章 19: Trouble Letting Go
It had been a week since Pain last met Fira, but the gesture she made towards him was on his mind constantly. Was it flirting? Or was she looking for safety? He lay in his bed in Purgatory most of the day for each day ever since, his brain and his heart conflicted with each other. He sat up on his twin sized bed and decided that he had to do something, or he'd be thinking about it for the rest of his deathless life.
He checked his phone, it was night time on Earth, so Fira should have been in Elega by then. He slid off the bed and used his phone to open up another portal, then walked through it. He arrived right outside the abandoned temple, and used his half-ghost powers to float upwards into the sky. His wings were useless but at least he was able to use being in between the spirit realm and the physical realm to his advantage.
As he surveyed his surroundings while being a good ways up, he noticed something different about the land near the border. He decided to take a closer look, cutting through the air quickly as he swooped past. As he got closer, the many shapes of a large mob of darklings came into view. He narrowed his eyes in frustration, what was it this time that caught their attention? It didn't take long for him to be above the group.
What was happening below made him angry. Fira was there, her sword cutting through small swathes of darklings, but every swing that took a few out, more jumped in to replace the ones that were lost.
"Come on! How many of you jerks are there? I'm just trying to get through!" Fira shouted breathlessly.
"What do you think you assholes are doing?" Pain boomed, folding his arms and glaring down at all the darklings below.
Every darkling's head snapped up in the direction his disembodied voice came from. Their eyes went wide and their bodies became stiff, all actions they were doing were cut short, a few of them in mid jump froze up and landed like they had just turned to stone.
"Death! It's death!" One of the darklings shouted, shakily pointing towards Pain
"Scatter!" Another one of them said. They all quickly dispersed at once, some even trampling over each other or pushing each other out of the way to get to the holes they live in.
"Oh, it's you!" Fira wiped the sweat from her brow and then waved at him.
"Didn't I tell you it's dangerous here? You came back even after that monster scratched you up? Why?" Pain floated down onto his feet, his brow furrowed in concern.
"Shai- I mean, my… My instructor sent me out here, she wanted me to scout the abandoned temple again." Fira looked down as she let go of the flaming sword in her grasp, letting the light wind blow the fire away.
"Didn't you tell her what happened last time?" He put a hand on her shoulder, he didn't want to see her get hurt again. He knew that it was futile for her to fight so many darklings at once, even if they were not that smart and went single file into her blade, they would have eventually worn her out.
"Yes, but she assured me that it was a one time thing, that something like that wouldn't happen again." She looked away with a frown.
"Believe me, I know it isn't like that, I experienced it firsthand, you don't want to be here." Pain clutched his chest with his free hand, where the three cuts of the Y incision pattern on his shirt met. He felt his face contort, remembering his Y incision being ripped open by the large two sided axe that Wrackivorn brandished.
He remembered having to use his scythe as a crutch to limp away from the large, pitch black centaur demon as he laughed at his agony, he recalled clutching his lower jaw prosthetic in his free hand, trying not to pass out from the intense pain he was feeling as tears clouded his vision and blood filled his throat, causing him to cough and choke while struggling to breathe.
"Are you alright?" Fira said as she squeezed his hand lightly
Pain snapped out of his flashback and quickly shook his head to bring himself back to his senses.
"You looked like you were really bothered by something for a second there, is everything ok?" Fira was looking back up at him, her brow furrowed with concern now.
"Oh, yeah, just remembering getting dethroned. That had to be one of the worst experiences I've ever had. Not only because it hurt, but because I let my best friend down." Pain squeezed his eyes shut and slowly shook his head, he said he would hold throne of the Lord of Darkness for Skyler, only to be bested by Wrackivorn.
Skyler was the rightful heir to the throne, not Wrackivorn, he wasn't closely related enough to have it. He knew why it was so easy for Wrackivorn to beat him. the evil warlock that put a price on his head, and directly lead to his demise, told Wrackivorn his only two weaknesses. That was the only way he could have known, he went for both weaknesses so early on that he didn't have enough time to react.
"Dethroned? What do you mean?" He felt her hand moved up to his wrist.
He opened his eyes, and remembered that she didn't know a thing about what happened. Her ruby red eyes were catching the light of the sun behind them, they weren't wide with shock, but slightly wider than usual. It was apparent that she was transfixed on him, and it made him nervous. He thought about pulling his hand away, but didn't want to give her any negative signals than he already had.
"I was.. For a time, the only Lord of Darkness-"
Fira gave a quick gasp in response "Wait, what?!"
