章 14: 14: Chipped
After a fourty-five minute nap, Xanthus and I take a shower together. And as we're brushing our teeth, we hear loud voices.
"Is that yelling," I ask Xanthus.
"Sure sounds like it," Xanthus answers me.
We quickly rinse the toothpaste from our mouths and rush downstairs barefooted. Xanthus and I aren't shoes around the house people.
I think I might be sick when I see that my adoptive parents are here. My dad is apologizing as my adoptive mother, Laura, is yelling, demanding to know where I am.
"What are you doing here," I ask shocked and outraged.
"Eli, honey, I'm sorry," my dad apologizes.
"I thought we decided we would make this trip as a family," Laura shouts at me.
"No, we did not," I correct her calmly, "You suggested it, and I said I would think about it. How do you even know I left California? I didn't even call and tell Dad."
"Eli, I didn't know," states my dad, "I wouldn't have let her do it."
"Do what," I ask.
Laura is suddenly quiet as my dad tells her, "Go on, Laura. Tell Eli how you knew she left Cali. Tell her how you knew she was here."
Laura is silent as she refuses to make eye contact with anyone.
"Well," I ask expectantly.
"Answer the question, Laura," demands Grandma Justine, "How did you know Eli left California? How did you know she was here?"
Laura looks at her mother. I think she's hoping she'll understand as she explains, "After I lost her in Barstow, I had to make sure that I could always find her, no matter what."
"And how did you expect to accomplish that," ask Grandma Justine.
Laura admits as if it's nothing, "After Barstow, I had a small tracking chip implanted in her right butt cheek."
"You what," me, Grandma Justine, Mama, Papa and Grandma and Grandpa Winter all shout at the same time.
"Laura," says Uncle Stan, "she's not a dog or a cat."
"I couldn't not know where she is ever again," insists Laura, "Losing your child in a riot is a lot different than losing them in the damn grocery store."
"You can rationalize it all you want, Laura," says Grandma Justine firmly, "It was still wrong. You implant tracking devices in pets, not people."
"I have a damn tracking implant in my butt cheek," I state in disbelief.
"Don't worry," Xanthus tells me assuringly, "We'll have it removed."
"No! No! No!" shouts Laura, "I absolutely forbid the removal of her tracking implant. I have to know where she is at all times."
"I'm twenty-six years old," I remind Laura, "You don't get to forbid me from anything anymore. The damn implant is coming out."
"We need to go someplace where we can discuss this as a family," insist Laura. "You're not thinking clearly. You shouldn't have come here without us."
"Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean there's something wrong with the way I'm thinking," I tell Laura, "And I certainly don't need you up my butt while I get to know my own parents."
Laura slaps me so hard, I stumble off to the side. There's a collective shocked gasp from everyone else in the room.
Laura shouts at me, "We're your parents! We're your mother and father! We fed you and clothed you and made sure you got a good education!"
Luann shoves Laura away from me, "How dare you strike her!? Are you out of your mind!?"
"Laura, get control of yourself," orders my dad.
"Laura, that was totally unnecessary," shouts Grandma Justine.
Laura points at Luann and tells her mother, "You always take her side."
"I'm not taking sides, Laura," responds Grandma Justine, "But when you're wrong, I'm going to tell you you're wrong."
"Mom has never been unfair to any of us," states Uncle Stan, "and she's never struck one of us. Slapping Eli was totally uncalled for."
Luann puts an arm around me, "Come on, sweetie, let's get some ice for your cheek."
"That's a good idea," Xanthus says with more than just a touch of anger in his voice.
"Laura, are you losing your mind," I hear my dad ask as Xanthus, Mama, Papa and I step into the kitchen.
Papa wraps some ice in a towel for me and I am happy to put it against my throbbing cheek.
"Are you alright," Xanthus ask me concerned.
"I'm fine," I assure Xanthus, "It's nothing. It might welt up a bit, but I don't bruise easily."
"You say it as if this has happened before," says Papa concerned.
