章 2: Settling In
The first thing I knew, I landed flat on my fucking face. Apparently it was one of those portals that you have to enter through a certain way. "God fucking dammit," said I muffled. Moxxie and Millie had already passed through as I could tell from them walking over me. I picked my head up to see not just Blitz's feet but a furry pair in front of me as well.
"Loona," I heard Blitzo say, "I'd like for you to meet our new janitor. Barry, meet Loona. Our hellhound and my adopted daughter. Loona, Barry the flesh bag."
My eyes looked up to what I first assumed was a furry girl, but was actually a wolf-like Hellhound (although at first glance I thought she looked like a teenage female furry Husky that decided to go through that goth phase. Oh! Or if she was Keisha as a furry. Well, okay you get the idea!). She had a dog-like muzzle with sharp and pointy teeth and a dark grey nose, red sclera with white irises, white fur with grey patches on her shoulders, a big bushy tail and voluminous grey hair that swept to the side to reveal her ear. She was far taller than the imps but possibly a slight taller than I.
Her outfit consisted of a black choker that had white spikes, a grey crop top with strings shaped like a star to resemble an inverted pentagram to hold it up, fingerless gloves, and shorts with a crescent moon cut on the right side. She also had black toeless stockings that went down to her bare feet and had a piercing on her right eyebrow and two piercings in her left ear; with the exception of her right ear being torn.
Now I know what you might be thinking, stop! Just. Stop It. She may be one of the most loveliest things me or any of you have seen (if any of you have already seen the episodes), but don't you dare be thinking about honking your horn to this female hell hound; even if it is too late. And I'm looking at you, you sexual deviants of the internet! You know who you are! -You know who you are!- Ahem! Anyway,...
After getting a good look at her, (And I'm not talking about that!) I smiled and said hello. "Howdy," I said with a little wave.
She, on the other, wasn't too sure what to make of this new development. "You do know we kill humans and not kidnap them, right?" she asked her imp daddy with a brow raised (Oh great! Now I just gave the pervs another thing to go out on! 'Good job me! Good job!' I say sarcastically with eyes rolling!)
"Well, we're just making an exception for the time being, Loony! This young man is going to be doing all the free cleaning for us until further notice," he said patting me on the back.
"It's true." I said, picking myself up. "It was either that or be shot in the head so I figured, fuck it! And here I am!" The portal closed behind me as I looked around the...office? Yeah, I didn't think there would be an office in hell but there it is! Just looked like any cliched business office with the exception of some photos of the crew. "Nice little place you guys got here. Is the rest of Hell like this?" I asked once I've had good look around from where I was standing.
"Oh yeah. All modernized and everything," said Millie, her knife slung along her waist. "Although here we live separately from the demons, hence it's called Imp City."
"How's it compared to their city?"
"Well, they just went through an extermination recently. It'll be another year or so till the next one." This did get me curious, though I would probably figure it out myself later. I mean at first knowing this I assumed it was probably because of too many people going to Hell, but let's not settle on that just yet.
"Well uh,…good timing I guess." I said, hoping for a little humor to make a little mark. And...there was nothing.
"Anyway,..." said Blitz. "There's still the matter of that gun of yours. Now if you could please?" He gestured to the gun case my Ruger was still in. I looked down to it and realized that I still have it in my hand.
"Oh yeah, sure. One second." I knelt down and unlocked the gun case. Gun still in my hand, I took out the clip and cocked the gun to release the one bullet that was in it and put it back into the clip (didn't want to waste anything). Still opened, I slipped on the gun lock and locked it. I then slipped the key into my pocket just in case. Everything taken care of and the gun in the case, I handed it over Blitz. "There you go, Blitz. Everything accounted for."
"Excellent. Moxxie, throw this into the safe while I show our new employee the building," Blitz said as he threw the case to Moxxie who barely had time to think fast, nearly fumbling it. "Right this way, mon frere! Let's get started!" I followed him around for a quick tour around the office, from Loona's reception desk to the weapons room.
