章 2: Darkness
Darkness. All I could see was darkness. I recalled my final moments within this darkness and lamented at what had happened.
'A truck killed me? What a clichéd way to die'.
Many of the novels I had read online had this cliché and usually the next part would be me being dropped into another world or seeing some kind of god that would give me OP powers and send me on my way. None of that happened though, all I was greeted with after this clichéd end was darkness and only darkness.
I looked down, or at least thought about looking down and saw that I had no body here. I couldn't comprehend what was happening at all. Humans were just beings evolved from earth after all, such a complicated and otherworldly situation like this was something our monkey brain minds couldn't comprehend. It felt like hours passed, then days into months into years as I stared out into this darkness. Was this all life was after death? Just this void and loneliness.
I'm sure if I was 'normal' I would have broken down at this point however I had long gotten used to the feeling of loneliness. Instead I found my mind questioning the existence of this place. Was it purgatory? Was I being judged? Is this hell or could it even be heaven? I doubted I would ever know. These thoughts started to subside as time passed in this place. I started to recall my life I had lived up to my death.
I remembered my parent's faces, my dad's strong stubble and my mother's loving gaze staring down at me when I was young. I remembered when I was 4 and a man came to my house dressed in black and hugged me telling me my parents had passed away. I recalled back then I cried and cried hearing the news. Eventually I was taken to an orphanage where I shut myself off from everyone there giving only the surface level of interactions.
'They will leave you anyway, just stay solo'.
Hearing my logic fill my mind again I questioned it for the first time since it was birthed. Was I ever truly right? Why didn't I let people in? Maybe if I did things would not have ended this way. My emotions started to well up with deep feelings of regret. I thought about my job and remembered the words I would hear all the time.
'You are far too intelligent to work in a place like this'.
Why didn't I listen to these people? I just nodded at their words and continued working the same job anyway. Now that everything was over I was starting to regret my actions. I could have been something in my life however I chose not to. I was the fool who let my life escape me. Shutting down my emotions I allowed my flawed logic to always win. I should have listened to my heart instead of my head.
I felt as though tears were welling up, however without a body I had no way of knowing if I was actually 'crying'. I just knew I was sad and regretful about my end. After a lot more time passed in this darkness I found my emotions calming out again. The same regret lingered however the immense sadness wilted and I just looked into the darkness once again with a single thought in my mind now.
'Is this it?'.
As the thought crossed my mind I felt as though something changed in the darkness I was peering into all this time. I couldn't explain it, this 'feeling' I had, but it felt like suddenly I wasn't alone in this place. My non-existent heart skipped a beat at this. I peered deeply into the darkness hoping to find the source of this feeling however nothing seemed to show. Even though I couldn't see anything, I kept looking… and looking… and looking. Time wasn't a concept here however I felt like I had looked into this darkness now for years.
Eventually the source of my 'feeling' I had felt was exposed to me. A 'Voice' rung out in the darkness that seemed to speak to me.
"You certainly have a lot of willpower…".
I couldn't respond to the voice as I had no body yet as I thought about this fact the voice seemed to respond.
"I'm able to hear you loud and clear. Your body may have perished however your soul reached here fine. I'm able to hear the intent in your soul".
Hearing these words my mind pondered some more. I was a soul right now?
"Interesting, even after death you seem to ask questions to yourself. I guess that's what makes you, 'you'".
I 'chuckled' at the words the darkness seemed to speak to me. I guess my desire for knowledge and knowing the unknown hadn't been lost even after all these 'years' in this place. I was delighted now I had someone to talk to.
"You really are a fascinating individual. Most break down here after time however you've retained your consciousness despite the countless time you've spent here. Only a portion of beings in existence have such strong mindsets".
I felt myself 'blushing' at those words. It was weird being complemented out of nowhere. Then again I couldn't tell if it was actually a compliment or not. Maybe I was just so 'broken' that even the afterlife was something I dismissed…
"Broken you say? You could certainly call yourself that. However I admire that mindset which you call 'Broken'".
Even though I can respond with words I thanked the darkness wholeheartedly for the kind words. Honestly recalling back even into my life I had lived, it was a long time since I had a back and forth with someone like this. I found myself wondering where this voice was even coming from. Was I going crazy and it was a figment of my imagination?
"Do not worry, I'm not a figment of your imagination. I'm simply just here because I need to be, just like how you appeared on earth cause that's where your fate took you. As for who I am though, I can't even answer that myself. Going by your logic though I guess the best way to refer to me is something like a 'rule' of existence. I greet everyone who perishes, I watch their souls come here and I watch their souls slowly decay away".
I took in the 'rules' words and committed them to memory immediately. It was fascinating learning about this and my boredom of many years spent looking into the darkness was alleviated. However that final line spoken… was my fate to 'decay' here in the end?
"Usually that would be your fate. Your soul would decay and you would cease to exist. However your soul seems to be fated to not decay here".
