章 14: SEVENTEEN
HE IS THE ONLY PERSON I truly have fun with, did I make a mistake not trusting him, or distancing from him?
Anyways Christian is a really fun person.
but what does that note really mean.
"Something they wouldn't understand, I remember distinctly. As if it were earlier today, I remember the exact moment we experienced intimate relations. You inquired about whether or not we anywhere would have always had the chance. You stated that you will provide his contact information to us. As if being one of sixty to understand would have been enough to convince myself, sufficient gratification to break my single commitment about myself. What a privilege. You requested, "If I may put a little bit somewhere inside oneself?" and "You may tell me to halt if you don't need to do it," and I never indicated I gave you the right to do just what you did. What a laugh. I also recall how restrained you were with me. I also stood in the front of you with my legs crossed.I'm unable to move because you're blocking me from doing so. How painful "just the edge" had already become, and how afraid I has been of taking action. What a wonderful concept. I remember telling you how uncomfortable I was and yelling Stop, and you saying how happy you were when it was over. I was taken aback by what you said because you sounded so satisfied with yourself. "Does this mean you'll foot the bill for my lunch tomorrow?" When I left, I felt disgusted, violated, and guilty. I told myself that losing my virginity while having sex was all my fault and that I was not to blame. How perplexing.
For months, you had successfully persuaded me that I had given consent, that rape was impossible for "together" people, and that sex was now okay, but not just okay. My ex-lover, according to you Sex was a requirement. It's a given. And I shouldn't have been surprised when you started seeing someone else one day. You were a jerk, and I was a toy. How revolting. So, I hope you're happy now, because who wouldn't be if they got away with what they did to you? And I hope your 30th birthday isn't as challenging as mine."
Christian and I have tried to crack it line for line.
We are still on the first line.
"Remember the first time we had sex?" Christian says.
"Wahh!" I respond
"The clue you dum dum" he says as he rolls his eyes.
"Oh."
"When was the first time they had sex?" I ask him, will he know?
"Valentine's day after their first date, dad told me." he says.
"Does Aunt Flora like talking about the first date?" I ask and he stares in the air.
"No she doesn't."
We go onto the second line
"How you'd ask me if you ever got the chance." I say to christian and we stare at each other for a while.
"Maybe when he asked her out?" I say.
"When he asked her to abort me" he responds.
"What do you mean?" I ask
"They had sex, she got pregnant, he asked for an abortion, they got married." he responds
"I don't think it's that complex, maybe when they became friends. Dad always told me how your parents met and how he asked her to join their squad." I say to him and he sighs.
"What's wrong?" I ask him
"What if we are actually overthinking? what if it's a random poem that mom liked?" he asks and its my turn to sigh.
"Chris, everything has a hidden meaning, and look at the back of the paper, it says unveil the truth. let's do that, okay?" I ask him and he nods.
I open my arms widely for him to hug me and I hear Damien say "What is going on?"
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