章 36: This Table is the Lion's Den
"Kampai!" we all shouted together to toast the end of the civil war.
Mei used the sake as an excuse to finally grimace. She came to negotiate a strongly favorable deal in the presence of the Daimyo to get back some face after our last meeting, but she found herself caught between a rock and a hard place, two towering mountains of institutional misogyny played by yours truly and my homie, Hirohito. She'd say it's night, we'd tell her it's day.
In only a week of negotiations held within the village, hope abandoned the rebel cause. Grievances were heard, deals made, but they'd come looking to exploit weaknesses in my hold on Kirigakure and in my new relationship with the well documented shinobi averse Daimyo. What they found was my hand so far up the ass of this village it's basically my sock puppet, and Hirohito wasn't hating on shinobi, he'd just hated working with kage who's entire characterization read a bit something like, he's a simple guy who loves violence and death. How's a man to work with a vexing guy like Lord Third, who institutes policies that murder half the children forced to become shinobi while overseeing a drawn out multigenerational conflict between the kekkei genkai clans and everyone else. Place was a loony bin before I retuned the hearts and minds of the people. My mind control is mercy on these psycho screwballs.
Mei thought she could use her feminine wiles to get between us; little did she know, Hirohito and I are brothers of the soul. There's no way some upper mid chick could ever get between us, and any attempts at logic and reason, kicked to the curb. She thought she was coming to the table, but ended up in the lion's den. They'd fought a good fight against Yagura, and we gave them good terms to return to the village, but ultimately the surrender was unconditional and my generosity self serving. Once in my orbit, the rebels will bend to my will just like everyone else. As such, all generosity returns right back to my hand.
The woman we cornered at the negotiating table spat her sake when she took the time to look at the petite woman pouring my saucers. Short, slender, sandy blonde, with a pair of pink eyes straight from her worst nightmares. Zabuza's too, before I took over.
"Remarkable likeness, isn't she?" The Daimyo mused as he admired Yagura.
"It's uncanny." Mei muttered and I noticed Ao sweating while the bulging veins under and around his eyepatch receded.
"Zabuza's dedication to finding female look-a-likes of various famous Kirigakure shinobi is inspiring." Hirohito continued, "He even managed to find a woman as tall as that freak Suikazen. Once done up with the hair and markings she'd be a dead ringer if she packed on fifty or sixty kilos. But that'd ruin the fun."
"My little Yagura and the rest are so on point, you'd almost think I'd raised them from the dead and turned them into women." I added and Hirohito laughed uproariously.
"Oh the idea of bringing back all those psychopaths and cooping them up in your harem is just too funny, Zabuza!" the Daimyo praised, "What will you think of next?"
"I'll have a Raiga Kurosaki soon." I grinned, ready to send Ringo out with a team to reclaim her blades from the bastard and bring me his head, and hopefully his little friend with the mutant Ketsuryugan too.
"Oh I can't wait to see her!" he grinned lecherously.
Not that he'd cross me over some poon, just a man with an appreciation for the finer things in life.
Our conversation and the sight of Yagura had Mei reeling and Ao fit to bolt. I'm sure that Byakugan of his showed him precisely how many kage level ninja are in the room, with another sitting not far away in my office. Ringo qualified around that power too - one the lower end of the spectrum - without the debilitating chakra sickness that gimped her in life much like Itachi Uchiha. Body Tune Up turned the woman into a bit of a beast. We'd hidden the matter with seals previously, luring the rebels in. With both sides showing up in force for the peace talks, the reveal came with it already too late to run.
"Have all the preparations been made for the wedding?" Hirohito asked me, causing Mei to finally tear her gaze away from the smirking Yagura.
"Of course." I nodded, "It's a ninja affair, so no need for lengthy preparation. A swift and sudden wedding gives our rivals less time to plan against and infiltrate."
Hirohito nodded, completely unaware of any such shinobi customs, but implicitly trusting me on it, "It'll be nice to attend such a function without the usual bitching and moaning from the nobles."
"I dare anyone to complain." I chuckled darkly and the Daimyo joined me.
