章 15: XIV
It was nearly eight o'clock when Issei's eyes fluttered open. He lay comfortably on his bed listening to the soft, deep breathing of the black-haired beauty resting beside him. The gentle light from his nightstand lamp illuminated her face in the darkness: light, flawless skin; a cute, slightly pointed nose; soft, luscious lips. She looked so peaceful with her soulful eyes closed and gently rising and falling breast. She looked pure, innocent, and vulnerable, naked like this beside him.
He wondered how much strength it had taken for her to trust him. Her mother had passed when she was quite young. Her father left her to her mother's relatives who turned their backs on her because of her fallen angel blood. At the young age of ten, she had traveled on her own surviving by purifying evil until her mother's family tried to murder her. It was luck or perhaps fate that had placed Rias in her path to save her.
Akeno had always acted social and happy, but Issei felt she had always kept her distance from everyone. The only person she truly trusted was Rias. He couldn't blame her for that; the world had not been kind to her. What did it take to give herself to me? She stirred taking a suddenly deeper breath and reached her hand out grasping at something in her dreams. She looked troubled as her fingers closed on empty air. The corners of her lips curved into a depressed frown.
Issei gently placed his hand in hers. Her fingers snapped shut around his like a trap. Though startled, he didn't pull away. She seemed to be anticipating a struggle. For a long minute she held his hand in her death-grip. Finally, she sighed in relief. As she lowered their hands down to her stomach she loosened her grip. Her lips returned to peaceful rest.
What's she dreaming about? How many people she thought were friends have slipped through those delicate fingers? He turned his hand in hers and gently clasped it. He watched her lips curve into a small, hopeful smile. It's not so surprising that she would be so interested in familial discipline. For so long, she had no family. And then Rias-sama became her family, but despite her respect, they're the same age and best friends. She hasn't had a loving authority to guide her. The Gremory household taught her to be a respectful and elegant lady, but that was for the pride of the family name.
It really taught her how to play the game of manipulation with proper etiquette. She must have been shocked to see me punish Koneko-chan; perhaps she even thought I was cruel. When it was over though, and forgiveness restored everything between us, and I held her and comforted her, Akeno must have felt something… a longing… for something she never had.
It's not crazy to think she'd try to see it again either. She watched me and Koneko's conversation no doubt trying to see how we could interact in this way. Two people who were not only unrelated, but just short of enemies for the longest time, suddenly acting like close siblings.
She came to me trusting in me in her own way. Unable to give voice to her feelings perhaps, but placing herself in my care. That must have been so hard. To give up all her rights and shadow her strength and the power and confidence she's developed to submit to my discipline. To make herself vulnerable.
Did I take advantage of her? She asked to be my slave. Would she have given anything for that? Or did she feel the need to give me everything, to place it all in my hands to make it real. To prove to herself that she wasn't manipulating me this time. Instead, she forfeited all the power to me.
Maybe I was too hard on her… She didn't seem repulsed or angry after though. Actually she seemed happier… and then even though I told her I wouldn't steal her virginity, she offered herself to me body and soul.
"Mmm, good evening, darling." Akeno smiled at him gently running her thumb in soft circles around the back of his hand. Her tone was calm and musical as always, but her eyes watched him intently.
Issei's thoughts burst at the sound of her voice. He turned toward her and smiled warmly. "How're you feeling, sleepy head?" he asked sincerely.
She studied him for a moment then replied. "Exhausted."
"No surprise there. It's been quite an evening."
She nodded and closed her eyes taking a deep breath.
Something's on her mind? Did I say the wrong thing? Issei wondered.
He leaned over her as she released the breath, long and slow. His lips pressed softly against hers.
"Mmm." Issei felt her lips curve into a smile before she kissed him back. Her hand squeezed his a little tighter.
He pulled back several inches and smiled. His free hand caressed her cheek, gliding up her jawline and drawing errant locks behind her ear. Akeno's porcelain cheeks colored slightly.
"What's on your mind?" he asked her maybe a little too directly.
"I'm more interested in what you were thinking about so intently." She deflected.
"Well…" He began honestly. "I was thinking, 'you're so strong.'"
She furrowed her eyebrows confused, a bit of disbelief evident in her eyes. What does that mean? He didn't have to compliment me if he didn't want to answer. I would have been fine with, 'I'd rather not say…' compliments… are dangerous. They avoid the issues, they're deflections and sometimes lies.
"I'm just me." She replied carefully masking her thoughts behind a smile.
"I'm serious!" He said a bit exasperated.
Ugh, he can still read me.
Before she could respond, he rolled onto his side so that they were eye to eye when she turned to follow his gaze.
"Maybe that was a little weird." He admitted. "But let me explain. Remember I told you relationships are based on honesty, and I promised you I wouldn't lie to you."
