章 14: Chapter 13: Unwelcome Memories
We were all in New Jersey for the next stop on the tour. BTS had a small fan meet before the first concert this time and their manager asked me to help out. I was helping direct foot traffic at the front doors as well as handing out water bottles to those who wanted one. I really liked being able to help for once instead of just being a friend on tour with them, even if the crowd was pretty crazy.
The crowd had thinned out as the start time for the fan meet got closer and the manager came out to tell me to go ahead and come inside now. I sat in the corner behind the curtain, watching the boys interact with ARMY. They looked like they were having such a great time seeing them all and answering questions. As usual, Jimin and Taehyung were messing with each other when they weren't talking with fans. They were currently pushing each other back and forth. Yoongi shot them a glare and they stopped for now.
The meet went on for a few hours and when it was over, Taehyung and Jimin resumed playfully shoving each other. They ended up knocking over Tae's water and I came out from behind the curtain to help clean up the mess. However, there was one "fan" that hadn't left yet. "Fay? Fay Ellis?" A voice said. One that was familiar, despite not having heard it in a few years. I gasped and stopped cleaning as I turned to face the one who called me. "Carson?" I asked in disbelief. "Well, well, well..you certainly haven't changed." He said in a derogatory tone. I glared at the remark.
The boys must have sensed my distress because the next thing I knew, several of them were next to me and Yoongi was asking, "Who's this guy?" "My ex, Carson." I answered nervously, looking everywhere but the person in front of me. "I didn't expect you to leave California, let alone be with people like BTS." Carson sneered. Then in a split second, Tae came up, throwing his arm around me and kissing me on the cheek. "What's going on babe?" He asked. I internally balked but was grateful for him pretending to be my boyfriend.
Carson's smug demeanor fell slightly but he still said, "So you managed to snag a pretty boy?" Taehyung scowled. Yoongi had enough at that point and growled, "I think it's time you see your way out." Namjoon nodded at one of the security guards and Carson put his hands up in defeat. "I'll take my leave." He said and left the stadium. I was now shaking as angry tears welled in my eyes. "Who the hell was that?" Jimin exclaimed. Jin didn't even bother getting after him for swearing. Taehyung still had his arm around me and my shoulders sagged in relief when Carson was gone.
"He's an ex-boyfriend from a few years ago. We didn't exactly part on the best of terms." I explained. "I'm going to let management know that he isn't allowed anywhere near you." Yoongi said as he stalked off down the hall. He was being extra protective of me today, which was understandable given his history with relationships. Jimin was glowering and Jungkook looked a little confused. Tae let go of me finally like it was the most natural thing in the world and said to the group, "Come on, let's go back to the dressing room since we only have a few hours left before the concert." We all went to hang out in the dressing room.
I went straight to one of the couches and curled up into a ball, holding on to one of the cushions. I was consumed with feelings and memories that I had sworn off a long time ago. "Damn it." I groaned, earning myself a look from Jin. I didn't swear much, only when I was really mad or upset. Jungkook sat next to me. "Noona, is everything okay?" He asked, concerned. Jimin and Tae sat on the other side of Jungkook, listening in. "I don't know, Kookie. Seeing Carson just reminded me of a lot of things I didn't want to remember." I said, hugging the pillow closer. "Can you tell us what happened between you two?" Jimin asked.
The other boys' eyes were on me now as well, waiting. I took a deep breathe before launching into a lengthy explanation. "We has been dating for over a year when he decided he wanted to join the army, without really asking if it was something I would be okay with. It's not a mandatory thing in the U.S, it's a choice. I wasn't happy with his choice, but I loved him so I tried my best to be okay with it. When he was gone for training, I couldn't stand it. It was almost the worst time of my life. My heart was broken being away from him and so when he came back, I had to let him go." I explained, my voice breaking. Jungkook put his hand on my shoulder, urging me to continue.
"I broke his heart and my own in the process. As you can tell, he still hasn't forgiven me for it. I had pushed all those memories away, but seeing him today brought everything back to the surface." I said. A few tears escaped and I brushed them away, quickly. I'd never seen all the boys this silent all at the same. At least one of them was usually talking. "You guys need to get ready for the concert." I said, seeing the time. "But—" Taehyung started to protest. I cut him off saying, "I'll be okay, go get ready."
He reluctantly nodded as he and the rest of BTS went to and sat in their chairs to get their makeup done. I pulled out my phone and headphones. I needed to listen to music that reminded me of the break up between Carson and I. Sometimes immersing yourself in the pain helps make it go away.
"So, I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss. Never thought we'd have a last kiss. Never imagined we'd end like this. Your name, forever the name on my lips."
I quietly along to "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift.
I didn't realize it but I had fallen asleep crying softly on the couch and missed the concert completely. I woke up when I felt someone sit next to me. "Fay?" Taehyung called gently, touching my cheek with his fingers. "Oh no! I missed your concert!" I squealed, abruptly sitting up and nearly knocking Taehyung off the couch. "It's okay, we understand." He said. "But I never want to miss them.." I whined, tearing up again. Tae pulled me into a hug. "I said it's okay, pabo." I hugged him back tightly, feeling comforted by his endearing insult.
I learned that the other boys had gone ahead and Taehyung had volunteered to stay and get the two of us back to the hotel. They had taken the company van so we had to take a taxi. Tae let me fall back asleep against him in the taxi and carried me into my room when we arrived at the hotel. He gently tucked me in bed as I mumbled, "Thank you, Tae." He stood in the doorway and smiled sadly at my sleeping form. Little did I know, Taehyung might be starting to feel something for me other than just caring for me as his friend and noona.
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