章 24: Baby talk
After the erotic time, the couple lay on the bed tired. Trevor's head lay lazily on Max's chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeats. Max played with Trevor's soft hair and massaged his head. Something had been on Max's mind for some time, but he didn't know if he should talk to Trevor about it. But considering everything, he thought it was best to talk to him, to at least know where he stood on the subject.
"Trey, I've been thinking... Ever since our first time, you haven't wanted me to protect myself ... You do know I can get you pregnant, right?" Max was a little careful as he spoke to Trevor, not wanting him to misunderstand anything.
"Yeah, so?" Trevor replied as if it wasn't a serious topic.
"Well, I was thinking that maybe we should start ... you know, using them ..."
"Why? Don't you want to have a kid with me?" Trevor woke up and looked at Max.
"Babe, of course, I'd be happy to have a child with you... And you know that. It's just that I don't think you're ready for it yet." Max was sure that if Trevor got pregnant, God only knows if he will keep the baby, and Max wouldn't let that happen, which would surely lead to an argument between them or a separation. That was why he wanted them to make arrangements until they were ready.
"And why do you think I don't want it, maybe it's you who doesn't want it?" Trevor indeed didn't want a child, at least not now, but the fact that Max put it so matter-of-factly annoyed him a little, thinking that maybe he didn't want a child with him either. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he couldn't help it.
"Alright babe, don't get mad, I just want us to be on the same page here. I really want to have a baby with you and when you're ready I won't question this thing anymore. But babe, you don't even want me to mark you because you're not ready for a lifelong commitment, so I can't imagine you want a baby that will bind you to me for the rest of your life," he said with sad eyes, the glow in his golden eyes was faint as if there was no hope in them.
"And even if you might want a child with me, I know you're not ready, right?" Max added.
Trevor stroked his face in frustration, he always felt weird when Max reminded him that he didn't want to get into a long term relationship with him. And when he did that thing like he was reading his mind and making him feel like he was naked in front of him. But Max was right in everything he'd said, and Trevor couldn't deny it.
"You're right, I don't want to have a baby right now, I have a lot of things I need to do. It has nothing to do with you or any commitment, it's just that I want to be in peace before I have a child. I have all those things to deal with, my father problem, for example, plus we are still young" He looked at Max, who just nodded slightly and didn't say a word.
"I ... I take birth control pills..." Trevor said, lowering his head, unable to look at Max.
"I understand," Max said in a slightly cold voice. He thought he should be glad Trevor was taking his precaution, but he didn't know why his heart ached when he heard that, maybe he wouldn't feel that way if Trevor had told him. But thinking about it, that was his body Max thought, he should do what he thought was best for him, he didn't need to discuss it with him.
Trevor knew from Max's voice that he wasn't happy to hear that. When he had made the decision to take those pills, he had actually thought about talking to Max about it, but he didn't want to hear Max talk about commitment and the future again, so he decided against it. And here he had just hurt the man he loved again.
Trevor sighed deeply, about to explain himself when Max woke up and walked out of the room, lying that he remembered he had to sign some documents for tomorrow. Trevor could only see his back walking out of the room, not knowing what to do or say.
Trevor stayed on their bed, tossing and turning, trying to sleep, but he couldn't close his eyes, feeling frustrated and a little guilty. Max at his side, buried himself in work, but thinking about something else.
He tried to focus on his work, but he couldn't because he was thinking about the man he'd left in the room. He didn't know if he had overreacted, but he didn't want to go back and face Trevor now either. He knew he needed a little time to calm down and didn't want to corner Trevor.
It was the first time for both of them to be in a relationship, so sometimes they didn't know how to handle their emotions. Max didn't think it should be a big problem for Trevor to take pills, so why was he acting like this? He couldn't give himself an answer. Feeling helpless, he picked up his phone and dialled a number, not knowing that Trevor was just outside the door.
"Max Klayne When are you going to get your act together about calling us anytime you want? It's two in the morning for God's sake!" His father yelled before his mother snatched the phone from her husband.
"He didn't call you, he called me, why are you whining like this?" Gina scolded her husband who pouted.
"But he's just ruining our good time!" Maxime was not amused! he was enjoying his wife when his damned son had called. 'You'll certainly pay for that!" he thought.
"Hello baby, are you okay?" Gina asked her son, knowing full well that something was surely bothering him.
"I'm fine mum, sorry for disturbing you."
"Oh don't think about it, you haven't disturbed anything at all. Are you sure everything is alright?" asked Gina again.
"Well... Hum let's say that I just have a disagreeable conversation with Trevor and I have to say that sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who's trying in our relationship... I know it's not easy for him either, and that he is certainly doing his best, but sometimes he's just so indifferent that it makes me feel insecure about us. I have a feeling that one day he'll just decide to leave, and that scares me..."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that. You know, a relationship has to be built step by step, with love, trust, respect, it's not just about physical attraction and good sex, I'm sure you're both aware of that. There will be days when you are happy and other days when it will be difficult. But the key to keeping your relationship going is communication. You really need to open your hearts and talk things through. Okay?"
"I know, Mom ..." Max sighed, thinking that it wasn't that easy.
"For example, does he know that you've already bonded with him without you knowing?"
"No, I haven't told him, I don't even know if it's really true, Mom ..."
Gina just sighed. "Okay, if you don't want to, then don't say it. But remember, you need to communicate, okay? And one more important thing, don't leave the bedroom when you're fighting!"
Max didn't know what to say back to his mother, other than to say he understood.
After the phone call, he considered going back to their bedroom, but decided to stay a little longer, hoping Trevor would be asleep by the time he went back.
Not knowing that Trevor had overheard his entire conversation, Max went back to his work. When the door to his study opened and Trevor walked in, Max couldn't help but look at him worried and a little surprised. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but held back. Trevor walked in and laid down on the couch without saying a word. Max began to feel uncomfortable and couldn't help but ask what was wrong.
"What are you doing?"
"Sleeping..."
"Why are you sleeping here?"
"I can't sleep there by myself... ", Trevor said without looking at Max as he buried his head on the pillow.
Max looked at him for a minute before standing up, "Let's go back."
Trevor got up and followed him into their bedroom in silence. They lay down together on their bed, not hugging for the first time since they started to share their bed.
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