章 34: Only A Stockman
Zane got the job at Craft Cave when he was 16. It started as a part time position to get his parents off his back. At the time, he knew nothing about art supplies, but the staff was 80% female and the pay was good. He worked most weekends but they closed early enough he still got to hang out after work. Plus Evan was a night owl, and video games could be played 24/7.
As a stockman, he did most of the grunt work. He cleaned bathrooms, swept the store, and unloaded trucks. His friends would brag about their discounts or free food, and he would just laugh it off. He never had issues getting time off like they did, and he still made more.
He remembered when Rylee started working there. She had a different glow back in those days. Word passed through the staff she was engaged to a guy but Zane still got to know her, captivated by her doodles at the lunch table.
He commented on her Z of Legend backpack and they quickly became friends. They would trade gaming magazines and comment on the latest movies. She had a quirky laugh that sometimes became a snort when she lost her breath. It was dorky and adorable. Talking to her became his favorite part of the job.
Her breakup came as a surprise. Rylee had showed up to work, and Zane could sense something had happened. She ate her lunch in silence. She no longer drew on breaks. It was like seeing a fire extinguish; even from a distance it was easy to sense the signs of a broken heart. Zane was no master with girls, but was determined to do something.
"Hey Ry, there's a new Pocket Monster game, you should come play with us," Zane remembered asking. She looked at him so miserably, in made his blood boil thinking of the jerk who did this to her.
"I'm really not in to big groups." She had dark circles under her eyes from late work shifts at her second job.
Zane handed her his phone, showing off the newly downloaded game. "So don't come with the group. I can show you on my own. Come on, you'll love it, I know you will."
Maybe he was too enthusiastic because her cheeks turned red, and she had looked down at her hands. "Listen, Zane, you're a nice guy, but I don't want to give you the wrong impression."
He almost choked when he realized what she was saying, "Oh heck, I didn't mean...Ry, I'm not hitting on you I swear. You're like, one of my best friends. I would never risk messing that up."
She had looked at him doubtfully, and Zane remembered hitting his forehead in exasperation. Of course he gave her the wrong idea. When he caught her eyes he tried looking as genuine as possible. When you were carefree like him, people always assumed you would never be serious.
"Rylee, have you ever just had a guy who wanted to be your friend? No hidden motives?"
Her lip trembled, "No, I just don't think guys ever want that."
"Well I do," Zane had declared. "Listen, your great at art, and your friendly, and yes you're pretty. But I value you as a person. I think you deserve to have someone around to remind you how special you are without any other expectations from you. I promise to be your friend Ry, and you never have to be afraid I am there for anything other than that."
He was firm in his commitment, and it took time for her to believe him. But soon they played the app together, went to movies, and he heard her laugh come back. He let her share her excitement for comics and films without feeling nervous or shy. Zane knew a relationship broke her, so he made the effort to heal her with a friendship. She needed to see the things she loved could be attached to something other than romance.
Maybe that was his motivation for keeping Evan at a distance in the start. There was always the chance they would hit it off, but Zane didn't want Rylee to just feel like dating was all there was. He wanted to give her faith in the little things again. When her heart was ready, she could reach out for more.
When he finally brought the two together, Zane felt like all the hard work had paid off. He felt proud knowing his best friends could be around someone that made them happy. There was chemistry, and as a matchmaker he was quite proud.
It just...didn't last.
A few hours later, the car crash rattled their lives, and Rylee—who Zane sought so hard to protect—was left trapped in the back seat, covered in blood.
The nights following were torment. Guilt weighed heavy on Zane's heart as he thought about what had happened. He drank more than he used to, resulting in the mix up with the juice at Evan's house. He was careful after that, controlling how much he consumed, even when he wanted to just forget.
He spent more time at Evan's house, knowing it was safer than going home to his tiny one bedroom studio. Since Evan avoided alcohol, Zane had to settle for soda or energy drinks instead. There, he could laugh and unwind, and even hang out with Rylee. It felt normal, even with the sadness lurking in the corners of his mind.
Zane spent years building Rylee up, making her feel safe, and in his mind he failed her by letting her get hurt. It was his turn to feel broken, staring into a bottle and trying to find meaning. He was the driver, he took responsibility even if the law said he was innocent. What if she hadn't survived? He would have never been able to forget that.
Sitting alone at his house, Zane shut his eyes and looked back. He thought of the girl who was his friend, the girl whose smile was the best part of his day. Now it would be up to Evan to make her happy. He was even there to keep her safe. The little roles Zane enjoyed wouldn't last forever. He just hadn't prepared for how lonely it would feel becoming the third wheel.
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