章 31: Sojourner, Pt 9
You find yourself back on the road westward in no time at all. Twilight has long since sunk into dusk, and further into the dead of night. All that's above you is inky blackness, and what few stars are visible twinkle weakly amidst it all. Unfortunately, you can't see the moon - it's hidden behind thick, dark clouds. Its dull yellow light just barely peeks through between the gaps, which is the only reason that you know it's up there at all.
Though it has been a few hours since your encounter with the Chimera, you can't help but shake thinking about her.
The fact is, you're growing more and more aware of the different parts inside of you, each with their own soft voices, each telling you which way to turn, which way to go, what to choose. And you can't help but realize that these are splinters of yourself, slowly forming out of the ether.
When you look back on your life, you realize that they've always been there in the back of your mind. Meds and people and regular society helped keep it in check. But now, traveling by yourself, and with powerful psionic energies at your beck and call… Well, that's made your budding splinters more potent. And noisy.
You do acknowledge that you are becoming a better person overall, but a part of you fears that Chimera. Not her in particular, or Chimera in general. No, a part of you fears becoming one yourself. Or something like that, something along the lines of a psionic vampire.
You can see just how easily it could happen, at least over time.
You then second-guess yourself about wanting to be more like Kaja, to follow in her footsteps of being more proactive. It is a good idea, sure, but wouldn't that cause yet another splinter to emerge in you? So should you stop doing that? Or would it help keep you in check?
Your lips purse subconsciously as the thoughts hammer you, over and over as you travel. You feel crippled by them, to some degree. Almost like they hang onto you and weigh you down by your shoulders. The thoughts are quite difficult to shake, even as the hours turn to days. A couple of suns and moons pass by, along with the occasional road eatery or service station.
Although they're temporarily interrupted as you attempt to survive, the same thoughts cycle in your head. They evolve into actual conclusions about yourself as you go along, as you chew into the thoughts and process them.
It takes you time, but you eventually calm your thoughts down. After lengthy sessions ruminating on the Chimera's mental state, you convince yourself you can't get there, not if you're careful. Not unless you give in to all of your splinters, all your voices. The danger is in giving in and not keeping hold.
After all, you are in charge of yourself, and no-one else.
You hold the responsibility of keeping yourself together, no matter what. But doing that, maintaining order in yourself even as you grow slowly more insane… that's going to be tough. You have to be conscious of your own changes in order to know which way to keep going.
You suppose that really isn't anything new. There used to be entire professions that dealt with people managing their personal insanities. It's interesting to you how much you hated them when they were everywhere. And now that they're nowhere, you feel the opposite.
A pity there's none of them left in the apocalypse. You're desperate to get their help.
Since they don't exist, you find that you have to deal with yourself in a different way. Maybe you can turn it into a game? Like, keep tabs on yourself like they're quests? If you have to be more mindful, then you ought to have a constant reminder, right?
Maybe even call it a Quest…
You shake your head at the thought. You find that you seriously dislike the word 'Quest', so no way are you going to refer to it as that. And it wouldn't be a 'Mission' either. You're not some knight errant doing the bidding of some princess, nor are you a mercenary with a kill order from some military.
You're just some person trying to make it in the world.
It takes you some time to think of the word 'Objective'. It feels nicely in your brain, and it settles in easily in the corners. It's strong enough to feel important, but nowhere near as pretentious as 'Mission', or as archaic as 'Quest'.
Okay, great, you figured that out, you tell yourself. Sure took you a while. But what's your Objective to begin with? Not go crazy?
You realize that it's too late for that.
So is it about getting rid of the dreams? Or is it coming to terms with them? Is it to talk about Kaja to her parents? Is it to remove the headaches? Is it to become powerful? Or is it just to survive? Is any of this even achievable? Is all this plain foolishness?
It takes you some time, but you come to the conclusion that what you want are all possible outcomes of your Objective, but none are actually your Objective. You realize that you're simply here doing what you're doing because deep down you need to travel, to take this long, lonely walk, and ultimately change your life.
A word comes to you from out of your memories - Walkabout.
You learned about these Walkabouts long ago, from articles and videos and movies and books. As far as you remember, it's an Australian Aboriginal thing, where members of their community would go out into the wilderness by themselves as a rite of passage. They stayed out there for months in search of the truth of their existence, and to find their purpose in life.
