章 1649: @3
Mike woke up before me. I think I was dreaming, and then I slowly gained consciousness. I could feel his hand on my naked rear. His other hand was brushing along my back. I was as tightly pressed against him as I could be.
My eyes opened and I sought his.
"Mornin'." He was so handsome.
He answered me, "Good morning, my love."
I squeezed him. "You really are mine." He was mine. Forever.
His phone started vibrating, then playing his alarm. No! I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay here. Mike kissed me and got out of bed. I lifted my head up and watched him as he headed for the bathroom, naked. His butt was firm, lean. I didn't need anything else. I just wanted to take a bite out of it. I giggled at myself for even thinking that.
As he turned the corner, moving out of my line of sight, I quietly shouted after him, "Oh... cute butt!"
While Mike was in the bathroom, I set about getting myself presentable enough to go back to my dorm. I pulled on a fresh pair of panties, but immediately grimaced as I felt fluid leaking out of me and into them. He must've really filled me up.
I grabbed a brush off my desk and tried to get my hair under control, before pulling it back with a scrunchie. I'd pulled on a t-shirt and sweatshirt, but was still just in my panties when he came back into the bedroom. He walked up behind me and I felt him press his hips against me.
"Oh, you're not going to just stay naked in bed for me all day?" he asked.
Yes, yes! That's exactly what I want to do! Still, I knew he was teasing and I had class while he had work.
"Oh, well, if you insist," I answered him, teasing right back. I started taking off my sweatshirt.
His face scrunched up and he said, "No, no. You have class and I have work. Tomorrow. We'll have the entire weekend, just the two of us."
I stuck out my lip and pretended to pout, but of course that was exactly what I wanted. I turned and kissed him.
He finally pulled away from me with a sigh and said, "Ugh... I hate myself for being so responsible."
We gathered our things and got in the car. I couldn't help touching him the entire way to campus, just letting my hand gently rub his thigh. I stared at him the entire way, too. This wonderful man was with me. He chose to be with me, not caring one bit about any possible barriers.
Once back in my dorm, I had to shower. My muscles were exhausted, aching a bit from our activities last night. It was a good ache.
Back in my room, I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top, before tying my hair up in a bun. I only had two classes, both discussion sessions, so it'd be a blissfully short day. On the other hand, there'd be more waiting to see Mike again, with less to distract me.
I grabbed a yogurt at the dining hall and made it to my first discussion class just in time. The best part of this one was that Maria was in it with me. She was already there and I sat next to her.
The class proceeded as expected, more of a question and answer than a true discussion. I didn't much care for the teaching assistant, a rather mousy looking girl who looked like she could only barely tolerate being around us lowly freshmen.
Afterwards, Maria and I got up to leave. She complimented me on how I looked with my hair up, saying that it showed off my graceful neck. She said I looked different than usual, but couldn't quite put her finger on why. I closed my eyes and could feel Mike's body against mine. I could feel him inside me.
With a few hours before my next class, Maria and I went to the dining hall for lunch. It was good chatting with her, a bit in Tagalog and a bit in English. She encouraged me to take Tagalog for credit. It seemed like a good idea. I'd never really given much thought to my Filipina side before coming to Maryland. As far as I'd been concerned, I was an Eastern Shore girl. It was all I'd ever known. Still, I liked adding to that, without feeling like I was replacing anything.
After my last class, I went back to my room and worked on a paper earlier than I absolutely needed to. Mike had promised me a weekend of... us. I didn't want any distractions.
It wasn't long before I was back in his arms again. We laid in bed, naked, facing each other. He was so gentle with me. His kisses and his touches soothed me. He was still attending to me as I drifted to sleep, relaxed and completely content.
I woke up before Mike the next morning. The sun was barely coming up. My back was pressed against him and I could feel his heartbeat against my back, steady, regular, soothing. He stirred just a bit and I could his erection was pressing me from behind. I wanted it. My body was already ready for it.
In one long stroke, he was completely inside me. I could feel warmth between my legs and it was incredible. I arched my back and thrust my butt against his hips. I whimpered from his penetration. His hands relentlessly worked up and down my body, fondling my breasts and teasing my nipples, then reaching down and rubbing my clit. Yes, I wanted him to take control of me. When he came inside me, my body was completely satisfied. He held me to him and stayed inside until his erection subsided.
Three more times that day, I gave my body to him. He took control. He knew what I wanted, what I needed from him, and he gave it to me. I came from his fingers working every nerve between my legs. I came from him rubbing my clit while he thrust into me. I almost felt guilty, but luxuriously guilty, from the attention he paid to me. If his intention was to make me addicted to the orgasms he gave me, he absolutely succeeded.
That night, we were exhausted and we slept late into Sunday. I woke up before him, him laying on his back and my head laying on his chest. My hand was resting on his semi-rigid cock. Mmmm... I thought to myself, this time, I would take control.
I lifted myself on top of him and when I looked at his face, his eyes were open, staring directly back at me. He was instantly as hard as I'd ever felt him. I grasped his erection and guided it between my legs, then pushed down onto him. This was a new position for us and it was absolutely incredible. I controlled how deep he could go. I impaled myself as far as I could and rolled my hips back and forth, feeling his member rubbing against every inch inside me. His hands explored my body, resting on my hips as I ground down onto him or running around and grasping my ass.
When he reached up and cupped my breasts, fondling and working my nipples, I lost it. I pushed down onto him as far as I could, my clit pressed against his body. My orgasm crashed into me and then reverberated. My back arched and I felt him release his sperm into me. We came together, for the first time, and it was the most incredible thing I'd ever felt.
He came inside me one more time on Sunday, gently lying between my legs. We barely moved, we didn't have much left. We just made simple, tender love to each other and then we held each other.
I slept more soundly that night than I ever had before.
I was mentally, emotionally, and now physically content and complete. I now had the man that I had loved my entire life, even if that love had changed and evolved. We were slowly building a future together, one that I couldn't wait to have with him.
When we went about getting ready for the day and the week on Monday morning, it was as if we had won at life because we were together. I was giddy and relaxed at the same time. Even as I was focusing in my classes, some part of my brain and my heart was always with Mike, thinking about him and loving him.
Whatever successes, failures, and experiences lay ahead, it would be Mike and I, together. We had a lot of successes over the following weeks, too. I was so proud of Mike. He was doing well in his graduate classes, probably heading for Bs in each, and just as importantly, was getting recognized at work for his contributions. It looked like it wouldn't be too long before he would have a chance at moving to a position more suited to his talents.
I was pressing hard in my classes. It was just a part of me to do so. I wanted perfect scores and when I fell even a few points short, it irked me. Mike knew that and when I had a determined look on my face, he would simply bring me dinner and wait patiently for me to finish whatever I was working on.
Almost as much as I'd fallen in love with Mike, I was in love with the University of Maryland. I loved the colors of fall as it settled on campus. I loved the feeling of people, excited to be out on their own at college, meeting new people, enjoying new love. Maryland very much became a part of me.
And there were new people in my life, too. Being with Mike built my confidence. He helped me to see in myself what he saw in me. That confidence helped me to get over my natural introverted nature. Mike and I would often meet Jeff and his girlfriend, Mia. She was pretty awesome and the two of us would hang out whenever the boys needed to be boys. I didn't think life could get any better.
As Thanksgiving approached, I did get a bit apprehensive. I didn't say anything to Mike, but I wondered if we should tell mom about us while we were home. It wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to. I had a feeling that she'd be resistant, I just hoped that she'd see what Mike and I meant to each other and see that our current relationship far outshined our previous relationship. I did my best to put any of those thoughts out of my mind while Mike and I packed for the trip.
In fact, while we were packing, I was starting to feel rather worked up. I wanted Mike and I wanted him to know that I wanted him.
Every time I grabbed something from the dresser or closet, I'd put it on before packing it, making sure Mike knew what he'd be looking at all week. I chose the tightest and tiniest clothes I had in my wardrobe. Tight yoga pants. Tiny shorts. Miniscule panties. My nipples were standing at attention as I put on my little fashion show for him.
Before long he'd grabbed me and practically thrown me onto the bed, me giggling the entire way with lust. I laid on my back. I wanted him inside me, immediately, but he had different ideas. He moved down my body, kissing and licking his way across my breasts and belly, occasionally flicking his tongue across my nipples, which were harder than I'd ever felt them.
Unexpectedly, he kissed lower. I felt his breath moving through my pubic hair and then his lips were on the inside of my thigh. He'd never done this before and I wanted him to know that he didn't have to. I looked down at him and started to open my mouth to tell him, but before I could, his tongue was against me and he dragged it the entire length of my lips, then flicked it across my clit.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh..."
