章 7: Those Shores so Many Years Ago
In the year 2195 when we were 14, for our annual school trip we went to District 2. When we arrived I remember feeling lost, as I stared out into the vastness of the horizon. Realising how small, my existence was in the grand scheme. If the world outside was anything like the scene we were witnessing unfolding, how would our existence as human beings compare? The tiny grains of white sand softy shifted, as the wind, accompanied by the relentless waves, stretching out into eternity, hounded onward.
Kim stood beside me, equal starstruck. When I turned to look at her face, I didn't miss the warm glow in her eyes, as deep as the ocean, nor her slightly ajar lips or the nostalgic expression she wore. Most of all I didn't miss the single large pearl that slid down her cheek. Her long bright copper hair, was being tossed around by the wind, she paid it no attention, but I did. It was so majestic, the boyish looking young girl had matured into a fine woman. There was not a single cloud in our crystal clear artificial sky that day, which made the scene remain more vividly in my memory.
Perhaps it was the romantic atmosphere surrounding the sparkling white sands, and turquoise water, but I began to think. If I could choose anybody in this entire world, to show this scene to, who would it be? The answer was clear. Even if a shower of meteors suddenly came crashing down on the earth, and the world were to end tomorrow, I would still accompany Kim, to view this very scene.
And not just this scene either, I would take her all around the dome, to all of the beautiful places, especially on that hill in District 6 where Darren, Hannah and I, observed the sun set. We would make a photo album, full of pictures of nature, and most importantly of us together, and display it in our dorm room, and when we graduated and got married we would take it with us. The realisation somehow hit me, I had developed romantic feelings for Kim.
Overwhelmed by those feelings, I spent the entirety of the night crying. I couldn't even go back to my own room because I didn't want to face Kim, so I spent that night in Finn and Darrens room, bawling my eyes out, while they listened to my desperate sobs. Earlier that day I told Kim that I would be playing games in the boy's room, and she didn't have to worry about me. In reality I was bent over crouched, crying.
It didn't help that the entire time Finn laughed at me for being an idiot and falling for his "ugly gorilla" of a sister. Whenever he made a snarky remark in an attempt to cheer me up, it always backfired, and I wailed harder than ever. I was aware that he wasn't trying to be mean, but the hurtful part of the comment was that he was right. I was an idiot. A relationship with Kim would never work, the Ministry of Love and the Department of Marriage Affairs would never allow it.
Most of all I was afraid of the prospect of rejection from Kim herself, which is why after all of those years, I never once have found the courage to confess to her. Even still, something that I had no control over was my heart. I could not stop loving Kim.
The next day continued as usual. Kim was worried about me that night, but apparently when she came to check on me, Finn (being unusually considerate for a brat) lied, and told her that I had accidentally fallen asleep on their couch. I laughed it off, and made some casual remarks about not paying attention to the time, and we continued with our day. Our first activity, was an hour long hike in the forest next to the shore. It was an activity conducted in our groups.
This year round, because Hannah, Elizebeth and Reina were placed in different classes from Kim and I, we had to form a new group. Kim although not directly bullied anymore, was still a bit of a social outcast. I was invited to join a group of 3 boys and 1 girl because of my good looks, and also as I was fairly easy to get along with. Another group of 4 girls invited me as well, but I declined both offers, because I was not going to abandon Kim.
"Go, I'll be fine Layla, I'll just find a random group to hang with." Kim smiled when I told her about my offers.
"I declined them."
"You what?... No don't do that. I told you didn't I, that I'll be fine." Kim shrugged it off, she wouldn't let something this small affect her, but after years of being Kim's friend I no longer wanted to be separated from her.
"No, I want to be in the same group as you."
"Ok. Sure. We'll just find a group together. I think I might know someone." Kim's voice faltered a little, genuinely surprised by my response, but almost instantly it filled with pride.
Before this series of events occurred, I had no idea of the existence of Kim's twin brother, Finn. She had never so much mentioned him, or hung out with him, and never introduced me to him. Somehow I felt betrayed, we were supposed to know everything about each other.
"He's quite popular, but he's an immature brat. Honestly he's just loud and obnoxious, so take this as my warning to you." Kim sighed. " I'm sure there will be many people wanting to be in his group, but he's my brother, I'm sure he can make this work."
