章 18: [XVIII] - Emerging Void
I was drifting away in the unknown void, surrounded by a dark matter. I didn't know where I was at all, but this didn't mean I want to get out of it. This "place" was so calming and serene. Only darkness surrounding me, easing my pain and mixing with my worries, making them a part of the environment. And as they became one, I gradually forgot about their existence, and mine too.
Being free is so beautiful.
Flying away is so beautiful.
Roaming though nothing, a space of fluid dark matter, black in every direction. I felt it would be better not to return anywhere. Slowly, I forgot who I am or where do I come from.
But after what seemed to be hours of swimming in the void of my mind, there was a dim light on the horizon of my thoughts. A white spot, almost like an illusion of my mind. But what is there to do, if not approaching the only star on the canvas of the dark space?
I ordered my body to move forwards, and it flew like a non-euclidean object.
But the closer I thought I was getting to the light, the more ominous the surroundings became. The darkness turned into a rainbow, like a spot of oil on a puddle of water. It was changing colors with every inch I moved, curved thin patterns around me morphed and transformed. Getting so far, I didn't know how to return to my comforting darkness. The colors were getting more vibrant, making my eyes itch and teary. I covered them with my hands, trying to recreate the black surroundings. But it only got brighter, to the point where the void inverted, and it was all white now, pure snow, stinging like needles. I couldn't let any of it get into my eyes.
I curled into a ball, and drifted like an object without a mass. Another hours passed, and my eyes remained closed, waiting for some shadow to come.
And it finally came, a darker hue covered the insides of my eyes. But when I opened them, I noticed that the light didn't disappear completely. It was just some figure standing in front of it, blocking me with his shadow. I looked up at the face of the man. His body was pale and blurred, no clear limbs could be seen. But the face of the man, his big and sorrowful brown eyes, were glancing down at me. Despair of his irises was melting down his face, leaving a black trail on his cheek. Long, curly hair was mostly covering his square-shaped face. In my mind, I thought I've seen this person somewhere, but could either recognize him or me.
Suddenly, an arm emerged from his blurred body, and reached towards me. I felt a sudden urge to catch it, to feel something in this void, where until now, I was all by myself. But as far as I reached towards him, I couldn't grab his hand, no matter how I tried. His person became even more distant and distorted.
"No… Come back… I don't want to be alone!" — I tried yelling at him, but my screams just dissolved in the fluid matter we were floating in.
But it seemed that he has heard me anyway.
"Asha." — It felt weird hearing this words. It was so… familiar.
It was my name.
Before I realized and remembered everything, his last words could be heard:
"Sometimes the truth is as simple as it seems. Just at the reach of your palms… Asha…"
The last ones were just whispers coming swiftly into my ears. His body blurred with the background, and the light became once again. But this time I couldn't block myself from it. Surrounding me from every direction, I felt like a melting candle, dripping in an infinite abyss. But my name still echoed around, and became even louder with every time, to the point where it was just a high-pitched ring making my ears itch.
"A…sha…"
"Stop…"
"Asha."
"Don't… I don't want to…"
"Asha... Asha."
"Stop… Saying my name!"
Every time my name was told, it became clearer, as if actually someone spoke it out next to me. And the light, it became brighter and sharper too. With every second, I regained the full control of my senses, my touch was becoming more sensible, my ears could hear any murmur, the smell in the air was mostly of medicament and disinfectant specifics. Please, get me away from this place. Turn the lights off. It's hurting me, the sharp senses are weighing me to the Earth.
"The light… It's too bright…" — I tried to say, but my lungs couldn't bear the strength of these words.
"Oh. Sorry… In order to not deepen our photophobia, after staying so long underground, the lights should stay at this level of brightness. But I think that some medications caused you to-"
"Please, shut up." — I whispered, ordering the gentle voice of a man to stop, it was ringing loudly in my ears.
My head was aching like never before, with a feeling of some cloth strap being tightly tied around it. I could feel sweat drops pass down my forehead and cheeks. It was so hot in here, and I could barely catch my breath.
I emerged from the whiteness, that turned out to be a glow tube installed directly above me, on the low ceiling. It was turning off and on every while, it annoyed me so much. My muscles felt too heavy to move even an inch, soaring whenever I attempted to do it. What was exactly happening with my body? I could feel everything being so sharp and sensitive… But at the same time, I felt like being beaten up greatly by some delinquents. Where did I stumble upon such people…?
And then my memories came back to me. As quick as the last image in my head appeared before my eyes, I immediately opened my eyes widely and sharpened all of my senses. A hard bed with white sheets on in, without any trail of blood. So gladly, I wasn't injured, or if I was, but my wounds were healed.
I tried to get up, but it was a bad idea, as my head felt even more tightened up. I grabbed it to ease my pain and focus my thoughts. What exactly happened then? And most of all…
…Where am I right now?
A groan of pain and confusion was let out of my mouth.
