章 19: Unmated
AARYN
Aaryn spoke through a clenched jaw. "I thought you weren't really… interested in a relationship?"
"I wasn't. I'm not. I mean, I am interested in concept. But I've never met the right male. But now there's going to be all these questions, and I'm thinking… I'm thinking, maybe there's just something wrong with me? Like, maybe I built it up in my mind too much. Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe what I need is to just give some male the signals and get it over with and maybe that'll… wake up the rest of me?"
Aaryn laughed, but she just stared at him.
"You're serious?" he breathed.
She nodded. And swallowed. Hard. "You were right about Dargyn, I think," she said. "Tonight he was… giving me that look he has that all the females squeal about. And… it made me feel… good."
Aaryn gaped at her. He clenched the hand on his thigh so hard his nails almost cut his palm. But the table was between her and it, so she wouldn't see and he needed to do something before he leapt up and ran after the male.
Stupid, pretty, submissive male that had somehow turned Elreth's head tonight when he'd thought nothing could.
Why hadn't it been him?
He wasn't that pretty, he supposed.
And he wasn't a flirt.
"What's it like, Aaryn? Being that close to someone? Because it seems kind of scary to me."
"It's not scary. Not if you're with the right person," he said in a voice so low it was almost a growl. "If you're ever scared, you leave and you don't go back. The male that would scare you is… the wrong one," he said, his teeth grinding with the images in his head of Elreth being pawed by some selfish male.
"But… what if he's not scary. What if I'm just scared? What if I'm the problem?" Her voice was faint and it broke his heart to see her suddenly so full of doubt.
This was Elreth. She bowed to no one. Not even her father.
Why was she suddenly so weak?
He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "El, you just became Queen. It's not like anyone's going to expect you to find a true mate tomorrow."
She lifted her eyes, hers so wide they implied he was insane. "You've heard the stories of what happened to my dad, and he was years younger than me when he took dominance!"
"He also waited almost ten years!"
"Yeah, and they were so upset about it, they made him do the Rite of survival. I don't think they even have one of those for males, but I don't want to wait to find out—and don't fool yourself into thinking they won't push me a lot harder, a lot faster. I'm older, and I'm female. There's a total double-standard about this stuff."
"Who cares? You're Queen. Tell them to shove their double-standard up their asses."
She used the finger sign they used to use when they were too young to swear without her mother disciplining them. It roughly translated to 'Naughty Aaryn.'
He didn't laugh. He was on the verge of shaking her, and she had no idea.
"You don't get it, Aaryn," she sighed and started pouring the tea. "There's more pressure on females in general for this stuff, but female and a dominant Queen? I'd be surprised if it didn't come up at the feast tomorrow."
Aaryn wanted to bite out the throat of whoever had planted this idea.
"I didn't really think about it," she said quietly, "until Mom raised it this afternoon."
"Your mother told you to find a mate right away?" Aaryn asked, shocked.
"No! She just… acknowledged that it was going to come up. And I wasn't talking about a true mate anyway. I… I don't know if I'll ever find that. But I think… I think I need to get the mating—just the act—out of the way. We both know I should have done it by now."
"If that's true, what's held you back?" he asked, and it was so hard, so hard not to sound angry.
"I don't know. I just… never really felt like it. I didn't understand why everyone was so excited about it. It seemed… I don't know, I didn't want to force it and since I never felt like doing it I just…" she shrugged. "I just forgot about it. And I mean… my mom… She says it was really special for her that she never did it before my dad and I guess… I guess I kind of thought that would happen for me, too. I don't know," she waved a hand in front of her face and turned around to put the pot back on the stove. "Ignore me. I don't know what I thought. Maybe that's the problem. I should have thought about it more."
"No, Elreth," and he couldn't keep the anger out of his voice this time. "Something held you back because it wasn't the right time for you."
She blinked and looked up at him, frowning. "What are you pissy about?"
"Because, I'm listening to you… doubt yourself! You have no reason to! You were waiting for something that was right and good and… and after all this time you're talking about just throwing it away? Making the wait worth nothing?"
"What the big deal? I'm not talking about a true mate. I just mean for fun. Get it out the way. I'm curious," she said, but her eyes darted around and her scent held the tang of fear.
"It would be one thing if you wanted to do this, El. But you obviously haven't wanted to. And... Now you're talking about giving it up to some male who just wants to brag about succeeding where everyone else failed?" he growled, then leaned forward, holding her eyes. "You're worth more than that."
Her lips flattened. "This has nothing to do with being Queen. This is just about me."
"I wasn't talking about you being Queen," he snarled.
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