章 51: What I Can Offer

[Johan's POV]

Reaching the end of the rice field's pathway, Johan paused to admire the small house beside a short coconut tree. Beautifully woven strips of bamboo made up the walls, its roof thatched with dried nipa leaves. If he's to ignore the presence of modernization, like the wires and television antenna, it's as if he stepped into a time portal and went back into the past.

'How nostalgic. Raymond's house used to be like this before his father renovated it.'

An arm dirtied with wet soil draped around his shoulders, fingers smudging mud on his right cheek. Johan elbowed Adrian in the stomach and stepped away. "You're such an ass."

"That's payback for earlier." Adrian grinned, wiping the side of his face with mud.

"Oh, so you're being vengeful now?" Johan went back to the edge of the farm and grabbed a handful of mud, balling it into a globe of dripping, disgusting slob.

Adrian laughed and dashed under the mango tree, but two dogs came barreling towards him, barking at the strangers who intruded their territory. "Whoa! Down, boy!"

Out of instinct, Johan threw the mud ball and scrambled behind the coconut tree. If the dog attacked him, he had his fucking claws ready. Johan wiped his palms on the dusty ground and eyed the long trunk.

'I'm a super cat man. Fight me!'

One of the dogs saw him and sprinted with a nefarious snarl.

"Oh, shit! Oh, shit!"

Luckily for them, or the dogs, Kristoff shushed them away. He scratched his temple, looking sheepish. "Sorry about that. I should have warned you about the dogs. They don't bite, though—ahh..." He raised both hands to the side of his mouth. "Cousin-in-law, you can get back down now!"

"Don't you Cousin-in-law me, Bastard!" Johan glared down from atop the coconut tree. When did he climb? He didn't know.

"Couz!" Sean waved his arms above his head, laughing. "Get me a coconut!"

"Fuck you! I'm disowning you! You're not my cousin anymore!"

Looking up, the clump of coconut fruits was almost within reach. Johan grumbled under his breath and continued his way up. After plucking two of its young fruit, he let his eyes wander at the breathtaking bird's-eye view of the wide green field and lush trees.

It's the provincial life he abandoned after Raymond broke his heart. Different place, but the sense of belonging it brought was the same.

No. Something was different.

Johan gazed down to find Adrian smiling up at him, his golden hair rippling in the slight breeze. Even from the distance, he could see the adoration in those bright blue eyes.

Adrian was like the sun; a light that brought vibrance wherever he went. Without him, it would be just the dull provincial life he got sick of. The life he wanted to run away from.

Sighing, Johan carefully descended back to the ground, arms reddened from the jagged ribs of the coconut trunk. He rubbed his neck and grimaced at the grime. "I feel so dirty."

"Me too."

Thankfully, the bag Sean brought contained some of his things. Kristoff had ushered them to their bathroom to take a bath. They followed Kristoff, who guided them into a freshwater hand-pump.

"Sorry," Kristoff gave an awkward laugh and handed two buckets. "We're not connected to the piped-water system yet, so just fetch some water from the pump and bring it to the bathroom."

"It's okay, Bro," Adrian assured and grabbed the bucket from Kristoff. "You go first, Han?"

Johan shrugged as Kristoff handed him a plastic water-dipper. "Okay."

Grabbing the metal handle, Adrian started pumping, but no water came out. Not even a drop. "Ahh... I think it's broken."

Johan covered his mouth to suppress his laughter. "Just keep pumping, Adrian."

"It's not working, Han."

"Okay, let me." Johan grasped the metal rod and pointed at the water tank. "Stand there and watch if something came out."

"You sure?" Adrian asked but did as he was told and peeped at the small opening.

"You need patience in this kind of thing."

"Coming from you?"

"Shut up, Adrian." Johan unlatched the lock of the water outlet and continued pumping. He did not stop until he felt a shift in the pressure. The water pump rattled a little, its handle became heavier to push down.

Adrian met his eyes with a smile, and Johan returned it with a final push, spraying water on Adrian's face.

Johan crouched down on the ground, clutching his stomach as he heaved the loudest laugh he'd have in a while.

Water dripped from Adrian's hair as he gave a playful glower at him. "You planned that, didn't you?"

"You bet! Haha... Hahaha... HAHAHAHAH!"

Johan's laughter scandalized the entire neighborhood that when Sean and Kristoff came to check on them, he's already in a water splashing battle against Adrian beneath the mango tree, each holding a water-dipper as they ran around like children in the rain. Bath in the bathroom, forgotten.

After getting rid of the mud in their body, and a sudden laundry session, Johan stood in a dazed astonishment wearing fresh clothes, with Adrian in a black tank top and trouser shorts Kristoff leant him.

"That was embarrassing," Johan said out loud, swatting Adrian's finger that kept prodding his side. "Stop that, Jerk."

"Why?" Adrian sniggered and poked his underarm. "Laugh some more, Han. I told you I want to hear you laugh."

"We're in someone else's house. Where the hell is your etiquette?"

Adrian stopped tickling him. Instead, he grabbed Johan's hand and guided them to a rattan-made hammock tied in the low branches of the gigantic mango tree.

"Do you think they'd mind if I get some mangoes?" Johan looked up and his mouth watered just by looking at the cluster of green mangoes in their early ripening stage. "Adrian, I want some mangoes."

Adrian snorted and sat on the hammock, the branch creaking from his weight. He pulled Johan in front of him and put the side of his face in his stomach. "Am I going to be a father now?"

Flushing, Johan whacked Adrian's head. "Idiot."

"But we've been using a condom, Han? Are you cheating on me?"

It was obviously a joke, but Johan couldn't stop the condescending laugh that escaped his lips. "Look who's talking."

Adrian only sighed through his nose, burying his face in Johan's abdomen, his arms tightening around his mid-section. Silence reigned between them for a long time, with only the rustling of leaves above and chirping of sparrows.

"I don't cheat, Adrian," Johan finally said after the long pregnant pause. He ran his fingers through Adrian's damp hair. "Never have. Never will."

"Han, I—"

"And I want the same."

Adrian pulled away and grabbed his hands, bringing them to his lips. Tears brimmed his eyelids as he looked up. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should apologize at." Johan averted his gaze, his heart clenching in a painful knot. "It's Rhia."

"Are you... are you telling me to stop seeing you?"

"Would you want to?"

"No. Han, I can't." Adrian stood and caged him in a tight embrace, his desperation seeping into him. "I don't want to. Han, please? I want to be with you."

Johan hugged back. The warmth of Adrian's body had him closing his eyes. "Why would you want to be with me, Adrian? There are still a lot of things you don't know about me."

"You make me happy, Han. So much that I don't know if I can still be happy if I'm not with you."

"What happens if I can no longer make you happy?" Johan took a shaky breath, his vision blurring, his throat closing. "I have a lot of shortcomings that might make you unhappy. What happens if there comes a time where we have to be away from each other?"

"Han, That's—"

"Would you find someone else to replace me?"

"No, Han. No, I won't." Adrian pulled away and shook his head. Tears of anguish cascaded on his cheeks as he grasped Johan's face. "I know we started the wrong way, and I'm sorry. But that's why I'm trying to make things right."

"You can be with me, Adrian," Johan said, caressing the hand on his cheek. "You can use me for as long as you want, until you're ready to let go and settle with her."

Adrian buried his face at the crook of his neck. "That's not what I want."

A tear slipped from Johan's eye. He smiled. "That's what I can only offer."