Her description of Finn was as accurate as it could get. The words loud, immature and obnoxious fit him to a T. He seemed like one of those attention seekers in class, always playing pranks on teachers and students alike, so it surprised me that he declined an invitation to a group of 4 girls for Kim.
After thinking about the psychology behind his actions it finally occurred to me that he was just doing what a good older brother should have. Family comes first. Blood is thicker than water. That was my first understanding of familial love, in a society of none. It explained the feelings in my chest that I reserved only for Darren and Hannah.
One of the girls in the group of 4, her name was Caitlyn, begged to join our group and tagged along with Finn, and lastly I persuaded Darren to join us.
In the last three years, quite a lot of physical changes happened to Darren. For one he was taller than me now, and his shoulders had become broader and more manly. He was no longer the shrivelled skeleton that he was in the past.
As per usual I found him in a small corner of the library reading a book. He was sitting on the magenta carpet under a maroon smooth woven tapestry of what appeared to be a knight holding a lance. The lance seemed to capture my attention, after all it was the only part of the work stitched with a steely grey. It felt majestic, yet delicate, the way the knight wielded it. The tapestry intrigued me, although it was simplistic and poorly woven and even now I couldn't accurately convey the mysterious sense of yearning I felt for it. I snuck up behind Darren.
"So which one is it today?"
He looked up at me. "Oh, it's you, Layla. I'm reading 1984 by George Orwell. It's a wonderful book."
Something didn't make sense. I had heard of this book before, and there was no way its existence was allowed in our society, much less found somewhere like our school library.
"What is the classification?" I interrogated.
"Unspecified."
A gasp nearly left my mouth. That was the highest classification, not even the Ministers were allowed to read this book. " Where did you find it, answer me, Darren?" I shook his shoulders.
"There is a secret room, leading to a basement like room, under this library. It's totally dark in there, and there are many books covered in dust, like this one."
"Why are you doing this to yourself?! If you were caught then you could get into some serious trouble." I whispered, remembering that we were in a library, furiously.
His emerald eyes wandered around the room, and then he locked gazes with me. "This book was written as a warning, to what our future could become."
I had this feeling of uneasiness, and no matter how hard I tried I could not brush it off. "Please stop. I just have this really nasty instinct, that if you don't stop, something really bad will happen to you." I clenched my jaw.
He sighed. "As I was reading this, somehow, I have the feeling that our society is becoming more and more like the one in the novel."
Nightmarish images flashed in my head. Bullets were raining on top of my head, all around me was soaked with the blood of my enemies, or perhaps it was that of my comrades. I didn't know. I was crouched around the corpse of a total stranger, and yet I was mourning for him. Then it began to pour blood, and I too became soaked with the blood, of not complete strangers, but fellow members of the human race.
Then the scene changed. I was in a dark basement, somewhere covered in dust, and rarely used, but a metallic scent pierced my nostrils. Yes, it was the smell of blood and rust, then a giant needle appeared before me, and before I had the time to react it pierced me. It took all I had in my to stop myself from manifest any physical reaction. Through it all, I didn't avert my gaze even once from him.
He sighed again. "Fine, I will stop. Satisfied?"
"Yes."
Then I asked him about the original reason why I came looking for him. He replied, sure, and with that our group was completely formed.
During the trip, whenever we had to split in pairs, I was often partnered with Finn, because Kim thought it was a good idea for us to get to know each other. Because of that Kim and Darren partnered up and Caitlyn buddied with her other friends.
Finn had platinum blonde hair and azure eyes, that were like polished gems. I was initially surprised by this, I had expected him to possess the exact same bright copper hair and jade eyes. "We're fraternal twins idiot." He chuckled, amused at my lack of knowledge, when I brought up the topic. "We developed from separate fertilized ova." We were on a canoe, rowing down the river, flowing into the ocean, but much further upstream of course.
"And I'm telling you, there's something wrong with this place. Don't you just get that feeling?"
The sky above us was riddled with clouds, and the transparent water beneath our canoe reflected the image of Finn's dark expression.
I was beginning to get irritable, but I was curious about the point that he was trying to make. "Elaborate?"