That first feeling of his tongue on my slit nearly set me off. Please do it again. I need it!
He teased me, moving back and forth between my thighs, getting so close to where I wanted him to lick me again, but not touching it. I don't know if I was saying anything, but I was begging him in my head."Ughhhh..."
His tongue was inside me again. Holy shit, it was incredible. Soft and firm at the same time, adding its own moisture to my soaking pussy. He probed me with his tongue. He licked me from one end to the other. What felt like miniature orgasms coursed through my body with every flick, lick, and penetration. Then his hands were on my breasts, rubbing my nipples between his fingers. I was thrashing against the bed.
Mike pulled his hands away from my breasts and wrapped them around my legs. I was unconsciously clenching them together; this lascivious assault on my vagina was almost too much to bear. As soon as my nipples were left alone, I grabbed them with my own hands, twisting and pulling them. I was so close... so close... just touch my clit. Just touch it one time.
Please.
Suddenly he sucked my clit between his lips and rubbed it with his tongue.
My orgasm detonated inside of me, like it was trying to completely burst out of my body. A seizure ran through me. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I couldn't breathe. Juices flooded out of me. My legs locked. Contractions wracked my entire body and my vagina spasmed out of control.
I was barely starting to come down from the height of my orgasm, ripples of pleasure reaching every part of me... and he shoved two two fingers deep inside of me.
Oh fuck!
A second orgasm blindsided me. No buildup, just an explosion of pressure and sensitivity and losing any semblance of control over my body. He was on my clit and inside me at the same time. My muscles seized so hard it hurt. My head snapped back and tears filled my eyes. My hands grasped at the bed. My hips were desperate to help me escape the sensory overload, but wave after wave of pleasure just kept crashing into me. I couldn't escape. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hear anything other than my heart pounding in my head.
My body collapsed.
When I came to, I didn't know how much time had passed. I was biting my own fist as my body quaked from the continuing miniorgasms surging through me. I couldn't comprehend what Mike had done to me.
I pulled him to me and thrust my mouth against his. He tasted different. My own juices coated his lips. I wanted his mouth, I wanted his tongue.
I clutched at him and held him to me while I regained my breath. Finally... finally, I could speak again.
"Holy shit, Mike."
"Holy... fucking... shit."
I couldn't begin to describe it. I just couldn't. I didn't know my body could handle that... or was capable of doing that. He did it to me. My Mike. I wanted him more than ever.
I held his head between my hands and stared him directly in those incredible eyes. I had to tell him what I needed.
"Fuck me."
He was between my legs and I felt the very tip of his cock against me. I was soaked, utterly soaked. Please, now!
He pushed and was completely inside me in one thrust.
Oh shit. Yes. Yes!
My legs wrapped around his waist. He couldn't escape from me, either. Give it to me.
"Hard." I commanded him. My voice was quivering, I needed it.
He pulled out of me and my eyes drifted closed. He paused. He slammed back into me.
I had to see him. I wanted to watch him. I hoped it felt for him like it felt for me. My eyes locked on his.
Again he pulled out, just the tip of him inside me. Again he thrust into me. I needed this. I needed him to break me.
"Harder." I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs. I could barely whisper through the fucking he was giving me. This was pure, obscene, vulgar fucking.
When he pulled out of me, I held onto him with my legs around his back. When he slammed back into me, I used my legs to slam myself into him. I could feel his cock hitting the deepest parts of me, crashing into places I was barely aware of.
I could hear nothing. I could see nothing. I could only feel this tremendous pounding that my body was being subjected to by the love of my life. More. All I could think about was more.
Yes, it was happening again...
"Ahhhhhhhhhh..."
My third orgasm, from deep within me, thundered through me. My pussy clamped down on his cock and he erupted inside me. Through the absolute pounding I was taking, I felt his cum squirting and filling me. I tried to focus my eyes on him. I could barely make out his features as my body failed me.
I collapsed into a haze of orgasmic vibrations.
I came to and Mike was laying next to me, his breathing quick, but steadily slowing. I lifted myself above him and searched his face, waiting for him to recognize me. He had given me things I didn't know I needed. Pleasure, beyond description.
"My Mike... my Mike... my Mike..."
His eyes briefly focused on mine. I moved down, snuggling next to him, and we slept.
Over the next few days, we had to rest from sex. We'd really worn ourselves out and just holding each other was completely satisfying. We were planning on leaving to go back to Salisbury on Wednesday evening. My lectures were actually cancelled on Wednesday, so I spent the day getting ahead on my classwork and making sure I could spend the long weekend just focusing on Mike.
In the early evening, Mike met me at my dorm and parked out front. After loading a few things into the car, he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. It was chilly, but clear, and I always loved just holding his hand while we saw the campus, so we started making our way down the mall. Before long, we were at the fountain in the middle of the mall, which was now empty because of the colder weather.
Mike sat down and pulled me down onto his lap. I loved when it felt like he couldn't bear for us to be even the slightest bit apart. He looked like he had something on his mind, so I waited for him to begin.
"You know, this is where you became my girlfriend."
I remembered that night so clearly. I often closed my eyes when I was banging my head against a particularly tough assignment and could see him there, then feel him kissing me. It was a very happy place for me.
"That was an awfully good night," I answered him.
Mike's hand briefly let go of mine and he reached into his pocket. When I saw him pull out a small box, my heart lept.
As he held the box and opened it for me, he said, "I was really hoping this would be the place where you agreed to become my wife, too."
I looked down and saw a ring perched in the box, a diamond and two small rubies on either side. He didn't hesitate, he took my hand and slid the ring onto my finger. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, I was so completely overcome with emotion.
I pressed myself against him.
"Yes, yes, yes. I love you."
He held my hand. I could feel his finger running over my now adorned ring finger. Then we kissed. I was ready to be his wife and have him as my husband.
I looked into his wonderful eyes. "Let's go home."
Before long, we were in Mike's car and on Route 50 heading for the Eastern Shore. My eyes could only focus on two things, my wonderful, loving fiancé and the ring now on my hand.
We talked about the difficult conversation we needed to have with mom. We knew she'd be shocked about our relationship, we just hoped that she'd recognize our love for each other was now as much a part of us as our names, our appearances, or our personalities. It's certainly not a common thing for adopted siblings to fall for each other the way we had, but, well, we just hoped she'd understand.
Mom was still up when we got home, waiting for us. She must have seen the headlights through the window, because she was waiting for us on the porch. Her face practically beamed at having us both back home from college. She was still working, but I hoped she was spending her free time in a way that made her happy. She deserved it.
I asked her how everything was going, while Mike grabbed our bags from the car, and she assured me all was well. Once everything was inside, we settled in the living room. Mike and I sat next to each other on the sofa, while mom sat relatively across from us in her chair.
Mom smiled and asked, "Tell me. How's school going? For both of you. And your job, Mike? I want to know everything."
Mike and I had agreed in the car to just come out with it. We didn't think we'd be able to hide our feelings for each other, anyway.
Mike answered her, "Well, it's all good, but I actually have some pretty big news to tell you."
"Oh, really?"
Mike smiled and even blushed a little bit. "I met a girl."
As happy as mom had looked to have us home, she was practically beaming now.
"Do tell!"
"Well, she's great. She's perfect, even."
I lowered my head to hide my blushing face.
"I really can't even describe it. I guess the only thing I can say is that... I asked her to marry me and she said yes."
Mom practically jumped off of her chair. Her arms shot into the air like she was going to hug him. She practically shrieked, "Oh my god, who is she?!?!"
Mike held out his hand in front of him and I took my own hand out of my pocket. I gently placed my hand in his and looked down at my ring, then back to mom.
I'll never forget. Her eyes dropped down and saw my ring. When she looked back at Mike and then at me, her eyes were filled with tears. Her face was completely pale and her smile had been replaced by complete shock. Her hand covered her mouth and I could just barely hear her.
"Oh no.""Oh no."
Mom repeated herself.
I tried to interrupt her, "Mom, we know this is a shock, but..."
She cut me off. "Mike, stop. Savy... I can't..." Tears were running down her face, still completely pale. "I should have said something sooner. I should have seen the two of you and told you."
I was confused. "Mom, what are you talking about?"
"Give me a minute."
She stood up and walked into the kitchen. It sounded like she was making tea.
I looked at Savy and she at me. The love and happiness that I'd seen there just a few minutes before were gone, replaced with fear and apprehension. I squeezed her hand, then brought it to my lips and kissed it. Savy bent her head down against my shoulder and I rested mine on top of hers.
We sat in silence.
