章 25: I DON’T NEED YOU
James Danvers
All I can think about is dinner and having to tell my dad about the baby. I take a deep breath and head downstairs.
"Hey son. We were waiting for you."
"Sorry I was just checking on something."
My mom walks to the table and sets some of the plates down. I turn my head toward the kitchen to see Z carrying 3 plates. I rush over to her and take two of them.
"Thanks."
"Of course, you shouldn't have been carrying all of that in the first place. You could have helped her dad."
"Oh I knew she had this. I mean after all with the kid on the way she is going to have to get used to this."
My dad was very old school. He believed that a woman should do everything around the house and not work. I know that sounds weird since my mom works but she also does everything at home as well. I tried my best to help her as much as I could without my dad seeing me.
"So, James, you said that you would explain everything tonight."
"Right, I did say that."
"You mean you didn't tell him yet?" Kiki questions.
"Tell me what exactly son?"
Well the only way to tell him is to just come out with it.
"Well as you already know Z is pregnant. What you don't know is that the kid… the kid is mine."
My dad's face is blank at first and then he begins to laugh.
"Oh, that was an amazing joke. Now tell me Zarah, how did you get into this situation?"
I put my hand on Z's shoulder so that she doesn't say anything. My dad's face stops smiling.
"You are not joking are you?"
"No, I'm not."
He gives a big sigh.
"I thought we taught you how to be safe and what happened to that Cassidy girl?"
"You did. This happened by accident. And Cassidy is not in the picture anymore."
"Well I would imagine not since you cheated on her."
"Richard."
"What? I'm just telling the truth."
"Anyway, because of that I transferred colleges so I will be attending college here in Cali now and Zarah and I have… we also started dating."
I wait to see how my dad will react. At least about the college part.
"So what, you are just jumping from girl to girl now."
"Mr.Danvers if you would just…"
"I wasn't talking to you Zarah. Right now you should consider yourself lucky that I didn't know about this beforehand or else you would not be staying here right now!"
"DAD STOP! I don't care what you say or how you talk to me but you have no right to talk to Zarah like that! She hasn't done anything wrong!"
"She hasn't? From what I remember she is the one that convinced you to go to your dream college that you are now backing out of, disobey your father and help your mother when you were not supposed to, now she is the one carrying your child, the reason why you will never truly be happy with a Black wife and a mixed child! Do you understand how many people will not accept you for that? You could have married Cassidy and had kids with her but you just couldn't do that could you?"
"Richard, that is enough!"
My mom stands straight up from her chair. I look over at Z next to me and how her head is down.
"If you will excuse me."
Z slams her napkin down on the table and goes upstairs.
"Look at what you've done. You know what? You can sleep at your friend's house tonight."
"What friend?"
"How about the one that kicked Zarah out. Her father."
My dad looks disgusted. He gets up, goes to grab his coat, and walks out the door. As soon as the door closes I instantly break down. I hate this. I hate how he can manage to make me feel this way every damn time!
"James."
I can hear Kiki's soft voice. I look up at her and she points to the stairs. Zarah is standing at the top of the first platform. I stand up and walk over to her.
"I'm so sorry. I thought that he wouldn't have a problem with it but I should have known since it was connected to me. He always thinks I am just some mistake he made years ago so why would he think any differently about me now."
I begin to sob. I want things to be different between us. I want him to be in his grandchild's life. At this point I doubt any of those things will happen.
"You are not a mistake. I love you James Danvers and my love for you is not a mistake. We may have not meant for any of this to happen but I don't think that it was a complete mistake."
Z's hands cup my face as I stand a step below her. I hug her and hold her tight as I continue to cry. How much longer can I go on like this? Like dad and I can fix things? After what he said tonight, I doubt that there is anything left to salvage. That is perfectly fine with me anyway. I don't need him. I will be a better father than he ever was to me. I DON'T need him.
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