章 42: It was easy to tell that he was jealous
"What did you say?" Evie frowns hard at Eli.
"She wants to meet you." Eli tells her coldly, "Mind your words when you are speaking to her."
"Who are you to tell me how to speak?" Evie walks past him. Annoying! He's not like Baek Joon-Woo at all. Why did Nell marry someone like him? If it was her, she would have slapped this man until his face looked nothing like Baek Joon-Woo. She pushes the door open and walks into the ward.
The woman on the bed is staring at the glimpse of the sky through the window. Nell turns her head toward her and smiles at her. "How have you been, Evie?"
Did she forget what happened yesterday? Evie sneers at her. "Don't you think that it's too late to ask me that question?"
"It's never too late to ask that question," Nell replies to her. "When did you come to the city?"
"I arrived two months ago." Evie sits down on the stool and crosses her arms. "You didn't go to the alumni meet."
"I didn't graduate from that school." Nell takes a deep breath.
Yeah, she never came back. Despite being the top student of the class who was on a full scholarship at an elite school, she went for GED. Later, she went to K University and studied literature. Didn't she always use to say that she was going to study management? Evie purses her lips. Baek Joon-Woo's mother told her that Nell lost her parents in a terrorist attack at the mall. Since then, Nell has been living alone.
"Why did you not return?" Evie asks, not expecting to receive an answer. She had asked the same question nine years ago. Nell never answered her. Nell would use violence to send her away whenever she tried to confront Nell.
"I didn't want to step inside the place where he died."
Evie widens her eyes. Nell had been acting like she wasn't affected by anyone's death at all.
"I don't remember what I said to him." Nell looks toward the window with a distant look in her eyes. "He was gone. Maise was also gone. Though my family was beside me, I was alone. I was angry before I could be sad. My mother kept crying. So, I didn't want to cry."
She's too honest to her today. Why did she change suddenly? If she had cried and acted this miserable back then, everyone could understand. Evie looks down at her hands. Why is she listening to Nell?
"I went to university and studied what he wanted to study. I have been pretending that I wanted it to do it for myself. I was the rebel who chose an unusual path." Nell lets out a laugh. "I have been pretending for so long and I am tired now. I can never become like him. I can't write like him. I want to write a novel with his pen name, but I don't have what it takes. I wonder if he's laughing at me right now. When he asked me to marry him like a fool, I told him that I would be the breadwinner of the house and become his supporter until he could make it big. He promised me that he would write a novel about our love story someday. Evie, why did he forget about his promises to me?"
Evie curls her fingers as tears roll down her cheeks. Baek Joon-Woo never made those promises to her. Did he love Nell more than her? She doesn't want to hear anymore, but she can't move from the spot either.
"You knew him for a longer time, Evie." Nell glances at her. "You were his friend before you became his lover. You knew him more than I did. Then, tell me why didn't he keep his promises to me."
"You said something to him." Evie spits out the words in rage. "Your words must have forced him to do it."
"I wonder how repugnant my words were." Nell mumbles, "He probably didn't want me after he found out that my body was defiled by strangers. Still, there was no reason to do something like that. He could have just broken up with me. I would have let him go."
Evie glances at Nell's left wrist. She knows that Nell is not lying. This crazy girl would have done it.
"For nine years, I have been numb. I thought about death every day. I failed every time." Nell sighs. "Then, Eli found me. He saved my life. He sat beside me when I was unconscious. He held my hand when I felt like I didn't want to get up. He told me that he loved me when I felt that I was the most hateful creature in the world. I don't know what he loves about me. But I am afraid of dying and leaving him behind."
The rays of sunlight pour inside the room through the window. A cold breeze brings the scent of winter. Evie inhales. What can she say to this woman? Nine years ago, they both acted foolishly. She tried to win Baek Joon-Woo back, but Baek Joon-Woo never gave in.
But Nell would fight with her whenever she went closer to Baek Joon-Woo. She knew that Nell also loved Baek Joon-Woo. If she had gone through the same things that Nell did, what would she have done?
Why didn't Baek Joon-Woo think about Nell if he loved her? It's not like she hasn't thought about those things. That's why it feels odd. It was fine one day and then, it was destroyed the next morning.
"Evie, I can't forgive myself. However, I can't die either." Nell smiles at Evie brightly. "Even if you tell me to die now, I won't do it. I am going to be selfish and live for him. I am afraid that he might follow me to the afterlife if I do something to myself. I want to give rest my of life to him and spend my afterlife in peace."
Giving rest of the life to someone else… Yeah, Baek Joon-Woo wouldn't want Nell to hurt herself. Even she said those words to Nell because she thought that Nell would never be affected. Who knew that Nell was also human? "Do you love him because he looks like Joon-Woo?"
"Though he looks like Joon-Woo, he's nothing like Joon-Woo. He doesn't have the same habits. I get confused sometimes. Then, he opens his mouth and makes me realize that he's not him at all." Nell smiles. "I am not confused about my feelings. I am not in love with him yet. It will take some time for me to move forward. But I will do my best."
Relieved that she's not the only one who can't get over Joon-Woo's death, Evie releases her breath. "Baek Joon-Woo never showed it, but he was always jealous when the guys looked at you."
"Yeah, he never showed it." The corners of Nell's lips curl up. "I used to be upset because he wouldn't show it. But it was easy to tell that he was jealous."
"He did lose his composure when Killian forcefully kissed you in the lab." Evie chuckles. "I have never seen him like that before. He beat that boy until the teachers came and dragged him away."
Nell creases her forehead. "Who is Killian?"
"You don't remember him?" Evie scrutinizes Nell's face and realizes that she really doesn't remember. "He was a semester exchange student. He had dark hair and brown eyes. He was a little creepy though. He was always staring at you in the class. He stopped coming too. I wonder why."
"I don't remember him." Nell shrugs. "He's not important."
Evie nods. Killian isn't important. After a pause, she says to her, "I still hate you, Nell Solomon. But I don't want you to die. Joon-Woo would never want to see you unhappy. He wouldn't want you to kill yourself. If you want to repent, then have some shame and continue to live. Dying is the easy way."
"I won't kill myself." Living is hard, but it might be bearable with Eli. Nell curls and uncurls her left hand. "What about you? When are you going to move forward?"
"I don't need to move forward." She was with Baek Joon-Woo for a longer time. There are too many memories. She can continue to live with them. Evie stands up and walks toward the door with sorrow in her eyes. "Visit Joon-Woo's grave sometimes. I am sure that he misses you."
"Let him miss me." Nell clicks her tongue. "He deserves to miss me for eternity."
Ah, this hopeless woman! Evie shakes her head and laughs as she walks out of the ward. If she could become like Nell and punish Baek Joon-Woo too, could she feel better? Then, Baek Joon-Woo would have wanted to see Nell instead of her.
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