章 8: Deception and Confidence
A reflection of himself. No, it was not a reflection. It was as if he was out of his body, was his soul outside it ? Was it his subconsciousness ? He did not know.
All he could see was darkness, lacking sensations, he did not even feel like he was moving when he turned around. Was he falling ? He did not know either.
His corporeal shell was sinking into the bottomless obscurity, eyes closed.
Objectively, it was unique to see your body from a third party's point of view, however, Umbrum was not shocked in the slightest and felt like he was turning around the body, did he ? For some reasons, he could see progressively his body from a different sight, in front, behind, at his right, at his left… perhaps ?
'How troublesome.'
Thought the halved soul wandering around the body, invisible and fading.
'As comfortable as always, isn't it ?'
A nostalgic thought erupted in his mind, it was not unfamiliar to this situation. Neither was it the first time, this out of body experience in an abyss of obscurity ? It was usual.
This apprentice always felt free in those situations, free from worries, free from burdens, free from responsibilities, free from his sensations, nothing else could put him more at ease. Originally seeking for his long lost family that disappeared in his childhood, his heart slowly drifted away towards calmer outlooks where he could finally take a rest from this struggle he has been living in since what ? A dozen of years ?
'Quod estis vos ?'
It echoed, echoed, echoed, echoed… like a droplet falling on a calm lake, resonating and drawing on the water continuous circles, coming forth and on. No matter where he go, he heard this voice, nevertheless it never assaulted him… or so he thought. Why was he here ? How did he get here ? Why did he felt so suffocated when he opened his "eyes" ?
Suddenly feeling once again the encumbrance creeping on him, sticking to his whole being, he gazed once again at his body, something was definitively wrong. His corporeal shell's throat was missing, no, to be exact, only the surface of it was missing, he still had his neck however the front disappeared with a certain imprint, the form of an hand. A skeletal hand, lacking flesh, only have its bare bones covered by a smooth material.
'What the…'
What is it ? Why is it there ? How did it affect him ? Nothing has ever touched him in this place, but this time it was not like usual. No, he should not stay here, he can not stay here. For the first time in his life in this place, a feeling of alertness was ringing in his heart. An urge to breath, to get fresh air, to get back his sensations, his burdens, his worries, surged from deep within.
Suddenly, his eyes opened, feeling full once again, his whole body trembled, he felt shivers running down on his spine, he was on his bed, the wall was intact, the bed seemed to be just like how it was before he fell unconscious.
Quickly, his hands ran over his throat, checking his throat, trying to see if anything was different, however, it was just the same. His corporeal shell was still the same. Nothing changed.
Something was clear despite this situation, something was wrong. It happened, it assaulted him, it tried to kill him, it was not only a voice, it was something real, it existed, it was there since so many years, it was beside him, it was whispering something to his ears since so long… as far as he remembered, it always has been here. This thing, haunting him, devouring his sanity little by little like a delicacy.
"Haa… Haaa… Haaaaaaaa…."
The air was entering and leaving his lungs quicker and quicker, little by little, panic was the only thing that filled his mind, calm down, he needed to take back his breath…
Then, before anything could happen, the door of his bedroom was slammed, Drake entered and stared at Umbrum with an expression that mixed apprehension and relief, at first, his heart felt at ease, seeing that he was awake, nevertheless… when he saw his state, clutching on his chest, his eyes constantly leaking tears, his body quivering out of fear and a certain loss of safety.
"Umbrum ! Wh-"
"HAAAA!"
Interrupting him through shouting, Drake did not even bothered with talking and rushed to him without asking permissions or anything, his arms embraced him, while his mouth let out a sound : 'Shhhh…'
Feeling this sudden warm surrounding his body, his lung suddenly became peaceful, less tensed, more relaxed. His heartbeat slowed down, his shell was supported by his friend or so he thought. Quickly realizing the situation he was in, the mage whispered a few words before closing his eyes and fainting once again.
"I… am sorry… for… d…"
Unable to finish his sentence, after fixing the bed and Umbrum's appearance, covering him with a blanket, his face became indifferent, greatly contrasting with the previous alleviation and worry that was shown on his face.
Post-traumatic stress disorder ? He thought as his finger brushed the mage's hair, it looked like it should be rather easy to convince him later of what he wanted him to think.
Lacking support, Drake will become it. Lacking friend, Drake will do the same. Lacking family, he… shall do everything. If everything goes according to his plan, the apprentice shall get better, as well that he will execute his wishes without much complains, on top of that, he will do so cheerfully.
All he has to do is simply to… reassure him. And wait for his awakening.
_____________
'Quod Vos Estis ?'
