章 11: Much Ado Over Nothing?
Morton's aura was the particular shade of red that meant intense sexual attraction, but no interest- or possibility of interest- in anything but sex. It wasn't something that Harris was supposed to manipulate without doing mountains of paperwork beforehand, because turning interest away rather than fostering it was a big thing to do, no matter how obviously good for his charge making Morton go away would be. But Harris did it anyway. If he was able to be intimidating he would have done that- allowed Morton to go on believing that Joshua was in a relationship with Harris and scare him off that way- but he wasn't. He stood, put a hand on Morton's arm, and whispered in his ear, "You should go before you embarrass yourself any further."
At the same time, Harris turned Morton's interest so far from Joshua that Joshua would, in that moment, be so unattractive to him that Morton would be genuinely ashamed to have ever paid him for sex.
"Yeah," Morton said, going pale. "Yeah."
He took himself off with admirable quickness, not that Harris had much time to enjoy it. He caught Tresnal and Amourt watching him. Tresnal was frowning- likely at the misuse of power- and Amourt… well, it was difficult for Harris to figure out what, exactly, the smirk on Amourt's face was about, but he looked entirely too amused about something for Harris's liking.
"Can we go?" Joshua asked, tugging on Harris's sleeve.
"Of course," Harris said, entirely happy to oblige. The review was coming up- the review would take place over the next few days- and he would have to justify every little thing he'd ever done, including that, to his boss. Until then, Harris was going to take care of Joshua and he damn well wasn't going to apologize to anyone for it. He put a light hand against the small of Joshua's back and steered him out of the ballroom.
"That was cool," Joshua said when they were outside. "I dunno what you said that made him run off like that, but it was pretty fucking cool."
"Then why don't you look very happy?" Harris asked.
Joshua stopped, biting his lip. "I guess I liked to think that you didn't know," he said. "About- uh- about what I used to do."
"I've always known," Harris said. It didn't occur to him for a second to lie.
Joshua made a soft, sad noise.
Harris touched his chin, lifting it so that Joshua would meet his eyes. "You can't think that I care about that."
"Don't you?"
"I care that you were ever in a position that you felt it was your only choice. If I could go back in time and change that I would. But I would never ever think less of you for it. All I care about is that whatever happened in the past does not keep you from being happy now."
The warm light slowly came back into Joshua's eyes. "Fuck," he whispered. "Harris." He leaned closer to Harris. Harris let his hand slide back, his fingers carding through Joshua's hair, his palm cradling the back of his skull, and drew him closer still, pressing their foreheads together. For a few moments, they simply breathed in tandem. "Harris," Joshua whispered again, angling closer still.
Harris kissed his forehead. "Let's get you home."
Joshua stopped again almost the moment he started walking. He looked frustrated, perhaps with his own insecurities. "It reallydon't bother you?"
Harris pulled Joshua into his arms. "Of course not."
Joshua returned the hug, arms strong around his middle, but Harris was beginning to think it was Harris that Joshua was frustrated with, rather than himself, when Joshua said, "You sure?" as though he was calling Harris out on something they should both have been able to see.
But Harris didn't know how to make himself any clearer, so he simply said, "Yes," firmly, pressed a kiss to the side of Joshua's head, and drew away.
"All right," Joshua said, and sighed, and finally walked with Harris.
"Joshua," Harris said after a while. "I may be busy for the next few days. It's a work thing. If you don't hear from me for a while, don't think-"
"That it's to do with me?"
"Exactly."
"All right," Joshua said again. There was doubt in his voice that Harris really didn't know what to do about, and for all he knew he'd never see Joshua again after the review. He didn't want to fight with him. He just wanted to see Joshua home. "Mum and Eliza went to the country for a couple of days," Joshua told Harris when they were close. "Visiting my aunt."
Harris blinked. "You needn't have come with me if you were meant to be seeing family."
"It's fine," Joshua said firmly. "All I'm saying is that I got the flat to myself. You could-" he swallowed heavily. "You could stay."
And Harris wanted to. He loved cooking dinner with Joshua- which mainly consisted of chopping vegetables while Joshua did most of the hard work. He loved talking to him until it was late. He loved tucking Joshua into bed when he was exhausted, and he didn't even mind spending the night on Joshua's couch. If this was to be the last time he saw Joshua, Harris wanted to spend the night that way. But God, if he had to give him up it would be so much harder with every reason he didn't want to so close at hand. Joshua was his charge but at this point he was also the best friend he'd ever had. Harris had to make what was the best choice for Joshua, not the best choice for himself, and to do that he had to hang on to the last vestiges of his objectivity. "I'd like to," he said, hoping Joshua would hear in his voice how true that was. "But I have a very early start tomorrow morning."
Joshua nodded, looking unusually embarrassed, and Harris pulled him into another hug. If he held him longer and tighter than he ever had before, Harris didn't think he could be blamed for it. He pressed his face into Joshua's hair and inhaled, trying to memorize his scent.
"See you in a few days, yeah?" Joshua said, voice muffled by Harris's shoulder.
"Yes," Harris agreed, wishing he knew that he could keep that promise.
~oOo~
The review wasn't quite the nightmare Harris remembered it being. Perhaps it was having a success like Mary under his belt, but Venus found little fault with him. He found little fault with him for what amounted to two days earth-time in his large office at HQ; through it all, Venus's eyes were narrowed and his expression was suspicious, as if he thought Harris was probably trying to put one over on him by having done nothing wrong.
Harris enjoyed riling Venus. Until he met Joshua it had been one of the primary joys of his life. That said, he also spent every minute of the review waiting for Venus to gleefully bring out Joshua as his final weapon, because all the Marys in the world couldn't make up for that.
But Venus never did. Harris wondered if it was possible that Merlin and Valentine and Tresnal and Amourt and all of the other people who, according to Tresnal, knew the whole story were covering for him; it was flattering but ultimately foolish if they were. Harris didn't want Joshua to be given to another cupid, he didn't want to be given another charge, but it struck him as very likely that that was exactly what was needed. He was failing with Joshua, and every time he resigned himself to do better he forgot again because he liked being around Joshua better than he liked doing his job.
"So everything appears to be in order," Venus told Harris like an accusation towards the end of the review.
"Not quite," Harris admitted.
He had never seen his superior perk up so fast.
"It's my current charge, Joshua. I'm having trouble with him and I believe drastic steps may need to be taken." Harris said the last part quickly, sure he would lose his nerve otherwise. "Someone else should probably take over his case."
"What problems are you having?"
"The most basic one can have. I'm finding it impossible to choose a match for him and engineer a meeting between them. I suspect that he's found someone on his own, but I have not yet seen this person to judge their suitability."
"How is that possible? Does he spend no time with this person?"
"He 'must.'" Harris's personal frustration with the situation came out in his voice, turning it sharp and low.
"Then how can you not have seen them?"
"You really haven't been told." Harris took a long breath. "He can see me. I cannot follow him unnoticed. We've developed… a relationship, but there are only so many accidental encounters that I can engineer. If he does not choose to introduce me to someone, I do not meet them."
"My God." Venus had gone very pale. "Go home, Cionus. You will be briefed on this matter in due course."
That was all Venus said, and eventually- reluctantly- Harris did as he was told and went home. He had not been told he couldn't see Joshua, which was something, but still Harris told himself that he wouldn't visit, wouldn't call, in case Venus separated them, which Harris was sure he would do. Harris had always known that there were things about this situation that Merlin wasn't telling him. Judging from Venus's reaction, though, they were worse than he had feared. For the first time, Harris wondered if they might move him on for this.
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