She nodded. That's what he said before we started. Are we still in a session?
"I don't really know how you'll react to this; it's not really my place to tell you about yourself…" He began apologetically. "But this is what I was thinking about when you said 'good evening.' You… have lived a different life from most people. You told me the story of your childhood. How your parents' relationship left you with mixed blood that branded you an outcast. How you were forced to take care of yourself when you were young. How Rias-sama protected you from your mother's family."
"From my family." She corrected him not unkindly, but with a hint of indignation.
"Right, from your family." He amended nodding. "I think…that the way you grew up and the way Rias' family raised you afterward is the reason you find it so easy to manipulate people." he paused searching her narrowed eyes for offense.
"Don't stop now." She insisted a little pointedly.
"Well, Rias' family is very proper, there is pride in the Gremory name. Politics play an important role; it comes with the territory. And growing up, you learned that people will believe ridiculous, untrue things and act on that misinformation and fear. You had to learn to discern these emotions in people to survive. The combination of these lessons makes it easy for you to see people's motives and use their fears and disinformation against them."
Akeno huffed and turned her face to the ceiling. "And this makes me strong, doesn't it? I can feel the fear in people and turn it against them." She stated a little with pride and a little with revulsion.
"No." Issei replied.
Akeno's head snapped toward him in surprise.
"That's what makes you weak."
Her eyes narrowed bitterly.
"Please." He asked holding his hands up to stay her anger. "That ability helped you survive in a world where innocence was a liability. I get that. But it robbed you of trust and emotion."
Akeno softened slightly, but she said nothing.
"So back to my original thought: 'You're so strong.'" He reiterated. "You overcame the life you were forced into when you chose to tear down that wall of distance you protected yourself from me with. You allowed yourself to trust me…to put yourself: your safety, your punishment, your power, your body. You entrusted them to me and without limits!"
Issei reached out for her hand again. She didn't stop him from taking it.
"You came to me, trusted me, submitted to me… and in the ultimate expression of trust… you—"
"Gave myself to you." She finished in almost a whisper.
She shook her head. "Stop that." She gulped. "It's a little scary how thoroughly you understand me, Issei. Am I that transparent?"
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.
"To someone that loves you for who you are… yes. And I think that overcoming your history with pure force of will is proof that you are strong." He answered sincerely.
Akeno blew out an amused breath and smiled genuinely. "I think it's evidence of your strength, darling. I could never submit or trust someone I thought was weak-willed or weak-minded." She pulled his hand back toward her and leaned closer and kissed the back of his hand winking at him.
***
It was eight thirty, Akeno found herself dragging her feet as she made her way down the hall. Ugh, why did I tell him? He didn't need to know. She rolled her eyes at herself. Something about him makes me so averse to keeping secrets. She sighed. I think it's his whole there's-no-trust-without-honesty relationship thing. I don't want to lie to him, or for him to think I'm lying to him… Still… I'm in even more trouble now.
The events from just a few minutes ago replayed in her mind as she came to a halt in front of Koneko's door.
Issei had spent several minutes on his knees behind her massaging a divinely cold pain cream into her rear. She was lying face down across his bed as he carefully applied the salve reveling in the absence of pain and the touch of his fingers.
"I'm really proud of you, Akeno." He had told her.
She had blushed but thanked him.
"You made a mistake, but you admitted it to me and tried to correct it. You accepted your punishment submissively. Now it's over and everything is forgiven."
After completely covering those awful stripes he sat up against his pillow. "How do you feel?" he asked.
Akeno fought with herself internally.
Tell him everything.
'No, it's enough that he punished me. He doesn't need to know all the details.'
Relationships are based on honesty, remember?
'I was honest. I admitted to spying on him and Koneko.'
That's only half of what you did.
'That's not important.'
Then why do you still feel guilty?
'I feel fine. Better now.'
Liar. It's only a partial relief, because you only got punished for part of your sins.
'This one is far more serious.'
All the more reason to come clean.
'We're finally in a relationship… this is what I've longed for, for so long. I don't want to mess it up.'
Then don't keep secrets this important from him. If it comes out later, it will be far worse.
'Hm, that may be true. And he's obnoxiously good at reading me.'
Heh, almost as good as you are at reading others.
'Almost… What about Koneko though?'
What about her?
'What if he tells her?'
He can't. He promised not to share anything from your sessions with anyone else without your permission.
'Right. But still… if it ever got out…'
Koneko would never trust you again. So much for playing the kind, respectable Onee-sama.
'Shut up, I've been good to her… for the most part.'
Are you serious?
'It worked out okay.'
Luck, and Issei's interminable strength. Nothing to do with you.
'True. He doesn't know what I'm capable of.'
