章 42: forty one
Jimin: Just so you know, he hasn't been eating right, or taking care of himself. I took him a soda and kimbap, but I don't know if he ate any of it. I noticed he had finally showered, and changed into clean clothes, so that's a good thing. I left the key where I told you. Thank you for coming back, y/n.
~ ♡ ~
You stopped walking after reading his text, overcome with guilt. You had done this, it was your fault.
You started walking again, a little quicker, the need to get to him strong. You felt like the Starbucks should be getting close, and looked up, seeing the sign in the distance. You quickened your step even more. Finally, you turned the corner, knowing you only had another four blocks to go, not slowing down.
You soon stood in front of his house, drawing in deep breaths, trying to calm your heart, but it didn't seem to be working. You slowly climbed the few stairs onto the front porch, moving the flower pot and finding the key Jimin had left for you.
You stuck it in the lock, and turned it, twisting the knob, and opening the door. You stepped inside, quietly putting your suitcase and bag on the floor off to the side, closing the door gently behind you, locking it. You removed your shoes, and looked up the stairs.
Tae was up there, hurting, missing you, neglecting himself. You just wanted to hold him, and tell him how much you loved him, and how sorry you were. You wanted to hear his voice, and feel his lips against yours. You wanted to breathe in the scent of him, bury your nose into his neck. You wanted to run your fingers thru his hair, and look into his eyes.
You started up the stairs, glad that they didn't creak, and once at the top, you looked towards the open door to his room. You swallowed, gathering your courage, and walked the few steps, stepping thru the doorway.
He was asleep, as you'd hoped he would be. You walked closer, looking down at him, seeing dark circles beginning to develop under his eyes. But he was still beautiful, even more beautiful than before. His Hair was disheveled, and he hadn't shaved.
The covers were twisted, only covering one leg and part of his arm, as if he'd been restless, tossing and turning. A tear appeared in the corner of your eye, rolling down your cheek, as you noticed part of Terrence, you're beloved tiger, sticking out from under the covers by his hand.
You noticed the container of kimbap on the nightstand, seeing that he hadn't touched it. Had he not eaten since he found out you'd left? Your face twisted in pain, the urge to cry overwhelming you. You would never forgive yourself for putting him thru this. Never.
You leaned down, and gently pressed your lips to his forehead, breathing in the scent of his recently washed hair. He stirred slightly, but didn't wake up. You couldn't bring yourself to wake him. He obviously hadn't been sleeping well, and you wanted to let him sleep without being disturbed.
You would just wait until he woke up. Then you would apologize, and pray that he had it in his heart to forgive you.
You went to the chair and sat, curled your legs underneath you, and watched his chest rise and fall, fighting against the sleep that was trying to claim you. You're eyelids fluttered, and you shook your head, waking yourself up, determined to watch him until he woke up. You wanted to look into his beautiful eyes as he opened them.
But unfortunately, the next time your eyelids drooped closed, they stayed that way, your body too tired to fight sleep anymore.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Taehyung's POV
I stretched, and rolled onto my side, cracking my eyes opened. Great, now I was hallucinating. At least it was y/n I was seeing. I squinted at the chair in the corner of the room for a few seconds, before closing my eyes again, wishing more than anything that she was really there, curled up, asleep. I'd give anything for it to be so.
I rolled back onto my back, then rolled the other way, sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I looked at the container of kimbap Jimin had left. I just wasn't hungry. I probably should put it in the refrigerator so it didn't spoil. I'd finished the cherry coke. I wish I had another one.
I sighed heavily. Part of me wanted to turn around, hoping that I would still see y/n curled up in the chair. But I was fully awake now, and I knew she wasn't there, that it had just been my imagination.
I stretched my arms over my head, and picked up the watch on my nightstand. It was 5am. I told Jimin I would think about coming to practice today. I didn't know if I could. I wasn't sure I'd be able to focus.
I knew I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. I knew I had to get with it, because my absence was hurting the group. I also knew Jimin was right, I was going to make myself sick if I didn't eat. But lately, I felt like if I ate, it would just all come back up. The nausea I'd felt that day, the day y/n had ended up leaving, It hadn't gone away, it was still there.
I was aware of the fact that I was going have to force myself to function. I wasn't in a place where I wanted to yet, but I couldn't keep being selfish, and causing the guys to have to work harder in my absence.
I just...didn't know how to do it. How do I smile? How do I act like I'm happy, and like everything is fine? How do I be the guy that everyone is used to? I knew I didn't have to pretend in front of the other members, they knew, and they understood. But everyone else, I would have to convince them I was fine. The staff, my friends, Army's, everyone who hadn't been, and couldn't be, aware of my relationship with y/n.
At this point, Jimin had been telling anyone who asked that I'd come down with a really bad cold, and that I didn't want to get anyone else sick, so I was staying away. That would only work for so long. I could probably wait one more day to go back. Then I would have to plaster a smile on my face, and pretend to the world that everything was great. Shouldn't be too hard, right?
I laughed bitterly. "You love acting, pabo, so just act like your fine..." I muttered sarcastically.
"Taehyung?"
I froze momentarily. I was hearing things now. Maybe I was going crazy after all. I refused to acknowledge that I'd just heard y/n's voice whisper my name. I took a deep breath, and stood. But I was literally afraid to move. What if she really was there, behind me in the chair? I wanted it so bad, that I was afraid to find out it wasn't true.
"Tae, I know you can hear me, and I know you probably think your dreaming right now..."
"I am dreaming, you left me, and I know you aren't really here." I whispered.
It was so quiet, that I heard the sound of her getting out of the chair, I heard the sound of her feet moving across the floor, yet I still didn't believe she was really here. Even when I caught sight of movement coming around the end of the bed, I still didn't think it was real. It couldn't be real, because she hadn't replied to my texts, I hadn't heard from her at all, so why would she just suddenly come back.
Then she was standing right in front of me, looking at me. My expression hardened, my jaw clenched in anger, because I couldn't believe how foolish I was being, allowing my heart to trick my mind into believing that she would come back, to the point that I could see her, standing right there, looking real enough to touch.
She looked right into my eyes, and her lips curved up slightly in a sad smile. "I'm sorry Tae, so, so sorry. I never should have left you. I love you, and I hope you can forgive me for hurting you." A tear rolled down her cheek, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching up, and catching it with my thumb. It was wet. It was real. She was real. I wasn't dreaming.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
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