My next question in my head was obvious. Why was I not fated to decay here?
"A very rare situation. When a soul is strong enough, when it's faced many trials and still persisted on. Your soul is strong and doesn't want to decay here, 'you' want to live despite the cold hard truth of your death lying in front of you".
As the 'rule' spoke those words I found that they resonated with my emotions perfectly. I did want to live, I truly wanted to live. In this darkness I discovered my regrets and now I wanted to live a life without those regrets. I wanted to live a life that was fulfilling and greet this darkness with warm emotions instead of a belly full of sadness and regret.
"Your desire is truly strong and inspiring. In all my existence, you are one of a very select few that has made me feel something".
Silence filled the darkness once again for a while as the 'rule' seemed to stop talking to me. I felt as though it was still here with me however I couldn't guess why it had gone quiet. Maybe it was debating about what to do with me?
"You're right on the mark there. Usually I would watch as your soul decays however your soul is resilient and wants to stay intact despite the fact that you've faced death. Seeing as though this is the case I will grant you that which you desire the most".
Hearing those words I felt a rumble of emotions throughout my 'self'. Would I be able to live again?
"Yes, I'm granting you another life. Your soul and your desire to 'live' have touched me".
I felt ecstatic hearing this statement come from the 'rule'. Immediately after however I started to question how this would happen. Would I just be sent back to earth as if nothing ever happened? Would I be reincarnated?
"No… you won't be allowed back to earth I'm afraid. Well at least you aren't allowed back to 'your' earth. Fate dictates in that existence you died, returning you goes against that fate. It's not only impossible for me but goes against the 'rule'".
I expected this kind of answer deep down. I found myself questioning who even set up this system that didn't allow me to return to my earth.
"No 'being' decided it. Just like I am not a 'being' it's simply just the way everything is. Sometimes the simplest answer is the answer you are searching for. It's the way it is because it's the way it's always been since whenever 'this' started".
Hearing such a non-answer I found myself unsatisfied. I quickly realized however that even if I spent trillions of years in this void I would probably never understand what the 'rule' had just said to me. After all this 'concept' was something I would never be able to comprehend. Even though my mind wanted answers I felt the cold truth wrap it up, telling me that the answers I wanted wouldn't ever be in my grasp.
"Don't be unsatisfied. The fact you have the mindset to question 'this' shows your greatest desire which is to know the unknown and be aware of all things. Existence is about staying true to one's self and you've been doing that even after your death".
It felt like the 'rule' was saying this in order to appease me as I was unsatisfied with not knowing what 'this' is. Even though my mind was filled with questions I buried them and just decided to accept to compliment.
"Now back to what we are going to do with you. As I stated sending you back to your earth is impossible, however I can send you back to any other 'earth'".
Hearing these words it took me sometime to comprehend what the 'rule' meant. It meant that I could pick any fictional earth or an earth that's fate was different to the one I was on.
"Correct. Your earth was filled with stories depicting it in different lights. As those stories are conceived, those earths are borne into existence simply as they are 'thought'. I'm giving you the opportunity to choose whatever 'earth' you desire. It just can't be the one you came from".
Strictly speaking the 'rule' was giving me a lot of freedom here. I could pick an earth that was basically the same as mine with minor difference if I wanted. However, was that what I wanted? I lived a lonesome life and my thoughts, opinions and the way I am have sculpted me into 'me'. Going back to an 'earth' similar to my previous and living on seemed foolish even if I could solve my regrets and live better. I desired more, I wanted more. It was a human emotion that stayed with me even as a soul.
I started to think deeply about the 'earth' I wanted to go to. Maybe I could go to a sci-fi 'earth' and become a space soldier or something? Or perhaps I could go to a medieval 'earth'. I casted these ideas aside as they held within them an uncertainty to what could happen in them. Picking a fictional 'earth' seemed much more enticing as I would know what was going to happen or at least have some idea of what to look out for. Deciding on a fictional 'earth' I already knew which one I wanted to pick, the one that was my emotional support as I grew up and one that I thought about even within this darkness.
"The 'earth' of Harry Potter. Witches and wizards alongside magic, a fantasy world coated in strange creatures and happenings. Is this the 'earth' you desire?".
Yes. This is what I wanted. Although it would be a shame if I went there and ended up being a muggle.
"I will make the necessary arrangements for you in that regard. Your soul will be placed within a boy who is a wizard. Is there any specific boy you can think of?".
I pondered on this point for a moment. I had a big choice here. I could pick Harry and become Harry, I could pick Draco and become Draco. Even as I thought about these options I felt myself not liking the idea. I wanted to be 'me' not be placed within someone else.
"Your desire to be yourself and only yourself is truly inspiring. I'm afraid however I can't just make you a body".