We finally finished it at his office where I was being shown the commercial for their company, I.M.P or as they called it 'Immediate Murder Professionals'. Basically, they're assassins for hire for anyone that was wanting revenge for either being killed for being a complete piece of shit or (in my particular case so to speak) an innocent being that was fucked in the real world. Subtle but to the point. But what set me off a little though, was the accidental murder of the kid. Where he is now who knows?
What I needed was cleaning supplies and when I brought this up, Blitz showed me the contents of the supplies closet which weren't much. All that was in there were two brooms (one a push broom and the other just a regular broom), some rags, a semi-used vacuum and just the necessary essentials for spraying and cleaning windows and such. Whether it was much or not, it would have to do. Besides, it looked like the place needed some cleaning up to do; especially the killing room. I suddenly realized the problem of where I was going to stay and had an obvious idea.
"Say, uh Blitz, how's about I stay here in the office building? I can always be ready to go here and you don't have to worry about anyone having to break in. I'd probably scare them off if they knew someone was in here."
"That would be cost effective," said Blitz in thought, thinking it over.
But Millie had the answer for him. "Better idea, why don't you just stay with us, sugar?" she proposed.
By Moxxie's expression, I didn't think he was completely on board with this idea. "Uh Millie, don't you think it's unwise to have a complete stranger stay over at our place? We aren't exactly opening up rent for just anybody."
"That's kind of you, ma'am, but I really don't want to be an inconvenience for anyone." I said. "I mean it's one thing about staying the night, but it's another staying for more than one night."
"Oh it's not that big of a deal. Besides, it's only temporary; at least until you find somewhere else to stay at. C'mon Moxxie, it could be fun!" she said, tugging on Moxxie's arm.
"If I do, I promise to pull my weight around. It's just good manners and good common sense." I interjected. "But if you're not with it, Mr. Moxxie, I can understand that completely, sir."
He seemed hesitant for a moment, then complied. "Well,...I suppose maybe for just a little while. But only as long as you do help out around the house until you find a place of your own."
"You got a deal, man." I assumed the position of Scouts' honor and made a promise. "I solemnly promise to only stay until I find a place of my own, and not to be a lazy asshole." After that, I extended a hand to him to shake on it. Blinking in surprise, he took it and shook it.
"Aww, isn't this great? I think we're going to get along just fine," said Millie pulling us into a group hug, happy that the two of us made peace.
"Yeah yeah, that's really superb. Glad you two are making golden sunshine and rainbows," said Blitz sarcastically, not really caring. "Now why don't you two leave early and get him settled in?"
"No probs, Blitz," said Millie. Turning to me, she said "C'mon buddy, let's get you settled in." She lead the two of us out the doors but before we left, I took the moment to say goodbye to Blitz and Loona.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow." I said. I then shook Blitz's hand. "Thanks for the opportunity, Blitz. I won't disappoint nor do I hope that you'll kill me."
I turned to Loona next. "It was nice to meet you, Loona. I'll see you tomorrow." I shook her hand before giving her the old 'gentleman's kiss' to said hand, which surprised everyone and made Loona blush a little. "Okay let's go!" I walked out the door as the couple followed behind me.
We arrived at their place after a seventeen minute drive. By the looks of the neighborhood, I'd say Queens may have had some inspiration for this sketchy part of Hell (apologies to New Yorkers if that's inaccurate); or maybe New Jersey who knows. It looked like a typical worn apartment building that any graduate, high school or otherwise, would probably start out with. To make a long story short we went inside, took a small tour around the apartment ya-da-ya-da-ya-da, and made arrangements for me to sleep on the couch which thankfully had a pull-out bed and tomorrow I'd ask Blitz if I could possibly go back to my apartment and get some small essentials like my toothbrush and such. As we were just wrapping up some of the small details and ground rules, my phone rang. Amazed by the fact that my phone had actual reception down here, I took a moment before checking who it was: my mom. Ah hell!
