章 56: The Prankster King of Konoha by Redyoshi14(Naruto)
Summary: The Nine-Tailed Fox broke through to Naruto a lot earlier than expected. Unable to consume a baby with hatred, however, he was forced to settle for petty mischief. Several years later, and we're met with a new legend. Watch out, world! The Prankster King is here.
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13834068/1/
Word count:60k
Chapters:9
Chapter 1
"Hey. Hey, kid. I think I know what our next prank is going to be."
Naruto grunted, but otherwise did not respond to the exceptionally deep voice that echoed around his mind. He shifted, moving his cheek so that he wouldn't lose circulation, before laying his head back in his arms.
"Kid," the voice continued. It boomed, as if the person were yelling in a large, empty room. "I know you can hear me. There's no way that you can't hear me; this is your mind. Answer me."
The blonde adolescent yawned, but otherwise didn't say anything. He lifted his head, forcing one bleary eye open to investigate the class. As usual, Iruka was droning on—most likely about something asinine— and the rest of the class was trying their best to appear as if they were paying attention. Naruto huffed. He turned his head, only to see the two students who weren't pretending, as usual.
"Sakura Haruno," the voice in his head said, the tone as if it were reading words from a dossier. "Civilian born. Low chakra reserves. Low combat potential. Astonishingly bright." The voice scoffed. "Fat lot of good those brains of hers will do if she can't handle herself on the battlefield. I can already see them being splattered across the dirt."
"Fair assessment," Naruto thought. His eyes roamed from the girl diligently taking notes near the front of the class, to the boy not even pretending to care near the back. The kid slept, his spiky ponytail pointing straight into the air like a pineapple.
"Shikamaru Nara. High intelligence, middling combat ability, low motivation." Though it wasn't portrayed in its voice, Naruto could feel his partner's disgust. "It would be no fun pranking this one. He likely wouldn't give a good reaction no matter how much we annoy him."
"Not every thought needs to be about pranking," Naruto responded. He laid his head back on his arms, following the lead of the Nara. His eyes drifted closed, and the words of his teacher faded once more.
The words of his partner, however, did not.
"It's not like you're using your thought space for anything else." The voice huffed. The sound was akin to the bellowing of steam from a train. "You haven't had a thought since you walked in here. Why do you even come to this mockery of a class?"
"Learning," was all that Naruto said. He tried willing his mind to sleep, but that was impossible with his partner's incessant racket. "Weren't you the one to tell me to chase knowledge from all sources?"
"I didn't realize you humans could make knowledge so boring." To accentuate this, his partner yawned. Naruto could imagine the beast's mouth—large and gaping and enough to swallow the entire class whole. It was an amusing thought, however morbid. "But I suppose that was my folly. I couldn't expect you guys to succeed at anything, really."
Naruto rolled his eyes at yet another barb at humans. In the beginning, when they first met, those constant insults annoyed him. He would scream and shout his head off with the bastard every chance he got. As time passed and the insults continued, however, he found that it was a waste of energy. His partner didn't really mean anything by his words, anyway. He could feel as much.
Their thoughts were connected after all.
"I still think your kind are a wasteful, regrettable congregation of chakra and meat," his partner said, most likely sensing his inner thoughts. "Just because my opinion has been tempered by you doesn't mean that I accept the rest of your pitiable species."
Naruto rolled his eyes. This wasn't a road that he wanted to go down anymore. It was the same every time: first the Fox would deny his acceptance of humans, and then Naruto would call him on his bullshit. Then he would backtrack, leading to a denial that lasted the rest of the day. It was… troublesome.
"You had a prank for me?" Naruto asked, hoping to nip the conversation before it started. He could feel his partner's stare in his psyche, though he knew that the Fox would go for it.
"Yes," the beast said slowly. "I thought of a great prank."
"I don't have the time or equipment to prank the ANBU again," Naruto said. They had just pranked the poor soldiers last week, and he didn't have nearly enough money left in his savings to do so again. "Once a month. That's what we agreed upon."
He could feel his partner recoil, though the action was mocking at best. "What? No! Though I do have a plan for our next visit to ANBU headquarters, it isn't finished yet! No, my next prank is for one of your little classmates."
To that, Naruto raised an eyebrow. "My classmates? Most of them aren't interesting enough to prank."
And that was a true statement. Naruto couldn't even remember half of the names in his class, they were that forgettable. Bland children from bland civilian families that were forced here to fulfil some sort of dream of grandeur left in their parent's minds. It was pathetic, and so were they. With them gone, that really only left the clan heirs, most of which were also too boring to prank.