Mom came back into the living room, carrying a cup of tea. She slowly sat across from us and set her tea on the table. She looked at Savy and I together and sighed.
"I should have told you."
She took a second to compose herself.
"Mike, your father, Tom... you know we didn't have a happy marriage. Obviously... since we divorced. At first it was a good marriage and when you came along, he was proud of you as his boy. When you were still a little boy, Tom started to change. He just... withdrew, from both of us. He didn't seem to want to spend time with us. He stayed at the office and when he wasn't at work, he just stayed away from us in the house."
"And then one day, I came home from work and his car was already in the driveway. When I came inside, he was sitting on the floor, crying. I had never seen him cry before. I hadn't seen him show emotion in years, really. When he saw me, he stood up and asked me to sit in here so he could tell me something important. I still remember his words and how they hit me."
"'I've been having an affair,' he said."
"I asked him how long and he said five years. I was crushed. He wasn't just having an affair, he was having a whole separate life. And then he said that there was more he had to tell me. I waited for him to say he was leaving me. I shouldn't have cared, but sometimes even when your marriage is hurting you, you don't want it to end. He told me that she was dying. That she had breast cancer and it was terminal. I was in shock. I didn't have any idea how to respond to him."
"He kneeled down on the floor in front of me. He wasn't done. What more could there possibly be? 'I have a daughter.' Savannah, he's your father."
I heard Savy, in a hoarse whisper, "What?"
"I'm so sorry, honey. I should have told you."
I felt Savy pull away from me. The realization hit us both like an avalanche.
"You had no other family here. He begged me. You would've been put into the system or sent to your family in the Philippines. He pleaded with me to stay with him and take you in. I didn't speak to him for days. I was shattered."
"But it wasn't your fault. You had nowhere to go. I thought it might even save our marriage. I still loved him. God help me, even after all of it, I still loved him. And so I said yes."
"I think if you were anyone else, I couldn't have done it, honey. I would have seen his betrayal every day. But you were, you are, such a sweet child. How could anyone not love you?"
Tears were streaming down Savy's cheeks.
"I did my best to treat you like my own daughter. I tried to make us a family. It wasn't enough. He still left. Whatever he wanted out of life, it wasn't me and it wasn't a family."
Mom looked at Savy. "I'm so sorry, honey. I do love you. You are my daughter. I don't want you to be hurt."
Mom stood up and asked me to wait for her. She took Savy's hand and lead her upstairs.
I can't begin to describe how stunned I was. My father had had an affair... a second family! I was furious.
But Savy, she was...
I slumped forward and my head fell into my hands. I closed my eyes and could see Savy. I could see her as a laughing, smiling child. I could see her on stage, playing beautifully. I could see her laying next to me. I could feel her hand on my face, then brushing her fingers through my hair.
Little things jumped out to me. She had the same gold flecks in her eyes as I did. Her nose seemed a bit taller at the bridge, which I'd kissed so many times. Her chin had the same definition.
When mom came back downstairs, I wasn't sure how much time had passed. I was in complete shock. She sat down next to me and put her arm around me.
"I wish I had told you sooner."
"What do I, we, do now, mom?"
"I don't know, honey. We'll get through this. We'll find a way. It's so much to process."
I looked up towards the stairs. "How is Savy? I need to go see her, talk to her."
"She's devastated, of course. Just give her space tonight. This is just so much."
My head fell into my hands again. Holding back tears was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.
Mom told me to do my best to try and sleep. We'd talk more in the morning. She went upstairs and then I was alone. I sat there, staring at the clock on the cable box, watching minutes tick by. It was after 4:45 in the morning when I stood up. My body felt like I'd just survived a car crash. I felt bruised and beaten. Every step on the stairs was an almost insurmountable obstacle.
At the top, I turned to the right and looked at Savy's door. It was closed. I took the three steps to her door and pressed my hand against it. I reached for the knob and it was locked. My forehead pressed against her door.
I finally made it to my room. When I flipped on the light, a scrap of paper was on my bed. I picked it up. It simply read, "I'm sorry." When my eyes fell back to my bed, Savy's ring was laying there.
I fell to my knees and I cried.
The next thing I can remember from that night, I was in my car and pulling out of the driveway as the sun rose. Savy and I had watched many sunrises over the Maryland campus from a favorite bench near her dorm. The sun's rays slowly creep up over the administration building, then dance across the trees and grass. The oranges and reds, purples and pinks, paint the white trim of the buildings that flank either side of the mall before finally resting on McKeldin Library. As I left Salisbury on Route 50, the sun rose behind me.
Four days went by and I heard nothing from Savy.
When I'd gotten to my apartment - was it still our apartment? - I was surrounded by her things, our memories. Mom had sent me an email as soon as she's woken up and realized I'd left. She told me I didn't have to talk to her about any of it, but that she just wanted to know I was okay. I responded quickly that I had returned to Greenbelt.
After that, nothing.
I don't consciously remember sleeping, eating, or doing anything. I must have, but I don't remember it.
On Monday, I dragged myself out of bed and made it into the office. Despite my growing exhaustion, I managed to make it through the day, though not without colleagues asking if I was sick. I looked like hell. I felt like hell.
At home, I didn't touch anything. I had to believe that she would call me and tell me to pick her up any time now.
On Friday, Jeff texted me about our usual lunch meeting. I told him that I couldn't make it this week. The next Friday, the same thing. He asked if everything was okay. I didn't want to have this conversation with him, but I had to have it with someone, right? I asked if he could meet at the pub after dinner. A few hours later, I made my way over. Jeff was already waiting when I walked in.
"Holy shit, Mike, you look like crap."
"Thanks."
I did look like hell. I couldn't remember the last time I shaved. I think it was sometime since Thanksgiving, but I wasn't sure. I was down fifteen pounds in less than three weeks, a dangerous amount in that short of time. My eyes were almost permanently red now, with dark bags underneath.
"Talk to me, Mike. What's going on?"
I leaned on the bar and my face dropped into my hands. "She's gone."
"What? Are you talking about Savannah? She's gone? What the hell happened?" His questions were rapid-fire and hearing her name sent a sharp pain through me.
After I ordered a beer, I recounted everything to him that had happened over the past few weeks. The ring and our engagement. That we'd grown up together, thinking she was my adopted sister. Telling mom about us. What mom had said. That Savy and I were half-siblings. That she'd left her ring on my bed. That I hadn't heard from her since. Jeff didn't say a thing the entire time until I finished. I was completely spent. I had another beer.
"Mike... fuck. I don't even know what to say."
"There's nothing to say."
"Have you talked to your mom?"
"No."
I ordered another beer and drank it in silence.
"Is Savannah back at school?"
"I don't know."
We sat quietly through another beer.
"Mike, do you still love her?"
I didn't answer. Another beer.
In my current mental and physical state, I was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. Jeff called Mia and asked her to drive over and pick us up. When she pulled up in front, Jeff opened the door to the back seat and dumped me in.
Mia started, "What are you two..." Jeff gave her a look that cut her off. "Can you take us to Mike's place? I'll explain everything later, but he can't be alone tonight."
I woke up the next morning, feeling even more like ass. The fact that I always seemed to wake up early after drinking didn't help matters. I stumbled out to go to the kitchen. Jeff was crashed on the sofa. When I came back out of the kitchen with a glass of water, Jeff was sitting up.
"Mike. Sit."
I slumped onto the loveseat.
"I'm not gonna lie, man, this is a fucked up situation. You never answered me last night when I asked if you still love her, but I'm not an idiot. I can see it in you that you do. You wouldn't be doing this to yourself if you didn't and the love you two had, it ain't something that goes away just like that... " He snapped his fingers. "I'm not saying your situation is something you run across every day, but you can't just do nothing. You've gotta fucking talk to her, at least."
"She doesn't want to talk to me."
"How the hell do you know that? You haven't heard from her. That ain't the same thing as her not wanting to talk to you. She's gotta be fucking devastated, man. In one night, she learns that she does have a dad, that he was a fucking bastard who abandoned all of you, that her mom knew all of this and didn't tell her, and that the guy she's crazy in love with and whose ring she was wearing is her..." His voice stumbled a bit. "... brother. Do you think anyone is prepared for that?"
I shook my head.
"This ain't you, man. You never let shit tell you the way it's gonna be. You never did at school and you never do at work."
I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
"You've gotta talk to her."
I knew that he was right, but what was I going to say?
"Take a day to get yourself together. Get yourself shaved and cleaned up. Let's get food in you. Then you can go over there and knock on her door. Whatever happens happens, but you're not just fucking giving up. I know what she means to you."
