Protagonist Powers
"Kill whoever is knocking on the door." Temari groaned as Naruto beat on the door of my workshop at five in the morning.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
"Come on, Kiba! It's time to train!" Naruto shouted in between slamming his fist hard enough to break a regular man's hand.
I pulled on my briefs and bleary eye walked my way to the door of my log cabin home.
"Dude." I growled as I opened the door and saw my blonde teammate in the predawn darkness.
"Oh, Kiba, you look like shit. Were you up all night?" Naruto asked as he stepped into my home.
"Yeah, I was." I answered as I closed the door and took a seat at my dining table, "Was training hard for hours on carrying all my weight in my hips and ass."
"You can generate a lot of power like that, but I can't really think of how that would help in a fight?" Naruto scratched his chin, "Hip check maybe?"
"Why did you let him in?" Temari whined as she wrapped a pillow around her head.
"Is that makeup dude's sister?" Naruto asked, "Were you… did you stay up late… doing it?"
"Yeah man, put in a long sess of core work. That's why my abs look so shredded." I indicated my thumbs and index fingers over the deep meat blocks that covered my belly between my thick obliques.
"Dude, it's a weekday!" Naruto shouted, causing Temari to groan again.
"And?" I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Girls are a weekend thing!" Naruto gestured like what he said was something so obvious a child should know it, "How can you let a girl get between you and training? We gotta get out there and get our pump on, then eat, then recover, then lift, then eat, then recover, then crush sets, then eat, then recover, then blast reps, then eat, then recover, then burn outs, then eat, then recover and when all that pain and gain is done we can go to sleep so we are ready to do all again the next day. How are you supposed to sleep when you are boinking girls, Kiba! It's like I don't even know you, bruh!"
"Is this going to be an everyday thing?" Temari questioned as she came out of my bedroom in a black silk robe.
"Monday through Fridays." I confirmed, "But dude, the Third Raikage battled ten thousand Ninja for three whole days non-stop before he died of dehydration. Sleep is super necessary for the proper growth of our teen bods, but do you think he got to that level without putting in the restless hours?"
"Oh, so you are doing Kage training?" Naruto's figurative lightbulb turned on and he grinned, "That's next level man! Should I do it too?"
"Nah brah, once you graduate from manlet to man-sized you can do it." I denied the shorty.
Naruto came a long way since I met him, from an undersized dweeb to a buffed out shorty man. Like a mini Aryan Hannibal For King.
"Be careful though, Kiba. Girls can get pregnant on weekdays." Naruto stated with a serious face.
Is he fucking with me right now?
"Dude, you said that like you think girls can't get pregnant on weekends." I looked him in the eyes trying to sus out his angle on this deception.
"Bro, girls have cycles and stuff that make it so they can get pregnant on weekdays and they cycle off on weekends." Naruto explained and I still couldn't tell if he was fucking with me.
"Dude, who told you this? I am a trained and well studied medical professional and I am telling you right now that girls can only get pregnant during a small window of time each month and that it can be on any day of the week." I countered the idiot's claim.
Naruto looked at me darkly, "Are you fucking with me right now?" he growled.
"Dude. Real talk." I declared, "Girls can get pregnant on the weekends, and in the summertime if that is also something that you have been told."
Naruto broke out into a nervous sweat. His lips trembled and his eyes grew a little moist.
"So you're telling me that when Himiko said , 'Put a baby in me, you big dick bastard.' That wasn't some dirty talk?"
"Dude." I remained stone faced as I stared into his deep blue eyes.
"Bro, are you saying that when Mari said, 'You're going to be such a great Dad.' she wasn't just making an observation about the many dadly traits I have?" Naruto practically begged me to deny him.
"Dude." I hardened my heart against his plight and stuck to the truth.
"And when Anri said, 'I'm eating for two.' she wasn't talking about her enormous tits?" Naruto's voice cracked as he asked this in desperation.
"Dude." I answered, remaining strong in the moment.
"And…"
"Dude." I cut him off.
Naruto shook from anxiety as he sweated profusely and breathed erratically.
"Fuck!" he screamed.
"Calm down, dude. You got that Gato money. It'll all be cool." I reassured my breaking down student.
"I got a lot less Gato money these days." Naruto revealed as his hands trembled on the table.
"What could you even buy that would eat up that Gato money this fast?" I looked at the irresponsible kid with a heart full of doubt.
"I bought my apartment complex." Naruto answered.
"Real Estate is a strong investment." I told the guy.
"Then I renovated it and turned it into a mansion that I live in!" Naruto banged his head on the table.
"Yeah, but you used your clones to cut back on labor so it couldn't have been that expensive." I led the guy to the next juicy reveal.
"Of course, but then I bought a seamstress shop." Naruto groaned.
"So you are a small business owner. Stacking ryo in the textile game. Brilliant." I complimented the kid.
"I did it for Himiko and the girls." Naruto slammed his head into the table again and continued without lifting it off, "I didn't want them turning tricks anymore, so I bought the seamstress shop and put them in charge of it… and they suck!"
"I bet they do." Temari muttered from her seat, still tired from the late night, but completely on board with this tasty drama.
"Ki-bro, what have I done?" Naruto whined with his face still planted on my table.
"Well, dude. A coven of hos has latched onto you and drained you dry of dosh. And you are definitely going to need to do paternity tests on these kids, cause sucka you are dumb as cats and dogs. Maybe you are lucky and the hos is slinging it outside the relationship, then you can cut your losses EZPZ. But maybe these hos is faithful and you are baby trapped. Ain't that a bitch. Gotta pray that other dudes be fucking your girls, otherwise you're a teen dad multiple times over." I expanded the situation for the guy to see clearly.
"I gotta go do missions." Naruto popped up and ran out of my house.
Temari and I sat there at the table reflecting on the conversation.
"Did that really just happen?" Temari laughed and wiped a tear from her eye.
"That right there girl is why Konoha is the best place in the world to live." I broke out in laughter as well, "Holy shit that was the best conversation I've ever been a part of. Girls can't get pregnant on the weekends!"
"It was hilarious, but that could of happened anywhere." Temari countered as she got up and sat in my lap.
"But didn't you hear the most important part?" I asked the girl between kisses.
"What?" She questioned as she caressed my face.
"My boi lives in a mansion!" I cheered.
クリエイターの想い 
JManM
JManM In an inversion of my usual formula, Naruto is the one with the harem full of pregnant hotties while Kiba moves between relationships child free.
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