"Well," I share, "she's never lost her temper with me like that in front of anyone else before. But she has lost her temper with me before. It's just been a while."
"How often," ask Mama concerned.
I shrug, "I haven't lived at home since I started college. I asked Dad for one of the apartments in Richards and Richards to use during long breaks, so it's been years."
"How often when you were a child," asks Mama concerned, "Every day? Once a week? Once a month?"
I shrug. It's not like I was counting. "Not every day or even once a week, just once in a great while, I guess. There are a couple of times I remember real well, but the rest just run together."
"Well, that's the last time she will ever touch you like that," states Xanthus with conviction.
"Dan," Papa calls.
My dad leaves the arguing in the other room between Laura and Grandma Justine. Grandma and Grandpa Winter have been very quiet thus far and follow my dad into the kitchen. Luckily it's a nice large eat-in-kitchen.
"Dan, this has happened before," Papa informs Dad.
"What," ask my dad in disbelief.
"Laura has hit Eli before," Papa informs Dad, "She's been physically abusing Eli behind your back for years."
My dad looks at me shocked, "Eli, is this true?"
"I don't know if you would call it physical abuse," I answer, "But she's lost her temper with me like that before, just never in front of anybody."
My dad puts a hand to his head as he says, "My poor, baby." His eyes well up with tears. He looks as if he might faint. "Eli, why didn't you ever tell me?"
"She would have whooped me good for that," I answer. "I made the mistake once of telling her I was going to tell you and she whooped me again and said if I ever told you she'ld do it again."
"Oh, my heavens," says my dad, "Baby, I'm so sorry. If I would have known, I would have stopped it." He starts to cry.
"Dad, it's okay," I try to console him, "I'm fine. It was a long time ago."
Grandma Winter puts an arm around Dad and tells him, "It's alright, Dan. You didn't know."
"Please, don't cry, Daddy," I implore as I hug him.
He hugs me back and kisses the top of my head. "There's absolutely no reason for her to ever lose her temper like that."
"I don't have time to discuss this right now," I hear Laura shout. "I need to talk to my daughter."
"Eleanor," Laura shouts as she comes into the kitchen, "Eleanor, we're not finished with our discussion."
"There's nothing left to discuss," I tell Laura.
"We're not finished," states Laura, "I'm tired of your continuous obstinate defiance of me."
"Laura that's enough," insist my dad.
Laura comes toward me. I clatter over a chair and stub my big toe backing to get away from her. My dad tries stepping in front of her and she actually shoves him aside.
"Why did you have to come here," asks Laura angry, "Why must you always defy me? These people hate me, and you just had to come here. This will be the last time you defy me."
She raises her hand in the air and I brace myself for the blow, except the blow doesn't come.
I hear Xanthus say, "You are never going to put a hand on her again."
I open my eyes and Xanthus has not only put himself between me and Laura, he has caught her hand by the wrist, preventing her from striking me.
"If you ever lay a hand on her again," Xanthus tells Laura, "I promise you, I'll break every bone in your body."
Laura jerks her wrist from Xanthus hand and steps back. "Dan, are you going to let him speak to me like that," she asks.
"Yes," my dad answers in a defeated tone.
Laura whirls around to look at her husband. "What," she asks shocked.
"How many times, Laura," ask my dad, "How many times have you struck our precious Eleanor? When did it begin?"
"She doesn't listen to me like she listens to you," Laura tells my dad, "She's strong willed and head strong."
"You mean she has a mind of her own and can think for herself," says Papa.
"You stay out of this," Laura tells Papa.
"I'm not a slave anymore," Papa tells Laura, "You can't order me around. And you can't order my daughter around. She's not a child anymore and you can't keep her away from us anymore."
"She's not yours. She's ours," insist Laura. "We are her legal parents."
"Laura, stop it," my dad says softly, "just stop it. No matter how legal it was at the time, it was wrong. We're her legal kidnappers. We're the people that stole her from her parents when there was no evidence that they were bad parents in any way shape or form."
