章 308: "Something to be proud of."
Rakna stumbled out of his house into the moon-lit street. He put his hand against the wall and let out a shaky breath, his eyes stretching to look at the full moon in the sky. He gazed at it for a while as if entranced and forced himself to turn away.
He pushed himself off into the sidewalk and before even taking the first step, he abruptly felt as if a massively strong wind was blowing against him. He lowered his knees and when he blinked, the streets changed into a vast expanse of snow and blizzard for a split second.
"…so that's how it is now, huh?" He muttered blankly, his vision blurring. He took a deep breath to clear up his head and slowly but surely, he made his way forward. He nearly lost his balance a few times to the point of falling.
Within the painfully long time it took him to reach the neighboring house, he had plenty of time to acknowledge something he had reflexively been ignoring for half of the day.
Hiding in the shadows of walls, trees, and houses, dozens of pairs of glowing eyes were peering at him with no interruption. Cats, dogs, rats, birds… They stared at his every move piercingly. It was to the point he could swear he felt pain from it. Ironically, it helped him keep his head clear.
Nonetheless, the cold was making him lose control over his limbs. "And I can't even feel it…" He grumbled before slamming his back on the wall of his neighbor. With a rasped breath, he scowled at all the urban animals approaching him through the darkness in an eerily organized fashion.
Rakna's eyes narrowed at them and they came to a halt. After a few seconds, they backed off until they were out of his sight. He grunted and with a shivering hand, he reached for the intercom and rang the doorbell.
He heard a familiar rhythm of footsteps and when the door opened, he felt a rapid rush of warmth banishing away most of the cold.
"Yes…?" A soothing voice echoed and he glanced to the side to see Flavia peek her head out. It was without saying that when she saw him there, her eyes widened in shock. "R-Rakna?"
"…hey," he waved his hand lazily. "Can I get in?"
He didn't get a proper answer until she finally came out of her stupor. "S-sure!" She hiccupped as she opened the way for him. She had every right to be stunned considering Rakna had never taken the initiative to visit her in the past. Not once.
However, once he stepped foot inside and the light hit him, she sobered up very fast. His skin was pale and she could see he was struggling with his movements, despite showing no obvious sign on his face.
"Wha--?!"
He covered her mouth before she could continue and with a dreadfully calm expression, he quietly placed his index over his mouth in a shushing motion. Without saying or doing anything else, he let go of her and walked into the living room where he sat on the couch.
She apprehensively followed after him but did not take a seat. She seemed to be barely holding in the urge to speak up but Rakna eventually did it for her.
"…you said I looked different earlier, right?" He whispered. "Could you tell me how exactly?"
"I…" Her voice came out too weak for her to answer. She bit her lip and resumed, "I suppose this is something… that I eventually had to be upfront with you about. Rakna; if I had to be honest, I hate the way you look at me," she admitted with her head lowered.
"Don't misunderstand. I…" She paused and looked away. "I know you care about me... I know you would do so much for me if I asked for it, but I can't help but see it… every time you look at me, it's as if you're in front of an obstacle you wished you could take down. It hurts to know that the care you give me is also something you wish didn't exist."
Rakna silently gritted his teeth when he saw the genuine sorrow on her face.
"But, today…" She continued with a small smile. "For the first time, you looked at me with no 'wall' in between. You were truly seeing me and nothing else. It felt like you wanted me there."
"…" He quietly listened and slowly unclenched his hands. He sighed and looked at the ceiling. "If I had to be frank as well, I have not even a single reason that could justify myself. You shouldn't just hate the way I look at you, you should blame me for it; much more harshly."
"That's not--!"
"--true?" He cut her off with a sharp glance. "But it's what I've always wanted," he uttered and she pursed her lips. "You're all saying the same thing about me in the end; that I'm running away. But from what? Any idea?"
"…"
Rakna clasped his fingers and rested his forehead on them. "From myself? No, I don't believe in that kind of silly notion. Escaping what I am, already means I accepted myself. I'm not enough of a coward to fear it. From others? Idiotic. If that's what I truly aimed for, none of you would even know me. You just watch me go; some follow; others overtake me as if strolling."
"The truth of the matter is that I'm not running because there's a big bad monster chasing me," he said with a faint smile. "It's because I'm scared of stopping. Because if I stop, everyone will be able to reach me. And if they do, they might either leave me or disappear forever, incapable of enduring it. I prefer to have you follow me from afar… than not be there at all," he confessed.
"So, Flavia, please, tell me one thing…" Rakna's voice nearly cracked and Flavia gasped when she saw tears falling on the carpet. She couldn't see his eyes, but that had absolutely no influence on the disbelief she felt. Rakna had never cried. She had never seen him even do as much as express sorrow.
"If I understand this correctly, this messed up day…" He continued steadily, audibly forcing himself not to lose his voice. "I must trust you. I know that whatever you do; it will be something…" Before he even finished, he felt two arms wrap around him. "Something… I need to stop for..."
Flavia rested her head against his neck as she knelt behind his seat. "You are unfair…" She spoke softly. "Why must I say it, even though you already know?"