To start with, the Nara clan were simply too smart for their own good. While it wasn't hard to link Naruto back to a prank, as he pranked quite often, the fun of it was making it hard for Old Man Hokage to lay the blame at his feet. He had gotten quite good at evading detection, and as such the Hokage had started to resort to the flimsiest of excuses.
They were excuses that held merit, of course, but ones that wouldn't have worked on anyone besides him, the obvious culprit.
With the Nara, however, they were far more perceptive. The old man had called in a Nara once to help pin the blame, and they had picked apart every aspect of the blonde's scheme, down to when he first prepared the paint to cover the Hokage Monument.
It was from then that Naruto decided to never prank the Naras. He could get away with his mischief for as long as they weren't involved, and the lazy bastards would never be involved as long as the matter didn't directly concern them.
So, it was with that knowledge that he also left the Yamanaka and Akimichi clans alone as well. Never mind that the Yamanaka could just read his mind, both clans were closely associated with the Nara. While it would be fun to prank the mind-walkers and the giant people, it was also much more hassle than it was worth.
When it wasn't, however…
"Did you want to prank the Inuzuka?" Naruto asked. "We haven't finished the perfume that would throw them off our trail yet."
His partner hummed. "As much as I disdain the dogs, no. Operation Kennel will proceed at the desired date. I'm thinking much higher up the totem pole."
Higher than the Inuzuka? "The Aburame? You know how their bugs freak me out."
"As hilarious as that is, no. Don't worry, child. I will not submit you to the horrors of small, squishy pests."
Despite the barbs in his partner's words, Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. The Aburame, even without their bugs, were creepy in general. The last thing he needed was to piss off their clan and wake up the next morning with a pill bug or something in his mouth.
"No, brat. Think higher. I know that thinking is a tough concept for you, but I've seen you perform this herculean task before."
"Awful tough words from someone trapped in my head."
"I am trapped in your chakra coils, and that is not what I asked you. Focus your tiny human brain and think."
"You could just tell me who we're pranking."
"Think, boy. Think!"
Naruto grunted, but did as he was told. Higher than the core ninja clans of Konoha? There weren't many people who held such a lofty position. His first thought, of course, was the Uchiha, but…
"Do not look at the abomination, boy," his partner hissed. "I can barely stand being in the same room as it, let alone allowing you to look at the ugly thing."
So they weren't pranking Sasuke. That was fair. His partner didn't seem to keen on the boy for whatever reason.
"Do not give it a name, boy. Giving characteristics to the depraved is the first sign of insanity."
Naruto rolled his eyes. Not the Uchiha. Fine. That only left one person.
"Why do you want to prank Hinata?" Naruto asked. He lifted his head once more, stealing a glance towards the class' resident Hyuuga.
She was… as unimpressive as she always was. A large, light brown jacket hid her entire upper body, before billowing out into an opening that lost her neck somewhere in it. Her lavender hair was cut into bangs that partially covered her milk-white eyes—a trait that was indicative of the pompous Hyuuga clan.
Hinata, while much quieter than her family, was no different than the rest of them. She would turn her face from him when he approached, almost always going red whenever she did so, as if his mere presence angered her to such an extreme.
Naruto felt his teeth grinding and stopped them. Time and a place.
"Alright. So we're pranking Hinata," Naruto continued, not waiting for his partner to reply. "What did you have in mind?"
The Fox chuckled, and Naruto heard the mirth several times as it bounced around his head. "You are too humble, child, but don't worry. I will break you out of that small mindset. We are not merely pranking Hinata Hyuuga. We are pranking the entire Hyuuga clan."
For a bit, Naruto was silent, and with the new quiet in his head he was able to hear Iruka once more. The man droned about archaic ninja arts and inventions that had long become obsolete. His words drifted in one ear and out the other as Naruto focused wholly on the Fox's proposition.
Then, a smile carved its way across the boy's face, showing the sharpened canines at the sides of his mouth.
"Interesting," he said. "I'm in."
XxX
Sneaking into the compound of a clan of people who could literally see through walls should have been far harder than it actually was.
"I thought this would be a lot harder," his partner said. Naruto could hear the old beast growl. "This was supposed to be fun."
Naruto nodded, before ducking into a bush. A Hyuuga guard paced by. His gait was slow, so it took a few minutes before Naruto was able to peek out again.
"I don't think that this is easy, Fox. I've been near this damn wall for the past twenty minutes."
"That's because the guards that are actually using their stupid eyes travel around the inner sanctum. Unfortunately, that's where we need to go."
Naruto groaned. "I know the plan."
