章 12: Joan: Depression

Joan: 18 years

Liza and I, kept contact with each other through email and other social media networks. Most of our conversations included topics about movies, books and music. She never spoke anything about her life in London or anything regarding her family. Everytime I inquired about her family or asked her for her phone number and her address info,she would divert the subject to something else.

Then suddenly, one day, she stopped texting me. I send her numerous emails but she never responded to any of them. I went into panic mode and tried many ways to contact her but all was in vain. I kept checking my email in hopes of Liza responding to them. I waited a whole year and the reply never came but I still waited.

I prayed my heart out for her. I wanted her alive. I needed her. Later, I fell into depression and had thoughts of taking my own life. I started failing my exams. I couldn't concentrate in class. Everywhere I looked, I saw her face. Every voice I heard sounded like Liza's.

At one point I even got addicted to drugs. I wanted to free myself from her chains but most importantly I wanted to know what had happened to her.

Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Was she still alive? These questions haunted me and became my nightmares.

One day I tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose of pills. Cammy was the one who saved me. She stood by my side and took care of me. She hid the secret from my family and took care of me like as if I was her little sister. With the help of therapy and medicines, I was able to overcome my depression but the thoughts of Liza, still haunted me.