"…"
"You should have realized by now. Whatever I say here, it won't be real… But, precisely so, it means so much to both you and I," she declared and tightened her grip. "I love you. No matter what. Even if you continue running, or if you stop, I will be with you. Always."
"…thank you," Rakna whispered and in the span of a blink, the world distorted. The house turned into a tempest of snow, Flavia's warm touch vanished, and the cold became tangible.
The black wolf buried in snow opened his eyes in the middle of a blizzard. His deep purple eyes contracted as they gazed forward with an unshakable will. He slowly stood up, the blanket of snow sliding off his fur, and looked up at the obstructed sky.
He breathed in and for a moment, the flakes of snow unanimously halted their flight. The wolf then exhaled a crystallized cloud and they started moving again.
"Thank you…" The lupine opened his mouth. "For being something that I can be proud of," he said and with a growl, he whipped his head and roared. The snow in his vicinity was blown into the air and the flakes promptly began to spiral around him.
Everything congregated into one giant dome over him and full of regality and power, both of his eyes shone crimson and turquoise. Instantly after, the dome closed in on itself before immediately being destroyed by an eruption of red crystal spikes containing flames of a darker shade within.
Rakna's vision was overcome by darkness only to be overtaken by one very clear sign of his return to reality.
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❮ ◈ ❯
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The Tale Has Ended; Hurlement D'Hiver.
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---
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You are exhibiting overwhelming emotions.
Your Sub-Path, Nephilim, is reacting.
Your Title, The Kind Demon's Kin is reacting.
Your Title, Chalice of Wishes, is reacting.
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---
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You have gained a new Ultimate Excelled Skill; Ego of Lucifer!
All Virtues Shall Sloth has been updated to All Virtues Shall Yield!
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Volcanic Star Magic has broken through Excelled!
Volcanic Star Magic has Evolved into Inferno Star Magic!
You have gained a new spell; Altar of Flames!
Inferno Star Magic has leveled up! x6
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Hoarfrost Star Magic has leveled up! x3
Hoarfrost Star Magic has Excelled!
Hoarfrost Star Magic has Evolved into Everfrost Star Magic!
You have gained a new spell; Stardust Temple!
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❮ ◈ ❯
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---
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Author's Note (It's here because it's too long for Webnovel):
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These two last chaps took me a bit more thought than usual. I went in this direction on a whim so I had to think up everything on the spot.
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What follows is my reasoning and explanation of what happened. Read it if you're curious but if you wish to make your own theory beforehand, feel free. Please go easy on me, I'm not really a mystery writer. Might try my hand at it in the future if I feel like it.
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Here's how it went in my head; Hans' Tale is about a lone wolf walking through an infinitely vast land ravaged by blizzard. He cannot stop because if he does, he will be swallowed by the snow; disappear and die of cold. But he cannot continue forever, so he eventually got tired and fell asleep.
Then, he dreamed. In that dream, he entered a reenactment of the past where he was at his initial state, unperturbed by the System.
There, four people appeared. Eizen, the fox, Arimane, and Flavia. The idea is that all four of them are constructions of Rakna's mind trying to save itself. At the same time though, the only reason they exist is that he had those people in his heart. This means that without any of them, he would have fallen asleep for good and died.
Eizen was the grand questioner. He is the person Rakna considers the most likely person to be able to tear into his inner self without holding back and objectively pick apart his every flaw. The reason I decided to implement him in the dream instead of Allan is that anyone else more suitable to fill that specific role doesn't exist in Rakna's mind. I could have added Allan for another scene for sure but he would have overlapped a bit too much for the purpose of the dream.
The little fox that came after was obviously an apparition of Kaelith. But since she was not part of the reality the dream created (Rakna's past), she appeared as a fox that saved him from certain death when he almost fell asleep. She has the biggest role in this, despite being lowkey, because she has become the pillar that allowed the possibility of this dream's end result.
Arimane was there to make Rakna realize something strange was happening. He revealed to him what the key to waking up was and he also was the one to make him notice the cold afflicting him; which was essentially a sign of impending doom.
The animals stalking up to him are both a foreshadowing that I've already written in previous chapters and a part of Rakna's soul. They represent the source of his power and the cause of his distress.
Finally, Flavia is his way out. She is the first person to have loved him and the first one to have made him start fearing someone getting too close to him. She's also the one who found salvation in him, wanting to be with him forever because his presence and unique soul would mitigate her unawakened yet present Chaos Trait (which you will eventually know what it is in reality).
As long as Rakna embraces her feelings, he will be able to resolve the knot that unconsciously stops him from waking up.
Again, why she had to be the one to take on that role despite Kaelith holding a fairly bigger place in his heart is due to his personal struggles. Flavia is someone trying to catch up to him, something he's scared of, but Kaelith literally crashed in front of him effortlessly and forced him to give her his attention.
Then, there's the cold itself. The obvious correlation can be made between his star magic and the blizzard, which is ultimately his power going out of control and slowly killing him.
The ending scene was him acquiring Pride; the resolve to dominate everything and what he needed in order to tame the blizzard.
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There. That's it. Lemme tell you, this is definitely the biggest character growth experience Rakna will have in the whole novel. The next will most likely be the one where he becomes 'complete'.
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