章 9: I love you but I can't promise the future (1)
They packed up their stuff and headed to the car. He didn't start the car immediately when they got in. He spoke slowly like he was half thinking. "Dar, I'm going to visit my doctor the day after tomorrow. I'm not sure when I'll come back. Thank you so much for today." He smiled to her as he reached his hand to her cheek.
"Doctor? What's wrong?" she raised her brows.
"It's just a check-up. I hope I'm not impotent ." he joked.
"Is there something wrong with you?" she asked knitting her forehead.
"He he, just a normal heart check-up my love. You see, all these years I've known you, this heart only beats for you." He replied smiling widely.
"Okay. Promise me you'll be fine when you come back." She said as she stared at his eyes. She knew he was just flattering her. There was something wrong with his heart. 'Was that the reason why he became limp a while ago after he swirled me around? Not only that, his skin became a bit purplish!' She became sad at that thought.
"That, im sorry I can't promise the future. It's not in my hands, you know." he said.
"Charles, don't you think you're being selfish?" She said as she stared at her bare hands.
"In what way?" He asked with a deep voice after swallowing hard.
"You are keeping things from me. I can feel it." Her voice came out two notes higher as she glanced at his side profile. His eyes were looking straight ahead the road.
"Dar...it's not like that. It's just that it's too early to tell. That's why I'm going for a check-up. So don't be sad, okay?" He said as he extended his arm to pat her back.
"You know you are my first love, Charles. I was so happy a while ago. But then, why is my happiness seem to last for just a few hours? Was my decision to love you wrong after all?"
"Are you regretting now Dar?" He asked softly.
"Im just sad you don't trust me. How will I love you fully if you are withholding something from me." Her voice became normal this time.
He sighed then pursed his lips. Was he being selfish for not telling her his heart condition? What will happen to her if he's gone? And if there will be a donor for him, will his new heart be the same? He has already accepted the truth that one day, his heart will stop beating. Yet he gambled with life and still managed to confess his love to her knowing that he will leave her just the same.
"Perhaps I shouldn't have confessed my love to you in the first place." He said.
"Charles...." her voice was almost a whisper.
"Dar, maybe I'm indeed selfish. I should have kept my love for you to myself till I die. You see, I was given approximately six years to live since I was in junior high. This year is the sixth year already yet here I am... still gambling with your love. What do you think Dar?" He cannot lie to her anymore. He knew she had deduced things already.
"And I would be too selfish not to love you till you die Charles.... I choose to love you still even after you die...so let me love you while you are alive." She wiped her tears.
"Daryle....a ..... are..you sure...?." He whispered as he reached to her hands. He didn't expect her words. She was determined to love him despite knowing how short he will live. He felt so touched by her deep love. He was amazed that even this very short while, she has come to this point of deep affection for him.
"Love is a choice, not just a feeling. So when I said I chose to accept you, I meant everything about you." she nodded as she gave a faint smile.
"Wowww!!! You are such a wonderful lover Darling! Let me kiss you again. Come here!" He laughed heartily but it was him who leaned from his driver's seat to his opposite side.
After giving her a kiss on her forehead and lips, he sat back erect. "Daryle, I love you very much but I don't hold the future. If I die, I'll donate my eyes to someone and ask God to lead him to you so that this eyes will keep watch on you." He spoke like he was giving his will.
"He he... Atleast that will comfort me from grief. But how about his heart? How will I know if he loves me as you do?" She was amused at his idea.
"Hmmmm... Have you forgotten that the eyes are the windows to a man's soul ?" He said again.
"Certainly! Then let me know if it's your eyes that's looking at me. " She said as she giggled in soft laughter.
"That's one thing I love in you Dar... Thank you so much. Thank You for understanding and loving me." He reached out again to her hands as he intertwined their fingers.
"Let's go home now. I told mom to cook. She asked me about you this morning and I told her I'll try to invite you for dinner." He said then started the car.
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