I did as Jeff said. While I was shaving and showering, Jeff called Mia, since we didn't have a car. I guess he told her everything, because when she pulled up, she got out of the car and hugged me with tears in her eyes. The three of us got burgers for lunch and, thankfully, talked about other things.
After picking up my car, we went back to my place. They wanted to make sure I ate dinner, too. By ten o'clock, I was alone again.
The one direction I couldn't follow was to get some sleep. When my eyes closed, I saw her and when I opened them, I was alone. My fears of what she would say ate at me. When I slept, it was from pure exhaustion.
I woke up and did my best to make myself presentable. I couldn't do anything about my bloodshot eyes or gaunt appearance, but the rest of me was okay.
And then I was behind the wheel, driving towards campus, towards Savy. I'd driven it so many times over the past months. It was one of my favorite drives, but now I just felt sick to my stomach.
Her dorm was in sight.
I parked and waited. After a short time, I was able to tailgate in.
My feet were lead boots on the stairs.
I was at her door. I held up my hands and after pausing for a moment, I knocked.
Amy opened the door.
I spoke softly. "Is Savy here?"
Amy looked over her shoulder. "Give me a minute." She quietly closed the door.
Oh no. She wasn't going to see me. Every horrible scenario I'd run over in my head was coming true. I was going to be sick.
The door opened.
"Savy..."
She was in as bad of shape as I was. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her hair, lacking its usual body and sheen, was pulled back in a ponytail. She was practically drowning in her sweatpants and sweatshirt. She didn't just look petite anymore, she looked frail.
"Oh Savy..."
She stepped back, clearing a way for me to go into her room. Amy had just picked up a bag and was on her way out.
She said to Savy, "Call me if you need anything." On her way past me, she briefly rested her hand on my arm and looked me in the eye before closing the door behind her. Savy and I were alone.
She stood in front of her bed. I stepped towards her and she didn't move. I held out my arms and she took a small step towards me. I wrapped my arms around her and she collapsed into me, sobbing. I was crying, too.
I held her and we cried, because it was the only thing we could do.
I don't know if I held her for five minutes or an hour. She stepped away from me and I let her go. She sat on the edge of her bed, then scooted until her back was against the wall. She picked up a pillow and clutched it to her.
I sat on the other end of the bed. I was so completely unsure of myself... and unsure of what she wanted. I just wanted to mend her heart and fix everything.
"Savy..."
She looked at me, her eyes still wet.
"I've missed you so much, Savy."
Her voice was so quiet, I barely heard her reply. "I missed you too, Mike."
I rested my hand on the bed between us. She didn't take it.
"I still love you. I still love you more than anything that could possibly stand between us."
I tried to look into her eyes, but she looked away.
"Please, Savy..."
Tears were running down her cheeks again.
"I can't. I love you. I love you and it makes me want to die, but I can't."
"We can get through this."
"Mike... you're my brother."
"I was always your brother. Whether we shared the same DNA or not, I was always your brother. But we became more than that. We grew up together and then we grew together. Savy, you're the absolute love of my life. Nothing matters to me more than that."
"Everything has changed now..."
"Not for me. I still want to marry you, to spend my life with you."
"I need time. This is too much. I never once thought about my parents. My family was you, mom, and me. That was it. And now I know who they were and it changes everything. How do I deal with that, Mike?"
"We deal with it together."
"Don't you see me differently now? Don't you see all the similarities we have?"
"I see you. You're my Savy. And I love you."
She buried her face in her pillow. We sat silently.
"Does it hurt you that I'm here?"
"I don't know. Everything hurts."
My throat was closing in on me and I could barely breathe.
"Do you... want... me to leave?"
She didn't answer me.
I sat there forever. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to fix everything for her.
But I couldn't. I offered her myself and that wasn't enough. As shocking as all of this was for me, I couldn't begin to understand the full breadth of what she was going through. It wasn't just that our relationship had this shadow hanging over it now, it was her entire understanding of family.
I stood up and leaned over her, then pressed my lips to her head.
"I love you. I'll do anything for you. The second you want me here, I'll be by your side."
I stepped away from her. I heard the door click shut behind me. I was in my car. I was lost.
__________
I haven't seen Savy for over five months now.
I had everything in my life and now I'm alone. At first, it was complete hell. I couldn't function. I took all of my leave days at work and stayed in my apartment for a week. Every minute after I left Savy was torture. The clock just wouldn't move. I was completely stuck. After a few days, I could make it through an hour without breaking down.
I think I wouldn't have made it without Jeff and Mia. The only reason I did make it is because they promised me they would take care of Savy. The first few days, they cleaned my apartment and took all of Savy's things to her. They would come by and make sure I had something to eat. I could barely get anything down, but they made me. They would just sit with me, not even expecting me to talk. They were all I had for a long time.
When I first went back to work, I could barely acknowledge my colleagues. They all knew something was wrong. I was making stupid mistakes. The quality of my work suffered. Finally, I told my boss that I had been engaged, but my fiancée and I had split up. She was extremely understanding. At some point, I was able to get my mind back to a place where I could at least do my work satisfactorily.
By early spring, I had settled into a routine. Wake. Work. Study. Eat. Sleep. Over and over, day after day. When I didn't work, I stayed in my apartment. I couldn't bring myself to go anywhere, because everywhere was somewhere I had been with her.
Whenever I emailed mom, I always asked how Savy was, though we never talked about what had happened. The answer was always the same, "She's getting by." Mom had clearly told me that she was absolutely there for me, but it was my decision whether to talk about it with her or not. I didn't have it in me. Eventually, I had to stop asking.
I made a difficult decision last month. I had to move. I had to get away from Maryland. My company offered to transfer me to their Virginia location, but I needed to go farther away. I made arrangements and now here I am.
I finished my first year of graduate studies last week. My last day of work was two days ago. Everything I own has been sold or packed into two bags. I am sitting on Jeff's sofa and tomorrow I get on an airplane.
I am moving to Spain.
I accepted a position teaching English at a small college in Mataró, north of Barcelona. It wasn't exactly what I wanted for my career, but it would get me by for awhile. I'd taken Spanish, albeit from a Mexican perspective, in high school and figured I knew enough to get by.
Mom understands. We haven't really talked that much. I didn't go home for the holidays. She told me that Savy did. Mom came to see me the weekend after I decided to move. I don't want to hurt her by leaving, but she understands.
Jeff and Mia think I should stay. I know they want to keep an eye on me. I know they think they can get me through this. I can't thank them enough for everything they've done. I honestly wouldn't have survived without them.
I don't know if physical space, a change of geography, will heal me, but I don't know what else to do.
__________
My plane touched down in Barcelona and I was almost immediately on a train to Mataró. For much of the trip, the tracks follow the coast and I rested my head against the window and watched the Mediterranean slide by. At the train station, a secretary from the foreign language department was there to meet me. I hopped into his car and he took me to my housing near campus, a small walk-up third floor apartment. We made plans for him to pick me up the next day and take me over to the college for an introduction. It was a bit after seven and I'd eaten on the flight, plus jet lag was setting in, so he left me to rest for the evening.
My apartment was simple, with tile floors, a small living room and kitchen combination room, a bedroom, and a bathroom. Through the living room and bedroom windows, I could just make out the sea between other buildings, about a half mile away, with the sun setting to the side. It was actually quite an attractive view.
I slept early that night, tired from the travel and mental toll of where I was in life. As I lay in bed with my eyes closed, just before losing consciousness, I saw Savy.
I woke up early, thanks to my body being completely out of sorts from time zones. I decided to go out for a walk around my neighborhood before Andres, the secretary, would be coming to pick me up. I made my way toward the coast and found a cafe overlooking the beach. I sat and ordered a coffee and a pastry, which the waitress called a carquinyoli and said would be good. It was a bit dry for my liking, but wasn't bad in combination with coffee. The salty air smelled good to me and the waves gently crashing onto the beach were relaxing. For the first time in months, I felt like I'd regained just the tiniest amount of positivity in my life.
After meeting Andres in front of my apartment, we drove over to the college. The rest of the day was pretty much a blur. Introductions to department staff, other teachers, and my administrator. It was explained to me that for the rest of the week, I'd be observing classes with the more experienced teachers and studying the curriculum provided to me. My own classes would begin the following week with the start of summer courses, with a schedule that involved teaching from 11am to 1pm and 3pm to 5 pm.
In the late afternoon, Andres took me out to get a sim card for my phone and other various supplies for my apartment. He took me on a walking tour of my neighborhood to point out useful shops and good restaurants. We walked through an incredible market with local produce and I grabbed a few items to have around the apartment.
