章 64: Desire (#1)
[Trigger Warning: Slightly Dark, Abusive Relationships, Mentioned Rape Mentioned Cheating, Gaslight, Stockholm Syndrome, and Angst]
"Oh no." He whispered for a second, eyes wide as he fell- It was weirdly freeing and amazing, it felt like he was flying, but Gravity soon pulled him down. He stared at the woman he was in love (right? This is love, right?) with as realization hit her, her eyes widened in fear as he smiled- Well, at least she would go to jail, right? At least his worthless life would have some worth now, right?
Here's the thing, when you are groomed by your parents to be the perfect little child, manipulated by your mother to believe that your worth is only defined by what others think of you, and when you are sheltered since birth- You become a little bit dependent on people, like, really dependent.
This is the story of Ezekiel's life, the man who suddenly lost his parents and didn't know what to do with his life- It was sudden and fast, one moment they were alive and well, giving instructions to their little robot that followed their every order, and the next, they were dead and said robot didn't know the concept of freedom, of self-sustaining, self-esteem, or self-worth... He was only a little robot that followed orders to the best of his abilities, how could he know what to do when he was never taught how to? His job was everything his parents told him to do, he would cut grass, walk dogs, work at fast food, work as a bank accountant, he would even sell lemonade on the side of the road if his parents told him to- He was their son, and it was his duty to do whatever they tell him to.
And it was the very next day that he learned his parents sold his- Well, technically engaged him, with the daughter of the CEO of a large corporation, she was slightly obsessed with him ever since she saw him in one of the jobs he had- Bodyguard, her dad's bodyguard to be more precise, and like the true entitled and spoiled brat that she was, she demanded her father to let ger marry him- And after months of insistence, he gave in and let her marry him, regardless of his consent to said situation, after all, money could buy anything!
Definitely people.
Now, picture this adorably large bear-like man with ginger hair and green eyes, who looked more cute than threating even with his impressive size of 6'7- He was Ezekiel Vaz, the 25 year old man who had the self-care skills of a 6 year old child who only knows how to put cereal in a bowl- Well, he knew how to cook, clean, and drive, yes, but in social situation where conversation was involved, he would get too anxious or nervous to properly say anything. This caused some problem for him in some job interviews, and as he was created to be the little robot that he is, he didn't know what else to do with his life if he is not given instructions.
Which leads us to here and now- He was taught to always put other's feelings and satisfaction above his, so when she asked him to marry her, even when he felt nothing about her- He said yes, because that's what would make her happy, right? When she asked him to fuck her, he said no, because he didn't like the thought of having sex with a woman- He had that before, he didn't like it, it was painful! Why would someone like that? But even so, she told him she wanted to have sex with him and she pressured him, he soon gave in and let her do whatever she wanted to him even though he felt very uncomfortable and even dirty-
His feeling didn't matter.
His feelings don't matter.
His feelings will never matter.
Make others happy, regardless of what you feel.
Help, but don't ask for help.
Be there for others, but be alone for yourself.
Regardless of his feelings, because his feelings don't matter.
They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!- They Don't Matter!-
"They do, you know?" It was him- His wife's brother, who was the first ever to tell him that he mattered- That his feelings mattered, after years and years of him repeating to himself that they didn't, that he was just that, a robot meant to serve- His feelings don't matter, he knows that, but his words, his wife's brother's words made him want to believe that they did matter- That his feelings did matter! So, after years and years being married to that woman, having two children with her, and being now a rich man- He decided to divorce her.
The kids were already big enough to understand that their marriage was just a farce, and that they weren't happy- Maybe his worthless self could find his worth if he sought for it far and wide, maybe- "What? Divorce? No. I'm not going to divorce you, you're mine- Plus, how even dare you to bring that up? Did you forget? I'm your owner, you obey whatever i tell you to do! You will NOT sign these papers, we will NOT get divorced, and you WILL be punished for even considering that you could ever get free from me!" And that day, he forgot about it, always keeping the divorce papers with him, afraid of signing them because- Because he was a coward, a spineless man whose worth was based on the opinion of others, and if he was a worthless man- Who would ever want to help him?
So they kept being married, and now, years after even considering a divorce- He was deeply happy in his marriage, right? I mean, she cheated on him, he knew that, she did so in front of him many times! Even had some men fuck him, but, it was for her- Right? It was for her happiness, she deserved being happy, she deserved being the woman she was, and she deserved it all! He was happy because she was the sun, and he wasn't worthy of basking in her glory, he was happy because she loved him, he was happy because she was the silvery moonlight and he was but the dirt on the ground beneath hear feet- Her dog, he was happy because he was her pet!
He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!- He was happy!-
"What the fuck are these!?" He turned with a bright smile on his face, but it quickly withered from his lips as he looked at the papers she had in her hands- It was the same divorce papers from years ago, he smiled at her like he always did and said: "Papers, my dear." She growled angrily and pushed him against the window of their skyscraper, he felt the wind behind him as she pushed him back, the window was open? Oh, right, it's one of those glasses that are almost invisible to sight, you don't even know if they're there! The window was open as well, because he opened it a few seconds ago to let fresh (as fresh as it could get from a city like New York) in as she asked, no, she ordered him to do so. "Divorce papers!" She smirked at him, and he knew she had a wicked idea in her mind, a punishment he would have to go through, like that time she had five men use him because she broke her nail on his skin when she slapped him for dropping her coffee that time.