"If you think about it, the numbers don't match up. Usually under 30 people graduate from the 150 enrolled at the beginning. So the other 120 had to go somewhere right? Currently we only have around 110 registered businesses in the dome, that's not nearly enough for everyone who's dropped out."
My heart, heavy as stone, sank into the pit of my stomach. "What about the other people? Where did they go?"
As if on cue, a droplet of rain fell into my face, and before long, another followed it, until we were drowned in a torrent of water. Pit-pat pit-pat.
"Exactly. It's odd, isn't it. None of these figures add up. Obviously they are hiding something." He said ignoring the shower that drenched his hair.
"That can't be true. Why would they have to hide this information from us?" I shuddered a chilling sensation touching my body, as the rain fell upon it.
"I know, I know. And all this is just the tip of the iceberg" He furrowed his eyebrows and frowned. "That's what I mean. They gain no benefit from covering up these disappearances."
"Disappearances? But there's no proof."
"Come on, it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. Those people can't just disappear overnight. How come no one remembers them or tries to look for them?"
"Maybe, they didn't know anyone?". I tried to casually brush off his remarks.
"You and I both know that can't be the case. No matter how socially withdrawn they are, it's impossible to vanish without leaving a trace. Besides the policy is that we share dorms in groups of 6, so at least those other 5 people should remember."
"So? What if someone didn't really interact with anyone. Like Reina for example. She doesn't like talking to people."
"But if one day Reina suddenly went missing, you would realise right?"
I pondered the answer for a little while, in my head, as I concentrated on the droplets of rain, rippling the surface of the water. I would. "Yes."
"Even little exceptions would be clearly noticeable, because of the type of environment, Cransfield is. So it doesn't make sense, how such a large group disappeared unnoticed."
I couldn't help but agree, albeit a little hesitantly. "Ok, we've established that much." My breath hitched when I came to a certain realisation. "Finn, killing someone is easier than making them disappear, right?". I trembled, sweat drops forming on my already wet forehead.
"You're right. But it's unlikely. From their perspective, what's the point of killing off children, that they've wasted so much money raising? There's absolutely no benefit for anyone."
I think he heard me sigh in relief, as he wryly smiled at me. "There's most likely a reason. It's probably not that deep anyways. Can you do me a favour and keep our conversation a secret? Especially from Kim, she always takes things too seriously."
"Sure, I guess..." My eyelids fluttered shut, as I tried to clear my mind of the dark thoughts that filled them. When I reopened them I did not miss the sinister expression reflected on Finn's face, in the water, distorted by the rain, much less the blank expression that engulfed his gaze.
I was getting very irritated at this point. All I wanted to do was to enjoy a beautiful sunny canoe ride, with Kim, but instead I was lumped with him in the rain. And he was bothering me with this stupid theory of his that was poisoning my mind.
"It's just a theory, don't take it too seriously". I said indignantly, my voice barely heard against the splashing of the canoe.
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
Somehow, I was under the impression that he knew a lot more than what he was willing to share with me.
When rain stopped, the sky in the horizon had formed a rainbow. I wanted to point that out, but before I had the chance to he interrupted me.
He pointed to a tree, to the side of the river. "Look a rhinoceros beetle!" He blurted out.
As his character did an one-eighty, I could already guess the childish plan that he formulated in that 8-year old brain of his. I wanted nothing more than to wipe that arrogant smirk off his face.
He rowed us over to the river bank and trampling on the sand and fallen leaves, headed towards the tree and grabbed it. It was apparent that he was suppressing his laughter as he grinned at me. "A present for Kim."
Those words only fueled my annoyance towards the prepubescent brat before my eyes, but Finn was surprisingly observant. Later on I would be shocked as to how accurate his theory was. And as much as he irritated me, I couldn't deny that he was incredibly charismatic and intelligent, probably what made him popular, and what drew him to me.
On the last day of our school trip, we all gathered to watch the relentless waves, hounding on the white sand. As one cycle would end, another one began. I stood next to Kim, these waves made both of us sad. To me they represented human life. When one ended another began, and the cycle would continue. As I held Kim's warm hand on that cliff, spectating the breathtaking view, I was left with a bittersweet feeling.
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