章 52: 52 Lesson
Harry sat in stunned silence as Lucas's words sunk in, a mixture of frustration and unwillingness coursing through him.
"Then let's actually start. How much do you know about emotions? You had a teacher about Occlumency, if I am not wrong?"
Harry nodded slowly, his mind forcefully calmed down from the rollercoaster of emotions he had just experienced. "Yeah, I had a teacher," he replied, his voice tinged with bitterness. "But apparently not a good one."
Lucas regarded him with what could be called a pleading look, "may I look through your memories, to speed up the process?"
"No!" Harry's answer came like a shot, "not after what you just did."
Lucas blankly stared at him for a second or two, "very well, then tell me everything he or she told you."
The boy who lived looked at him sceptically, expecting Lucas to already having looked through everything. "Four years ago my dad hired Ms. Ravenwood. She tutored my sister and me on how to construct a defence against someone like you, as well as the other uses of Occlumency. However, she was payed to mainly focus on the former."
Lucas listened intently as Harry recounted his experience, his expression betraying no hints of it changing as he absorbed the information. "I see," he said simply, his tone neutral. "And what did she teach you about emotions and Occlumency?"
Harry furrowed his brow, trying to recall the lessons he had learned all those years ago. "Well, she taught us that to construct anything in your mind you have to be free from emotions," he began, his voice thoughtful. "And that it is best to keep your feelings under control, because it boosts your defence further."
Lucas nodded, his gaze unwavering. "That's somewhat correct," he said, his tone encouraging. "And how did she instruct you to do that?"
Harry hesitated, trying to remember the specific techniques Ms. Ravenwood had taught him. "Um, well, she said that the key is to clear your mind of all emotion," he replied slowly, his brow furrowing in concentration. "To focus on nothing but an empty void, like a blank canvas."
Lucas nodded along, "good, you remember at least something. Even though you are not using it."
Harry felt a flicker of satisfaction at Lucas's acknowledgment, quickly replaced by annoyance, as his expression hardened. "Yeah, well, it's kind of hard to focus on nothing when your mind's constantly racing with thoughts and emotions," he retorted, his voice tinged with frustration. "Especially after what just happened."
Lucas regarded him with a calm look, his demeanor unwavering. "I understand, Harry," he said softly, his tone sympathetic. "But that's precisely why it's important to learn how to control your emotions. To master your mind and not let it control you."
Harry's frustration bubbled to the surface as he listened to Lucas's words, his anger threatening to overwhelm him. "And how exactly am I supposed to do that?" he demanded, his voice laced with bitterness. "When I've spent my whole life being told to suppress my emotions and ignore how I feel?"
Lucas looked at him with a mocking smile, to him Harry sounded like an entitled child, who thinks that everything will work out for him. Just like it always has been. "Suck it up. The world doesn't care about how you feel. To a skilled wizard in the mind arts you are an open book, ready to be exploited."
Harry's frustration flared at Lucas's blunt response, his jaw tightening as he fought to keep his emotions in check. He knew Lucas was right to some extent, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow.
"Suck it up?" Harry repeated incredulously, his voice rising with indignation. "Easy for you to say. You don't know what it's like to live with this constant pressure, this weight on your shoulders. You don't have to proof anything. You are not expected to inherit a noble house."
With cold eyes, Lucas stared at him. Harry had no idea how many weeks he had slaved away in the Room of Requirenments, how it felt having eyes on you wherever you went, watching every step you take, judging your every move. He couldn't comprehend the pain and suffering he had gone through. All for the sake of a better future.
"You are correct. I have no idea how that feels, but what I do know is that you are lazy and weak. Do you even know how your mind looks like?"
Harry bristled at Lucas's words, his anger flaring up at the accusation. "Lazy and weak?" he shot back, his voice laced with indignation. "You have no idea what I've been through, what I've had to endure. You have no right to judge me. In my first year I fought against Voldemort and in my second I killed a Basilisk. I AM NOT WEAK."
The classroom changed before Harry's eyes as Lucas's words hung in the air. The familiar stone walls melted away, replaced by a swirling mist that enveloped Harry in a shroud. He blinked, trying to make sense of his surroundings, but the mist only thickened, obscuring everything beyond arm's reach.
"Where are we?!" Harry demanded, his voice echoing in the eerie silence.
"You don't know? Does it not look familiar to you? How long has it been since you were here last?" The voice of Lucas sounded like it came from every direction.
Harry's heart pounded in his chest. The swirling mist seemed to press in on him from all sides, disorienting him further. He tried to focus, to push past the panic that threatened to overwhelm him, but it was like trying to grasp at smoke.
"I... I don't know," Harry admitted, his voice shaky with uncertainty. "I've never been here before. What is this place?"
Lucas's voice echoed through the mist, sending shivers down Harry's spine. "This is your mind, Harry," he said, his tone somber.
