Hell or Heaven !
Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Peter decided to let him in.
"Follow me." he said, opening the gate and walking in. After some walk, Saint Peter`s keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn`t resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you`ll go straight to hell! Follow me, we`re almost there."
After some more Peter dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here?" Peter asks. "Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.
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The Undressing Newlyweds
Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed in front of each other for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to you feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me; you also had smallcox!"