"Are we not moving too fast?" Mei interjected looking to stall to find her bearings.
"Why ever would we?" Hirohito asked her like talking to a particularly slow child, "We are all gathered already, and I am not so fond of travel that I will schedule so much in such a short period of time, and we will obviously need matters well resolved and settled before Zabuza and I leave for Konoha in six weeks time."
"Why are you both leaving the country?" Mei inquired and Hirohito barely kept from rolling his eyes.
He's too classy for lowbrow expressions like that.
"Lord Hirohito has requested that Kirigakure return to the world stage by participating in the upcoming Chunin Exams. We'll be sending teams to the one's held in Konoha, Kumo, and Iwa, but will only attend the Konoha finals ourselves, as it is the only event with more than one Great Village participating." I explained to her.
"There are many promising genin among my forces," Mei offered, "But I would have liked more lead time to prepare them for this."
"Get me your list of candidates as soon as possible and I'll train them with those already selected for the next week." I commanded my soon to be wife.
"You're training the teams personally?" she frowned, surprised by my direction.
"Didn't I already tell you how the work will be divided between us?" I grinned.
Mei didn't like the reminder of our last encounter.
"Don't send me anyone with more than two years experience." I announced, "I'm not interested in trying to wow clients that'll never make the journey to hire us with any ringer applicants who should already be jonin, but are technically genin by the thinnest excuses. My training will be enough to see our teams reach the finals."
"Such confidence, some might call that kind of claim arrogance." Mei verbally jabbed at me.
"Nah, I've got to view records from previous exams from each village. I'll drill those kids on everything they should expect. They won't bungle it up, I'm a good teacher." my assurance didn't mean anything to her, yet.
The results will speak for themselves. Sarutobi knew exactly how each village conducts their exams. I'll turn every applicant into a walking cheat sheet using Education Talent, and pass down some solid swordsmanship to get them through the combat.
"Have some faith, Terumi." Hirohito declared, "I've seen the way students respond to Zabuza. Those genin will be in the best hands to shape them into champions."
With the Daimyo's assurances, Mei folded any complaints and the conversation moved onto the future of Kirigakure. Here she shined brightly, the woman had a good vision for the future, and with me there to cut out the politics and enforce order on this chaotic country, her path forward to her dreams for the village is smooth and stress free. Hirohito obviously found the ideas charming, but likely too lofty, so he mostly buttered the woman up without getting too patronizing.
Eventually we moved onto the upcoming wedding to be held the next evening, and Kirigakure surprised me with its mostly Western style ceremony. I ended up being the one to push for more traditional Japanese garb, as Mei wanted a lacy white gown. Hirohito sided with me on this one, citing the increasing presence of traditional clothing in the village after my take over. I didn't mind control people to do it, but part of the zealous loyalty package came with a deep admiration for me, and admiration often leads to imitation. Personally, I think the increase in black kimonos make us look a lot more professional so I encouraged it with some compliments during my travels.
Kirigakure will soon be the Fourteenth Court Guard Squad.
I should submit a request for a Mission to Bleach. Defo something to wait on till I've finished training under Sonic and Shigure at least, the depth on the badass roster in Bleach is deep, way deeper than Naruto's. I'd risk my life for a crack at Yoruichi Shihoin. Just thinking of that Grade SSS certified ninja ass got me gripping Shorikimasu white knuckled.
"Did we lose your attention somewhere along the line, Zabuza?" Hirohito wheedled, bringing me back to the present and away from thoughts of putting it all on the line for some delicious chocolate cheeks.
"Just thinking about taking a trip to the afterlife to battle soul devouring demons and rebel afterlife bureaucrats." I sighed in regret.
It's a long way to Kumo for me to clap some pitty cheeks.
"Really, my good man, what will you think up next?" Hirohito laughed like it wasn't something I could totally do right now.
Nobody knows who I really am
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We can go straight to a PoV of Mei's meltdown, or we can pivot and drop Zabuza and the gang into Bleach for the Standard Mission: Hollow Hunt where he will be cruelly denied access to cheeks, but we'll get some combat. I'll let the comments decide.
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