By the time the sun was setting, I was sitting back at the same cafe. I watched little birds scampering in front of the waves and the small dots of fishing boats out on the sea. For the first time in, I guess it was six months now, I smiled.
__________
My first three months in Spain flew by a lot faster than I'd expected.
I settled into teaching pretty easily. My schedule was comfortable and I seemed to have a natural rapport with my students. I'd eat lunch at the cafeteria and had gotten to know a few teachers from outside of my department. Matteo was a 27 year old physics professor in his third year at the school and was fascinated that I'd worked at NASA. We hit it off pretty quickly, discussing various topics that he was covering in his class or that popped up in journals. I did turn down several invitations to hit nightclubs on the weekend. That hadn't really been my scene back home and I didn't think I'd much care for it here, either.
Near the end of August, I did accept an invitation to join Matteo, his wife Isabel, and several of their friends and colleagues for an outing to Calella, which has a more widely known and respected beach than Mataró. I rode with Matteo and his wife, while our little convoy made its way up the coast. The drive was spectacular.
At the beach, we set up. One of Matteo's buddies had a small grill for cooking lunch. We carried a veritable store's worth of blankets and chairs out. Matteo and I dug out a fire pit in the sand. We had enough coolers full of drinks to last until winter.
It was a gorgeous day, with a cloudless sky overhead and the temperature hovering around 80. After we'd brought everything from the cars, I stripped to just my board shorts and stood with my feet in the surf, feeling the warm water pulling the sand out from underneath me, staring out at the Mediterranean. With my exploration of Catalonian cuisine, I'd managed to put back on the weight that I'd lost, though daily runs through Mataró kept me lean. I actually felt... good.
I was snapped out of my trance by the jolt of a soccer ball hitting my ass. I turned around and Matteo was cracking up while Isabel held her hands in the air and yelled "Goal!". I quickly collected the ball and sent it flying back towards them. Well, I tried anyway. I wasn't close. I wasn't much of a soccer player.
That was a damn good afternoon. We played beach soccer before settling in to barbeque. After stuffing ourselves, we lounged on the beach before heading into the water to swim or generally mess around in the low waves.
As the sun started to set, Matteo and I got a fire going in the pit we'd dug earlier. Everyone else dragged chairs and blankets around to enjoy the warmth as the temperature cooled from a soft breeze off of the water. We'd all added a few more layers to stay warm. I stayed in my board shorts, but put on my favorite Maryland sweatshirt.
I ended up sitting between Isabel and another woman. Isabel introduced her to me as Ana, who worked with Isabel at a bank in Mataró. They chatted a bit in Spanish, which I could only understand a small fraction of, before Isabel switched to English and suddenly turned the conversation to me.
"Ana, did Matteo tell you that Mike worked at NASA before moving here?"
Ana responded, "Oh no, he didn't." She looked at me, "What made you leave to come and teach here? Surely that was a very respectable job..." Spain was still feeling the effects of a prolonged economic downturn and unemployment was high. Leaving a job at a place like NASA probably did seem a little odd.
"Oh, well... I guess I was just looking for a change."
I looked at Ana closely for the first time. She was quite attractive, with jet black hair, large dark eyes, and smooth olive skin. Her face had long features, but was very pleasing. She appeared to be a few years older than me, maybe closer to Matteo and Isabel's 27 and 26, respectively, than my own 23. I couldn't remember if I'd seen her in a swimsuit earlier, but now she wore khaki shorts and and a long sleeve shirt.
She looked at Isabel and gave a knowing nod. "Ohhhh... a girl." Which was followed by rapid Spanish that I couldn't follow, though it was pretty clear that they were saying something about me. Matteo turned around and listened in on them, but didn't interrupt.
The two women focused on me again. "Oh Mike, you have to tell us what happened," Isabel instructed.
At that, Matteo did chime in, "Come on ladies, leave him alone."
"No, no... it's okay," I said.
Ana and Isabel shifted around so that we were sitting more facing each other in a triangle. Matteo shrugged his shoulders at me.
"Well... last year, a girl that I had known for a very long time and I finally figured out that we had feelings for each other. We dated for awhile and eventually, I asked her to marry me. But, it didn't work out and it hit me really hard. I was in a bad place for a long time and I guess I felt like the only way to get out of it was to get away from it. I started looking for jobs away from home and at one point, I saw a posting to be an English teacher. It seemed like a pretty quick and easy way to make the move, so I did it."
Isabel looked pensive for a moment and then said, "Oh, I see. But Mike, you never really know what path you have for your life until after you are already on it... and now, your path has brought you to Spain. I guess it has many more things in store for you."
"That seems like a pretty reasonable way of looking at it, I guess."
Things had gotten way too serious and Matteo wasn't having any part of that. He thrust beers at each of us and held his up, then yelled, "Salud!" The rest of the group responded in kind, as did Isabel, Ana, and I.
Before long, we were in the car and headed back to Mataró. This time, Ana rode with us and she and Isabel sat in the back seat chatting in Spanish while Matteo drove and I rode in the passenger seat, mostly in silence.
I laid in bed that night and asked out loud, "So, what've you got in store for me, Path?"
After getting no response, I drifted off to sleep.
The next week of work went well. It was the last week of the summer session classes and I was pretty busy every day grading final exams and papers. On Friday, there was a large outing planned at a restaurant off campus for the several dozen teachers from a variety of departments that had done summer classes. Still, Matteo asked if I wanted to grab a beer at our regular pub after work on Thursday. With my grading done, I said sure.
We pulled up stools at the bar and ordered beers. After catching up on the week, Matteo started.
"Mike, you and I, we're friends, yes?"
"Ha, yeah man. Definitely."
"Okay, I want to ask, but please don't be offended. What do you think of Ana?"
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Ana? Ah... she seems like a pretty nice lady. Why?"
"I just want to give you a heads up. I know my wife and she has ideas for you. She likes you, always says you're a good boy, handsome and smart. And sometimes, maybe she gets a little ahead of herself. I'm just saying, after knowing why you come here, if you want time or are not ready, I tell Isabel to leave you alone, even if I get in trouble for doing so."
The realization of what he was saying dawned on me. Isabel wanted to set me up with Ana. I've always been slow at picking up on those things.
"Ah, hell man... I don't know."
I furrowed my brow and stared into my beer.
I really didn't know. Ana seemed perfectly lovely, but why had I really come here? Was I waiting for something? Was I getting myself through what had happened? Was I... trying to get over it? Get... past it? The impact of those last two questions to myself were immense. I'd spent so long just trying to get from one day to the next that I hadn't thought about what "tomorrow" actually involved.
"Okay, okay, Mike. I can see you are not ready. That is okay. I will talk to Isabel."
"No... it's just... I... hadn't really thought about that sort of thing for a long time. Just... uh... you don't have to say anything."
A small grin crept onto Matteo's face. Oh shit, what had I gotten myself into?
Fortunately, the rest of the night's conversation was much lighter, but a massive shadow sat in the back of my mind.
I had the next week off before the regular fall semester started. I'd arranged to take a train to Marseille, after an overnight stay in Barcelona, and then onto Paris. I figured since I was in Europe, I should see more than just Spain.
The trip was, as could be expected, incredible.
In Marseille, I was intent on getting lost every day. I would sit at a cafe in the morning overlooking the sea and by lunch, had wandered along various side streets until I had no idea where I was. I marveled at the similarities and differences with what I had seen in Barcelona and Mataró. I knew there were a million favorite places for tourists to visit in the city, but I just wanted to be lost in the city. Some of my favorite pictures from Marseille are of tiny alleys well away from the crowded streets and boulevards, just sitting back, little hidden treasures.
In Paris, I played a bit more of the tourist. I felt like I had to see the Eiffel Tower and Louvre. I did spend one afternoon doing absolutely nothing but sitting along the edge of the Seine and watching people. In between the families, with backpacks and kids, fumbling with maps, I would notice the couples, both young and old, just strolling by the river holding hands. I could only watch, not partake in that experience.
The week was far, far too short. It felt like I'd only been away a day when I was back in my apartment in Mataró. Oddly, it felt almost like I was returning to my home. Even more oddly, I was comfortable with that feeling.
The day after I got back, Matteo dropped by. I answered somewhere in the vicinity of seventeen million questions about my trip and we perused the numerous pictures I'd taken, both on my phone and with my better camera. He noted, with a laugh, that the only picture I had of myself from the trip was a quick selfie I'd taken with my back to the coast of Marseille. He got on my case a bit for not taking more pictures of beautiful French women, too.