You're going to keep feeling guilty till you tell him everything. He'll sense that you're keeping something from him and get it out of you eventually. Just like before.
'You're right; I can't underestimate him. And… and I don't want to hide things from him either. I want to be that honest, strong girl he thinks I am…'
You aren't her. You'll never be.
'I know.'
"I feel…guilty, Issei-sama."
"What? Why?" Issei asked surprise evident in his tone. "You were punished pretty severely. There's no need to keep beating yourself up over mistakes."
She buried her face in his comforter and mumbled.
"Speak up, dear." He chided gently.
"There's—there's something….something I haven't told you yet…" she admitted at barely a whisper.
"Oh?" he asked non-judgmentally.
Akeno sighed.
"I was afraid that if I told you this part…" she started desperately. "That you wouldn't forgive me." She finished flatly.
"Darling, I'm not some heartless monster." Issei responded slowly a little hurt.
"I know!" She cut in quickly. "I know, but… this is something… something pretty bad."
She rolled onto her back so she could look at him.
"You deserve to know though. It might change your perspective on some things that happened, but more importantly, I don't want to keep secrets from you. You said that we have to be honest if we want to have a relationship. Well, I really want to be this honest, strong girl you think I am… so here goes..."
"You were surprised when Koneko told Rias-sama about your secrets right?"
Issei held his breath. She can't be responsible for that. Not Akeno. She said she didn't know if I'd forgive her. Oh god…
Akeno waited for him to respond, but he didn't so she searched his eyes and was unsurprised to see dismay at the possibilities of what she might reveal.
"What you're thinking is true." She granted. "I'm responsible for Koneko's slip."
"She said it was her choice." Issei tried to deny.
"Naturally." Akeno agreed rolling her eyes a bit. "When I first asked you to have these sessions with me, I told you that I'm a manipulator. The best manipulators make others think it was their idea originally."
Issei's mouth went dry. "Then those fears that she would be left behind if Rias and I got together. Those came from you?" Issei asked unwilling to believe it.
"No, those fears were hers to begin with… I…intensified them. Suggested harsh possibilities that she might not have considered. I led her to believe that the only way to prevent them would be if you and Rias were never…" she trailed off ashamed and waited for the conversation to detonate.
"Together…" Issei finished disheartened. He stared at her his eyes piercing, hurt. "It was you who sabotaged Rias and my friendship…you who convinced Koneko that I was only interested in Rias' body… you who nearly destroyed the relationship Koneko and I had just started building."
The pieces were beginning to fall into place. He thought it was strange that someone as innocent as Koneko had thought to sabotage his friendship with Rias. That she had been so desperate to slander him she had revealed his deepest secret. Now it made sense. Akeno had pushed her beyond reason.
"How could you be so careless!" he demanded.
"Careless!" Akeno slapped a palm to her forehead. "Are you purposely blind?" She asked quietly. "Or is this some new sort of cruel punishment that I have to spell it out for you?"
Issei shook his head deliberately refusing to believe it.
Akeno sat up and burned her eyes into his with the laser intensity.
"I… did… it… on… purpose, Issei! Willfully. Koneko was scared, fragile, and confused, but not me. I knew what I was doing. I knew she would try to talk to Rias. That she would be unable to convince her, and that she would likely in desperation reveal your secret which would push Rias and herself away from you. I wanted you to myself. I'm not…"
Issei watched her his mouth hanging open dumbfounded.
She froze; she thought she had said too much. "I'm not who you think I am. I'm not strong. I'm not good. And I'm not honest." She told him angrily.
"Akeno…" Issei called softly.
"No, Issei! I'm not this idealized girl you have of me in your head. That's just who I pretend to be! I'm a bad person! I'm not trustworthy! I can't be your good girl!" What had started in anger ended in bitter tears.
He reached out to her, but she immediately slapped his hand away uninterested in pity.
"I'm sorry, Akeno." He answered.
"Don't apologize!" she exclaimed. "Be angry! Don't you understand what I did? Aren't you a man!"
"I'm sorry." He repeated.
Her temper flared; her eyes filled with malice, and she aimed to cut him down. "You're pathetic! You can't just sit there and take it like some sort of damn martyr! How did I ever think you were strong enough to command my respect?"
Her hand cocked back, and she slapped him across the face full force. Or at least she intended to. He caught her wrist in an iron grip inches from his cheek.
"Enough!" he ordered with so much authority that she was momentarily paralyzed with surprise.
He forcefully pulled her by her wrist into his lap. Before she knew what was happening her face was pressed against his shoulder; her breasts slammed against his chest; she was lying on top of him as he sat propped against his pillow. His free arm encircled her low back and held her tightly against him.
Akeno struggled to pull away, but he held her fast.
