章 112: Dreams and Nightmares – III
Karma. Ties that could bind even gods. A weight that was difficult to shrug off even for beings that discarded their human limits.
For the most part, it was intangible. An ephemeral existence that interacted with reality, but didn't really affect much of ordinary life.
But the moment you went beyond being an ordinary person, the spiderweb strings of karma tightened into an unbreakable chain.
I knew that from personal experience, and I knew that even more now that I had changed to be able to see karma directly.
And around Seonhwa...
"I... killed you?"
A soft whisper from Seonhwa. Confused and dazed. And the moment that she said that, the world changed.
"Give it back!"
A much younger Seonhwa. Still a school girl. And then there was 'me' running around and sticking out 'my' tongue at her while holding a book.
Seonhwa growled and ran after me, shouting. "You little Pipster! Give my book back!"
Again the world changed. High school.
Seonhwa hesitantly holding an envelope while looking at 'me.'
"...Are you sure, Jihu?"
'I' laughed and said, "Don't worry about it." 'I' stuck out my fingers with a peace sign and said, "It's been your dream to go study abroad, right? I worked extra hard just for you, so don't worry about it."
"But-"
"Hey." 'I' poked her forehead and said, "You're uncomfortable getting stuff from my parents, but if it's just me, it's fine, right?"
"...Idiot."
"What did you call me?"
Seonhwa stuck out her tongue and said, "Nothing, Pipster."
"...Pipster?"
"What else do I call the guy who keeps playing tricks on me?"
It was like a tape played on fastforward. A romance and coming of age story unfolding before my eyes, showing me the past.
No. Not 'me.'
The audience that this film was for...
The sound of a shattering bottle. 'Me'- No. 'Seol Jihu' glared at Seonhwa with red eyes and jabbed a finger towards her. "Were those Yankees really that good?" Seol staggered forward and smacked his chest. "I worked my ass off for you all those years and you can't even give me a little money?"
Seonhwa stood there and lowered her gaze, lips quivering. As she did, the world spun, playing various scenes out.
Seol working various odd jobs, stubbornly refusing help from his parents. Despairing as the money he gained wasn't enough. Using his eyes to start gambling to earn more and more money for her sake to put her through. Smiling every time he raised enough money to visit Seonhwa while hiding the long hours he worked behind her back to make those visits possible.
Love twisting to hate and resentment as nothing he did seemed good enough. Fears and doubts turning into beliefs as Seonhwa seemed to grow more distant when in truth she was working just as hard in Paradise to try and ease Seol's concerns.
But it didn't matter.
Because the truth was...
The world spun one last time.
A memory that I recognized, but also one that I didn't.
Seol Jihu stood with his back to Seonhwa, staggering away with a tattered suit while clutching a bottle of wine.
And overlapping him was me, wearing my armor and staggering back, dropping a glowing white sword.
Two different people and scenes. But the words said then...
"I told you, didn't I? In the end..."
Two matching expressions, wry smiles directed towards Seonhwa.
"...The only thing I can do is hurt you, Seonhwa."
And then everything shattered, leaving behind a dark void.
In the center of that, Seonhwa knelt on the ground, her emerald spear tossed carelessly to the side while black and red karmic threads pierced through her body like marionette strings.
And the one they led to was me.
At least, that should have been the case.
But they were severed, hovering around me without attaching. Unlike the connections with everyone else, the karmic threads to Seonhwa were frayed and worn-out. Like a rope that had been cut and tied again over and over.
Silence.
I walked over to Seonhwa and stood in front of her, looking down.
When I arrived, she let out a dry laugh and said, "I know. I know that the Jihu I love is gone."
I didn't say anything and just waited.
Seonhwa laughed louder and said, "I couldn't understand it. I thought I should just kill myself because he kept hurting me. I didn't know why he would doubt that I would choose someone else. He changed so much... and I thought that Paradise might have something that could turn him back to normal. But..."
Seonhwa's laugh turned into a sob and she looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. "...It was me. It was me, wasn't it? I took you for granted and left you behind while I moved ahead. Because I held you so close, you didn't know what to do when I left and fell apart."
"...That's right."
It was true. The reason why Seol fell apart was Seonhwa. His entire life had revolved around her, so when she was gone, he didn't know what to do.
"I knew it." Seonhwa lowered her head and whispered. "I knew it. That's why you don't love me anymore, isn't it? Why you started looking for other women. Like Flone. Hannah. Everyone except for me. Jihu..." She looked up with a fragile expression and said, "...You hate me, don't you?"
And there it was. The feelings that Seonhwa felt in her heart that she was trying to suppress. Emotions that were drawn out by this nightmare trial thing as well as recent events.
And my response...
Well, it was complicated.
To be honest, I understood why Blackie was so upset.
After seeing the memories play out, I understood.
This Seonhwa... Instead of the clingy woman who practically groomed Jihu to her type, she had been an ordinary and awkward childhood friend turned lover. Though, that was because the Seol back then had been a bit different too.
The results were the same, but the path leading up to those circumstances were different.
...It was weird. There was something here that I was missing. A gut feeling that something about this wasn't right.
But I could think about that later.
Right now...
"No. I don't hate you, Seonhwa. But..." I knelt down in front of her and lifted up her chin to look at me.
Seonhwa stared with teary eyes. But when her eyes met mine, she froze. "You...?"
The reason for that...
I let out a wry smile with a face that could only exist here in this realm of subconscious memories. The 'me' before I became Jihu and the 'me' who I could no longer remember. "I'm not Seol Jihu, you know? I might have ended up taking his place in reality, but I don't think it's fair for me to take his place in your heart, Seonhwa."