When I was back in the classroom, I felt more comfortable than I had during my summer sessions. I was more confident as a teacher and for the first time felt like I wasn't just getting by at my job, that I was excelling. I tried to think of the last time I'd felt like that and it must have been a year or so.
Classes were going well as my routine took hold again. I really am a creature of habit, I suppose. Classes Monday to Friday. Friday night at the cafe with friends. Saturday at the pub with friends. Sunday brunch with Matteo and Isabel. Rinse. Repeat.
Fortunately, Matteo wasn't going to let me do that forever. On a Saturday in late September, he insisted that a group of us go out for karaoke, rather than just sit at the pub.
The place we went to was actually pretty cool. There was a large open bar with karaoke for the adventurous and also private rooms for parties. Now, I'm not much of a singer, but after a few glasses of sangria, I was up on the stage.
Our group started to thin out after an hour, as the younger single teachers decided to hit up a club. Matteo got us a private room for the rest of the evening. Before long it was just Matteo, Isabel, Ana, and I.
I had seen Ana a few times since the day we met on the beach. Invariably, whenever Isabel joined Matteo for a night out with us, Ana was with her.
We had talked about various things. It turned out that she was actually 30 and divorced. She had married young and left college at her husband's insistence. She had been studying economics. When her husband lost his job, he became angry at the world and took it out on her, so she left. She'd asked me about working at NASA and what my university was like. She was very pleasant to be around.
I was halfway through butchering a Spanish pop hit that I could somewhat recognize from its endless plays in small shops around town when I realized it was just Ana and I singing.
And her hand was resting on my arm.
I glanced behind me and Matteo shrugged and nodded at Isabel while she just grinned.
Well, okay, I guess.
The evening went on and I became more and more comfortable with Ana being next to me. When Matteo and Isabel belted out some love ballad, Ana and I would sit next to each other. It was loud enough that we really couldn't talk to one another, but I'll admit that it was pleasant when she would lean against me.
At the end of the evening, Isabel insisted that Ana's apartment was nearby and I should walk her home. Real subtle.
After saying goodbye to them, Ana and I set out walking along a maze of streets. She wasn't much shorter than me, 5'8", I'd guess. She wore a lovely forest green dress that was cut just below her knees.
When she wrapped her arm around mine, I made no objection.
We chatted a bit during the walk, about Matteo's awful singing or how nice that day at Calella was. Sometimes we simply walked in silence.
After some turns that I definitely couldn't keep track of, we were at her building.
She let go of my arm and faced me.
"Thanks for walking me home, Mike."
"It's not a problem at all, but you'll have to remind me of the way if I walk you home again."
Smooth, Mike. That was awfully presumptuous.
"I think we can figure that out," she responded.
I smiled at her and before I was even consciously aware of it, I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. She gently turned her head and our lips met.
It was a brief kiss. We separated and she said softly, "Goodnight," before disappearing into her building. I hailed a cab and made my way home.
In my apartment, I sat on my sofa for several minutes, replaying the night in my head. I stood up and went into my bedroom and pulled out my large travel bag that is brought with me from the States.
I reached inside and pulled out a box. I flipped open the lid and stared at Savy's ring.
I closed the lid and gently put her ring back in my bag. I fell asleep with one question running through my mind, over and over.
Could I let her go?
__________
I didn't call Ana for three days. I felt like shit about it. She wasn't just some random girl I'd met in a bar. She was Isabel's friend and we'd gotten to know each other. She was a perfectly lovely woman... attractive, intelligent, fun.
After my last class of the day, I sat outside of my building on campus and made the call.
"Si?"
"Hey Ana, this is Mike."
"Hi! How are you?"
"I'm doin' alright. You interested in having lunch tomorrow?"
"Sure. One o'clock? The cafe you said you like?"
"Sounds good. I'll see ya then."
"Nos vemos."
I walked back to my apartment and made some quick pasta before camping in front of the TV and watching a movie.
The next day, after my morning classes, I took the relatively long walk to my cafe by the water. I got a table outside and watched boats bobbing in the water until Ana arrived. When she walked up, wearing a teal dress that was very flattering, I stood up and she gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. The waitress took our orders and we chatted about work and classes while we waited for coffee and sandwiches.
After our lunch arrived, Ana spoke up.
"I was hoping you would call."
"Ah, yeah... sorry I waited so long."
"It's okay. I'm not the kind of woman that demands a man be at her service at all times. Just sometimes..." She grinned at me, letting me know that she was teasing.
I chuckled nervously.
"Are you okay, Mike?"
"I... uh... I don't know." Come on, Mike, spit it out. "I just... I hope I haven't lead you on or made you uncomfortable."
"No. Not at all. You're okay."
"Um... I just... I'm not sure that I'm... uh... ready for a... relationship." Smooth, dickhead.
She chuckled.
"Mike, I know..." She emphasized the 'know'. "... that you're not ready for a relationship. It's okay. I've been there. I'm not looking to get married. I enjoy spending time with you. I think you're a nice guy who's had his heart broken. I think you need friends and I'd be very happy to be your friend."
She paused and took a sip of coffee while I munched on my sandwich.
"And, if you wanted to walk me home at night, that'd be okay, too."
I looked up and she was smiling at me.
We sat quietly for a few minutes while we ate our lunches and watched the sea. There I was sitting at a table next to the Mediterranean Sea, across from a beautiful Spanish woman who had just told me that she enjoyed spending time with me and was completely cool with my fucked up emotional state.
Strange path this life had me on.
After I paid the check, we stood together and walked briefly along the road between the various shops and the beach before she had to catch the bus back to her bank. When she said goodbye to me, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, longer than the peck when we'd met at the cafe.
"You're okay, Mike."
I sighed and she was gone on the next bus.
The next time I saw Ana was Friday night, with Matteo and Isabel at the cafe. Ana sat next to me and scooted her chair closer to mine. I put my arm around the back of her chair.
Matteo grinned like a damn fool at me and Isabel was beaming. It was a good evening. Just friends sitting around, in a beautiful place, enjoying good company.
For several weeks, that was the path that life put me on. I was good, legitimately good at teaching. Matteo and Isabel, Ana and I spent evenings together. We explored Mataró, even though they had all lived there for years. We sought out new places to sit and watch the Mediterranean and when it became too chilly to sit outside, we looked for new pubs.
Ana and I were comfortable with each other and I was increasingly comfortable with that idea. When she wrapped her arm in mine, it felt more natural and when we sat, I draped my arm around her shoulders. Often, I'd walk her to a cab or sometimes to her building if we had only ventured to one of our more usual spots. We'd talk, we'd hug, and we'd say goodnight. She had been right that day. I was okay.In November, the four of us had been out on a Saturday night with Isabel's brother and sister-in-law, who were visiting from Toledo. Ana was looking very attractive as usual. She had another in her endless line of dresses on, this one black with a white ribbon that wrapped from her shoulders under her breasts, enhancing them rather nicely, and then around to her back where it tied in a knot and hung down past her waist. With heels, she was the same height as me. Her hair was in a ponytail, with two braids that pulled back above her ears and were tied in with her ponytail by a white ribbon, matching her dress.
After another good evening, I walked Ana outside and waved over a cab. I opened the door and gently guided her with my hand on the small of her back. As she slid into the cap, she took hold of my hand.
"Come with me."
She was smiling demurely at me. I looked at her hand and then I followed her into the cab. She gave her address to the driver and we rode quietly, with her hand in mine.
At her apartment, I paid the fair and she lead me into her building and up the stairs to her door. She unlocked the door, but instead of opening it, turned and faced me. The hallway was relatively dark, but I could see her lightly wet her lips with her tongue. Her lips were very full and softened the relatively long lines of her face.
I reached my arm behind her waist, pulled her to me, and kissed her.
I felt her lips part and then her tongue slide against my lips. I met her with my tongue and enjoyed the pleasurable sensation of kissing her. We stood there for several minutes, pressing against each other. When were parted for a breath, she opened her door and lead me inside.
She was quickly against me again. My hands slid around her waist as our tongues slid against each other. Her hips ground against me and, without a doubt, she could feel my rapidly growing erection pressed between us. My hands slid down from her waist and cupped her shapely butt, before squeezing gently and pulling her to me. She moaned softly into my mouth. I was quickly at full mast.
Ana pulled her body away from me, but kept her lips pressed firmly to mine, and slid my jacket off of my shoulders. I released her just long enough for my jacket to drop to the floor, then my hands were quickly back on her rear. She began working the buttons on my shirt, from top to bottom. At the halfway point, she pulled up by the hem. We stopped making out just long enough for her to pull it over my head.
