章 218: Chapter 213: The Last Rising Sun Part 3
There's one thing I've always regretted. Whether consciously or unconsciously. It's something that's always on my mind... that feeling that hits my reality constantly.
...
Okaa-sama...
...
I... I didn't take advantage of the time I had with her.
That full moon night, when I approached the door of her room and saw her lying on the floor, her eyes closed as if she was sleeping in the middle of that pool of blood, I had never in my life felt such despair, anger and sadness as I did at that moment.
I saw all the brief moments I spent with her and wished it had lasted longer. I... I didn't realize what I had until I lost it.
"Kirei... what the hell are you planning to do?"
As fast as I could, as he mana in my body drained even faster, I scoured the city looking everywhere.
I don't usually trust hunches, but now I sense something is wrong. There is something that is making me go into despair.
Drip...
A tear.
I thought I was past this whole releasing my pain thing, why am I crying now?
...
Yes... I know why.
I...
...
I don't want to lose anyone else...
***
'Where is he? Where did he go?'
He paused for a second to recalculate the situation. He looked down from the top of a house and frowned.
He was now desperate, blinded by what he feels deep down. Desperation would not allow him to concentrate, and due to his weakness in this class as a Servant, that became even worse.
"Matō Kariya..."
The day he saw that man for the first time came to his mind. He remembered the conversation between that person and Aoi very well.
"If you really love her you won't hurt her, right?"
Thinking about that only made him feel more distressed.
-Fuyuki Church-
His whole body was weakened, but he still had enough strength to keep moving forward.
He held his right arm in pain as he staggered with every step he took. In front of him the church of this city showed itself. He looked at the walls thinking that Kirei would keep his promise and give him what he desired. So, trusting in that, he advanced without hesitation.
He flung open the door and there he saw him.
"Tōsaka Tokiomi!"
Kariya saw that man sitting on one of the front benches looking forward silently. Seeing him, he advanced with his own aim.
"Did you think you killed me, Tokiomi! In your dreams! Until I make you pay for what you've done, I'll keep coming back again and again!"
That's how he wanted to achieve his goal.
"What's wrong, Tokiomi? ... You..."
There was something wrong. Usually Tokiomi would respond to Kariya, but Kariya said nothing. Nor did he seem to react to this guy's words.
It was then that he realized it. Tokiomi fell off the bench, revealing his lifeless face to the light from outside that came through the door.
Kariya did not understand this. He was confused. He approached the corpse to make sure.
"How?"
He wondered. He didn't do anything. 'So who killed Tokiomi, then?
'Kirei...?'
Even if he was looking for a culprit, there was no time to think, as a shadow showed itself at the door entrance, causing Kariya to turn his attention to that very spot.
Seeing what the person standing there was Aoi, his eyes widened as he realized how he looked at that moment. With Tokiomi's corpse in front of him....
"No! I didn't do it!"
He said. Aoi ignored him and just advanced silently until she approached her husband. She took him in her arms and looked down.
"You should be satisfied by now. Isn't that right, Kariya? With this, the Matō will win the Holy Grail."
"I... I..."
He didn't know how to respond to this. He really didn't kill Tokiomi. Still, what Aoi is seeing is something totally different from what really happened.
"Why, wasn't it enough that he took Sakura away from me?"
Tears touched Aoi's face.
"Of all the things you could have done... Did you have to kill him in front of me? Why...?"
"I..."
Kariya looked at the culprit lying on the ground.
"It was all his fault. It's all his fault! If it wasn't for him, no one would have to suffer! If it wasn't for him, you guys would have been happy!"
"Don't talk garbage! What could you possibly know...? You... you... you... you've never loved anyone!"
-By Kariya-
I loved someone...
She is kind and warm.
I was always willing to give my life for her.
I would have given everything to make her happier than anyone else. Really that was my only wish. And for that I've endured so much....
I have endured everything...
I've endured it without complaining....
I have...
I HAVE ENDURED EVERYTHING FOR HER!
If you dare to deny all that I have endured, I will never forgive you!
If I'm going to die, then I might as well....
***
When Kariya came to his senses, he felt something warm in his hands. He looked down slowly and what he saw was Aoi. He had his hands on her neck....
-By Toru-
I followed the traces of mana I managed to find. All that brought me to this place....
'Please...'
I closed my eyes and moved forward, but when I was close enough, a very familiar smell reached my nostrils.
The smell of blood.
For a moment my breath trembled. The lifeless bodies of everyone in the Asahi clan began to appear in my mind. The blood-filled path I traveled to my mother's room again, like a painful nightmare, was projected in front of my eyes.
Fearful, I continued and managed to hear the sobs of a man.
The door to the place was open, so I peeked out carelessly and, whom I saw approaching the exit, was Motō Kariya.
He seemed to be in despair, crying inconsolably as he limped forward, as if he wanted to run away.
It was then that, at that moment, when the light from outside entered the church, the nightmare became real in front of my eyes.
There in front, behind the man crying for his crime, Tokiomi and Aoi stood.
I felt the scent of death coming from that very place and the color of blood filled my mind. The moment when I lost myself.