Was it because I acknowledged it? Or that Seonhwa did?
The karmic threads piercing her body finally faded away. At the same time, she slowly stood up, staring at me with a dazed look on her face.
I held out my hand and smiled. "Still, if you're willing to put up with a womanizer like me who can't restrain himself when it comes to woman, I won't say no."
A cheeky tone of voice. Words that were absolutely scummy and selfish.
I expected her to smack my hand away and call me an idiot.
But...
"You bastard." Seonhwa wiped away her tears and glared at me. "This is the third time now." She stood up and then grabbed my hand, using it to pull me close.
"Um. Seonhwa?"
"So what if you aren't really him? You took his place and made me fall in love with you, so take responsibility, dammit."
"That's-"
"I don't care what you have to say. Even if the Jihu I knew is dead, the Jihu I love is standing in front of me. So..." Seonhwa pulled me close and pressed her forehead against my own. "...Stop pushing me away."
"...Fine." I let out a sigh. "But remember. I'm not him."
"I know. So let me love you already, idiot."
With that, Seonhwa leaned forward to kiss me.
The moment that happened-
<Confirmed. The modified Trial of the Nightmare has been passed.>
<Ending trials and returning participants.>
<My Master apologizes for the inconvenience.>
-A mechanical voice called out, ending the dream.
xxx
"You Seonhwa? Um, I'm not sure if you understand English very well, but it should be 'I'm' Seonhwa."
It was a memory that Seonhwa had forgotten. No, a memory she wanted to forget.
"I know English fine! And my family name is Yoo! I didn't mean you like you!"
Right. She had been annoyed at him.
An arrogant American who happened to be in her classes. At the same time, the only other Asian around in her university program.
"Oh. So it's like Seonhwa Yoo then. ...Still sounds dumb. But sure."
"Like your name is any better, Mister 'No one'."
"Well, that's because I'm no one important. Just a guy who ended up in this place by chance after losing everything."
A roguish smile on a plain face. An expression that wasn't bothered by anything in the world.
...And one that made Seonhwa feel guilty every time she saw it because it made her heart race.
"Anyway, seems like you're in the same classes as me, right? And your English needs work, so I'd feel guilty leaving you alone... Yeah. Just follow me around for a bit til you get on your feet."
A pushy guy who dragged Seonhwa along to his pace. One completely different from Jihu who went along to hers.
But at the same time...
"What?"
He tilted his head and stared at her with a nonchalant caring gaze that was similar and yet different to Jihu's.
...Someone who reminded her so much of him.
xxx
Seonhwa opened her eyes. When she did, the memories of what she just saw and experienced raced through her mind. But before she could dwell on it, she noticed the beautiful scenery around her.
Sunlit roads with vivid trees and plants lining each side. Petals drifting through the air, like a scene out of a fairytale.
And then up ahead, a golden palace within a dazzling garden filled with colorful flowers.
A dream. Seeing it, Seonhwa wondered if she was still dreaming.
Then she saw Jihu being smothered by Flone with a tight hug and realized that it was reality.
Seonhwa sighed and let out a wry smile. Even so, her heart didn't sting as much on seeing them. And the reason for that...
"Curious. Extremely curious."
Seonhwa flinched and instinctively swung her spear at the speaker.
Emerald light flashed as it cut apart a young woman with light blue hair.
Or, it appeared to.
But in truth, the spear cut through without resistance, leaving that young woman to stare at Seonhwa with bright blue eyes.
"Karma, time, and fate spun together into a jumble to create the present. And the source is an observer from beyond the veil? An extradimensional being falling to a lower realm within a dream? Or is it wish fulfillment?"
"...What?"
The blue-haired young woman simply smiled and stepped back, unfolding a black lace parasol. "Nothing. I do apologize for the anomalous event, however. The trial of nightmares intensifies with stronger individuals and is meant to bury them in their sins and regrets."
Seonhwa glared at the woman and opened her mouth to talk. But before she could say anything, Jihu's voice called out.
"So that's what it was. And here I thought it was a weird resonance with my powers."
The young woman looked towards Jihu and smiled. "Well. That may have played a role. Dreams are affected a great deal by the dreamer. And you are *quite* the powerful dreamer, Miss Rothschear's beloved."
Seonhwa cleared her throat.
Jihu let out a wry smile and walked over to Seonhwa's side. "It's Jihu. And sorry, Seonhwa. Seems like it's an automated registration thing..."
"...Hmph."
This bastard. Even when he's Jihu now, he's still as insufferable as he was back then...
"Anyway," Jihu said. "Let's get down to business, shall we, Lady Roselle? Don't want to tempt fate anymore with weird events while we're here."
"Of course."
Watching the two casually interact, Seonhwa pursed her lips.
But when she did, Flone sidled up to her side and whispered, "This is why I need your help, Seonhwa."
"...I get it now."
A light hearted conversation between Jihu and 'Lady Roselle'... And how did he even know the woman's name?
It was annoying.
The Jihu she remembered was already bad enough with how much attention he drew from other women. But now that he was 'that guy' as well...
"...We need to work hard."
Flone blinked on hearing Seonhwa's words. But then a flicker of realization passed her eyes and she grinned. "Yes! I'm looking forward to working with you, Seonhwa!"
"...I still don't really like you, thieving cat."
"Then you'll definitely not like hearing what Yuhui's been up to."
"...What?"
Jihu glanced back at Seonhwa and Flone and frowned. "Are you two plotting something?"
"No."
"No~ What makes you think that?"
"..." Jihu gave them a blank stare before turning to Roselle. "Anyway, you said something about refreshments?"
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