Her hands ran down my bare chest and slid around my waist as she pressed her body next to me again. I could feel the bare skin of her ample cleavage pressing against my chest as she more voraciously worked her tongue into my mouth. I slowly pulled her dress up, bunching it around her waist and revealing her panty-clad butt. My hands were quickly on her cheeks, feeling the soft cotton and her smooth skin. She had a spectacular ass, generously proportioned.
She reached down and grabbed her dress from the front and began lifting it over her head. I was forced to stop kissing her as she pulled it off.
Her smooth olive skin was flawless. She stood in front of me in her bra and panties as I admired her. Her breasts were large with a deep valley between, emphasized by her bra. She had a voluptuous hourglass figure. Her waist pinched in from her bust and curved seductively out to her hips. Her stomach had just a tiny bit of pudge, which fit her figure well. The complete package was extraordinarily seductive.
Her hands reached out and unbuckled my belt, fumbling a bit, before unlatching it and then the button of my jeans. With my jeans loosened, she grasped them and pulled them down. I stepped out and stood before her in my boxers, which were tented well in front of me. As she came back up from pulling down my jeans, she slid her body along mine. My cock slid between her breasts as she moved up, her soft flesh giving gently against my hard member. She continued up until her lips made contact with mine again.
She broke away and ran her hand down my chest, tickling my sensitive skin. Her finger traced down past my belly button, over the hair on my lean stomach, and brushed the tip of my cock, which had left a wet spot on my boxers. She turned away from me and I watched as she walked across the room and through a door into her bedroom. Her ass was spectacular, her swishing hips invited me to follow her.
I stepped into her room as she was lowering her panties to her ankles, with her back facing me at the door. She bent straight over, revealing the protruding lips of her vagina to me. She straightened back up and her hands reached behind her to unhook her bra. As it fell away, I saw her breasts spreading out and peaking around her sides. She turned to look at me and beckoned me with her finger before leaning back against her bed. This was an incredibly seductive woman.
I reached down and pulled my erection under the waistband of my boxers, then slid them down past my knees and stepped out of them. I stood up and watched as her eyes went down my body and locked on my rigid cock.
I walked over to her bed. She reached to the nightstand and fumbled with the drawer, before reaching inside and pulling out a condom. She sat up and tore open the package. Her hand reached up and her fingers wrapped around me. She gently stroked me before her other hand brought the condom up and began unrolling it onto my member.
When the condom was fully on, she released me and leaned back on her bed, then spread her legs. She was completely bare, either shaved or waxed. I moved until my legs were against the bed. She shifted toward me and once again wrapped her hand around me. She guided me to her and I felt the light pressure as the tip of my cock pressed against her lips. I pushed and slid inside her.
I wanted to lean down and suck one of her impressive tits into my mouth, but the position we were in didn't allow that. Instead, I watched them bounce and jiggle as I pulled out and thrust into her. Every thrust was met with a short, satisfied grunt from Ana. I quickened my pace until her bed was sliding and pounding against the wall in time with our movements. I could already feel the pressure inside me increasing.
I pulled out of her and she sat up and pressed her lips to mine. She worked her body around until she was standing beside me, then pushed me down until I was sitting on the edge of her bed. As she stood before me, I leaned forward and my lips made contact with her nipple. I slid my tongue out and in a circle around her nipple, tracing the slight bumps of her areola. I couldn't resist and sucked her nipple into my mouth, holding it between my teeth and running my tongue back and forth across it.
Ana moved her legs outside of mine, then climbed onto the bed, with a knee on either side of my hips. She reached down and guided me back into her. She pressed herself against me, her breasts flattening against my chest, and ground her hips down onto me. I closed my eyes as I felt her rolling her hips from front to back. I wasn't going to last long with this stimulation. I grabbed onto her hips and every time she rolled forward, I thrust into her with the limited leverage that I had.
I grunted as I felt myself cum. She slowed her grinding on my hips as I filled the condom and when I leaned back onto the bed, she lifted herself off of me.
Ana stood up next to the bed and quietly said the first word since we'd entered her apartment. "Stay."
She briefly disappeared before coming back into her bedroom with a towel. She gently slid the filled condom off of me and dropped it into a trashcan, then wrapped the warm and moist towel around my penis. She gently rubbed it, carefully unfolding and refolding the towel, until I felt thoroughly clean.
Again she left the room and I heard water running for a few minutes. When she returned, she'd put on a short nightshirt that barely covered her pubic area. She came over to her bed and sat down on the edge. I moved until I was laying lengthwise and she pulled back the covers. We slipped under the sheets and lay facing each other. She brushed her hand along the side of my face and leaned over to kiss me, before retreating back to her pillow.
She smiled and closed her eyes. I rolled to my back and closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep, with a slight unease in the back of my mind.
The next morning I woke up and Ana was already out of bed. I stood up, consciously aware of the fact that I was naked in Ana's apartment. I found my clothes on her dresser, which she had gathered and folded for me. I got dressed, opened the door, and stepped into her living room.
Ana popped out of the kitchen and handed me a cup of coffee.
"Buenos dias." She smiled at me.
"Mornin'," I responded, somewhat lamely.
"Have a seat, breakfast will be ready soon." She directed me to a table at the side of the living room, a small cafe-esque arrangement near the window.
Within minutes, she brought out two omelettes with fresh asparagus on the side, along with orange juice and a full pot of coffee.
"Wow," I said. "Thanks."
She looked at me, intently. "Mike, are you okay?" She really wasn't one for saying anything other than what was on her mind.
"I... uh... yeah." Way to sound convincing.
"You don't have to worry," she said. "I told you before that I'm not looking for anything in particular. I like spending time with you and last night was enjoyable. I have no expectations."
"Are you sure?"
Ana stood up and walked over to me. She leaned over and tilted my head up with her smooth fingers, then kissed me.
"You're too sweet."
She sat down and we finished eating. Afterwards, she kissed me again at her door, lightly pressing her voluptuous body against me, and then I was out on the street hailing a cab to head home.
Matteo and Isabel were spending the day with family, so fortunately I could avoid any awkward conversations with them. I spent the day walking, instead. I made my way to the beach, then just started walking north. When the beach faded away and the shore became too rocky, I moved up and walked along the road, before making my way back down when the beach reappeared. It was cool, but not unbearably so. The Mediterranean keeps the weather fairly moderate and in November, jeans and a sweatshirt are more than sufficient.
Around one o'clock, I stopped at a small restaurant and ate a light meal. I sat at my table for nearly two hours, sipping tea and watching the water.
This isn't where I expected to be a year ago, but it is where I am.
The week passed quickly. Teaching was second nature now. I had good rapport with both my students and the other teachers in my department. Several suggestions I'd made about the curriculum had been quickly incorporated. To some degree, I missed the intellectual stimulation of trying to tease meaningful analysis out of a pile of data, but it was relaxing to be able to work at something which I had a natural ability at. It was low impact on my mind, which was more than made up for by the high impact interactions I was having with the people around me.
On Friday night, I made plans to pick up Ana at her place before going to meet Matteo and Isabel at our regular pub. When she opened her door, I was impressed with how striking her appearance was. She wore a deep purple dress that hugged her curves, accentuating her breasts with a low 'v' in the front. It clung spectacularly to her hips and flowed loosely down to her knees. Her black hair was pulled up and hung in a little pouch at the back of her head, the effect lengthening and emphasizing her neck and magnificent cleavage. She had a black shawl draped over her arm, which she pulled around her shoulders to provide some protection against the cool night air.
After gawking at her while she stepped into the hall and locked her door, I slid my arm around her waist and kissed her before we proceeded downstairs.
At the pub, we walked in together, arm in arm. Matteo rose to greet us, pretty much as always, but Isabel was grinning from ear to ear and immediately chattering in rapid Spanish with Ana. I hoped Isabel wasn't expecting more from us than were were willing or capable of giving. Matteo and I ended up spending most of the evening discussing a recent European Space Agency launch while the ladies continued in Spanish with each other. Ana sat tall next to me, with her leg pressed against mine. Occasionally, we would make eye contact and smile or our hands would lightly rest on each other's arms or legs.
It was a relaxing evening with good friends, good conversation, and a good environment. At the end of the evening, Ana rode with me to my apartment and we went upstairs together.
We explored each other more fully that night. As we lay in bed, our hands more freely roamed on each other's bodies. I took more care to spend time on pleasing her and we both worked each other vigorously. There was no mistaking Ana for anything other than a woman who knew what she wanted, what pleased her. However we started during multiple encounters that night, she almost invariably ended up on top of me, forcing me inside her at her own pace and control.
