章 87: "I am proud of you." (Part 2)
Goosebumps were raised all over my body. I never knew C could have this aggressive side to him. He always seemed peaceful and collected and even managed to think of corny jokes while facing difficult circumstances. But hearing these words coming out of his mouth made me shiver. They were freezing and lifeless. As if coming from someone ready to give up on living, each word C said harbored straightforward yet sober sentiments.
"W-what are you talking about?!" Past me stuttered. It was understandable, to be fair.
As soon as he mentioned their names, my past self went pale. Everything and anything C said was spot on, and she could not find anything to defend herself. Even though her memories told her otherwise—that there was no way for C to find out what they did—her present mind believed everything he said without question.
"Until I am done with you, Han will not intervene. As for Rachel, guess what Han is doing to her right now on the rooftop? They finished having lunch, full of energy and lust. What would transpire between two young people in their prime, Kurokawa?"
It was a completely different C I was seeing. The hostility he projected was abysmal. I did not know why he was showing such aggressiveness, but strangely it did not make me feel hateful or anything toward him. Mother had done worse things to me. What my protagonist showed was nothing but a tip of an iceberg to her.
Instead, my heart ached to see him behaving out of character. Throughout many interactions and after witnessing his lonely sacrifice, I had no doubt of the actual person C was. In order to make his way up the rooftop, C broke both of his hands. He risked his life trying to save Laura without asking for anything. He ran up to Rachel after hearing her cries without caring for his safety. And finally, he came to me despite many awful things I said.
In this world, in this damning, forsaken world, there existed only one good person, and that was C. Regrettably, in this iteration, he was desperate. So desperate that he had to resolve to such a mental state.
Something must have broken him. I was sure of it. It was not his fault. Not now. Not in the past. Not ever!
"You..."
Her face contorted, and her lips quivered as she tried to speak but failed miserably. Frantically looking around her, that girl was trying to make sure no one was trying to listen in on their small discussion. Luckily for her, none of the shadow people were interested in them. Still, I knew they were background members without an official role in this game, but that previous iteration of mine definitely thought they were real people.
At this point, she could no longer keep her smile.
"Please, trust me." C's voice softened after a long sigh. "I didn't want to do this. If you would please follow me elsewhere..."
He held out his arm, offering it to her like a wounded animal. However, instead of accepting his offer, she quickly stood up from her chair and said: "Fine." Her eyes were filled with doubts and uncertainty. And above all else, hatred. "Lead the way."
Retracting his fingers, C slowly walked through our classroom. Soon, that Kurokawa version followed. Even though he was faceless, I could make out a painful expression.
A few minutes of complete silence passed, and we all arrived at the school's infirmary. Without talking to each other, C and my past version entered the room and closed it behind their backs. Thanks to my current state, I could phase through the door.
"Please, sit on the bed. There's no one here. I'll go get something for you." While saying that, C walked to the cabinet and took disinfectants and bandages out.
Being threatened by him prior, even though she was doubtful, that girl listened to his request.
"Open your hands." He said.
Another frown appeared on her face, but she was still silent. That scene reminded me of yesterday when Laura tried to monopolize C and wanted me to help her. I was behaving the same way, not saying a word.
Using a pair of forceps to grab some gauze pads to soak up the disinfecting solution, C came closer to her and once again gave her his hand.
"Please."
Hearing his plea, she finally gave up fighting and extended her hands. Upon opening them, there were newly formed scratches all over the palms, possibly from clenching her fists too tight.
"Thank you. This might sting." Gently, he started to wipe the dark red blood of her wounds.
I wondered if he would be this gentle to me if I listened to him and not pushed him away. Maybe he would hold my hands just like he did in this memory and caress me with all his heart.
Because of my mistake, I lost that chance to be alone with him, cared for by him. I lost it.