It completely makes sense that you're on your Walkabout now, making your Objective to Find your Purpose. Whatever that may be, and however your feet get you there.
The world around you comes back to the forefront of your mind as you surface from your innermost thoughts. You're not entirely sure how much time has passed since the Chimera, but you're certain it has been many days.
You think back to how many daytime stops you've had since then and count up five… no, six.
A sliver of light pierces through the darkness from behind you. When you turn back to look, you see the sun just barely rising from the horizon.
"We'd better find a spot to sleep today," you say aloud.
Well we passed that cluster of abandoned fast food spots about an hour ago, offers Noir. Could go back.
"Seriously? Well, kinda wish I'd seen it. I think I've only got one or two protein bars left. Running really low… Would'a been good to loot some food places."
I tried to tell you but… you've kinda been in a zone for a few days, thinks Noir. Didn't wanna bother you too much.
You nod in understanding. You've always been like this, after all.
"From now on, you can Interrupt me if you need to," you say. "I need to be a lot more present than I am now… Anyway I can kinda see a sign for a scenic rest stop a couple kilometers down. Let's go for that instead. Maybe there's vending machines in there with food left in 'em."
If that's what you want.
The two of you continue down the highway for another half hour before you come to the offramp towards the nearest rest stop. But instead of simply dipping down and to the side, it instead winds off and goes up into what looks to be one of the many wooded hills in this area.
You trace it upwards, and realize that it winds up the steepest side of the closest hill, all the way to the top. There, you can see the rest stop itself through the numerous thick trees surrounding the hilltop.
"Oh man, that's gonna take forever," you say under your breath.
Hey, you said to go here, Noir happily reminds you. May as well own your choice…
"Yeah, yeah."
Plus, this is a good spot. You're low on food and you wanna learn how to hunt, right? Well… take a look.
You crane your head slightly in thought before nodding in agreement. This would be a good spot to do that. Your Scan reveals all manner of critters out there, both the unknown weird kind and the regular kind you're used to.
Plenty of small ones too. You don't know exactly what they are, but you assume critters like rabbits and mice and whatnot.
"Alright then, let's do it," you say.
You then put one foot in front of the other and head down towards the scenic rest stop. You head down the long offramp which slowly elevates as you near the steep hill, causing your breaths to get sharper. Noir walks alongside you, seemingly happy at the exercise she's getting.
It gets monumentally harder when you get close to the base, when the road's angle sharpens considerably. Worse, it winds upwards in hairpin turns, lengthening how much road there is to travel in the first place.
Part of you wonders if you should just try to climb up as much as you can instead of walking up the entire length of asphalt. But the sheer angle of the hill deters you outright. You're not exactly fit enough or coordinated enough to try.
Though you skip over the road as much as you can, at least where it's easy to do, you still traverse over the vast majority of its length. As a result, it takes you another good hour or two as you trudge up the hill, along the winding road.
It certainly is quite scenic, though you'd enjoy it more if you had been in a car. As it is, you're sweating profusely and breathing heavily as you go up the hill. Your legs burn from the constant upward hike. And of course, your face is bright red from exertion.
You exhale with utter relief as you reach the top of the hill, as the elevation evens out, and as the ground becomes relatively flat again. Part of you wants to celebrate, hands waving, mouth whooping, the whole corny bit.
But all you can do is lean over yourself with your hands on your knees and catch your breath while sweat drips from your forehead.
Going up that took quite a bit out of you, even with your Temperance on full blast. You can feel your blood drum against your skin as your heart pumps it everywhere up and down your body. Even Noir is visibly exhausted. She stumbles a bit as she walks, and you can hear her wheeze softly as she catches her breath as well.
The day's rising heat certainly didn't help, though you're thankful for all of the trees around you. Without their canopies to provide shade, both of you would have been cooked halfway up.
Once the two of you catch your breaths, you gather yourselves and look around the rest stop's outdoor area. The road itself leads up into a circle in front of the rest stop itself, with all kinds of parking spots along the edge. It loops around then goes down a different winding path back towards the main highway.
It strikes you as odd that there aren't any cars in the spots, abandoned or otherwise. Not only that, but the paint around the road seems relatively pristine. There are numerous wooden benches that line the loop as well, but their wood looks barely weathered.
