章 7: Chapter 7
Athena was wandering through the forest in an effort to clear her mind and calm down. She had left the Hokage office, with Naruto of course. He didn't talk much and she appreciated it. She dropped him off at his house and promised to come see him the next day. From there she just walked with no destination and found herself in the forest. She didn't really care. Maybe she could find a place to just sit down and relax. Maybe stare at the clouds. She was still angry about what had happened. The anger had faded even if just a little and now she was just feeling depressed again. She was starting to doubt herself. Her abilities. She told a grown man that she would end him if he insulted her again. Could she? She knows a bunch of jutsu that she could preform almost effortlessly thanks to her amazing chakra control. The man was but a civilian with no ninja training. Yeah. She could back up her threat. She knew it, so why was she doubting herself? Was that even the subject she was unsure of?
Maybe she was doubting her use.
Was she really useless? She never accomplished anything in her last life. She had no friends. Her grades were average. Her mother hated her guts. She was in pain every day. No one wanted to talk to her. She wasn't wanted. She wasn't needed.
She wasn't useful.
She tried to convince herself that she did or would have a use in this world. She was gifted with a natural talent for ninjutsu. That already makes her very powerful. Her chakra is off the charts as well. If she worked hard every day she could become pretty overpowered. That's what she wanted to do. She wanted to be strong. She never had power in her last life and she would strive for it in this one.
But the question remains.
Does she have a use in this world?
Should she even be here? She was clearly a mistake given who her parents are. She wasn't supposed to exist based on the anime she watched. Her being here wasn't right. It shouldn't be , should it? Was she just thrown into this world to be as worthless as in her last.
"What type of impact would I even make? "
She couldn't picture herself doing anything praise worthy. Despite her abilities. Naruto was the main character. She is just a side character. She probably wouldn't have as much impact as her cheerful god brother. Side characters die so there's that.
She sighed and stuffed her hands in her pocket. Was she even worth it? Was life even worth it?
Athena stared at the sky as she walked. She hated feeling the way she did. It made her feel weak. Like she could be hurt at any moment.
Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
The words flowed out of her mouth as she continued her walk. This song meant a lot to her. She had just watched the first episode of Naruto and this ending appeared. She wasn't expecting a song like that. Not after the very hype opening. It hit her hard because she could actually relate to it. By the end of it tears had wet her cheeks as she sat there with a mixture of emotions. It brought her comfort for some reason and since then she had always sung it to herself when she got depressed.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.
~~~~~~~~
Hinata was lost. The realization scared her. She could clearly remember what happened the last time she was in the very same forest. She hadn't wandered off on purpose. She didn't even remember how she ended up in it. All she knows is that she was taken by someone and was terrified the entire time. She was a shivering mess by the time her father found her. She didn't like to think about it.
She had to find her way back home. The longer she stayed in the green Forest the faster the fear and memory of that night crept up on her.
She tried to retrace her steps but somehow ended up deeper into the forest. There was nothing but trees for as far as she could see. Any small movement got her attention. Every little sound made her jump.
Hinata was lost and genuinely afraid.
Don't try to look so wise.Don't cry 'cause you're so right.Don't dry with fakes or fears,'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
She heard someone singing and stopped walking. She trained her ears to try to hear better. To determine the direction the voice was coming from.
She found herself following the voice. It was soft and beautiful. As she listened closer she could hear the sadness and desperation in it.
She stopped and stared at the girl she stumbled upon. She knew her. They had met only once and she wished she could see her again. She was so nice to her. No one had ever told her she could do what ever she wanted as long as she believed. No one had ever told her they believe in her as well. Yet this girl she had just met did so. She said she was her friend. She had a friend. The thought made Hinata so happy. Since then she had been training a lot harder looking forward to the day she would return to spar with her like she promised.
She couldn't bring herself to move in fear of startling the blonde in front of her. She couldn't move even if she wanted to. She was just captivated by her voice. All the emotions she could feel and hear in them. It made her feel.. Well.. She didn't know how it made her feel. It wasn't a bad feeling. It was a good feeling, but she couldn't explain or understand it.
You say, "Dreams are dreams."
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."
Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.
You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
The song had come to an end and Hinata found herself wishing the girl hadn't stopped singing. She liked the trance she put her in and fully enjoyed it.
There was nothing said. Hinata didn't know what to say or if she should even say anything.
"Hinata? " Athena had turned around and looked confused to see the lavender girl. She tilted her head slightly. "What are you doing out in the forest all alone? "
Hinata fiddled with her fingers and couldn't look at the girl in front of her. "I-I-I'm l-Lost" She bearly got it out and her face was slowly increasing in brightness the longer Athena stared at her. She remembered her name. That alone made Hinata feel so much happiness. She didn't think she was very memorable and was sure Athena wouldn't even remember meeting her.