"Dan," says Grandma Justine understandingly, "We know you didn't know what Laura had been up to until you stepped into that room to pick up Eli."
"But I signed her adoption papers," says my dad guiltily. "And I signed them because I didn't want her to go to strangers who might treat her badly because she was half chimp... I never dreamed Laura would abuse her."
"I have not abused her," insist Laura. "I've only disciplined her when it was necessary."
"When is it ever necessary to strike a child," my dad ask Laura.
"Sometimes it was necessary," insists Laura, "She's never responded to me like she does you. She's never loved me like she loves you."
"The problem is you, Laura," my dad tells her, "not Eli. I don't know how many times or how many different ways I've seen her reach out to you, but you have always kept her at arm's length. You with hold affection and praise and expect her to obey you like a dog. Do you see a person at all when you look at her?"
"Of course," Laura insists, "I love her. You know I love her. But don't you see, she is constantly disrespecting me."
"You have to give respect to get it," my dad tells her.
"I respect her," insist Laura.
My dad shakes his head, "No you don't. If you respected her, there wouldn't be a tracking chip implanted in her bum and we wouldn't be here right now."
"But we agreed to do this as a family," insist Laura.
"No," my dad tells her, "I was there, remember? You suggested we do it as a family and Eli said she would think about it. And she's made her decision. She doesn't need us here to get to know her own parents, and I agree with her."
"But," Laura tears up, "We can't leave her here. She's our child, ours. She doesn't belong with these animals," she looks at Papa and his parents.
"Laura, they're her family too," my dad tells her.
Laura shakes her head. She doesn't want to accept it.
"I have a question," says Xanthus, "and I know it's none of my business. But why couldn't you two have children of your own? What did the fertility specialist say?"
"We've never been to a fertility specialist," shares my dad, "When I asked Laura to marry me, she told me she couldn't have children. I never asked why because it didn't matter to me. I just wanted to spend my life with the woman I love. I figured we'ld see a specialist when Laura decided she wanted to try, but she decided on adoption which was fine with me."
"You knew before you married Dan that you couldn't have children," ask Grandma Justine surprised, "Why didn't you tell me, Laura? Why did you wait till after you'd been married a few years before you told me? How did you find out you couldn't have children?"
"And you didn't have to take Eli from us," says Mama, "I could have been a surrogate for you. All you had to do was ask."
Laura looks at her younger sister and ask awed, "You would have done that for me?"
"Of course I would have," answers Mama, "You're my sister. I love you."
Laura seems mystified.
"Well," says Uncle Stan expectantly, "How did you find out you couldn't have children, Laura."
Laura does her look around thing that my dad and I know she does when she doesn't want to answer a question. And during Laura's look around, she focuses on Xanthus' feet. She blinks as she stares at his feet for a moment. Then realization shapes her face.
"He's a chimp," Laura says out loud.
My dad glances at Xanthus and says, "Yes, he is."
"Eleanor," Laura says very concerned for me, "you can't live with him. You have to come home with us. We'll hire movers to get your stuff or we can just go shopping and buy you all new stuff..."
"Stop," I tell Laura pushing her away from me, "just stop. I love Xanthus. We love each other. We're going to spend our lives together and make babies together."
"No! No! No!" shouts Laura, "You don't understand?"
"What's to understand," I ask, "We love each other."
"No," shouts Laura "...They're animals. They don't love like we do... It won't work out. Trust me, when you need him the most, he won't be there for you."
"Trust you," I question in disbelief. "You've lied to me my whole life."
"To protect you," Laura insists, "I've only been trying to protect you."
"Protect me from what," I ask. "You're the only one I need protecting from."
"Please, Eleanor, please," Laura pleads with tears in her eyes, "on this one thing, obey me. Forget about him. He doesn't really love you."
I shake my head, "No, you're wrong. I know he loves me, and I love him. I'm not leaving him. I'm staying with him."
"Eleanor, please," Laura begs.