The trees aren't quite as thick up here, which allows for much of the sun to blast down on the hilltop itself. You can feel the heat practically strike you in the face, but thankfully there's enough shade for you to hide in.
The very center of the loop appears to be some kind of meadow for pet owners to use, so their pets can do their business in one spot. There's a little sign in the center held up by a pole, with a small container filled with pet waste bags halfway up said pole.
Then there's the rest stop's main building itself, which looks relatively modern. It's built over one side of the hill, with panoramic glass windows facing in most directions. As far as you can tell, it seems to be hexagonal or octagonal in shape, with most of its windows looking outward into the forest beyond.
Beside it seems to be a picnic area - just a small clearing in the woods with a few wooden tables and benches. There might also be a grill sticking out of the ground, though you can't tell exactly what.
This is one hell of a scenic rest stop, that's for sure.
The two of you walk into the main building with awe in your eyes. This place is barely dusty. Hell, compared to most of the places you've been, this place is immaculate. There's no grime or dirt or trash on the floor, the windows aren't smashed to pieces, and it's clear that no-one has been here the past three years.
When you look at a rack filled with practically untouched pamphlets and newsletters and maps, you realize that this stop had opened only a few months before the world ended. It never really got a chance to get seen by many travelers, much less appreciated.
But hey, you're here now, and you're more than eager to give this place its due.
You and Noir both walk up to the stop's most prominent feature - its massive windows. Outside, the woods seem to stretch out for quite a while, with numerous hills running alongside yours. You can easily see the tree canopies, since the sun's higher up in the sky now, and is shining down on the woods surrounding you. Part of that light shines into the building itself, of course.
But oddly enough, you don't feel as hot as you should be. In fact, you even feel a very light breeze running through the place.
You look around curiously and find that the hexagonal roof is somewhat separated from the rest of the building, with thin and long gaps between the two. This certainly allows the air to flow in and out, but you also note that there's a fan up in the ceiling as well. It spins, but only as slow or as fast as how much wind gets through the gaps.
The breeze that's flowing in gets pushed down towards you, and without a lick of electricity.
You marvel at everything in front of you. The amazing views, the solitude, the airyness, the cleanliness, everything. A part of you is tempted to turn this into your permanent roost. But another part reminds you that a Walkabout can't be completed while on your rump or on your back.
Still…
"This is definitely a great place to stop," you say after a while. "I'm glad you pushed us both to come here, even if that climb almost killed us."
Same, thinks Noir. I'm glad you thought of it in the first place. Even if you were only thinking about looting broken machines for more gross food.
章 32: Sojourner, Pt 10
You dust off the welcome counter in the corner and lay out one of the rest stop's maps on top. The map itself isn't very technically accurate, and instead it has the general layout of the area around you. There are cute icons and images representing the various points of interest on it, such as hiking trails, nearby towns, and the rest stop itself.
On one side of the map is a localized view of the half-dozen hills, with that your rest stop at the southernmost hill. There's a couple of circuitous hiking trails that ring around and interweave between them, one of which is clearly harder than the other. In addition, there are a half dozen or so scenic stops along the two paths, no doubt to show off the beautiful forest in all its glory.
The other side of the map reveals a larger area in general around the rest stop, and marks a couple of towns and a small city beyond the forested hills you're in now. Cartoonish main roads link everything to each other in an interesting branching web, and a part of you wants to walk down all of them. Mostly because you're drawn to looting and scavenging whatever you can at every town around you.
You're practically drooling at the prospect.
Noir hops up on the counter and pads on the map, even as you're perusing it. She stops at the very center of your gaze, as though to commandeer it. When she gets it, she starts grooming herself.
You ready to go hunting yet? she asks. 'Coz I sure am.
"If you're wanting to hunt, why are you getting all spiffy?" you ask in response. "Trying to impress your prey or something?"
What? No. I'm cleaning up my own scent so they don't smell me coming. We're gonna need to clean up a bit if we wanna hunt properly.
"Oh. That makes a whole lotta sense. But you know, I can't exactly clean myself off. It's been what, a week since those rains? I haven't exactly had a bath since…"
Yeah, don't remind me. You're smelling kinda ripe.
"Thanks."
Well, there's a buncha washrooms in the corner over there by the entrance. Maybe that's got a shower?
