappland: " Is it about the actions in the mine ? Is that what this is about ? "
Asks Lappland again as the intensity of her gaze has lessened enough for me to confirm .
Blake : " Lappland , you have attacked Adam during the rescue operation . Everyone could have been caught and some innocent bystanders could have been killed , because you can't control yourself ."
I say right after regaining the courage to stand my ground .
Lappland : " I'm the one who put everyone at risk ? Hahahahah hahahaha"
Says Lappland apparently giggling to herself after which she starts laughing .
Lappland: " Fucker wanted to blow up the mine and ordered me to do it, completely forgetting . No , he did not forget he deliberately ignored the fact that I am the one who has a fucking higher rank than him !!! . But as usual no one listen to me when he is around . "
Lappland : "He probably told you how everything was going great and how we managed to evacuate everyone before the end of the action . When we were about to finally destroy the mine by blowing it up it was me big bad Lappland who destroyed everything ."
Lappland : " The truth is that all the time there were people , SDC employees that he didn't mention to you . But he doesn't care about anyone's life , he is such a ridiculous picture of a knight with a big mouth and ambitions surpassing his own ego without any support in strength . "
Lappland: " If I carried out his order and someone found out about it he would blame it on me as a leader and scapegoat . After all, I'm already a murderer anyway so who cares .... "
Listening to the Lappland history I can feel the anger rising in me and the only reason I didn't interrupt it is because I believe that everyone should have a chance to tell their perspective , no matter how sick , illogical and strange it may be . However , in the end even I couldn't stand it and had to interrupt her
Blake : " Lappland stop .... '
I say drowning out another absurdity and excuses she is about to utter .
Lappland: " I don't lie ..... I never lie !!!!"
Shouts Lappland in anger as a vein pops out of her forehead and her whole face turns red. Her clenched fist looks like it is about to bleed and her eyes are about to turn red from anger. Seeing her in this state I unconsciously take two steps back as only my instinct which assured me of my safety made me not run away .
Blake : " I am not suggesting that you are lying Lappland . You hear and see things that don't exist that's why the world around you may be different from how you and other people perceive it. That's why Adam ran the actions , according to him and others there was no one there Lappland , the mine was empty . "
I say trying to calm her down . However I inadvertently continued my train of thought .
Balke : " Adam would never hurt Innocent people , if someone was already going to blow up a mine full of people it would be you not Adam ."
I say despite the fact that I feel I exaggerated a little , however it is all true so I do not feel bad about it . On the other hand Lappland froze standing still , her hand covered her ears as her eyes moved through the forest around the clearing in confusion and conflict .
Lappland: " No .... I am not that crazy I know what is going on .... I take medication !!!!! "
Shouts Lappland as her anger turned into a breakdown as she throw me a look full of hope that I believe her . However, not only Adam but also everyone else present in that action say the same thing .
Blake : " How sure are you that you are taking them ? The hallucinations with your alcoholism have made me stop believing any of your words ."
I say myself not being sure what is going on with Lappland , I have ten people confirming Adam's words and one Lappland who has had mental problems since childhood. I won't even mention the possibility that she can be drunk or stoned .
All the more reason why I can't confirm if Lappland really takes her medicine is that no one can sit with her all the time , when Lappland is at home mom can watch her with her medications but on the mission no one can do that .
Lappland: "I have to protect you but I don't want to hurt you Blake ...."
Says Lappland as her voice twitches as if she is about to cry . Looking at her broken state I can't help but think of the past . Remembering my childhood , I draw out that little bit of affection to Lappland that allows me to get closer to her . But this time it is Lappland who backs away from me . Looking at her hopeless broken state I can only sigh and with a look of regret on my face , hold out my hand towards her hoping that she doesn't fall to the ground hurting herself even more .
Lappland: " I know what I saw .... I never lied to you Blake . Why don't you believe me . Remember you asked me not to kill any bystanders and I did not do it , even the guards survived , I did not kill them . They must live there were no casualties ! So why am I still the bad one !!! "
Yells Lappland with clenched teeth pulling her own hair . Shaking my head surreptitiously I look at the moon which is slowly cover by dark clauds . By the position of the moon I can see that it will be time soon . With my last inhale I prepare to tell Lappland what is on my heart to end this chapter in my life already .
Blake : " It's true , when I asked you you were able to restrain yourself . However, that does not change the fact of what you have done , you have on your hands the blood not only that which was shed in the fight for freedom but also the innocent blood that I will not forgive you ."
Blake : " As for things between you and Adam , you are cross The line Lappland . Since I have been seeing him you have been hostile to him . However, it goes too far because it is no longer just words ."
Blake : " You attacked him in the middle of an important task , I know it's not the first time you've done it and I understand it's because of jealousy but I don't know what to expect from you . I can't wait until you kill him or more people die because of your selfishness ."
Saying this I touch the shoulder on which there is a scar from Lappland's bite .
Blake : " Lappland I already told you that I am not yours . No matter how many times you would bite me by marking me like that , it won't change anything ."
Blake : " This scar will be a memory of a time when I could .... Feel at home with you . However, it was always Adam that was my affection you know that so stop making it harder than it already is ."
I say when I see how in Lappland's eyes something has cracked and their sparkle has dimmed leaving a dull silver alone. Seeing her like this I can only contain my fear and hug her. In the end I understand that I also participated in this relationship .
Hugging Lappland I feel how she does not embrace me back she just stands there as I draw myself tightly to her . Despite everything my decision is not shaken , Lappland can't stay in the white fang .Feeling the rain slowly begin to fall on my ears I see a systematic flash of light in the woods in the distance , signifying the start of the action .
Prepared I tilt the wrist of my hand making the syringe in my sleeve move to my hand . Then taking advantage of Lappland's condition I drive the syringe straight into her thigh . The syringe easily penetrated through the pants and stuck in the skin of the unprepared Lappland.
Lappland: " So this is how it is ? "
Says Lappland not surprised or angry . At this time I am about to retreat however her leg during her words passes between my legs where then the back of her knee bends at the back of my knee . Lappland's strength is enough to cause my leg to bend which causes me to lose my balance and fall forward .
Grabbing the hand in which I hold the syringe Lappland pulls me towards herself . Trying to prevent this I put my free hand on the shoulder of Lappland's damaged hand . But Lappland not caring about this pulls me tighter making our chests press together as our lips joined together in a kiss .
Trying to break free I feel Lappland pulling me even tighter as her leg wrapped around my leg twisting even more causing us to fall at which Lappland presses me slowly to the ground which is becoming more and more muddy due to the rain .
Her single small hand is able to hold both my arms as her knee presses violently into my crotch .Feeling her tongue forcibly trying to get through my clenched teeth I clench my jaw even more trying to fight back . However, even though I am struggling , my body feeling that this is a taste of Lappland I want to let go , I want to go on and on playing with her .
However , mastering these animal instincts I continue to fight when suddenly Lappland's knee brutally began to rub between my legs . Despite the fact that we are separated by the material of our clothes , I feel my body begin to shake , and letting out a silent moan I let Lappland inside my mouth .
Then I stopped caring about her twitching ears and the sound of footsteps coming towards us . I wanted to fight but ..... I couldn't , I couldn't look at her either . Those empty eyes with a pair of animal shrunken pupils that give me feeling of a little cat's fear of a wolf .
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