He knew that the stupid Fox heard him. That didn't stop the old bastard from continuing anyway. "We've already tagged all of the outer wall, as well as most of the buildings near the outer wall. All we have to do is tag the inner houses, but the guards keep rotating between the inner and outer parts of the compound, resting their Byakugan near the edges and keeping it on towards the middle."
The Fox stopped, pondering to himself. As their thoughts were linked, Naruto wasn't entirely sure why he stopped thinking 'out loud.' It wasn't as if his inner thoughts were much harder to decipher.
"I think I saw a small gap in their rotations. It'll be tight, but if I move within that area, and stay there, I might be able to hit everywhere I need to."
The Fox hummed, and Naruto could feel it giving the plan consideration.
"We don't have an accurate layout," he eventually said.
"Trust me," Naruto replied. He eyed the guard that just passed, before slipping out of his bush and following as quietly as he could. "I got this."
XxX
Five minutes later saw Naruto deep inside the Hyuuga compound.
"I can't believe you did it," the Fox said. He couldn't hide the awe in his voice. "I didn't know you were this stealthy. When did you become this stealthy?"
"Secret training."
"I am literally in your head. You have no way of training without me know—"
Naruto shushed the man as he came upon his final stopping point. The guards were particularly defensive about this part of the house, but a little bit of genjutsu and a lot of voice modulation convinced them to move.
He had maybe thirty seconds. That was more than enough time.
His hand gripped the… glass? His hand gripped the glass doorknob and turned. He was pleased that the door wasn't locked, though he supposed that there was no need with constant guard. He slipped into the room as quietly as he could, making sure that his actions made as little sound as possible. The door creaked a bit, just a bit, and that set Naruto's nerves on edge. This room could only belong to one of two people, and if it was the wrong one he'd be in a world of trouble.
"Congratulations, boy," the Fox said. "Your luck holds out once more."
Naruto relaxed when his feet touched soft, bouncy carpet. He closed the door behind him, once again taking care to be as silent as possible, before letting out the breath he was holding.
If this was the father, that little bit of noise would be enough to cause a Gentle Fist or five to fly into his vital organs. As this was just Hinata, however, the inexperienced girl was still asleep.
"A couple years ago you were just as bad. Worse, even. You could sleep through a parade if you were tired enough."
"Quiet, fox. I don't have time to listen to your bickering."
His partner huffed, amused, but didn't say anything else. The two spent the next few seconds in silence as Naruto padded to opposite ends of the room, sticking objects to the walls with nothing but the light of the moon to guide him.
When he was done, he huffed. He wiped away the sweat on his forehead. With this, the plan was complete. All he needed now was to pull the trigger. Naruto looked towards the girl sleeping in her bed. The moonlight from her open window illuminated her in an ethereal glow. Her chest rose softly, pushing the covers in a gentle sway. The bangs that usually covered her face fell to the side, allowing Naruto his first full view of her.
Simply put, Hinata was pretty. Had this been any other situation, a person might have fallen in love with the poetic scene.
"You have very few seconds left. Get moving."
"You are truly the densest, most blunt creature I've ever had the dissatisfaction of working with."
The Fox cackled. "I am the only creature that would interact with you. Now, hurry. If the guard comes back now all the fun will be ruined."
Naruto sighed, but made his way over to the sleeping beauty's bed. He stopped just before it, his toes tucking just underneath the frame, before leaning over her. A more skilled ninja would have a blade to his throat by now, but he supposed that Hinata could be allowed her disappointment. He was used to pranking ANBU, after all.
"We need a nice, big scream," the Fox said. "Enough to wake up almost everyone in the house. The bigger, more alarmed commotion we cause, the funnier!"
"I truly worry for your sanity," Naruto thought, though a part of him understood the manic thrill. He pulled his mask over his face— a plain, unmodified white mask that he stole from ANBU headquarters— and aligned it so that he could see through the eyeholes. His disguise set, he moved his hand over the princess' shoulder and shook.
Then, he waited.
To her credit, Hinata was quick to stir. Her eyes shot open immediately, and Naruto could see the way her entire body tensed at once. Naruto heard the soft clink of metal as the young heiress grasped at what was likely a bundle of kunai kept under her sheets, and he himself tensed as he prepared to dodge the attack.
A scream of some kind was the next likely thing for her to do. Now, all Naruto would have to endure would be the incoming attack and the plan would begin. The blond trickster smiled behind his mask as he awaited the final step in his plan.
He waited. Then waited. And waited.
His smile quickly faded as the two stayed motionless. Hinata didn't attack. She didn't even scream. She just continued staring at him as his mask hovered just inches from her face.