***
Before he knew it, Toru jumped with a clenched fist in front of Kariya. His eyes lit up with pain and the light of the Shigan, with an expression of deep anger and tears streaming down his face. Kariya didn't see it coming, for in just a thousandth of a second, that Assassin hit him so hard in the face that he went through the church pews and crashed into the podium in front of everything.
He felt anger about to consume him, but when he saw Aoi again, the memory of the mother who died in front of his eyes brought him back to reality.
He approached her and took her in his arms.
"Aoi-sama, please answer me!"
He got no answer. The woman's gaze was empty, but still, he could see life in this woman's body. She was not yet dead. So, he kept his anger deep in his heart, he carried Aoi in his arms with only one thought in his mind.
"I won't allow it."
He couldn't heal Aoi because his healing magic is too bad. So he had to find another way. He had to find a hospital and fast.
"I..."
But Kariya's dying voice from between the rubble of the podium and the wall again was heard. Toru, with small tears at the corners of his eyes, looked at him with deep anger and bloodlust. His eyes glittered with hatred, but now he could not stand by and waste time.
Aoi is more important than any show of hatred and spite.
***
That was how he ran at full speed through the city. Holding Aoi in his arms very carefully so that she wouldn't hurt her neck anymore. He looked at her face and inevitably thought of her possible death.
'My wish...'
To live, but not in complete solitude. He wanted to exist together with the people most important in his heart. The people who taught him that his life was not something he could simply throw away.
Life is not all sadness and shades of gray. You can find good things even if the path is very painful and sad. It only took one thing to fulfill that....
'Live... Aoi-sama has to live! I won't let Rin and Sakura be left alone like me! I won't let another story like that repeat itself!'
However...
'But I'm afraid... I'm really afraid... afraid of what might happen later. I'm afraid it will all go wrong. I don't want to sink back into misery. I don't want them to suffer...'
The future is always vague and fate is a bitch to anyone.
His fear of failure. His fear of watching the people he loves the most die.
Fear is something that can set anyone back. Fear; a common human emotion. An emotion that shows us that we are alive and that we are not invincible.
They will hurt us, they will make us feel like a little ant in the world, but....
"To... to... ru... c... ch... chan..."
Aoi looked at him. She saw the boy crying in despair.
As everything turned dark, she reached out her hand and touched his cheek. Following that, a small tear crumbled down his cheek.
-For Toru-
I used to be alone...
Despite being surrounded by people, I always felt lonely. And that loneliness was only greater when I realized that I don't understand my own emotions.
When I think about that...
Everyone's smiles come to my mind....
Friends...
Family...
They evoke in me a strange warm feeling.
'I want to see them smile. I want them to be happy, but...'
But nothing ended well for any of them.
I would have liked to spend more time with the people who left my side.
Thinking about that made tears fall down my face. Thinking about what could have been. But now I want to think about what might happen next....
Even if I am the evil of humanity incarnate. Even if I am the enemy of the world.
...
I...
...
"I want to be happy too. I want to be happy together with you!"
Whatever I always wish for...
***
If fear controls you, then all you need is hope. Fear may make you fall into the deepest darkness, but your hope is what can lift you up.
That was something Toru didn't understand, but now that he heard Aoi's faint voice, he imagined himself living next to them, traveling to their world....
He imagined himself being happy....
At that, he arrived at the hospital kicking the door.
"Please! Help me! Don't let her die! Please!
The nurses saw a boy crying in despair as he carried a woman in his arms. They wasted no time, and together with the other attendants, instantly prepared a stretcher.
"You are not allowed to be next to the woman for now. Please wait here."
"What, I can't leave her alone!"
However, despite Toru explaining that to them, the orderlies put Aoi on the stretcher and took her into the depths of the hospital.
Toru tried to go after her, but the others prevented him.
That boy who cried at the entrance of the hospital struggling with the nurses. A boy who didn't want to lose anyone else.
"Aoi-sama!"
In his mind... The woman reading her book in the gazebo of that park, the two girls playing with innocent smiles on their faces and... the butler who wanted to die....
Toru is strong enough to push everyone out of his way, but he knew he would only be in the way if he went with her. So he left the hospital and ran through the forest at full speed.
He didn't know this, but his Shigan was activated. Tears were streaming down his face and all the misfortunes of his life began to flash before his eyes. Everything was death, everything was tears.
In his despair, he tripped over a tree root, which caused him to fall face first to the ground. Still, he got down on his knees and looked at his hands. The smiles of his friends, the happiness around him, being exchanged for tragic scenes.
His breathing became very heavy and, clutching his head tightly, Toru....
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
A deep cry full of emotions....
In the end, this is what happens when someone represses their emotions so much. All those emotions gathered deep inside your heart, suddenly emerging all at once.
Repressing so much sadness and pain will only hurt you much more than you imagine. This is the main reason why Toru is the way he is.
His cry of pain rose into the sky, where in the end, the daily memory of that mother and her two daughters was.
...
After that cry, his muffled cries spread into the forest.
...
This was supposed to be over. His emotions were supposed to have already come out in the form of tears.
But this wasn't just about his emotions, it was about his traumas. Something that is not erased by mere words....
To be continued...
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