章 59: Had I truly lost everything?
|Innaya|
"ESHAN—"
I jolted awake. Frantically, I searched for him only to realize it was another nightmare. My hands met the cold floor beside the carpet I was sitting upon; I looked down and found myself in the same place where I was writing the letter. I had fallen asleep while crying when I had decided to leave Eshan's life for good.
I exhaled heavily. Wiping the sweat beads on my forehead, my fingers automatically went to the beaded wedding chain on my neck, curling around it. Somehow, the wedding chain comforted me. Lately, I had the feeling that something was not right with Eshan.
I wiped my face with my hands. In my sleep, I had cried, and traces of all the fresh and dried up tears were visible on my face, I could feel it.
"Water."
The gruff voice of Arjun had me open my eyes that had closed on their own accord. Giving him a grateful look, I accepted it. The owner of blue orbs kept avoiding my gaze, instead focussed them somewhere on the carpeted floor.
"Thank you!" I mumbled softly. Without saying anything, Arjun turned to leave, but I had enough of his aloof behavior just as I had enough of his best friend's, my husband's.
Anyway, after this night I was leaving this place. So, I should take this opportunity to confront him.
For almost close to two months, he was staying beside me. Most of the time, he stayed out of my way. He appeared only with food three times a day if I didn't appear on my own in the dining room. Though I barely touched the food sometimes, his one glare was more effective than his words. I had to force myself to eat for I felt guilty whenever Arjun looked at me with those cold eyes.
Eshan's other friends didn't bother to visit me again after that fiasco Sahil created. It was a good thing, from childhood I was never good at dealing with people. I got scared easily, and that made it harder to deal with them.
I raised my right hand and caught his hand. Gripping his wrist, I asked the question that was swirling in my mind for so long. "Why are you tending to my needs? Let me suffer, you don't have to be with me when you don't want to."
His silence once again graced me; he tugged at his arm without turning to look at me.
"Arjun, I am asking something." I made myself sound sterner, but I didn't think it made any difference for my voice was all squeaky and rough due to all the crying I had done.
"I am not answerable to you." He removed my hold with his other hand before he started moving away.
'Not tonight. You'll have to answer me. You called me your sister, and I considered yourself as my brother. As a brother, you've to give me answers I'm seeking, even if that means I have to force them out of you.'
I clumsily stood up, but because of sitting in the same position from very long, my legs had gone numb, and my knees buckled. My whole body started falling, ungracefully, and I closed my eyes expecting the heavy fall. The fall never came, instead, I found Arjun supporting me. With his help, I managed to sit on the bed.
"Yes, you are." I looked into his eyes after I comfortable sat down. I still had held onto his wrist. There was that nagging feeling somewhere in the back of my mind as if telling me to not give up this time. I didn't realize where this courage was coming from, but it was for better because, without it, I wouldn't have been able to hold my ground for much longer.
"Innaya."
I brushed away his warning tone, and I continued, "Arjun, why are you still with me? You hate me, right? Then go ahead, let out your anger on me. You… you can hit—"
"SHUT UP!" His eyes blazed with anger, and he pressed his lips tightly. He tried sidestepping, to which I just shifted, blocking his way. I blinked back tears at his indifference.
"I am sorry, alright. Punish me how you want, but for God's sake, stop behaving like this..." my voice broke in the end as I pleaded, "Just take me to Eshan."
I fell on my knees before I joined my hands, begging him. I couldn't handle the distance between Eshan and I. The separation was killing me.
"Please Arjun, try to understand... You had said— you understand how I feel." Lowering my forehead on my joined palms, I pleaded to him, reminding him of his own words. Maybe, it would soften his steely resolve.
"Yet you forgot what I said after that... I had told you to let Eshan help— not to let your past ruin your relationship." He said through gritted teeth.
I sucked a sharp breath. He was right, but only partially. I had tried, and I would have told Eshan, eventually, if things had not turned out this way.
I raised my head to look at Arjun, to confirm that there was no hope. He was not going to forgive me ever. Dreading to lose myself into more despair, I averted my eyes even before they could meet his.
Had I truly lost everything?
*
クリエイターの想い 
Mukta
Mukta Hello my dear readers,
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