"What's going on?" he thought. "Why isn't she doing anything? Has she gone into shock?"
The heiress was just lying there, mouth opened not as if she were about to scream, but as if she saw something that she couldn't believe. If she had gone into shock, it definitely wouldn't have been after she had already grabbed her knife in preparation for retaliation.
"Oh, fuck, brat," his partner cursed. "I think I see the problem. Check her eyes."
Naruto did so, but all her could see were the lavender irises that almost blended into the rest of her eye. They were quivering, scanning every inch of his mask as if committing it to memory. They were pretty, sure, but there was nothing impressive about them. If anything, the bulging veins around the outside were rather intimidating all things consider—
"Fuck," Naruto said out loud. "The veins. Byakugan."
"Apply the chakra, now!" his partner screamed. "We're forcing this!"
Naruto nodded, before jumping back. Hinata finally moved, shifting from her bed. Her kunai was dropped back into the sheet as she scrambled out of bed. Her face was even more red than usual, which made sense considering what predicament she had just found herself in. Finding her hated enemy standing above her bed while she was sleeping was bound to piss her off.
"Naruto?" she called, though her voice was no louder than a squeak. Such a thing wouldn't be enough to cause a commotion at all.
"I have no idea who you're talking about."
His words were muffled as they struggled to get around the full ceramic mask he wore. He pulled his black hoodie over his head as he pushed a bit of chakra into the mask. It glowed, and hopefully the dense field would be enough to hide his face from the all-seeing eyes of the Hyuuga clan. Naruto then clapped his hands together.
And all hell broke loose.
Off near the inner garden a sound grenade went off. It wasn't large, and it didn't damage anything, but it did more than enough. Naruto could hear the scrambling of dozens of feet as a countless amount of trained ninjas sprang to their feet.
Not three seconds passed before the door to Hinata's room burst open. A Hyuuga, almost twice Naruto's height, burst into the room. His headband covered his forehead, an indicator of his being Branch family, but it did nothing to hide the alarmed look in his eyes.
"Lady Hinata!" he yelled. The veins around his eyes were already bulging. They zeroed in on the intruder and Naruto could almost feel the snarl on his face. "Who dares? You step away from my lady, now!"
The man dashed for him, but Naruto proved to be quicker. He flowed around the chakra enhanced blows and for a while the two danced like butterflies.
"Aren't you glad that I forced you through dodging exercises?"
"Not now, furball! I know you can see that I'm busy!"
They continued their exchange, Naruto always staying just outside of the man's reach, before more Hyuugas flooded into the room. Now outnumbered, there was no way for Naruto to escape.
The blond, however, smiled.
"I think this is enough people?" Naruto asked.
"I was hoping for more," the Fox replied. "But it'll do."
Naruto, after cleanly dodging a chakra strike aimed for his shoulder, jumped back. The other Hyuugas fanned out, pushing him into a corner of the admittedly large room. They closed in slowly, hoping to dash his chances of escape…
… but all Naruto could focus on was the veins around their eyes.
"Pranking Art: Visual Castration of the All-Seeing!"
Naruto brought his hands together.
The Hyuugas, alarmed, lunged.
The chakra charges, left dormant in the corners of the room, exploded.
And light filled the room.
XxX
The Third Hokage was like a grandfather to Naruto. Unfortunately, he wasn't the doting kind that believed his adorable grandson no matter what.
"I was at home the entire time," Naruto said. He had been in this exact situation before, sitting before the Hokage's desk for a crime he had most likely committed. Instead of showing signs of being guilty, however, Naruto pretended to be rightfully indignant. "Why am I being called here for this?"
The frown on his face looked genuine, but on the inside he was cackling. And why wouldn't he be? Setbacks aside, it was a successful prank. And the Hyuugas were unable to catch him all night.
"My ANBU have reported to me that you were not in your apartment last night." Sarutobi Hiruzen then tapped his pipe against the ashtray he had on his desk. His aged eyes had wrinkles underneath them, which only made his deadpan stare all the more unnerving. "So that can't be true."
"And why not?" Naruto asked. He folded his arms. "The ANBU have proven themselves incapable of following me before. You don't think that I could hide from them in my own house? Send some over right now. I bet that I could spend the whole day in there without them finding me."
The old man didn't respond to the provocation, instead taking another drag from his pipe. The smoke seeped from his nose as he continued to stare.
"The Hyuugas report the intruder as being 'unusually short.'" He continued, ignoring Naruto's words entirely. "Care to explain?"
"No," Naruto replied. "Because, for one, I am not short. I'm still growing, and this is a perfectly normal size for a child my age. With that in mind, there are tons of kids that fit that description. I don't see any other kid in Konoha here."