In the morning, we showered together and I pressed her against the wall and entered her from behind while hot water ran over our bodies. As I felt myself getting close to finishing, I pulled out of her and she wrapped her hand around me, stroking me until I came. I closed my eyes and felt tension melting out of my shoulders as she washed my body.
We spent the day together. We went out for lunch and took our time, watching people pass by. Sometimes we talked, sometimes we sat quietly. For both of us, it was simply a state of no pressure, expecting nothing more than to enjoy each other's company. That evening, we never made it out to meet our regular group of friends. We stayed together.
This was my life now.
__________
In December, I confirmed with my college that I would be staying for the spring semester and, with Matteo's assistance, I received a lightened load of English classes and was given the chance to co-teach a class in astrophysics. It was a thrilling opportunity, adding a new dimension to work that I had truly come to enjoy.
On New Year's, I celebrated with Ana in Barcelona. We took the train down and stayed in a hotel downtown. After an incredible dinner, we ventured out into the crowded streets late in the evening. At midnight, we counted down to the new year before kissing, surrounded by thousands of revelers.
I stayed in steady contact with mom. She was always curious about how I was doing with teaching, who I was spending time with. I didn't tell her about Ana. It was February before mom said anything more about Savy than a generic, "She's okay." In January, Savy had given her first solo performance at Maryland on violin, in a small hall at the performing arts center on campus.
That was a difficult email for me and I would have been hard pressed to explain why. Savy had gone back to playing. It had been an important part of her life before college and I guess I was happy that it was again. Still, seeing her name and seeing actual information from mom about her, it affected me. It was one more layer on a knot that had been inside my stomach for a long time, a knot that I did my best to suppress and avoid.
Time continued slipping by and before long, spring had spread along the coast. With temperatures creeping back up into the 60s, everyone could spend more and more time outside. The cafes opened their patios and a steady flow of people could be seen walking along the beach, generally staying well up from the water, but on warmer days kicking off their sandals, rolling up their pants, and letting the water flow up and around their feet as they strolled.
In April, we got the great news that Matteo and Isabel were expecting their first child. Fortunately, this had the effect of directing a bit of Isabel's attention away from Ana and me. She had taken it upon herself to ask leading questions about us, such as how long I was planning to stay in Mataró or if we'd be interested in seeing some two bedroom apartment that she knew was for sale.
The thing was, April was when I had to start thinking about the future. My contract was technically up at the end of May. I hadn't thought about it. I had been actively resisting thinking about the future or the past for so long that making a decision like that seemed impossible.
One evening at the end of April, Ana and I were laying in bed at my apartment. The topic of my contract had come up at lunch with friends earlier that day and I hadn't really said anything committing either way. Ana said absolutely nothing about it. Was this a conversation that we had to have? Was she a part of the decision?
I tried to begin, "So, about today... and people asking about my plans."
"Mike, you don't have to say..."
"I just... I guess... I'd like to know what you think."
"I... I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want you to stay."
I closed my eyes. The knot in my stomach grew another layer. We didn't say anything else about it. She simply lay next to me, with her leg draped over me, and her hand running up and down my chest. Her body was warm, comfortable, inviting. I was deep within my mind.
I didn't see Ana for a few days. I could feel myself falling deep into a place that I had tried to leave behind. The thing was, I hadn't left it behind at all. I'd stopped looking at it. I had repressed it as best as I could. But I hadn't dealt with anything.
And then as I sat, listening to the sea, I would close my eyes and see her long flowing hair, her eyes, her smile.
__________
The next day at work, my supervisor approached me and asked if I'd made a decision. I told him that as much as I wanted to stay, I had to go back and deal with some things in the States. He thanked me for coming to Mataró and I asked him to keep my decision quiet for at least a few more days.
That night, I asked Ana to dinner.
I skipped my usual jeans and dressed in a nice pair of slacks with a crisp dress shirt. When I got to her apartment, she opened her door and smiled.
She was stunning, particularly stunning. All the times we had been together, I had never seen her wear red. It was a soft red and perfectly accented her olive skin. Her black hair fell freely over her shoulders, contrasting with the silky fabric. Different than many of her other dresses, this one had sleeves, three-quarter length, which made her wrists and hands seem more slender and elegant. Her fingernails were painted to match her dress.
The front of the dress was like a wrap, pulling down from her shoulder and across her chest, then overlaid by another section from the opposite shoulder, revealing a modest, yet alluring amount of cleavage. The fabric was tight around her midsection and continued wrapping around her until the two sections met behind her back, wrapping around each other to form a knot. The skirt of her dress flowed loosely away from her seductive hips before ending just above her knees. She wore heels with black straps that wrapped in a complex pattern around her slender ankles.
As we made our way downstairs, I followed behind her and watched as she walked. She had a dancer's walk, effortlessly gliding with a sensual back and forth to her hips, the fabric of her dress alternating between tight and loose on her rear with each step.
Outside, she slipped her arm into mine and we walked down the street towards the coast.
The restaurant was small, just a half-dozen tables sitting outside on the patio overlooking the sea. We were close enough to hear the waves breaking on the beach. The cover over the patio was pulled back, revealing the night sky above us, but lanterns with flickering candles were hung from the structure itself. The waiter showed us to our table, the seats set next to each other and overlooking the view.I ordered a bottle of wine. I love Spanish wine, where the arid climate results in a generally lower yield, making each bottle more distinct. We ordered escalivada and esqueixada for dinner, two dishes noted in Catalan cuisine.
Before our food arrived, I tried to say what I knew I had to.
"Ana..."
But she put her hand over mine and stopped me. "I know."
She smiled softly at me and laid her head on my shoulder. When dinner was served, we ate quietly. Afterwards, we sipped our wine and simply took in the weather, the view, and each other. Our time together now had a definite end. We sat there for hours, taking in as much of the evening as we could. The memory would have to last.
When the restaurant began cleaning up for the evening, we left and walked arm-in-arm back towards her building. I had prepared myself to say goodbye to her, but as I stepped away, she took my hand and guided me up to her apartment. Inside, she disappeared into her room momentarily and came back with a CD, which she dropped into her stereo. A soft Spanish guitar filled the room. She walked to me and slid into my arms. We held each other and swayed slowly with the music.
When the music ended, we simply stayed with each other for a moment, then she took my hand again and lead me to her bedroom. We disrobed slowly. I watched as she slid the dress over her shoulders and it fell to her feet, then she stepped out of it. Soon, we were naked before each other. We slid into bed and lay facing each other.
She moved closer to me and we kissed.
I could feel the warmth of her body against mine. We didn't need to seduce each other. We had chosen to be there, in spite of the circumstances. She rolled onto her back and I slid between her legs. I guided myself into her. We moved slowly with each other until she kissed me and moaned softly. We came together.
The next morning we woke up. We lay face to face and when our eyes met, she moved closer and pressed herself against me.
__________
May passed quickly.
I finished up my classes and both the foreign language and physics departments threw a going away party for me at a large restaurant across town. Matteo and I were as good as ever. We still ate lunch in the cafeteria most days and debated the impact of a recent neutrino experiment. Isabel, now showing her pregnancy, was more melancholy. She had been the one to effectively set me up with Ana and it was obvious that she had really wanted it to lead to something long-lasting.
And Ana. We stayed together almost every night. There was little to say between us. It was simply an understanding that this would be a memory that we would share across time and space. My last night in Spain, we sat on the beach until the sun rose over the water. The last time I saw her, she didn't cry and neither did I. She simply kissed me, held her hand to my cheek, and then walked away.
When I had left the United States, I only had a vague sense of what I was leaving behind and no sense of what I was going towards. Now I was going back to the States, knowing what I was leaving behind in Spain, but with no more clarity about what lay ahead.
__________
My plane touched down at BWI. Jeff had offered to pick me up, but I told him I'd be renting a car and driving to Salisbury to see my mom. I picked up my car and threw my bags in the back, then hit the road. The sun was already down as I crossed the Bay Bridge. I was back on the Eastern Shore. This was home.
I pulled into mom's driveway. I had been away for a year and a half, not since the night my life collapsed. Everything was still so familiar.
I grabbed the smallest of my bags from the back seat; I could get the rest in the morning before returning the car. I was exhausted and needed to sleep. I turned my key in the lock and stepped inside to a dark house. It was late and mom was undoubtedly asleep. I quietly made my way upstairs and tossed my bag on my bed before heading back down to the kitchen to grab a quick snack. I was rummaging in the fridge when I heard the familiar creak from the stairs.
I heard a soft voice behind me. "Mike."
I turned around, expecting to see mom.
My eyes focused in the dark and I stopped breathing.
"Savy..."
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