"Now!" he ordered. "You will listen to what I have to say. Be quiet and think before you speak."
She furiously tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but he held her in place roughly, until she sagged against him helplessly.
"Firstly, not only am I a man, but your master; you will show me respect! Don't you dare suggest that I am unworthy!" he commanded.
"I—"
"I'm not finished!" He cut her off. Startled she snapped her jaw shut.
"When someone apologizes to you, you had better know what it is he's apologizing for before you shoot it down. I am not excusing your appalling behavior, and I'm not accepting the blame for or excusing the deceitful exploitation of Koneko-chan!"
"Then what?" she cried angrily.
"For putting you in a box. For imagining you as some perfect angel and trying make you fit that description." He told her forcefully.
Akeno grabbed his forearm and squeezed with all her might letting her frustration reign in some form. It hurt a bit, but Issei ignored it. He knew it wasn't the point of her action.
She's right, if I can't see her for who she is, then it will be impossible for me to help her. This perfect girl that I see her as… it isn't her; it's her mask. She's not an innocent girl who made a mistake. She's a girl with a troubled past that had to grow up way too quickly to get by.
That takes a toll on a person. She doesn't think normally. Doesn't act or feel or interpret things the same as the average person. She's part victim, part villain desperately trying to gain what everyone wants… acceptance, love, family. Willing to do whatever it takes to get it. But she can't help being skeptical of everything and everyone. She needs proof to believe it. "It's you who I care about, not some ideal fantasy." He explained his voice calming.
"I'll never be who you want!" she shouted.
"You are already!" he fired back equally loud.
She banged her forehead against his shoulder. "Stop it! I'm not good, and I'm not gentle, or honest. You don't know what you're saying! I don't want your pity! I'm broken, and not even you can fix me." She paused. This is it. Eviscerate everything. Tear it down. That's what I'm good at. Destroying things.
"Let me go."
"Not yet. Try all you want you can't push me away that easily!"
Akeno's hand hummed with energy, a crackle of electricity echoed in his ear.
Issei didn't release her.
"You're manipulative and arrogant and sadistic and cruel!" he told her firmly prepared to be blasted off her at any second. "You're scared and childish and desperate and guilt-ridden!"
The crackle grew louder as she lost control of her emotions, and the energy swelled.
"You're repentant and masochistic and dutiful and submissive!" He firmly took hold of the wrist of her hand flaring with lightning. His tone turned gentle. "You're kind and motherly and protective and gentle."
Akeno looked up into his eyes.
"You're not all of these things all the time, but all of these things make up who you are. You're not perfect. You're not worthless. You're Akeno!"
They stared into each other's eyes, and time froze. An acceptance, an understanding, an even stronger bond was forged in that eon-long second.
"You cast that sound barrier for Koneko… and you used a spell to help her sleep too. Even if you do cruel things sometimes, you still care deep down."
"How did you…" Akeno asked eyes wide in wonder.
Issei forced her hand toward his chest. "If I had taken the time to know you really, instead of treating you like an infallible doll, maybe none of this had to happen…This is my punishment for failing you, for refusing to see the whole you!"
"What? No, Issei, don't! I can't control it!" she begged.
He withdrew his arm from her waist and wrenched his forearm from her grasp. Then he rolled onto his side pushing her off of him and pressed the lightning bolt into his chest.
Pain surged through his body instantly. All of his nerves blazed. The intensity of the current was far more powerful than anything he had felt before. It paralyzed his body. He could feel the hair on his arms singing off. He accepted it willingly. If I can't accept consequences for my actions, how can I expect others to? All this time, I only saw Akeno's mask. Even after she told me about her past, I just assumed she got over it. How ridiculous! How could I not see she has scars? How did I never sense she needed more from me than lust? She had to come and beg me for help.
Akeno frantically tried to end the spell, but the energy she had charged in anger was beyond her control, and without her queen powers her extra stamina and spell manipulation ability was severely impaired. There was nothing to do but wait for it to discharge. She watched in horror as Issei's body violently seized, as the hair on his arms burned to ash, as his eyes squeezed tightly in pain. His grip on her wrist seized so tightly she couldn't pull her hand from his chest.
When the spell finally used up its power, she wrenched her wrist from his grip. Issei shuddered in pain and lay still.
"Issei? Issei!" Akeno cried pushing him onto his back. His eyes were closed. She hysterically pressed her ear to his chest.
Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump.
She nearly collapsed on him in relief. A strong heartbeat.
"You indulgent fool…" she whispered.
He lay silently for a moment trying to breathe normally.
"Ugh…" he moaned. His eyelids fluttered open. "Am I…am I your good boy again?" he asked weakly cracking a smile.
Akeno giggled with tear-filled eyes. "No… no you're just Issei-sama."
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