"If it does, I doubt it still works. No way water's getting pumped up here, not without power."
Shame. In that case, we'll just have to absolutely stay downwind. Otherwise neither of us are gonna get to eat.
You certainly consider taking Noir up on her offer to go hunting, even though you're pretty tired from being on the road. Part of you wants to sit down. Another part of you wants a shower. Every part of you wants to go to sleep.
"Shouldn't we, you know, hunt at night instead? It's already getting close to noon. Plus I'm kinda worn out already."
Best time to go looking to be honest. There's squirrels out there, just asking to be taken down a notch.
"Didn't think you were so anti-squirrel."
It's the way their tails flick and wag. It's like they're taunting everything around them to pounce. Can't help it.
You feel her shrug, at least psionically.
But fine, she continues, to answer your question, we can put off teaching you until tomorrow. I'll go hunt for myself, you take a rest. We can go hunt together at dusk instead.
"Or maybe even at night," you add.
Possibly also at night.
Having cleaned herself to her satisfaction, Noir hops off the counter and slinks towards the door. She meows at you to let her out, which you do happily. Then you prop the door open all the way, because why not?
It being open allows more air to circulate, and for Noir to come and go as she pleases.
You then head into the relatively spacious washroom close to you. About a third of it is the toilet and sink area, where people can do their usual business in semi-privacy. Two toilets are behind closed doors, inside of booths. Across from them is one large and long sink with two water spigots and soap dispensers next to them.
The next third is some kind of dressing area, with a wide wooden bench in the middle and lockers along two of the walls facing each other. You peer into the lockers, but find that they're all relatively empty.
The final third is a couple of tiled semi-private shower stalls with shower curtains to keep out onlookers. You spin the shower handles easily, but nothing comes out, not even the groan of empty pipes. Not that you expect anything to come out in the first place. You just want to confirm it.
All said, everything in the washroom is relatively spotless and clean. You get the feeling that most of this has barely been used. Maybe the toilets and sink, if anything.
You then take everything off you - your hat, your poncho, bags, gun, boots, everything. You put them all in the locker area, though you just kind of pile them next to the wooden bench. No point in putting them in the lockers - there's no-one around you to take them. Besides, they aren't locked anyway.
You do take everything out of your cargo pants and put those contents in a locker though. Not to keep them safe or anything, but simply because it's too convenient not to.
You then grab one of your few remaining bottles of water and head towards the showers. There, you take off your undershirt and cargo pants, then dump them on the tiled floor right in the middle, and stand on them. Then, you pour some of that water on you, hoping to take some of that grime away from your body.
The sensation deeply satisfies you, especially when you pour some of that water into your hair to dampen it. There's nothing quite like the feeling of water spreading across your scalp and cleaning it. Even more as it drips down over the rest of your body afterwards. A sweeping sense of relief fills you as you wash yourself, as you take off layers of dried sweat and dust, as the week's hardships flow off your body.
You scrub yourself to some degree, especially around your swampiest sections, making sure to cover what you can with what little you've got.
Whatever water trickles down your body dampens your shirt and pants at the same time, allowing them to soak everything up. Though they pick up all the dirt, at the same time. Once you feel appropriately clean, you pick them back up and use them to help wipe you down.
Though you only get mostly clean, it's more than enough for you. You already feel fresher. And being this much cleaner only helps you go on that hunt tomorrow. At least, you hope so
You then soak up the last of the water in your bottle with your clothes, shake off what grime you possibly can, then wring them out as hard as you can muster. You do your best to clean them up, though without soap you're unsure just how clean you can get them. You suppose they're good enough, at least for now.
A part of you notes to keep an eye out for soap in the future. No doubt that's incredibly valuable these days, too.
Once you've got as much of the water wrung out as you can, you hang them up on the curtain rods to dry, then pad back over to your things. There, you grab an undershirt, underpants, and socks out of your backpack, then put them on with glee.
Doing so feels amazing, to the point that you realize that this simple act of being clean and putting on clean clothes is kind of a luxury. If you could bottle up this feeling and sell it, you'd be an instant millionaire. Well, if money still existed, anyway.