"Please, what," I ask frustrated, "All you do is make demands and you never explain yourself, and I'm tired of it. Just go away and leave us alone. If it bothers you so much, we don't need you in our lives."
"Eleanor, please, you don't understand," pleads Laura.
"Then make me understand," I demand, "Enlighten me with your wisdom."
Tears start to streak Laura's face. She's silent a moment. Then she says meekly, "I didn't know I could get pregnant by him."
Everyone's face is as shocked as I feel. And I ask the question we're all thinking, "Him who?"
Laura sobs softly, "His name was Pharaoh, and I didn't know he could get me pregnant."
"He was a chimp," ask Uncle Stan.
"Half chimp, half gorilla," answers Laura. As she recalls she smiles for a moment, "He was so smart, tall and strong. He was being trained to be an optometrist. I had never met anyone like him before."
"And you got pregnant," ask Luann.
Laura nods sadly as the tears flow, "Yes..."
"What happened," I ask.
"I couldn't have it," Laura sobs, "He was a slave and it was my first year of college. What would my parents say? What would it look like? He was half gorilla... But something went wrong during the procedure at the clinic. I started to bleed out and they had to cauterize the inside of my uterus to stop the bleeding, leaving me unable to get pregnant again."
"Oh, Laura," says Grandma Justine sadly.
Laura continues, "And when I told him what I'd done... He said, 'You killed our baby? How could you kill our baby? I thought you loved me, but you killed our baby.' I had just nearly died and he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't speak to me. He wouldn't let me explain. It tore my heart out every time I saw him. So, I transferred to another college far away from here and I met Dan. And I wanted to have a baby with him so badly.
Then Luann gets pregnant, and it was so unfair. She was getting to have and keep her baby. Mom wasn't freaked out at all. It was 'Are you going to make it to Luann's baby shower?' Why was she getting to have her baby? It just didn't make sense to me."
"Did you want the baby, Laura," ask Grandma Justine.
"Yes, I wanted my baby," Laura shouts.
"Then why did you have the abortion," ask Grandma Justine. "You could have had and kept your baby."
"But I didn't realize that until Luann was having Eli," states Laura. "And it just wasn't fair. I had that damn abortion and couldn't have more children because of it. And there's Luann. She's legally inept, but she gets to have and keep her baby. It wasn't fair. So I fixed it the only way I saw to fix it. I petitioned for custody of Eli and for Luann and Tin to be sterilized."
"Laura," says my Mama angry and upset, "as usual all you can think about is yourself. All you care about is what's fair to you. You chose to have that abortion. No one made you do it. But it's all unfair to you. They didn't just give me a simple tubal ligation because tubal ligations can be reversed. As someone legally inept and declared an unfit parent, I will never be permitted to have another child. They gave me a hysterectomy. I was a healthy twenty-five year old and they removed my uterus. So how is what you did fair?"
"That's just hateful and evil," states Xanthus, which is what I'm thinking.
"Don't you judge me," Laura points at Xanthus, "You don't get to judge me."
"But he's right," states Uncle Stan, "What you did to Luann and Tin was hateful and evil."
Laura shakes her head in denial, "No, I did what was best for everybody; especially, what was best for Eli."
"Why didn't you ever tell me all this," my dad ask Laura.
"You didn't need to know," insist Laura. "It doesn't affect us. I love you and we have a wonderful life together."
"But it does affect us, Laura," responds my dad, "it has from the very beginning and every day that we've been married. Starting with your obsessive need to control everything and have everything perfect all the time. Do you realize you've never baked cookies with Eli because she'ld make a mess? A lot of things that mothers do with their children, you've never done because it might make a mess. And you're crying. It obviously is something that you are still tortured by. You should have been in therapy for it. Instead, you've been keeping it a secret, letting it eat at your soul. And I'm your husband. I love you. You should trust me enough to tell me anything, everything. But apparently, you don't trust me at all. I've been sleeping next to a stranger for the past thirty-three years. Who the hell are you?"
