章 39: Making Mistakes III
"Yes it is. That pain is the reason I turned to skooma. Hiding from that anguish does not work though. It is better to let it out if you can, when you are ready."
Inigo pauses for a moment before continuing, "I remember my mother and father reading to me, taking turns to do the voices in the story. How they made each other laugh. I remember Fergus, my brother, getting his head caught in a basket and us both rolling about giggling trying to free him."
He pauses taking a drink from his waterskin before continuing, "I remember family hunting trips and the look of pride and amazement on my mother's face when I shot my first bird out of the sky. When I forget then realize my family are gone I visit them in these memories. It is a poor substitute but a lot better than nothing."
"Even now, it's hard to process that the person I keep seeing is gone… Such a young life… Gone…" I say looking down to the sleeping Crimson, whose mother I had so joyfully slew, simply because I thought she was some mindless beast.
"Indeed. Even now it is hard to accept I will never see Fergus or my parents again. I cannot control that, but they are a part of me still. They are in every tear, every song, and every smile. I believe I am lucky to have been gifted knowledge of their souls before they passed on, but sometimes it is a heavy gift to bear." Inigo says mournfully.
"I don't understand how I lived with this pain before my amnesia. Life seems so much harder without her." I say putting my head in my hands as Crimson begins to snore.
"That is a wonderful compliment to them. What do you think they would tell you if they were here now?" Inigo asks.
"Heh," Another image of Mogul flashes through my mind, though this time she is chastising me for failing to win a fight against some other boys in our clan, "She would tell me to pull myself together and stop whining." I say with a smile.
"A little harsh, but who am I to argue? But, she clearly had your best interests at heart. She seems to be alive and well in you. Remember her, but try not to let grief drag you down. It will always be there, but you can make room for it. Those we cared about in life would not want to be a burden in death. I am sure of it." Inigo says, rubbing my shoulder before returning to his drink.
"Thank you, Inigo… There are other things on my mind though." I say moving towards the ground to rest my heads on the log to stare at the stars.
"It is my pleasure, my friend. What is on your mind?" Inigo asks.
"After everything you have already been through I doubt future events will give you any trouble." He says with a smile.
"I don't think I'm nearly strong enough for the paths we're about to tread." I say starting to open up to this crazy Khajiit.
"Of course you are. There are many ways in which someone can be strong, but above all else it is willpower and spirit that tend to win through. You have a lot of both." Inigo says with a sage-like nod.
"Yeah, but I'm afraid that the limits to my strength will prevent me from ever having enough physical strength to do what I need to do." I say opening up about my concerns about the level cap in Skyrim, at least in my own way.
"That may be true, but your adaptability is unsurpassed. As a result your limits are dwindling. There is nothing you cannot handle. Count on it." Inigo proclaims as if that is obvious for the whole world to see.
"But what if I can't handle something? What happens if I fail?" I say, concerned about if this is hardcore or not.
"Ifs, buts, and maybes, my friend. They often kill success before it has had a chance. Fail or win, none of your doubts will matter in the long run. All you can do is try. As long as you do that there is hope." Inigo says, beginning to make me think it was a good thing he may or may not have killed me when I crossed the border.
"And if I lose the will to try?" I ask turning from the sky and towards him.
"That is your choice. Perhaps another brave soul will take on the challenge in your stead. You may be the most capable, but without the will to act that means very little. Do you want to give up?" He says, turning to me with concern.
"You know, sometimes… I do… I haven't had much time to think since waking up in the back of that prison cart… Everything has just happened so fast… I haven't had the chance to process it all." I reply starting to let my guard crumble away.
"That is only natural. You must do what your heart tells you but do not live in fear of failure. I will have your back either way. For what it is worth, there are usually less regrets down the path of action. It is your choice in the end, but I say go for it." Inigo says, cheering me on.
With this, I finally decide to share my plan for the future with him, "You'll stand by my side? Even if my final goal is utterly insane or impossible even?"
"My friend, I have failed not only you, my family, and myself with my past actions, but I never wish to fail again. I promise to stay by your side even if the whole of Tamriel is against us." Inigo says with unwavering resolution.
"Ha! Funny you say it like that… I plan to crown myself High King of Skyrim. And I doubt the Empire and the Thalmor will take too kindly to that… So… I'll ask again… Are you ready to face the might of this world with me?" I say, looking him in the eyes.
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