"Would you guys excuse me for just a minute? I gotta take this." I explained. They said yes and they stepped into their room for a moment while I had some privacy. I then answered my phone. "Hello? Hey mom. Yeah I'm doing great. Well I just got offered a new job that's out of state,...what made me want to do this job? Well,..." How was I to put this in a way that wouldn't come across as suspicious? "It's...well let's just say that it's an opportunity I couldn't pass up. What's the job? Janitorial work, but at a major business that's paying the big bucks. No, I haven't found out the full details of whether they have the necessary insurance policies or not yet. (Hell, I don't think they even have insurance policies here anyway.) Where's the job at? Uhhhh....Jersey. Yeah definitely New Jersey. (Hey, Detroit isn't all that bad!) No Mom, I don't want to pass this up. They're paying good money here. About twenty an hour! (Yeah, of course I have to lie! Wouldn't you?) When I get the chance I'll send you the company's info. Yes I know what I'm doing, okay? I'll be fine. Am I sure?" I sighed. How could I be sure about this? It's not like I had any choice, even if there was. It's one of those days you just have to have faith and if the worst happens, well that's life for ya. After a bit of a pause, I answered her. "Yeah, I'm sure about it. Yeah, I know Dad might have the same opinion as you. I'll let you know more of the details when I do. I'll be okay." I reassured her. "I know, I know. Okay, I will. Love you too, mom. Okay, bye."
I ended the call, letting out a little sigh again. How this would ever be explained to my family I don't know. Everyone in the godforsaken world thinks that life can be simplified but it can't and probably won't ever be. "You okay there, Barry?"
I jumped a little from the unexpected break in the peace and looked to see Moxxie and Millie standing behind me, looking a little more sympathetic in the face. "Uh yeah, yeah. I'm good, I'm okay. It's...fine." I answered half convincingly.
"You sure you don't want to go back? We could call off the hit and just say that we did."
"If I did, it would be going against my deal. Even if I did go back, I'll never know who sent you guys to kill me. I never did anything wrong to anyone and this is what I get? To hell with that bullshit, pardon the expression! This is something I need to know and I'll find out about it one way or another."
"But what about money?" asked Moxxie. "How would you plan to do so without any money? Didn't you just agreed to...?"
"Yes, Moxxie, I know. I did say I'd do it for free and I'll do so nonetheless. A deal's a deal. As for making money, I'll just have to find some way to transfer what I got left into some different bank as well as some other way to make a living with a second job. How to go about it I don't know exactly, but I'm sure I'll think of something. Because that's what being an adult is all about, being able to roll with the punches and adapt the best one can."
The two of them looked speechless by what I said and at first I thought it didn't make sense to them. "Okay, it may not make sense to you guys but that's just how I feel about it okay? I'm only-"
"We get it, Barry," said Millie interrupting me. She touched my arm reassuringly. "You're being grown up about it. But you can't really do all of it on your own. We'd be happy to help you out with anything you need."
"You really don't mind?"
"Well,...I suppose we could help you with just the essentials that you need," said a reluctant Moxxie, still seeming a bit unsure of the situation. "But you are welcome to stay here for as long as you need to." His wife looked pleased by his response and happily grinned at him.
"Well, if you two really don't mind about it at all,..." I smiled, feeling convinced. "Alright then, I accept. Moxxie. Millie. Thank you. For everything."
"Aww it's always a pleasure, sweetie." Millie gave me a little squeeze that was friendly and caring in intention. She seemed so sweet and kind, it's fucking hard to believe she's an assassin. But I guess everyone's different in their own way, am I right? So after that moment of peace, Mills offered ordering takeout for tonight in honor of this special occasion. I said yes and the rest just played out as you could imagine; we had dinner and settled in for the night a little while later.
As I laid there on the couch, I wondered in my mind if this was really going to play out well for me. Hopefully well if I had a better disguise on hand. I'm sure I'll think of something. With that little detail to be taken care of, I'm sure the rest would be handled easily just so long as I keep and use my head with clarity. Whatever happens, it'll be a hell of an adventure.
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