Or when he was hanged from chains in the basement of their home and denied food and water for five days- But it was his fault, he shouldn't have made her angry that time by not cleaning her room properly. "Yes dear, i can see it." He smiled happy, because why were these papers here? He knows it, but he doesn't, because that was when he was properly trained and he didn't love her like he does now, right? "You motherfucker, trying to divorce me!? I told you!-" She pushed him again, this time it was harder. "YOU-" She poked him hard on the shoulder. "WILL NEVER-" Her hand came to rest on his ribs, grasping at his recently broken one, making him feel pain- But his face didn't chane, nor did he show any reaction to it, since he wqs used to pain at this point. "BE FREE!" And then-
Here he was- Falling... Or was it flying? He closed his eyes, because his life was going through his eyes and he was realizing a sad truth- His feelings, his wishes, his life- It didn't matter. His son and daughter? Probably never cared for him, they grew up in a toxic household, they are out there, free from their shackles and with all the time in the world... He just wishes, maybe a little bit, that maybe, just maybe-
Were they happy?
[Descriptive Shit Ahead- You're warned]
And in a sickeningly crunchy crack, his body fell to the ground- His skull shattered, arteries disconnected from his heart, he instantly started dying from the inside- But was long dead, since his brain was partially destroyed, a few pieces spreading everywhere on the concrete street down. Blood splattered everywhere, painting the street and people in red, it was a sudden thing and everyone just stood still before they screamed in panic- On his fall, he had thankfully not hit anyone else, or it might've been a double tragedy, but he was clearly dead, because from that height his brain alone would've weighted more than a ton! Terminal velocity does that to you.
Oh dear...
Death was sudden, his face was barely recognizable, but thankfully he had his papers with him- Ezekiel Vaz Bya, husband of the Mistress Bya, now stood on the ground- Dead.
Due to the shock, the identity of the person, and the many witnesses, an investigation was initiated on discovering what happened to him and why he died- Suicide or Murder? There were results on the suit he was wearing, fingerprints of his wife, of course it was soon discarded as evidence because she would touch his suit- She was his wife for God's sake! Then the autopsy revealed one of the most disturbing things they've ever seen before: Ezekiel had a chastity belt burned into his body, the metal was heated and attached to his lower body in a way that completely destroyed his penis, most of his ribs had been broken before and healed wrongly, on of the fingers on his left hand was made out of metal that was also forcefully added to his skin and bone- It was disgusting, rusting, and there were some maggots inside it.
Further analysis of his internal organs show disturbing modifications where his stomach was modified, making so he could eat less- he already looked to suffer from malnutrition, but this was- Oh gid, the worse yet were the scars and the branding burned on his skin, making a scar there that said: Bitch, and the addition of a bubble connected to his rectal tube, where there was liquid inside- Semen. It was the imitation of an uterus.
Damaged lungs, signs of terrible drug abuse, and even internal scars on his lower region- This man probably killed himself to escape whatever it is that has been causing this, because some of the scars were clearly older, years older.
They would never be able to forget this.
-Scene Cut-
Floating around the endless void of stars, he knew he was long dead- What a pathetic little life, wasn't it? Suffering after suffering, all because of some dumb fucking Curse of Obedience that was put on his soul! He doesn't know why he knows this, he only knows this isn't the first life he has gone through where he suffered through most of it right before dying a gruesome death- No, this was definetly not his first life, where he was forced to obey whatever people tell him to do because this is his "punishment"... He has been through this too many times to count.
And apparently- It was due to something dumb.
"It seems like you've finally understood huh?" Standing right beside him was a large humanoid made out of stars, with eyes that resembled black holes. "Understood what?" Ezekiel was too tired to care now, but he still was a little curious about what he understood- "That you aren't supposed to insult an Omnipotent Being only because they said you can't have more than three wishes~" What? He must've been a stupid guy because he doesn't remember that at all, he isn't that person who offended this star humanoid, right? "Believe it or not- You're the very same person who just called my mother, the wonderful Iauvh'aiokleth, and i quote-" Suddenly, a golden glow emanated from his hands as he began reading: "[The worst bitch ever since bitches were invented, she probably looks like what dying feels like]- And albeit that last statement is true, it is very rude to say out loud like it is an insult- So i, Primordial God of Souls, Pain, and Games, Kuigg'zhorh myself had ro punish you."
"So you put me through endless cicles of pain and misery?" The creature nodded, making Ezekiel sigh- Why does it matter anyway? "Well, it seems it is taking effect then!" He raised an eyebrow at the creature only to slowly come to realization- He felt absolutely nothing. "Yep~" The large humanoid suddenly grinned, and Ezekiel knew they were grinning because there was a sudden large mouth with thousands upon hundreds of teeth appeared- It was creepy as fuck. "Of course i wouldn't let you feel attached to those worlds, because then you would get used to the pain- And it wouldn't have much impact on you like the first time, so i made it be the first time, like, ever!"
No wonder he's the God of Pain- He's annoying and sadistic.
"Well, it was very entertaining to see you suffer- So go ahead, make your wishes, but remember~ No more than 3!"
"And can i ask for anything?"
"Yep!"
"Anything...?"
"Exactly, anything!"
"Anything... ANYTHING?"
"YEAH!"
"Well then... I want you."
"..."
"I beg you pardon?"
"Then beg."
"The fuck you mean by 'you'!?"
"You said i could ask for anything, and as far as i know, you are something- So i wished for you, and before you ask, i want everything you have, i want your very existence to be mine- I want all of you."
"Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw..."
"Didn't know that was one of your kinks, good to know."
"Shut."
"My second wish is for a system, you know, those cliche systems that have quests, status and stuff like that- However, you're going to be my little system!"
"Shit."
"And as for my last wish... I want you to always be mine, and always listen to me, and always do whatever i need you to."
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