章 14: Shallow
"What! I am just saying the truth. I mean, I don't want to insult Lora or rub her past in her face, or make her feel inferior and not good enough, I just want to be honest. The truth is not only is she not up to his standard financially, she is also a victim, yuck! his parents won't accept her."
"There is no hope for a love story between them. Lora please don't make the same mistake some people do, don't dream too high or you will crash. You are just a weirdo common Adam is the golden boy accept that nothing will go on between you both. This is not a Wattpad story. "
I was amazed by her words. Did she really say them to stop me from hoping too much thereby crushing myself? If she was doing so then it was useless for I was already crushed by her words.
How could she say this to me? She reminded me of a poem I wrote.
Your words were Poison
You knew it.
Yet you fed Me with it
Never stopping
Till I died
Then you came to cry on my grave
Hypocrite you are
Hypocrite
I bit my lips until it drew out blood trying my best not to satisfy her with my tears.
In my defense Sofia snapped at Amaya. "I don't know what is bringing all this talk Amaya, Its not like he wants to marry her he just asked?for a handshake not her hand it marriage. I was just joking about the love stuff and just so you know love conquers all. And my friend is not just a weirdo, she is smart and beautiful and she has no reason to be ashamed. If anyone should be ashamed then it should be the rapist not her. Never her!"
Amaya then turns to me.
"Don't mind her Lora you know Amaya loves you she's just stupid sometimes In fact Every time." Sofia said trying to cheer me up. But the damage already done could not be repaired by sweet words.
You know it was funny how I wished that my presence be acknowledged just a few moments ago.
And then when someone finally acknowledges it, finally talks to me, what they said hurt so bad.
"Yes I'm stupid" Amaya said chuckling like her saying she was stupid would fix all the damage she had caused. "I hope I? didn't offend you Lora, you know I love you" Amaya said holding my hands which were on Sofia's thighs. Sofia sat beside me and Amaya sat beside her.
Oh you know she doesn't mean it. Pain laughs. She was right about everything she said though and trust me she doesn't regret a single word of it. Not a single word.
"Of course you didn't offend me, why would what you said offend me?, " I asked. "You were just being your usual stupid self so there is nothing wrong with what you said."
"Putting me into a sick stereotype, a stereotype of?me being only a victim of rape was just as a result of you being your usual stupid self. Calling me poor was still as a result of you being your usual stupid self. Why should I be angry if you were just being honestly stupid thereby cutting me with your words__"
"Lora common___
"No, It is all ok. It really is." I said cutting her off before she could speak. "You were just being your normal stupid self, there is no harm done. Why will I get hurt when you laugh at me and discriminate against me because of my circumstance, When you are just being your normal stupid self? why should I bleed when you stab me, When you were only stabbing me because you are just being your normal stupid self? You point a gun at me and you ask if I am afraid, what am I suppose to feel excitement?" I snapped.
I snapped and the
Irony in it was that I was just complaining about how Amaya's voice was high pitched even when she knew that we were in still in a class only for me to end up doing the same thing. I was attracting the attention of those sitting around us but I didn't care they could shove their scornful looks down my ass.
"Lora I'm sorry! Honestly I didn't think it was that deep. It is really not that deep really. I'm sorry if my words hurt you but the truth is painful that's why it hurts. I am only being honest and voicing out my own opinion. Sofia won't say it but I know she's thinking it." Amaya tried to justify herself but she had no excuse.
There she goes. I told you that she isn't sorry. Pain tells me amused.
"Don't add me to that please, Amaya I'll never think of that talk more of saying it. You know me. I do not see you as a victim." Sofia explained.
"It's ok, its really not that deep, " Amaya chuckled nervously. She wanted me to ignore this just as I have been ignoring every one of her insults over the year. But I have sincerely had just about enough of her bullshit.
"You lack depth Amaya let that sink in. You are just a shallow beauty." I told her scornfully. And with that said I stood up and left the seat not paying mind to their pleas for me to stay back and forgive. If I couldn't forget then I couldn't forgive.
And I was sure that I would never be able to forget.
Common get back girl why are you running away from your truth. Don't you want someone other than me to tell you how worthless you are. Pain snarled.
I ignored him.
Luckily for me before I could even think of changing to another the lecturer announced his closing remarks and left the class. With immediacy I did a U turn and followed him out of the class.
Sofia and Amaya kept shouting my name begging me to come back but I ran, I ran without looking back, without hesitation.
Oh how I loved running
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