章 31: Failed
"Miss Sarah? Miss Sarah??" I heard nanny June call me as I stomped into the house and banged the door shut on her face.
"What is it, Miss Sarah? Are you not feeling well? Should I get you some refreshments?" she asked me in a worried tone from outside my door.
"Just leave me alone!" I yelled.
There was a sudden silence before I heard her small strained voice, "Okay."
I heard her footsteps as she walked away from the door. I felt guilty for shouting at her when my bad mood was not even her fault. She took care of me after mum's death. She was like my older sister, and I did not want to shout at her or hurt her but….
I felt extremely angry and frustrated. I walked straight to my bed, fully clothed with my shoes on, and I fell on it.
Uncle just blatantly threatened me when he was the one who deceived me. He did not tell me about Robbie's true sexual orientation and asked me to seduce him, but now he is acting like some saint! Would I have ever resorted to that cheap trick of spiking Robbie's drink to get him to marry me? He loved a MAN??!! How? When? And why? Before I left for the UK, he was as straight as a lamp pole. How did he suddenly bend?
I have loved Robbie since the second grade, he was my closest friend, and we grew up together. I thought I knew him the best. I had thought about confessing my feelings once we graduated middle school. But during the last year of my junior high, mom suddenly decided that I should receive my education out of the country, and without any prior warning, she suddenly told me that I would be going out of the country to study. I didn't want to. I wanted to see Robbie and spend more time with him, but Mom's mind was made, and Dad didn't object. No amount of crying, cursing, or begging helped. In the end, I was forced to accept it.
I decided to confess my feeling before leaving and ask him to wait for me. As fate would have it, Robbie's family was going through a very difficult time. Hence, Robbie would always be in a bad mood, so I never got the opportunity to tell him my feelings or that I was leaving.
When I returned home after completing my studies, I was shocked to learn that mum was no more, and dad did not even inform me. He simply introduced me to nanny June and told me that she would take care of me from then on. And on top of that, he suddenly handed me a part of his business to oversee. I barely got time to mourn mum's death. I was reluctant to take over the business as I had plans of opening my own brand of cosmetics. I decided to not let down dad's trust and also opened my business at the same time. I successfully did both of them. One day, dad had suddenly proposed to meet his old friend and took me along. I was astonished to find out that my dad's school friend's son turned out to be none other than Robbie. I was so happy to meet Robbie. I didn't think that I would meet him again. He greeted me with familiarity too, but at the same time quite distantly. I assumed it was because of meeting me after so long. To my utmost happiness dad and Robbie's dad, uncle Ricardo, wanted me to marry Robbie. I happily agreed but to my utter shock, Robbie refused. I was stumped. I thought that it might be because he didn't find me good enough. So, I tried to be prettier and excelled in both of my businesses, hoping he would notice me. But nothing whatsoever got him interested in me.
I started doubting that maybe he had someone in his life and would surprise visit him, often compromising my own business affairs. I even asked his PA, Jane, uncle, and aunty Walker about his whereabouts, but all of them said that he has not shown interest in anyone. So, I couldn't fathom the reason as to why he would reject me. I even imagined to the extent of him having some embarrassing male problem, due to which he avoided being in relation with anyone. That wasn't the case either. I heard from uncle Ricardo that he had some raging periods of one-night stands his entire college life before he stopped everything abruptly. So, I was left with no other choice but to make him fall for me. I visited him more and more often, but he seemed to grow sourer with every visit. I had no idea what to do. Finally, the reason for his complete aversion to me and my advances came to the fore. It turned out that he actually did have someone he loved, and it was a MAN!!
Several things were going through my mind. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. What about my love for Robbie? Just because he loved someone for eight years, he wants that guy to be his partner. But I, who loved him for almost all my life, has no value? Is he readily going to turn a blind eye to my feelings for him? He couldn't give up on that guy, then what about me? Are my feelings worth nothing?
I did everything that I did so that I can be with him, but he chose to be with some random guy. I clutched the bedsheet tightly and felt warm tears soaking my cheeks and the sheets. I saw my make-up rolling down along with it. It felt like someone was squeezing my heart. My stomach felt painful. My mind and body were both in pain. It was hard to accept. It hurts so bad. I got up, pulled the bed sheet out, almost tearing it. I threw everything on my dressing table, shelf, my shoes, the books on the table; smashed the vase, the showpieces, and the mirror; ripped photo frames, portraits, and the wall hangings, and everything I could reach, making a huge mess of my bedroom.
I heard frantic knocking on my door and the panicked voices of my servants and maids calling,
"Miss! Miss! please open the door!"
"Miss Sarah, I heard a glass break, did you get hurt?"
"Miss!" I heard almost a choked voice which was of nanny June, "Please tell me if you're hurt! Are you okay? Please open the door..."
No nanny June!
I am not okay!
It hurts!
Damn it hurts so much!
Unable to hold it in anymore, I screamed in fury and the pain of my heart-breaking. I crashed on the floor, which was covered in glass shards. Several of them pierced my feet, legs, and palm. Blood oozed out of the pierced parts, staining the carpet, glass, and the accessories I was wearing. I couldn't feel the pain, neither the tears which rolled down, dropping on the back of my hand.
My scream scared my servants even more. I heard a male servant say in a panicked voice,
"Miss, I am very sorry to do this, but I have to. I am breaking open the door."
I heard the thud of a human hitting the door. I remained sitting there, staring at the carpeted floor with my tear-filled eyes. I heard as the door crashed open with all my servants, maids, and nanny June filing in and then take in a terrified breath.
"Oh my God! Miss...," a female servant shouted
"Am calling doctor Troupe..." another screamed.
Most of them came and surrounded me, trying to get me up. I didn't want to. I remained sitting there like a lifeless doll, feeling them lift me up, carry me to the couch outside. Everyone was speaking something gibberish around me and someone was tending to my wounds, but I couldn't hear anymore.
My mind was instead far from the situation I was in now. It was slowly getting covered in dark and sinister thoughts. The resentment in my heart began to build up. I smiled, which surprised my nanny, who was tending to me. She asked me hesitatingly,
"Miss, does it hurt?"
"Yes," I said, drying my tears with the back of my hand. "It hurts. It hurts like hell, and he too shall know this pain!"
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