章 25: OMAKE Shitpost
Obligatory Disclaimer : I do not own anything (except maybe OC characters) all characters, places, worlds, universes…etc mentioned here belong to their respective owners and/or companies.
This is purely a work of fiction. Not meant to offend or incite, but to entertain and (maybe) inspire.
OMAKE
A Day As The Brain
Brain. Brain. Brain. That's what he calls me. Telling me to shut-up whenever I expressed an opinion. So what if I was honest? One of us had to be.
Brain. Heh, well I guess I was, maybe. Maybe he'll remember someday. Maybe he won't.
"Will you stop with the 3rd person narration." He says to no one at all.
Stop talking aloud you idiot, she'll think you're insane.
"I'm not?"
Harh harh velly velly funny.
"Racist much."
C'mon, we're half Asian now, I can say that freely. He laughs, even if he doesn't show it. he can't hide it from me, I'm him.
"Yeah and you can't hide your monologuing either." She stirs, boobs pushing into our arm. I say we fuck her again, he says we can't she's exhausted.
What a pussy he's becoming. If she dies, she dies.
He shakes his head at me and pushes off the bed, whispering for his Martian fuck-toy to shrink so no one sees her while she sleeps.
"You're a real bastard. Her name's Crystal." Like we give an actual fuck. He gets dressed and flies out to meet Omni-man, they proceed to spar in space and after breaking a sweat they head to an active volcano on an island somewhere.
"They're pathetic weaklings. They will slow you down." Nolan says, to which I agree, brushing away the blood encrusted on his fingernails.
"I'll whip them into adequate shape. I won't allow anything to slow me down." He replies, prying pieces of broken tooth stuck in his knuckles. He tossed the enamel shards into the slowly flowing pool of magma, watching them sink with a quiet hiss.
"Hmm." Nolan hummed in approval.
They then share notes on better fighting tactics and training methods. Next time, they decide they should do this on Venus.
Dude, let's go fuck some more.
'Shut the fuck up.' He says to me, 'You keep narrating shit like I actually can't hear you.'
Look you piece of bitch I'm in charge of descriptions today.
'There's literally no one there to describe this to. You're just being extra annoying.'
Get a taste of your medicine motherfucker. This is how it feels when you keep talking shit and all I'm allowed to do is make snide and brutally honest comments to ease the tension or serve as comic relief or as a meter showing your mental deterioration rate. Of course he doesn't know you're watching.
'Will you pick one and stop trying to break a fourth wall that's not there.'
You absolute idiot.
He flies back home, cleans the room, makes the bed and arranges everything. He takes another shower and gets suited up, we've got a semi big day today, we're going to get introduced as the New Guardians, new captain.
I say we haremize the women and kick all the guys out.
He takes a deep breath, hoping it'll keep me quiet, but we know he loves hearing us speak.
'I don't. I really don't.'
Shut up, I'm the captain now.
*.*.*.*.*.*
The Soldier.
--Be me.
--Flaxan foot soldier.
--Just born four cycles ago. Reached adulthood a week ago.
--General says we're invading a planet called Eurth.
--'For the glory of Flaxan' He says. Scientists say we need it to get resources for our dying planet.
--I'm all in. Heard the Eurthians aren't even a type 2 civilization. Plebs.jpeg
--invade Eurth. Humans run and scream.
--Their defenses are trash.
--Their warriors with 'lead projectile' weapons are even more trash.
--Who even uses lead projectile weapons anymore? Retards.png
--We shoot to kill. Have to finish the invasion before the day runs out.
--Looks easy so far.
--They send a child unit to fight the army.
--An actual child unit. Retardedfucks.gif
--Mfw child unit actually puts up a fight. Looks like he's enhanced.
--Tank bolt takes him out. Lololol.
---General spams tank bolts at it to demoralize them even more.
---Mfw child unit rises from the pit.
--Child unit has more missing pieces of flesh than actual flesh.
--Ohmygod.jpg Child unit goes berserk.
---Literally mows us down like grass.
---Child unit destroys our numbers.
---My friends turn to blood dust all around me.
---Child unit uses our own bodies as projectiles.
---Child unit is the devil.
---I abandon station and run for the portal.
---Ohgodhelpusall. Child unit follows behind. Killing us off.
---I push the one behind me and jump through portal.
---I lose a foot.
---General decides to reinvade. Are-you-fucking-insane-sir.mpeg
---Gains support after decades.
---Scientists make better weapons. General is guaranteed to kill child unit.
---I sit this one out.
---Portal reopens. Child unit passes through it with an adult unit.
---Adult unit is god, child unit is devil.
---Civilization is destroyed in one day.
---Entire planet goes dark.
---Entire city centers razed to dust. Death toll in billions.
---They use our planet as training grounds.
---Adult unit tries to kills child unit in every fight.
---One time adult unit breaks child unit in half and rips entire arm off. Rips. Entire. Arm. Off. Disbelief.vlc
---Child unit actually grows stronger. Starts fighting back. Faster than adult unit.
---when not fighting. Child unit gathers scientists for secret projects.
---Child unit has a harem of princesses. Hear them moan and grunt every hour.
---Can't sleep now. moans and grunts every where I turn.
---Leave this as historic note before I anhero.
---Child unit makes me record it in this format.
---He is standing over my shoulder as I type, I am not allowed to say anything remotely intelligent. Please someone stop these monsters. They kill the females that even get preg--!!
---See my head roll off my body. Child unit laughing, reading this.
*.*.*.*.*
Dark omake? Dark omake. Experimenting like I did with the iceman. Hope you liked it.
Been a bit occupied but I put in some time to come up with a new story, it's called 'Demon Driven', a Marvel self insert/reincarnation as Daken. Yall check it out. Primarily writing it for fun, so expect it to be on fire.
With that said, allow me to head out. I'll return with an Invincible Me chap soon enough, just trying something new for the meantime.
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