章 22: Chapter Twenty One: Get Out

"Zany? Honey are you awake?" my dad asked from the other side of the door. I rolled over to face the glass wall and stared at the curtains that block the view outside. The sound of my bedroom door opening pierced through the pregnant silence hanging in the air, followed by my dad's soft yet firm footsteps as they neared my bed. The mattress dipped under his weight, and I was unmoved in my spot, hardly blinking.

"Zany?" he murmured softly; his voice raw with emotion. The tears caught me by surprise, stinging the back of my eyeballs as they gathered and streamed into the cupped hand I had propped under my cheek. I had no desire to stop them. I am allowed to feel pain. It is hard to ignore, anyway. I felt it when I closed my eyes to sleep, woke up to it, bathed and clothed in it. It had consumed all of me. Mind, body, and soul. It has wrapped its cold fingers around my heart and squeezed the life and joy out of it. The coldness gnaws at my sanity. I had no place to hide the pain. Everywhere I looked, everything I heard, all my senses to touch, taste and smell reminded me of it. It choked me when I tried to speak. Kicked me down when I stood. I couldn't escape it.

"Honey, it has been 4 days. I need you to talk to me Azania. I need to know how you're feeling. Give me an indication on how to help you. Please talk to me." he pleaded, apprehension loud in his tone. I wanted to speak; I don't want my dad to worry about me. But I couldn't. I haven't spoken much since it happened. I haven't been eating well either. I think I have only showered once, or twice; I couldn't recall. I don't leave my bed. I saw him every time I slept, his cackle tickled my ears, and sometimes, I could feel his hands. His cold, bloody hands. The nurse my dad hired would give me an injection every time I woke up screaming. It was the only way I could sleep.

"Azania, all I want to do is take your pain away. I wasn't there to protect you and I could kill myself for it. I don't want you going through this alone mntanam. Tatakho is here for you, and I'm not going anywhere. Anything you want, just tell me and I'll get it done. No matter what it might be. I will do anything to take your pain away. Please just let me in. Talk to me." I could clearly hear the tears in my father's voice, which brought more down the side of my face. My dad pulled me into his chest once he heard me sniffle and cried with me.

A few moments passed and I had run out of tears. My head was pounding, and my eyes felt like lead. My dad sang 'Butterfly Fly Away' softly against my hair, rocking me back and forth. It was comforting. This was our song, and it reminded me of another time in a different life, featuring little Azania and her superhero daddy. He rocked me until my eyes eventually started to flutter, making passage for me to slowly slip into an empty, dreamless slumber.

"I have made up my mind and it is final. We cannot continue to stay here. It's clearly not safe for my daughter here. And who's to say that bastard won't come back to finish what he started? You should have had him arrested years ago! We're leaving. Tonight!" the sound of my dad whisper yelling woke me up. I looked over at my bedside table and noted the time. Ten hours of sleep. That was the most sleep I've had in 4 days.

"George please, words can't even begin to describe how sorry I am. Things happened that day that weren't supposed to happen at all. Had Gia called me before we left, I would not have pulled her out of school. I never anticipated any of it to happen. I swear, I thought she had retreated back to her room. I should have checked, I know. But ... I was so overwhelmed." I tensed up immediately when I heard his voice. My saviour. He saved me. He left you.

"I don't care how you phrase it Anthony. At the end of the day, you let my daughter down. She was abducted in your house, by your brother in-law, and you were present in the house. And then she was sexually molested in the middle of a road. On her fucking birthday! And all because of you. Did you even speak to her when you got the call? Did you tell her what to do when you got home? Where was your security when my daughter was being taken?! I trusted you with my daughter's life Anthony. And you disregarded her life just like that. " my dad's voice was strained, either from the fierce whispering, or emotion.

"George that's not true. I would never-"

"You're like a brother to me Anthony. Aiden was my best friend. I loved him more than anyone in my life. And I promised him I'd always look out for you. But when it comes to my daughter Anthony, you are nothing." He spat out. A fresh coat of tears glossed over my eyes as I sat up and slowly got out of bed, reaching for my crutches at the foot of my bed. My knee was in a brace, to prevent me from bending it and ripping the stitches open.

"I can't apologize enough. Please, I know what I did is unforgivable. But I swear on my brother's grave, it was not intentional. Please don't go. We will give you all the space you need until Azania is healed and feeling stronger. Please, I insist. I want to get her the best care and rehab. I wouldn't be able to live myself if I don't." I heard him say, making me grit my teeth.

"If you really want to help her, you'll convince your wife to do the right thing." My dad retorted fiercely. I slowly waddled to the door, opening it with a force I didn't know I still had. I had the attention of both men, who were looking at me with surprise. My dad looked horrible. His eyes and cheeks were sunken in, making him look more sick than tired. He looked like he hadn't showered, slept or eaten in 4 days. His hair was ungroomed, his beard too. Jackass next to him looked a hell of a lot better. He looked like he did every day; clean and shaven. Although there were signs of fatigue on his face and his posture.

"Azania." Both men breathed out. I stood frozen at the threshold of my bedroom door, my hand firmly on the doorknob. I slipped my free arm in my crutch, and started to walk towards the couch, but my arms were weak, and they gave out, sending me to the floor. Two sets of hasty footsteps rushed to my aid; a warm pair of hands settled on my shoulders. A whiff of cologne told me who it was, and a surge of rage flashed through me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled, shrugging him off me. He stumbled back, perplexed and mortified.

"Azania, I-" he fumbled but I cut him off, hauling my crutch at him. He ducked right before it hit him.

"Azania please ..." he pleaded with wet eyes, taking a slow step towards me.

"You left me." My bottom lip jutted out as the familiar wetness clouded my eyes.

"I'm so sor-"

"What does sorry do for me, Principal Matthews?" I asked, my voice soft. Pain, with every breath I took. The hot tears that streamed down my face was the only indication that all of this was real; that it really happened and there was nothing I could do to change it. Jackass had tears of his own, making me angrier. What was he crying for? What pain was he feeling that gave him the right to shed his tears in front of me? Who was he trying to get sympathy from?

"Please ... I didn't mean to-"

"But it happened." I whispered, the anger dissipated and forgotten. I turned to look at my father, who was glaring fireballs in Jackass' direction. He helped me up, and settled me down on the couch, elevating my injured leg.

"Tata, I don't have the energy to pack up and leave." I said through my tears. My dad's eyes flashed with strained understanding and he quickly wrapped his arms around me.

"You wouldn't have to lift a finger, mntanam. I'll do everything." He said against my hair. I shook my head.

"No, I don't want to leave. At least not yet. My room is the only place that feels safe. Please don't take that away from me. Not now." I pleaded, clutching his sweater with my fingers.

"You can stay for as long as you want, Azania." Jackass said. I sensed a bit of relief in his voice.

"Get out Anthony." my dad growled. After a few beats of silence, he whispered yet another pathetic 'I'm sorry' and left. I buried my face deeper into my dad's chest and wept for what felt like the millionth time that day.

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