"Dan, I'm your wife," answers Laura.
Dad shakes his head sadly, "You're a stranger who keeps secrets and tells lies as you see fit. And you've mistreated Eleanor for years behind my back, and wonder why you're not close, why she doesn't want to spend time with you, why she doesn't come home for dinner more often. No one wants to have dinner with someone who's going to spend the whole meal picking at their non-existent flaws and belittling them."
"I only mean for her to take better care of herself," insist Laura. "I only want what's best for her."
"Well right now," Dad tells Laura, "it's best that we're not here interfering with her getting to know her own parents and the rest of the family."
"But..." Laura starts to say something.
Except Dad cuts her off, "No buts, Laura, we need to go home."
"Dad," I call as I limp over to him with my throbbing big toe. I tell him, "You're my dad. No matter where I go or what I do, you're my dad and I'm your loving daughter. I just have a mama and a papa too now. There's enough love for everybody, right?"
"Absolutely," Dad answers me with a smile. He hugs me and kisses my forehead. "And you will always be the best daughter I've ever had. Have a good time here. You've got a lot of catching up to do. And you've got to get everyone to come to Cali for a visit."
I nod, "I will, Dad. I'll call you when I get home."
"That's because you're a good daughter, Eli," Dad tells me.
"Come sit down so I can take a look at your foot," Papa gently guiding me to a chair.
Papa sits in front of me, "Let Papa have a look at your foot."
I lift my foot for him, "I just stubbed my big toe. I'm clumsy like that. I'm always tripping over my own two feet."
"No," says Laura solemnly, "I know I've told you that you're clumsy, but it's not true. You're very graceful... Eli, I'm so sorry I lost my temper. I didn't mean too."
"Laura, come on," Dad calls from the kitchen doorway.
"I know, Laura," I tell her, "you're always sorry and you never mean to but you always do... Good-bye, Laura."
Laura is hesitant. She doesn't want to leave. Dad calls again, "Laura..."
"If you're a bit clumsy," Papa says sadly, "it's because these aren't the feet God intended you to have." Papa is hugging my foot and crying softly. He says, "You had such beautiful, perfect little feet. I know the pain for such an operation was excruciating."
"But I was just a baby, Papa. I don't remember," I assure him.
"He's right," says Dad, "you were in excruciating pain for a couple of weeks. All that could be done for you was give you a little baby Tylenol every six hours. Then it seemed to last only three hours and you were crying again. You hardly slept or ate. You lost nearly a pound during that two weeks you were in agony."
"A pound," says Grandma Winter shocked, "That's a lot of weight for a baby to lose."
"No truly loving parent puts their baby through such an unnecessary cosmetic surgery," says Papa through his tears.
With that said, Laura seems to decide it's time to retreat as she steps over to the kitchen doorway where my dad is waiting for her.
"They hate me," Laura tells my dad, "They all hate me."
"We don't hate you, Laura," says Grandma Justine, "but we're certainly not happy with some of the selfish decisions you've made. We certainly never expected perfection of you. That's a demand you make of yourself. You've spent too much time worrying about what other people think. What your father and I were going to say about your unplanned pregnancy shouldn't have factored into your decision to have an abortion. You didn't even bother to call home and find out what we would say. You just panicked and made the decision without really thinking it through. And it certainly wouldn't hurt you to consider how your actions truly affect others. What if Eli had married a human man not knowing she was half chimp? What was going to happen when she had her first baby and it was born with lovely little chimp feet? Were you finally going to say, 'Oops, honey, by the way, you're adopted and half chimp'? While in the meantime her husband is filing for divorce because he thinks she cheated on him. Stop making decisions based on what you're afraid people will think or say. Stop living in that bubble of yours where it's everyone's fault but your own."
Laura doesn't try to respond. She leaves. Dad sighs sadly, "I'm sorry our visit wasn't more pleasant," he apologizes. Then he leaves too. I hear the front door open. Then a moment later, I hear it shut.
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