章 31: An Unnecessary Part [U can skip this part]
So I have promised that I will update another POV chapter once I get to reach 5,000 reads and we are all getting there.
To be honest, I had no intentions of finishing this before- I was red-tagged in wattpad because of the claim that I romanticized depression, but to tell you the truth, I only want to break the stigmas from the people when it comes to mental health issues however, we really can't help those kinds of things.
I'm a normal college student, and a trying hard writer [LOL] and most of the characters here are fragments of myself, which I am sharing to everyone of you.
It really doesn't bug me anymore whether or not my views arent really that high. I must admit that it used to sadden me but I'm okay now. :>
As I've said, the characters here are fragments of me- they are the shattered pieces of my broken dreams- my poor life- my being me. We all need heroes sometimes right? We all need people like Joy and Light.
Not all of the people I know are aware of me writing this story because I never told them. I don't want them to know me because our relationship isn't very concrete and I don't want to be abandoned anymore. I am used to being abandoned but being used to it doesn't mean that I am immune to it. If you ever read Cammy's story, that is my letter to the person who'd left me-
But you know what? Sometimes, there are things that we can't describe a bit. There are words that will choke you because they can't come out even if you write them down or try to release them. I personally had opened up greatly to other people and that other people stabbed me in my back in return- so I became afraid and I kept on fabricating and fabricating until none is left true.
Even now- my whole life is a lie.
Can you feel my pain? Can you hear what goes on inside my head?
Sometimes I regret having written this story because it might trigger some people- in afraid of that... These are all the things that goes on inside my head. I don't want to let people feel what I feel because I believe humans are like sponges- they will just absorb and absorb and if squeezed... kaboom.
If I have ever triggered you, I'm very sorry. I know how destructive my thoughts are.... It's good though that I don't write well..
Nah. I'm just making excuses.
I've been tired of having pain inside of me all this time. I know I also have to release this because I always self-destructs. Sometimes, I get detached from reality and cry even if I'm doing nothing or playing a not very sad movie on which I don't pay attention to...
And I'm tired of writing trash.
I want to finish this because of a lingering hope inside me. If I am able to touch one person, if I am able to reach out- be the Joy or Light in this world through my writing- that'd be my greatest pleasure. I know my writing sucks but I also know that I have a long way to go and in return for your support, i will work hard to reward all of you with a better story.
I hope this story will be able to do that...
To all my readers... Thank you. Thank you... Thank you. Even though you don't let me know ur thoughts about this, I'll still write.. I'll write and write... And probably stay alive.
Please be healthy my dearest :)
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