If that's the case then place me into the body of a boy wizard outside of the script. It would be nice if the boy had some sort of bloodline and magic power to him also. I know it's cheeky of me to ask for these sorts of things however everyone wanted to be strong at their core. I would be a fool not to ask for things like extra magic power or a good bloodline.
"In regards to that I can give you one of the best bloodlines. In the original 'fate' of the world this bloodline is wasted on the boy it dwells in however I sense you will be able to make use of it. As for magic power, it will link closely to the bloodline. You can rest assured you will be talented".
I was thankful that the 'rule' was helping me out like this. I honestly thought that asking to be put into a talented young wizard would go against the 'rule' or something however it seems that's not the case.
"If you asked to be put on an 'earth' similar to yours and have magic talent I would not be able to help you as it goes against the 'rule'. However since you picked a fictional world which fate lies in magic then it's a doable thing for me to do".
I see… well no I don't. Honestly all these mentions of 'rules', 'earths' and 'fate' was starting to make me go dizzy. As long as I could go to the world of Harry Potter and be talented at magic I would be happy.
"The boy you will be placed within is an orphan, his bloodline and talent is the best however his 'fate' is extremely similar to yours. With you joining with him though, I sense that this 'fate' you both share will be shattered".
Saying something like fate would be shattered sounded uncharacteristic coming from the 'rule'. After all something like fate being shattered, wasn't that something it should try to stop since it goes against its very existence? Also it seemed I myself was fated to have no family even in my next life if I wanted the gift of a good bloodline and talent.
"It's just a manner of speech. If 'fate' was actually to be shattered then I would of course not be able to help. I should have referred to it as a change in 'fate'. These sorts of changes happen all the time in existence".
Ah, more complicated explanations came out. I should probably just stop questioning 'this' even if my mind wants answers. As hard as it was to admit, I would never be able to understand it. Those novels about seeing goddesses and being sent to another world seemed too simple now I had experienced this situation. It's not like I'll be handed an ability or anything.
"Actually that is a possibility. Considering you have touched me so, I will allow you a portion of my power which can be shaped into an ability you desire. However, there's a limit to what you can ask for".
I was instantly excited hearing the 'rules' words. Having an ability alongside magic would help me stay safe and pursue magic intently when I go to the Wizarding world. I immediately started to become curious about what the limit was. I gathered I couldn't ask for things like Beerus' Hakai or Gojo's limitless.
"Such abilities would be too much. You need to think small".
A part of me was gutted that I couldn't just erase any issues from existence. Then again I guess that would make my second life boring if I had such an overpowered ability. I started to think hard on what ability I wanted and a back and forth played between me and the 'rule' as it constantly cut down any anime or novel abilities I could think of.
I decided instead after a while to think small. I spent a long time thinking and eventually I started to seriously consider what the danger was going to the Wizarding World. The main danger would be Voldemort if I was to be placed in Britain which I get the sneaking suspicion I will be. Should I just ask for more magic power on top of the talent I already get?
"Not allowed".
Damn it. I thought that would be allowed. I really do have to think small as the 'rule' says. Contemplating for a while longer I realized my mindset was wrong. The true danger wasn't Voldemort it was the fact that I myself was going to be in the wizarding world as a new character with knowledge of the plot. Everyone's fate will change when I interact with them and when that happens the plot I know would change to, a butterfly effect would emerge. When this happens I'd lose the one advantage I'm taking into this 'earth'. Regarding this issue I had the idea for an ability come into my mind and hoped the 'rule' would allow it.
"This ones… doable".
Thankfully my wishes will be answered it seemed.
"Okay with that as your ability and the boy chosen that your soul will be placed into you're set to head off. It was nice speaking to you Leo, in my existence you were certainly one of the most fascinating existences I've ever met".
I could point those words right back at the 'rule' honestly. A thought crossed my mind just before it seemed I was about to be sent off, something I probably should have asked from the beginning as it was crucial to my decision anyway. Would I lose my memories of my previous life and of this?
"No you won't. Your soul retains your memories, emotions and characteristics. That eidetic memory you are so proud of will follow you along too I imagine as that's a part of 'you'".
That was good. With that question answered I felt set to head off.
"It's time then to send you on your way. I wish you well in your next try at 'life'…".
What happened next was something I couldn't ever explain. It felt as though I was being sucked into the darkness that surrounded me. For a moment I even doubted the 'rules' words and wondered if it lied or was a figment of my imagination and a result of my insanity. Regardless of the result though, this was the only path forward for me anyway. Just like the road I would take back to the flat every day after work. The darkness I stayed in for an unknown amount of time acted as the bench I stopped on and now I was moving back down the road.
The darkness that had filled my vision for so long suddenly withered away and I was greeted with a plain ceiling.
クリエイターの想い 
BoiGeorge
BoiGeorge Compared to the original this part was fleshed out a million times more. I wanted the afterlife to be something that 'existed' yet trying to understand it was impossible. Im sure all of you who are reading are struggling to understand it and thats the point its supposed to elude you.
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