"You are like that due to the postransgenetical activation. Your body isn't adapted to bearing such abilities you are capable of. Therefore, a long while will past until your head stops hurting, and your limbs being able to move freely… — A low man's voice spoke out of nowhere from somewhere in the room.
After a while of silence, filled with reflection, the same voice finished.
"Someone really did a good job hiding your abilities. Especially with you, not knowing about your "specialty".
…What?
"What the hell are you… talking about?" — My throat was sore, and a voice barely came out of my mouth.
I tried to catch a glimpse of the place and the man being nearby, but my eyes were tearing and the image blurred. I saw only white and beige surroundings, with some pale blue at the corner. The room was approximately small, just like a normal room. But I wanted to wait until I regain full sharpness of my sight, to judge further.
"Learning about all of it at once, and now, will surely be an addition of pain to you. So let's wait until you are better. I can't force anything with medication now, your body has to recover on its own." — His calm words sounded very difficult to understand.
I wondered, was I treated by some kind of doctor? Who ordered him to do so? Where exactly am I and how much time passed? Are my aunt Celine and Icto safe? Did someone arrest those two crazy idiots fighting in the middle of the street? Can I finally not… worry?
A dozen of questions arose in my mind, but bearing too much of them made my head crack with pain. Time. As always, I need time. But I'm so impatient.
I growled as I tried to move my body in a more comfortable position, but none were good enough, so I just turned from one side to another. I didn't know if I should feel safe or not, until my questions could be told out.
"Who… are you?" — I muttered out of my dry mouth. I wanted to drink something so much.
"I'm Neumiro, and I'm here to make you feel better, so don't worry. Your well-being is crucial to me right now." — A soft and low voice of a man was speaking to me. But I couldn't say anything more about him, my eyes were hurting the longer I stared at my surroundings.
"Neu…miro? Is that… Latin?" — I asked this question inquisitively. His response could decide about everything.
"Oh… That question…
…"
He didn't respond. The air suddenly got colder, as if the question I asked was some kind of a taboo not to be spoken out.
Neu…miro? I wonder what's the deal with that name, if it awakens such an unpleasant atmosphere.
If he confirmed that it was Latin, then I would definitely know this man is from the higher districts, which would mean that I'm being kept by the wrong people.
Yet he didn't answer anything, so I can't deduct he is bad, nor good.
But I had more important things to worry about, than the background of his name.
My head was exploding from the inside, every blink was painful and sight becoming blurry again. Being in an unknown place, treated by a person who tells he's a doctor. Recently, running in so many lies and extraordinary situations, I don't even know what I should believe in anymore.
I always hated hospitals and doctors. The sterile scent hanging in the air, cold white walls flashing in my eyes, and those spurious smiles of the staff, acting like they actually care for a well-being of a low district citizen… I've always tried to avoid the healthcare, some unknown force made me shiver every time it was mentioned…
I couldn't just wait to get better, I was urgent to know and hear everything, even the most painful truth.
"Why… am I here? What… Tell me…" — I tried to get up of the bed and stand on my legs, but the cords my hand have been linked with were not allowing me to… The whole world twirled before my eyes when I attempted to get up. Have I been drugged with something…?
"So inpatient… Like every youth nowadays…" — The man silently came closer to me, despite my vision being unwell, I could see his features better now.
A young, tall and slim person was standing above me, observing me quite inquisitively.
His long and thin pale-blue hair was falling with cascades on his broad shoulders. Similar to a snowy waterfall, shining like a silk in the eye-stinging lights of the room. The hair was lowly tied up by a white, velvet ribbon. His face was narrow, with an oval shape. Thin, pale lips were neither smiling nor making a sad expression. A long, but not wide, nose was decorating his face softly. Small, almond eyes melted with his skin, as light they appeared to be. A color I couldn't identify from such a distance, but I knew I've never seen eyes like this before. Glassy and languid, they were glaring at me from beneath a pair of rectangular and low pair of glasses. His gaze was somehow alluring and comforting, but I couldn't let myself be filled by it. A pale face full of melancholy, a hidden sadness and despair. Wearing white and long robes, this appearance truly fitted a doctor, of whoever this person was supposed to be.
"I was not allowed to tell you about anything apart from your condition. But rest easy until you're well, nothing bad is going to happen to yo-"
"Bullshit! You… aren't from RR… Then who the hell… sent you?"
I realized one thing.
If this was RR, no one would let me stay in a bright and unknown room with some weird talking guy, who can't even tell me why I'm here. Icto would be sitting by my side, worried, not leaving me. That's the kind of a caring person he is. No one would hide anything from me, so…
Can it be?
A boiling-hot feeling of fury flew down my limbs. They were itching to catch the neck of the man standing carelessly above me… And to force the truth out of his throat…
I clenched my teeth strongly. I could see his glare change, as he saw my eyes fill with anger and urge to make all of those people stop playing pretend with me. Going all around the topic, I never knew what anyone wanted from me.