My past self looked at C, then looked back at her hands. Knowing her, I thought she wanted to determine what C wanted and his final goal. For two people who had never had any interactions before this day, it must have been weird for that girl to hear her deeds being found out. Plus, C's way of dealing with her was unclear. Rather than being frank with her about what he wanted, C never said anything and only helped her clean up her scratches.
"You're good at this." Past me complimented C. "I don't feel a thing."
"Thanks. This is only one of the few things I am good at. After all, it doesn't require much strength. If it comes to strength, I'm totally beaten." He laughed awkwardly.
But the other person was not having fun: "Let's cut to the chase, C. We're not friends, so I don't have time for leisure like this."
"Okay." With hands still caressing that girl's hands, C made his point clear: "Don't die."
Once again, the girl's pupils constricted into pinholes. However, her hands were not moving. They were still letting C's hands clean.
"You seem to know much. Too much, to be more exact. Are you a stalker? No, it's still impossible to know what I never said to anyone."
She leaned her head slightly backward and continued. "Psychic? Mindreader?"
He nodded. "You can put it like that."
"I'm intrigued. What more do you know?"
"Hold on, let me change the gauze." As C reached for the next package of gauze pads, he told her the truth. "I knew you killed your mother. I knew Han helped you by keeping her body a secret. I knew how you thought his appearance when you buried her body was too much of a coincidence."
C then held her hands tightly.
"I knew the guilt in your heart was leading you toward self-destruction. I knew the despair you felt when you accidentally killed your mother and the regret you were living through."
"I knew you didn't love Han. To you, he was only a facade to hide your broken heart. I knew that one day, you would find a way to kill yourself."
"Please, don't...die. That is my request."
I could see droplets of tears forming on his face.
C was crying.
"Why..." The other me did not focus on C but looked down at her feet. Her shoulders were shaking. "If you knew so much, why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you warn me before?"
"Because I couldn't, Kurokawa. Because every time I wanted to save you, something worse would happen. Because every attempt I made, this world compensated my efforts by giving you a much more terrible fate."
"This...too?" The other version of me did not seem to doubt his words. She kept on asking questions about him.
"It will," C exclaimed with his head hung downward. "This is my first trial of 24 to save you from killing yourself after you hide the body. The past 23 times, I tried to keep you from coming back home or found safety measures so your mother would come out safe."
Through my misty eyes, the past iteration grabbed his hands. "And what happened when you stopped that incident? What happened to Mother? Was she saved? Was she alive?"
"..."
"C! I need to know! I need to know! Tell me!" Tears fell down her cheeks, so as mine.
I also needed to know what happened.
"She killed you, and then she killed herself." He reluctantly answered.
So it was a loop.
"So it was a loop." We both said the same thing at the same time.
*Rumble*
A sudden rumble abruptly cut us short. The whole school started shaking violently. Through a window of the infirmary, I could see everything outside the room slowly corroding and crumbling into nothingness. A dark sky formed, and thunderous clouds were flashing dangerous lightning bolts.
"No! No! NO!!!! Not this!! NOT THIS!!!" C screamed. "Not when I just started seeing hope!!! She is starting to change!"
In front of his face, the past me asked with panic in her voice: "C! What is going on?"
Without missing a beat, C hugged the past me. "This...is a reset. This interaction between you and me will be erased. And you...dearest Kurokawa, my bookworm, will cease...to exist. Just like the other versions of you."
"I will die, then?"
"We both will. But I will keep this memory in my next life, while yours will be forgotten." His voice broke to pieces.
*Rumble* *Rumble*
So that was how a reset would start. Everything crumbled into nothingness as if time was sped up profoundly.
"Then, remember this for me, C. The next time you see me, tell the future version of mine that you are proud of her. It is something I have always wanted to hear."
*Boom!!!*
"Don't die, Kurokawa. I am proud of you."
That was the first sentence I heard after coming back to the present.
クリエイターの想い 
Parmesan
Parmesan 2 chapters in 1 week?
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