章 8: Insecurity and the boys

The warm shower caressed my skin after a long day… or maybe long years of pain and torture I had gone through. After my mom's death, I didn't have enough money to pay for the electricity bill with my mom's savings and some money I got from the local government monthly, so I couldn't use the heater for my shower.

Even during winter, I couldn't take a hot shower because the bill would be too much for me, and I wouldn't be able to eat.

So I would go to school without taking a shower sometimes.

I closed my eyes while thinking about the terrible things they had done to me in the past, including how they targeted me. I wondered if there was any cause in the first place.

So my memory returned to the first timeline when I knew nothing. I listed the reason that caused them to bully me.

First, I was the new kid who knew nothing about my environment. I had a few friends in my middle school, but most of them were just casual friends. But in this new town, I knew no one, not even my neighbor. I knew Chrissy in the previous timeline because my mom tried to introduce us to each other when we'd just arrived here.

Second, I tried to stick out. My dad's abusive behavior had me so terribly traumatized that I couldn't even look at men in the same way.

I still remember the pain he inflicted on my body, the bruises covering me and he hit me often because he said I was 'stupid and ugly' like my mother.

—

"If you weren't ugly like your mother, maybe I could sell you off for extra money, but who would want trash like you?"

—

Even though it might be his alcohol-fueled ramblings, his words hit me in my deepest conscience. It planted insecurity deep inside my mind. The insecurity developed into a mindset that… if I didn't stick out and become popular, everyone would despise me.

So I tried to seek attention, hoping some people would notice me and befriend me. But I was wrong.

Yes, they noticed me…

And they made fun of me, like an involuntary clown, to fill their free time with some fun and games of roasting the piggy.

Third, I didn't have the guts to tell those wretched bullies to back off. I wasn't courageous enough, so I enabled them to keep bullying me until I lost all social standing and became a bottom feeder.

So I learned my lesson, I wouldn't be an idiot who fell into the same hole twice. I learned not to be a naive girl who thought everyone would want to befriend her.

I learned to be low-key until I got the right time to strike.

And lastly, about boys…

Yes, I had a crush on Mason in the previous timeline, and I still had the same crush on him right now.

But I reckon it wasn't worth it. Because I was just another random girl who fell in love with him.

"Honestly, what's the point of having a boyfriend anyway?" I shrugged.

"High school is already difficult, and to add a random horny, sloppy creature in my life, that would be just plain stupid."

"Besides, most of them only see me from the neck under…."

I bit my lip when I remembered how their lecherous eyes stared at my boobs and ass. They didn't even feel ashamed to do that.

It was too disgusting for me to recall, so I shook my head and steeled my will.

"I will never get a boyfriend unless that man is useful enough for me. I don't need a sloppy, useless guy who only dates me because of my body."

"Emmelyn Jones, there will be no handsome knight in shining armor to save you. Nobody saved you in the past. Do you think things will change now? You only have yourself to rely on. So keep that in mind and be strong for yourself.."