"No other kid in Konoha can manage to sneak into the depths of the Hyuuga compound."
"I'm flattered that you think that I could, but I can't. Sorry."
The two men stared at each other, neither willing to budge on their stance. Naruto knew that Hiruzen already knew that it was him, but without clear evidence it was impossible to prove it.
"You broke into the Hyuuga clan home and led them on a goose chase for around thirty minutes, constantly setting off flashbangs at predetermined locations before appearing in another part of the house and resuming the process." Hiruzen huffed. "It's impressive. If you put as much effort into your ninja training as you do these asinine pranks."
A smile came to Naruto's face. "I didn't do those things, but if I did, I'd be honored at your praise."
The two shared a moment of knowing, slight smiles coming to their lips as they sat across from each other.
"Your crimes—"
"Alleged crimes," Naruto corrected.
"Right," Hiruzen said, his voice deadpan. "Your alleged crimes, no matter how impressive, are still illegal. Trespassing on a major clan's property is punishable by death."
Naruto huffed. "Then it's a good thing I didn't do it."
"Who else could it have been?"
"How am I supposed to know?" Naruto asked. He threw his hands up. "I was at home. On the other side of the village."
"We have witnesses."
"That saw my face?"
And it was here that Naruto tensed. There was, of course, one witness. Hinata Hyuuga, the girl who saw him before he could activate his mask. Sarutobi hadn't brought it up yet, which was why Naruto was comfortable being so flippant, but if she came forward it was all over.
The Hyuuga princess' word against his own? He wouldn't stand a chance.
Hiruzen stared at him, his face grave as he did so beyond the rim of his large, conical hat of office. The pressure of that stare was heavy, and Naruto almost felt like breaking from the strain alone. He persevered, however, and the old man eventually closed his eyes.
He let out a deep sigh as he sat back. "No, Naruto. None of them saw your face. Some kind of mask prevented them from getting a good look, though all of them report a head of shockingly blond hair."
It was here that Naruto felt the need to let out a shaky laugh. "There are loads of blond ninjas in Konoha."
"I'm sure," the old man said. He rested his pipe in the ashtray before turning back to the boy. "Listen, Naruto, I'm letting this go because you didn't hurt anyone, and ultimately helped to reveal a flaw in the Hyuuga's defensive perimeters. Do not do this again, do you understand?"
The weight behind those words were oppressive, and Naruto could do nothing but nod along. The Hokage stared at him, maintaining eye contact the whole time before eventually relenting.
"The Hyuuga are powerful, Naruto. I cannot protect you from them a second time. Remember that."
"Yes, old man."
Conversation done, the Hokage went back to the piles of paperwork on his desk. That was as much of a dismissal as any, so Naruto rose from his chair. It wasn't until he was almost at the door that the Hokage spoke again.
"As disappointing as your actions tonight were, you did an excellent job maintaining your stealth and moving through their compound. You found the hole in the guard rotation a little late, but you capitalized on it fast enough. Next time, however, try putting on the mask before you infiltrate."
Naruto turned back to the old man, only to see a wry smile on his face. He opened his mouth to ask, only to see the man throw a quick glance to the crystal ball that sat near the edge of his desk.
"Of course," Naruto said.
"I'll see you later, Naruto."
"I'll break that ball one day."
"When you do, I'll gladly hand over the title of Hokage to you."
XxX
The sun was high in the sky by the time that the Hokage was done dressing him down. Right now, it would be recess for the students at the ninja academy. He was exempted from the early classes because of his summoning, but he was expected to be back in time for the afternoon ones.
"The girl didn't squeal," the Fox called. His words weren't surprised or anything. It was as if he were simply stating a fact. "I wonder why."
"I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth," Naruto responded. The citizens that moved around him turned to stare at him, but they quickly moved back to their own lives. A boy talking to himself was only interesting for a few seconds. The crazy fox boy talking to himself was hardly anything new.
"Are you heading back to the Academy? I have a few more pranks we could pull, instead."
Naruto yawned. "Nah, I think we filled our quota for the week. I'm going to spend the rest of the week getting some rest."
The Fox scoffed, but otherwise didn't argue. The two walked in silence for the next few minutes.
"You know, you'll upset your fans if you spend too long without causing a ruckus." The Fox then cackled. "Oh, Prankster King."
Naruto sighed. He scratched at his cheek as he passed the citizens on his way to school. He wondered how many of them would realize that he lifted their wallets before they got home?
"That title means more to you than it does to me."
週次パワーステータス
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