章 6: 6: The Doctor's Office
The scent of lemon was floating in the air, while the secretary was busy typing away on her desk. Though it's weird that I'm the only patient there, I thought it would be best that way. I don't want anyone else to know that I'm seeing my therapist again. After a few more minutes of waiting, the door opened and a head full of white hair looked out and called "Next please!", this has happened before, he called another patient without one coming out, Dr. Ian has a separate exit for them, to keep the confidentiality.
I walked towards the door and his smiling face welcomed me, Dr. Ian seems to have not aged a day since I last met him, ten years ago. That happy santa claus smile, was still plastered on his face, deep brown eyes hidden behind a pair of ninoy-aquino-spectacles, and a head full of white hair, I've always wondered how old he is, but it was not something within my right to ask. He smiled and let me enter the room, shook my hand and offered the cleopatra couch where I usually laid down during our sessions.
"Thanks", I replied and took a seat.
"So Robin, you're back", he said as he too sat on the arm chair, pulling out my file from his rack as he did so. His voice was kind and soothing, the kind of voice that will relax you no matter how tense you are. He studied my file and looked at me intelligently, "It's been years since we last saw you in this office", he chuckled.
"It has been, I was actually hoping not to come back here as long as I live", I said to him.
"I know a lot of people thinks that way, but some of them has sadly become my regular", he replied, again he looked at my file for a few minutes and said, "Years ago you said you were having very troublesome dreams and according to your grandfather your have been alienated from school and friends since the accident." he paused. I watched my childhood flashed before my eyes, "You had a difficult time adjusting to the world because you got confused on how to move around with people", I kept silent, these were not fond memories. "My findings back then were you have been traumatized by the sudden loss of your family, and you had a case of depression."
I nodded, this was the worse thing that could happen, to be reminded that I had a mental illness when I was a kid.
"But it seems that you have integrated well to society and have gotten over your depression after our sessions. I see nothing but improvements from you", Dr. Ian finished. Honestly, I tried to smile but I'm not sure what kind of expression I gave.
"So what brought you back?" BAM! like hitting a concrete wall, he asked, I didn't know what to say since it's complicated to explain. I must be making expressions because the doctor said, "Are you having those dreams again?". I nodded, what else can I say, the dreams was a common happening but it's not the problem, I heaved a sigh.
"Actually", I began, "It's not just the dreams that's been happening, something else has been", I paused. I can't find the fitting word for it so I settled with, "bothering me".
"Well, let's start our session, if you wish to talk about it", said the doctor, smiling at me.
I heaved another big sigh, this again, I hate it. It felt like I was fifteen again, socially awkward, emotionally unstable, alienated, and bothered by nightmares of hell each and every night. Slowly I told him about everything, from the recurring dreams to the unending hallucinations and the circumstances in which they occurred, as if I was giving a report to my senior inspector. The doctor was listening closely, and writing something on his clipboard. When I was done the doctor smiled at me and told me his diagnosis, "So, it seems to me that you're being subconsciously affected by this case, especially with your personal history with them. I recommend that you let go of this case Robin, unless you also believe that the girl is alive." He heaved a sigh, and under his breath I heard him say, "Just like all of them."
"All of them?" I blurted out.
"Oh that is nothing."
I wondered if he knows something. Instinct told me to ask and in my profession gut feeling was important and usually correct, hence I dared to ask. "Doc", I weighed my words, "I know that this may get you into trouble but, do you know anything about Annie Villafuerte?"
Quickly the doctor's face went pale and he dared not look to me. I watched as he seemed to start pondering on things, he sighed again. "Robin", he paused, "Annie Villafuerte..." another deep breath, but now his face was composed and his color was back, whatever could he be thinking, I thought. I was deep in thought when-
"What do you think Robin?" a voice asked, caught off guard, I was stunned to silence, a hand was on my shoulder and a familiar warmth was spreading through me, it was that voice in my dreams again but this time I was awake. The doctor was giving me a soft smile, and was looking past me.
I turned my head but no one was there, the warm hand that touched me as gone, it was impossible. On the far corner of the room where the lighting was dim, a person stood, she was wearing the beautiful white dress that I saw in my dream, she spoke, "Doctor, aren't you going to introduce me to your patient?"
I looked back at the doctor who was completely calm. "No. This is a private session, please do not come in here so carelessly. I shall speak to you soon as we are done", he said, his voice was calm and happy. I watched her turn away, I was about to stand and follow her when I felt a hand gripped my wrist, I looked, it was Dr. Ian, "I'm terribly sorry for her rudeness Robin. But if you wish to know more about my connection with Annie Villafuerte I'm free every weekend".
I didn't have a clue what just happened but for once I was sure it wasn't a hallucination. I was scared to have my dreams come to be realized, my palms were cold and I was rooted where I sat. It was impossible! That girl, just who is she? She has plagued my dreams for years and to have her here, in the flesh was either a sick dream or a reality that I am hoping to have. I never saw her face, my only way to recognize her was her voice, that angelic voice that saved me in every nightmare. I forced my thoughts to stop upon realizing that I was still in session with my therapist. "Doctor, I'm coming over this weekend then", I said, "Any information with regard to that case will be a great help since all I have are dead ends, and my hallucinations are not making it easy either".
The doctor said that he'll be happy to see me and told me that he won't be charging me for the session. I smiled but inside I hoped to never go back, at least I hoped. As I walked out of the office I was surprised to see someone sitting on the waiting area, my jaw dropped and all of a sudden I felt my chest clenched. Some unknown force may be conspiring against me for the person that sat there was her, I mean I never saw her face but it was as if that it is her. She turned to me and smiled, she wore that white dress and a pair of leather open-toed sandals, she looked like she just got home from a vacation. There was an air of lightness and freshness around her, all that she was missing - I thought - was the large sun hat which I believe was in that bag she had with her. She then looked at me and smiled, "Hi", she said to me.
"Hi", I replied, she walked up to me, "The doctor's free now, you could go in".
She smiled once more and walked pass me, but as she passed by me, I heard her say, "You look a lot better in person, Robin." I looked back at her but all I saw was the closed door. Who is she? I found myself asking but all I could do was guess, her voice was clear in my ear, I knew that it was her. I knew it was the girl that made my nightmares the best dreams that I ever had. I wanted to run back inside the room and ask, but a fear made me stop myself. What if I was wrong? What if this was just another hallucination? No, I couldn't let myself fall prey to my slow ride to insanity. I was scared, beads of sweat were on my forehead, and with the strongest resolve I could muster I walked away.
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