This voice haunted him, this question that keep getting asked ceaselessly without explanations nor reasons tormented him. It felt like this sound, this interrogation was echoing with his soul itself. Trying to take it away, trying to capture it, to grind it, to lick it, to devour it, to replace it, to absorb it…
Reaffirming his will, he felt… less apprehensive, he might be weak-minded, but he never was the kind to give up easily, no, on the contrary, patience is a virtue after all. All he had to do was… to remember this warmth, to temper his spirit in turmoil.
_____
His eyelids lifting, his pupils saw the light once again. This time, he did not feel any harm around him, his body was still trembling, his mind was still wavering between sanity and alienation, in spite of this…
Exhausted, there was nothing around him, nothing to haunt him, to strangulate him, to freeze his soul, to siphon his mental health.
"...I am fine. I am fine. Everything's fine. Right. It is not here again. It disappeared…"
Umbrum couldn't help but mutter without making much sense everything he thought on the spot.
Once again, the door moved, softly, but it moved, someone peeked, it was Drake, having a smile on his face. In his hand, there was a mug filled with a hot drink that Umbrum did not know at all. Hardly, the corners of Umbrum's mouth raised upwards.
Once again, he forced himself to smile, to convince himself that everything was alright, that nothing was wrong while truthfully, it seemed that his world turned upside down so suddenly without much motives.
Silently, Drake approached and gave him this mug, he looked away and then the mage thought that he could take this opportunity to question him about what concretely happened before and while he was sleeping.
"...Drake, did someone was in my bedroom ? Or did someone intrude into the building with suspicious motives?"
Drake shook his head and ruffled Umbrum's hair after talking on perplexed tone, seeming not understand where he was going by asking those questions.
"There was nobody at all. I just saw you out of your bed earlier, screaming, and… there was nobody. Nobody at all. Perhaps, you were tired since.. well, I threw you out the carriage." Blood loss plus being exhausted, it did seem like that he… hallucinated. However, since when does he see this thing? Hear this thing? Feel this thing? Too long, but never did it hurt him.
Eventually… it could have been an hallucination since the very start ? Right, he never thought of this. What if all of this has been fake since the very start ? It did not make sense after all. Nobody could hear, feel or see it except it. Couldn't it be aa simple figment of his imagination ? His mind fooling his sense after being traumatized by the creeping loneliness. Alone for years, his mind forged a shape of darkness that seemed to be present, faking a certain company.
No no no, all this pain… it could not be fake, could it ? A huge part of his life, this creature that has been on his side can only be true, right ? Nevertheless… excluding what happened when he was on his bed hours earlier. Did it ever touch anything ? Did it ever make any other sound that this action ? Did it ever emanated any feelings ? No, it was just like a puppet, a marionette, a doll…
As if… it did not exist, except for him, did it exist, the fowls see what they see as they say. Understanding everything or so he thought, he knew that in the first place, his worries, his apprehension was… baseless. However, it means that this whole time, he was really alone, completely isolated from the world, thinking that an hallucination was true, beside him…
In the end, there was nobody.
Nobody.
At.
All.
Lifelessly, his pupils raised toward Drake, is it someone ? Is he real ? Is he an hallucination ? No, he is warm, he is something he can touch, he can hold him…
"Ouch…"
The mug burnt his hand at this second, as he was lost in his thoughts, he didn't feel the heat concentrating in his palms, slowly hurting his skin. Momentarily, his hand blench, almost letting his mug go. Holding it rather carefully, his lips settled down on the mug's surface, he gulped, its taste was… perplexing, it was bitter yet soft, that was something he never drank before.
Slipping out of his worries, a certain meek curiosity arose in his eyes, he could not help but ask.
"What is it ?"
Umbrum felt less tired after ingesting the beverage, Drake sighed in relief, it seemed he was glad that his trainee was not as affected as he originally thought, he seemed to be at ease, in peace.
"It is coffee. Do you want to know how it is made later on ? Well, before that, we will have heal your legs, you can't really crawl and accompany me, after all."
Ashamed of his deeds, Drake scratched his head but did not apologize, he did not feel much remorse about pushing him out of the carriage, what if he hit his head ? What if he died because of his action ? Yet no remorse at all.
As if it was… normal.
'At least, he isn't a hypocrite… just a shameless and heartless scoundrel ?'
Adjusting his glasses, Umbrum sighed as warmth took over his body, replacing the cold and loneliness that has been haunting him. Despite everything, he was alive, safe and sound, cared for; soon to be healed by his friend, could he ask for more ?
Of course, he could ask to find his family. Although, he practically lost all hope to locate them in this wide and stained world. As long as he had someone with him, he imagined he was alright, that the universe was bright, brimming with life, seeking for happiness for everyone…
"Thank you."
That was all he could say. Deceived, he could only trust him as he had nobody else in this grey broad world.
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