Harry's mind raced as he tried to process Lucas's words. This was his mind? This swirling mess?
"But why am I here?" Harry asked, his voice still as loud as before. "What do you want from me now?"
Lucas's voice echoed through the mist, its tone calm yet insistent. "I brought you here to show you something, Harry," he explained, his words cutting through the eerie silence. "To show you the truth about your mind."
Harry's heart pounded in his chest as he listened to Lucas's words, a sense of unease creeping over him. What did Lucas mean by "the truth"? And what did he want Harry to see?
As if in response to his thoughts, the mist began to calm down. Eventually, it lessened enough for him to see a structure in the distance. It looked like a hill.
"What is that?" Harry asked in confusion.
Lucas's presence seemed to materialize out of the remaining mist, his figure looming before Harry like a specter. "That is your defence." he said bluntly.
Realisation dawned on him. He recognised it now, but it looked so different to how he remembered it.
"When did you last visit this place?" Lucas asked more for Harry's sake than his own.
"A... about two years ago."
Lucas nodded, his expression unreadable as he regarded Harry. "And what do you see now?" he asked, his voice calm and steady.
Harry's gaze remained fixed on the structure in the distance, his mind racing with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. "It looks... different," he replied slowly, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "It's like... it's been abandoned. Neglected."
Lucas regarded him with a knowing look. "Yes, that's because it has been," he said simply, his tone matter-of-fact. "You've neglected your defences, Harry. You've let them fall into disrepair."
Harry's brow furrowed in confusion as he processed Lucas's words, a sense of guilt gnawing at him. "But... but I thought...," he began, his voice trailing off as he struggled to find the right words. "I thought I was doing everything right. I thought I was protecting myself."
"Two years can do a lot."
Harry's heart sank at Lucas's words, a sense of shame washing over him. He had always prided himself on his strength and resilience, but now he couldn't help but feel like he had failed.
"What do I do now?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"You could demolish everything and reconstruct it from ground up. I could also help you repair it, but for that I would need access to your memories. Or, although I wouldn't recommend it, you could try it on your own." Lucas offered, a faint sinister smile forming at the corners of his lips, which disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, hidden from the person in question.
Harry, still staring at his mind, couldn't help but ask, "How long would it take to bring it back to how it looked before?"
"That depends solely on you. If you go for the first option a little shorter than it took you with your teacher. If you choose the second, then we will do it during our sessions and make it even stronger than it had been. The last one is the most fickle, it could get better or worse, depending on how skilled you are, which I wouldn't choose if I were you considering that you haven't done anything in the last two years."
With a reluctant nod, Harry finally replied, after thinking it over for a few minutes, "Okay, you can look through my memories."
Closing his eyes, Harry braced himself for the invasion of his mind, his thoughts racing with a mix of apprehension and determination. He reminded himself that this was for his own benefit, a necessary step.
As Lucas delved into his memories, Harry felt a strange sensation wash over him, like a distant echo reverberating through his consciousness. He tried to focus on the memories he wanted Lucas to see, the ones that would help him understand his predicament.
Minutes passed like hours as Lucas sifted through every single one of Harry's memories, his expression focused and intense. Harry could only feel a part of what he did, for him it felt like Lucas looked only at the the memories he wanted him to see.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Lucas withdrew from Harry's mind, his expression thoughtful and contemplative. "Interesting," he murmured, his voice barely audible.
Harry opened his eyes, feeling a sense of relief wash over him as Lucas withdrew from his mind. He couldn't help but feel a little exposed, as if his innermost thoughts had been laid bare for Lucas to see.
"What did you find?" Harry asked, his voice tinged with curiosity.
A warm smile formed on Lucas' face as he replied, "It's not as bad as I thought, it shouldn't be too hard to repair everything and make it stronger than before."
The mist reappeared and enshrouded both. Shortly after the stony walls and floor of the abandoned classroom reappeared.
"I think this is enough for today."
Despite the unsettling experience, which Harry had unconsciously already pushed to the back of his mind, he felt a newfound sense of determination overshadowing the rest of his emotions.
"Thank you, Lucas," Harry said, his voice sincere and full of warmth as if he were talking to a childhood friend. "For showing me the truth and helping me understand what I need to do."
Lucas nodded, his expression unreadable as usual. "Of course, Harry," he replied, his tone calm and composed. "It's my job to help you."
With that, Lucas turned and began to make his way out of the classroom, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts. As he watched Lucas go, Harry couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards him, which quickly turned into horror, because a sentence resounded in his head. 'Next time pay attention to your emotions during the session as well.'
Only now did he notice his unusual behavior. It is true that he was rather impulsive and emotionally driven, but not to this extent. Neither would he change his mind on someone this fast as he had done here.
He was played like a fiddle.
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