My aunt, the biggest authority and the only person left from my family that I could rely on. She showed me all of the world that once was, trying to make me desire it deeply. In the end, she told me that the truth I learned was only a glimpse of the right. And that I should stop pursuing it when I finally reached my breakthrough.
The mystery of the blue-eyed and his unknown power I thought couldn't exist in our world.
The teasing words of the silver-haired, that we will never achieve our goal, the downfall of the rebellion and the sisyphus work we all do, exposing ourselves to danger. I finally fell in the nets if the peril too. Without knowing what the true cause and the reason is…
The sudden sharpness of my vision kicked in, making my eyes teary. But when those tears run down my warm face, I could finally see perfectly again… and even better than ever…
I felt like my limbs are all okay now, with every sensation of the skin even more shape than usual. The tips of my fingers were itching to move, catch anything, nearly. My legs wanted to run, as fast and far as possible, to escape this hell. To hide from everything in my mind. The more air filled my lungs, the more I just wanted to jump out of this bed and kick the door out. But the doctor standing right above me, and his delicate hair, hanging right above my face, tickling it, they were on my way. Anger and despair made me want to fight again.
I didn't hesitate for my freedom. I knew no one wanted me to escape and pursue my goals. Furthermore, I'm going to make it through with this sudden power I achieved. I felt the sudden lightness and strength in my arms. Everything seemed so light and easy now.
My hand smooched in the air like a missile, grabbing the neck of the doctor, whose head was staring at me from the above. The cords from my hand cracked loudly, but I couldn't feel any pain at all. Under my long fingers, I sensed his soft, cold skin. Squishing his flesh, I felt how easy it would be just to snap his thin neck.
I looked at his pale face, it must be terrified now. But what I saw wasn't a terrified face, but terrifying me instead.
"Ha…ha… It seems you've recovered so quickly… That's… great…" — The quiet words barely got out of his mouth.
This expression of his… When it could just be one second, and my squeeze of a muscle, he would drop dead on the floor.
Yet now, he was smirking widely, with his pale-blue, heavy eyes looking down at me, with a sorrowful glare.
It looked like he wasn't afraid of death, nor pain. He just stared at me emptily, and I didn't even feel when he grabbed my palm which I was holding his neck with right now…
"Do it. Can you? Are you strong enough to do it?" — A grin appeared on his face.
He squeezed his hand tightly around mine, and moved his head closer to my face, despite my hand trying to keep his at distance. The strands of his hair fell on my face, tickling my cheeks. I could feel the strong minty perfume of this man, and shivers went down my spine when his pale blue eyes glared at me unpredictably.
"Are you broken enough to kill someone that wants to help you?" — He whispered in my ears, making my whole body shake from his tone.
I had the physical strength to do it, but mental? Only by the glare of this man, I felt frightened immediately. From a soft and indifferent person, his expression turned into the one of an empty vessel, that has seen more in his life than a dozen of people together could have seen. A kind of a madman, not the first one I've met in the past days.
But what if I could do it? What if I blocked myself from the guilt and fear of ending one's life, closed my eyes and told myself: "You are doing this for yourself? If not you, then who is going to pull you up from the bottoms you've fallen in?"
Don't I have a mission to accomplish? To ruin the districts and the division? To make everyone equal and make them get what they deserve. A better life in the better environment and surroundings? Even if I can't achieve it alone, I will make sure to contribute at all costs!
I felt the warmness of his insides as I tightened up my grip lightly. His veins were pulsing beneath my fingers…
Is it necessary? What if I could just know him down unconscious? It's more moral for me than just ending him… But won't he pursue me like all of them anyway?
But what if… he wants to actually help me?
Yet, when I tried pushing him away, to make him fall on the ground, I heard a melodious voice of an old man say:
"Hey Asha. It's not nice to knock off someone as a greeting, is it?" — His polite, but mischievous words out of nowhere surprised me, and stopped me from my actions.
"Please. Neo. Stop your masochistic behavior and leave us alone."
The doctor's face immediately turned back into a still, normal one, but with a bit of disappointment visible in his eyes. He swept my hand easily of his neck, which surprisingly didn't have any red marks left on his pale skin. He looked down at me with a soft smile, for the last time, and proceeded to the door of this room, with nothing additional.
Wait… Is he leaving me… with another mysterious person? But why? Hey, don't leave me! You weren't a threat at least!
My hand was still in the air, from the position he left it in. But in reality, I tried to grasp this man. A mysterious exchange of the people. I could knock this man down and escape, but now he left me with someone else.
The tall doctor passed next to a shorter and older man, standing in the door frame, and went into the darkness of the outside.
The old person smiled softly, and stepped in the room, coming directly towards me.
クリエイターの想い 
ashfrei
ashfrei Sorry for such a long chapter, I wanted to include all my thoughts in here! I’m also on a vacation, so I have less time to write, but please enjoy this first chapter of the 2 volume and leave your support!
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