Or, hey, maybe you could transfer the feeling through your Surge, and maybe get something in exchange for that? That's definitely an idea to explore…
Then you roll out your sleeping bag on top of the wooden bench itself and lay down on top of it. A part of you wants to continue thinking about the day, about where you are in your journey, and where you could be soon enough. Plus how you could use your powers more effectively, not just to survive, but to live a fuller life.
But everything fades away as weariness takes over, and everything descends into dream.
…
The next thing you know, you wake up with a start, having seen Kaja once again collapse herself into oblivion. You grip your heart, unable to take the pain of it. A sheer pang of loneliness sweeps over you not long after, and you bury your face in your hands in an attempt to console yourself.
You try to rub the tears from your eyes, before they can come to the surface and leak out. Memories of Kaja flit in and out of your head, and you have to work hard to push them out.
Instead of lingering on her, you purposefully reach over with an arm and psionically tug your Old Coin from the locker nearby. You focus what you can into your budding Telekinesis in an attempt to pick it up. But the constant nagging from your memories makes it much harder than it needs to be.
With an exasperated sigh, you sweep everything away and clear your mind, then truly put everything you've got into picking up your coin. This time, it comes to you relatively easily. The coin itself clinks and clanks as you lift it up, then it slowly crawls towards you in the air.
And instead of plucking it to grasp it, you attempt to move it in front of you, then around you. Slowly at first, but speed up as you go along. It takes a great deal of your attention, and it's starting to make your head throb in pain.
But it's working. You're getting better at it.
More importantly, you're better able to rid yourself of the lingering effects of your dream. Though you'd usually be filled with a deep melancholy that often hangs around you for the rest of the day, your achievements with your Telekinesis instead leaves you with a more positive outlook.
You spin the coin a few times around you as you practice your Telekinesis, then ultimately put it back in the locker with the rest of your things. Doing so makes you feel much lighter, physically and emotionally, and so you pick yourself up off the bench and get back on two feet.
You reach out with your Scan, even as you stretch your body out. Almost like you're limbering up in every way possible. You feel your blood rush through your sleepy body, waking it more and more. At the same time, you note the numerous critters that are out and about near the rest stop, out in the wooded areas surrounding.
You can also sense Noir, who is out in the main area, lounging around lazily.
Then you pull everything back into yourself to get ready for the rest of your day. Or, rather, night. You sense that it's reaching dusk outside.
With your growing Telekinesis, you tug your cargo pants off the curtain rod and bring it towards you. Though your efforts are a bit labored, it eventually hovers over to you, allowing you to pluck it out of the air.
Though it's no longer sopping wet, it certainly still feels a bit damp here and there.
You put them back on anyway, especially since you don't really have another pair of cargos - something you need to correct at some point down the road. It feels a bit cold on your skin, though you're sure it'll eventually dry out once you get out in that musty heat.
Once you have it back on, you take everything back from the locker and stuff your pockets once again. You also ensure that your survival knife and canteen hang on your belt like always, and make sure to strap your pistol back on your thigh. Though you keep your katana in the locker - it's not like you're going to be hunting with it.
It suddenly strikes you that you're going hunting, but you don't have anything to hunt with. As in, how are you going to kill your prey? Noir can certainly kill her own prey, considering she's got physical claws. And Telekinetic claws now, too.
But you? You can barely move a coin and a pair of pants around with your Telekinesis. You're going to need something else to do your killing for you. You head out to the main area where Noir is, and bring it up to her almost instantly. What good would hunting do if you can't actually hunt?
"Hey, I'm about ready to go hunting whenever you are," you say. "But, um, I don't exactly know how I'm gonna kill anything. Should I use this gun?"
Noir turns her head towards you with wide eyes.
Gun? Absolutely not! If you fire that thing even once, you're gonna scare everything around us away. That's a no-go, captain.
Before you can respond, she half-sniffs in the air in your direction.
Ooh, you don't smell quite as bad today! Nice! That'll make things easier.
"Gee, thanks."
Noir then clambers back on four feet, then stretches out. She shivers a bit, as though she's resetting all her muscles, then she pads her way to the door out.
Anyway, don't worry about killing anything for right now. Just follow me and watch what I do. I'll try to break down how I hunt as much as I can, but ask questions if you need to. Quietly, anyway. We wouldn't want you to scare everything away.
The two of you then slink out the doorway and out into the darkening forest beyond.
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