章 68: Omake 23: The Burden of a Big Sister (C)
"Family is family, whether it's the one you start out with, the one you end up with, or the one you gained along the way." – Unknown
Nora Bukharin. Many things could be said about her. Cute girl, explosively social with friends and family, cheeky prankster, and also one that didn't shy away from hugging and cuddling with her father and mother.
Now, that painted the canvas for a curious and eager child that would easily jump at the role of being an older sibling to a little bundle of joy that just recently entered her family. And she was, so much that she had been taking hours off her usual mischief to plan out with her mother about the activities and things that could have been done when the child was ultimately born. When that day came to be, and Nora was allowed to hold her baby brother, all that excitement suddenly started to be overwhelmed by a sense of… unease. She was confused by this since it was the first time she felt this much in distress about something like this. The girl even had a hard time pinpointing from where it came and why it was happening to her so suddenly and out of nowhere. It felt like a lump formed within her throat, knotting air and making it difficult to think properly while holding a newborn that felt incredibly fragile in her arms. She was quick to return the sleeping cat-eared child back to her mother, managing just barely to hold back any nervous expression from showing too much. Something like this only made her incredibly upset as Nora generally didn't have to worry about this kind of trouble. And yet she was.
The girl managed to hold herself from showing some discomfort about this the first few days after the birth, focusing on other things and being less attentive of the medical visits to check on mother and baby. A behavior that wasn't missed by Ren as he decided to press her on the matter. The boy didn't expect her to be quite tight-lipped about it, and in fact was a bit worried when she failed to give him a straight response. And despite all the pressure exerted, Nora didn't budge and refused to offer any explanation about this behavior. In a sense, the girl worried he would have spoken to either dad and mom about this, which proved to be an irrational fear considering they hardly snitched on each other, regardless of the situation and their different ages. Still, her efforts didn't pay off in the end and, much to her surprise, she felt even more unnerved as she failed to find a reason why she just couldn't visit the hospital as it would be the last few days her mother and her newest little brother would spend there before getting back home. But what was gnawing at her, and why she couldn't handle the… responsibility?
One thing led to another, and eventually she found herself staring at the silent pond, fishing rod in her grasp and a humming man sitting right beside her. There was a sense of peace and calm that reassured her in a state of quiet which she had yearned in the last few days.
"So… what's eating you up, sweetie?"
Nora slightly jumped at the question, having not expected her father to become part of the questioning brigade too. Still, the way he did so and the reason why he got interested in it was partly her fault. She should have expected dad to consider it quite odd that she decided to go fishing with him. The girl never put any interest in the activity due to how 'boring' it normally was, and Ren would usually go with him since they both liked the calm of this place. Now that she was upset with herself, this location felt way better than the last (and possibly first) time she visited it. She sat down, listening to her father's explanation about selecting the correct bait and having to keep quiet most of the time while at it to not scare the fishes. It wasn't a difficult task, but it sure felt like a relieving one from what she could see.
"If I said 'nothing', would you keep from pressing it?"
"That would be the same as you asking me to stop being a good parent. After all, I didn't 'press' you for a few days now."
This response had her quickly glance at him. "You knew?"
"I can tell when you are frustrated by something when you're not active. Either that, or you're sick but we can both tell it's more of the former."
A nod, she admitted to this much. "I still don't know what this is?"
"Well, when did it start?"
…
"I-I think it started when I was holding Damian. He is so tiny and I felt like- like I could hurt him."
"Everyone can hurt him. But there is a difference between can and want, right?"
"Yes, but what if I make a mistake?"
"Do you want to make a mistake?" Her dad asked back, and she was frowning at him for that.
"What? No-"
"Then why are you worrying about it?"
"Because… I don't want to hurt him."
…
He sighed. "Well, when my sister, your aunt, was born, I had something similar to what you have. I was nervous of losing strength while keeping her close and hurt her by dropping her down. She was so tiny and cute. So fragile and-"
"And what did you do?"
This could be it, Nora thought with interest. Perhaps her father knew more than he was letting out about that kind of reaction.
"Well, I didn't do much. But my father decided to take me out fishing and… he told me something he learned while handling his own siblings when they were younger," He hummed quietly, taking a moment to check for any fish. "He told me how he too had his own concerns about doing a poor or even bad job, after all being the oldest among siblings is still a big responsibility, but he still pushed through and that proved to be a sign of a good sibling. If you worry this much due to the possibility of hurting your siblings, that means you know that who you are now responsible for is not a toy and can't be just ignored as responsibility. You're so worried about it because you are overthinking it due to how intense this feeling is."
"So… I am reacting to this 'badly' because I know it's tough and… Am I putting too much thought into it?"
"I would say you're putting too much effort in unraveling a bigger reason than just that. Because you know it's quite an intense experience, and you're trying to find the fitting motivation behind this reaction," Her father elaborated. "But the truth is that the reason I gave you is the biggest possible. You're a big sister now, and that responsibility can be as 'insignificant to think about' as much as it can be one of the greatest burdens to face as a child of your age. You've been the youngest up until this very moment, but I believe you could ask someone you trust a bit more with this kind of advice now, wouldn't you?"
…
"Ren?" Nora guessed with a surprised tone. "He is the one that took care of me before we found you so… he knows how to handle that responsibility."
Her father smiled and nodded. "Then go and ask him once we're done with this."
Nora nodded back, turning her attention on her activity and realizing that something was pulling. She slowly and steadily started to yank back, rolling up the line with the hook before ultimately pulling up a salmon roughly the same size of her arm. Her first fish, and a big one at it.
Today sure was a day of victories for the little Bukharin.
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