"How did that happen? "
"I- I don't kn-know" Hinata stuttered again looking at the ground.
"I'll help you home then"
~~~~~~~
"Um.. Why are y-you out here? "
Athena turned her attention to her shy friend. She stared at her without saying anything. Her eyes betrayed little to no emotion and it made Hinata self conscious. Even more so than she already was.
"I needed to think and clear my head, I suppose" Athena said flatly. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and looked away from the girl next to her.
"I-is that why you s-sang that song? "
Again there was a long silence as the question hung in the air. This time Athena was staring into the very depths of Hinata's eyes. She just stared at her with an unreadable expression.
"I guess. It's somewhat comforting to me"
"I-it s-sounded a b-bit a bit sad" Hinata said softly and looked at the blonde beside her. She was met with golden amber eyes staring at her again. This time there was an emotion, but she couldn't decipher it. "Um.. I-I I d-"
"It did, huh? " Athena sighed before Hinata could form a correct sentence. "It's bittersweet. I'm feeling a bit depressed right now so that explains it I guess"
"I-I.. I um.. I liked it" Hinata looked at the ground as redness started to take over her cheeks. "I mean, it sounded sad, but-but it was nice at t-the same time. It made me feel different, but a good different"
Athena raised an eyebrow as she looked at Hinata.
"You only stuttered twice in that sentence. That's a first"
Hinata blushed even harder and tried to stutter out another sentence, but a hand on her head stopped her.
"Don't struggle to say something to me if you can't form the words. You don't have to respond to me if you don't know what to say. I don't mind." Athena told her. "Besides I can get an idea of what you're trying to say, I'm pretty good at reading people"
"O-okay"
"Good, I'm glad you liked my song somewhat" Athena removed her hand and continued her track through the forest with Hinata following silently and closely behind.
"Why a-are you depressed? "
"Many reasons" Athena shrugged. "I was reminded of something I was trying to forget and it brought up too many emotions for me"
Hinata was quiet. She wanted to know what made her sad. The specifics. But she knew that asking would only make things worse. She figured if Athena wanted to tell her she would. She hoped she would, maybe she could help her the way she did her.
"Have you ever been called useless before, Hinata? "
Useless? No. She had never been called that although she did feel that way more often than not. She looked at Athena, the blonde didn't turn to look at her or even stop waking.
"No"
"That's good. I hope no one ever does that to you. If that ever happens be sure to tell me, alright? "
"Yes" Hinata nodded. She wanted to ask more again. She hesitated but she really wanted to know. " W-who called y-you u-useless? "
"Lots of people. I was always called useless and worthless. A waste of space. It really hurt. It still does. I tried not to think about it. I was actually succeeding for some time, but someone recently said that word to me again and everything came crashing into me again" Athena's voice was suddenly brittle. "I tried to convince myself that I am useful. That I have a worth. That I'm not a waste. Not a mistake. But I have so many doubts and it's so hard to believe myself. No matter how hard I try these feeling always return and each time it's stronger than the last and it's becoming overwhelming. Am I really useless? Do I have no worth? Should I even be here? " Her emotions were overwhelming her again and tears stung at the back of her eyes. She closed them and took a deep breath. She didn't want to cry. She shouldn't cry. It'll just make everything worse.
Hinata was suddenly overcome with an overpowering sorrow. Hearing Athena say all those things about herself was painful to her. Athena had been the same cheerful girl that encouraged her to be the best she could. She made her believe. She made her actually enjoy her training. How could she think such things of herself?
Athena felt small arms wrap around her waist from behind and a head rest against her back. She tensed at first. It was too much physical contact and she wanted to escape, but she couldn't move. She was starting to panic. Her brain wasn't thinking clearly. But then she felt warmth. It wasn't just physical warmth. It felt like it was coming from her insides. It was weird, but it felt really nice. She relaxed unconsciously and leaned back into Hinata who held her tighter.
"I don't think you're useless or worthless. I think you're amazing. It's because of you that I now believe in myself. It's because of you that I actually want to train. I want to get stronger. I want to be a great ninja like you will be one day. I want live by your nindo. You're the first person to tell me that I could do anything I believed I could. You're the first to tell me to be me. Your the first to be my friend. You're the first to tell me my eyes are beautiful. You made me happy to be me. You do have a use. A purpose. You do have a worth. When we first met you told me not to listen to the negative everyone says about me. You told me to listen to the positive alone. So please listen and believe me and only me"
Athena felt a wetness on her cheeks and realized that she was crying. She couldn't hold her tears back any longer. Hinata's words had a powerful effect on her. Never before had anyone said such words to her. Never before had someone hugged her. Her emotions were overwhelming her again. She couldn't help the desperate sobs that left her throat.
All this time she was trying to convince herself of her worth when she just needed to hear it from someone else.
週次パワーステータス
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