"Let me explain, I didn't deserve the title, I was only holding it for my best friend, the true heir to that throne." Pain averted his eyes. It didn't take a lot of convincing from Skyler, he only had to take one look at his bleeding bandages to understand why it was so important for him to hold his place.
"You're best friends with the actual Lord of Darkness?" Fira's face contorted in fear before him in his peripheral, he knew he had to respond quickly.
"You've already seen his half-brother, Drake, and the two of them are on good terms with each other." Pain looked back at her, and looked back to see her face soften back up again.
"They're related? He didn't seem like a bad guy, I wonder what his half-brother is like." Fira tilted her head slightly, he had saved face in terms of his best friend, which was a relief.
He parted his lips, his bottom lip made of silicon and colored the same purple as the rest of his jaw prosthetic, and exhaled out of his mouth. He was glad the war between light and darkness was almost over, the polarizing effects it has on people who would, in any other setting, get along well, weren't helping things.
"If it was so off-putting to you, why didn't you shy away from me when you were wounded?" He wasn't angry, he was more confused than anything else. She was giving mixed signals. Her being comfortable around him, but recoiling at any mention of the Lord of Darkness, he didn't look like a someone from her side of the land at all, and wondered why she was giving off such mixed signals.
"You're a fallen angel though, and your wings… What's… What's left of them, I mean... Aren't bat ones, so I thought you still had good standing with heaven." She looked away from him and gestured with her hand toward his back.
"You'd be correct, but I don't look like a light magic user, now do I?" he said with a close lipped smile, his purple lower lip rising up to keep his teeth from showing.
"No, but…" She squeezed his wrist lightly, and looked at the hand that was squeezing it.
"And what of Elaine? The demon woman from before? She didn't look like she'd be on your side, but she is. You can thank her for my continued existence, she's the reason I'm even here talking to you right now." He stepped a bit closer to her.
Her eyes widened with shock. "Oh, I… I didn't know that! I'm terribly sorry, I just… I was trained to fight the forces of darkness, so… I've grown to have an aversion to Darklings and the like. Demons are different, I'd only heard stories about them, that the Lords of Darkness are descendants of them." Fira looked back at him, her cheeks flush red with embarrassment.
"It's alright, I'm not angry at all. Actually, I want to show you something." Pain pulled his hand back, and held his hands out. A black orb appeared and stretched horizontally, materializing his scythe.
He stepped back from Fira, turned to the left, and brandished his scythe in his right hand, the red eyes that dotted the weapon staring into space. He raised his scythe, grabbed it with both hands and swung down, ripping a hole where the scythe connected in the air in front of him.
"It's just through here." He took his left hand off his weapon and gestured towards the tear that he just made.
Fira put a hand up to her mouth and stood there for a second.
"What…? How did you do that?" She stepped towards it and gazed into the tear, it's reflective surface like a mirror.
"Reaper magic. Not many reapers have access to the place I opened a gateway to, it is of my own creation. I used whatever power I had leftover from my previous life that was stored up to create it. It's very special to me, and I wanted you to see it." Pain smiled warmly, and lowered his left arm a bit, still keeping the gesture.
"That's so sweet! I'm so flattered… But on one condition." Fira took her hand off her face and put her hands over her dress, one hand over the other.
"What is it?" He tilted his head at her, a smile still on his face.
"We go in together, you being in front, and… You have to hold my hand while we go through." Her cheeks flushed red and she brought her shoulders up to her neck while looking down.
"Oh… R-really? Are you sure about that?" He felt blood rush to his cheeks and he turned his head away a little to avoid looking directly at her.
"Yeah." She extended her left arm out in front of her, her open hand waited to be grabbed.
His hands fell to his sides for a moment, and he, with his cheeks still feeling hot as blood coursed through them, looked back at her.
"All… Alright." He didn't know what else to say, but such a gesture made him start to tear up a little.
Skyler was the only one who was there for him after every bad thing happened to him, and now that he has no time for him, he felt stranded. Skyler wasn't able to be there after he was dethroned because he himself was still wounded. Her extended hand, however, was his saving grace.
He quickly looked away, memorized where her hand was, and grabbed it with his right hand. He squeezed her hand with a delicate firmness, pressing down and over every area his gloved hand touched her skin. His heart was beating very fast, and was glad that he was wearing gloves, because it meant she couldn't feel how fast his pulse was. He felt slightly dizzy for a reason that escaped him, and was glad that he had already turned his head before the dizziness hit.
He said a silent prayer that his legs will work before he tried to move them. His right leg sluggishly dragged forward and to the left, and he wobbled a bit when his left foot moved to match where his right foot was going. He quickly raised his free arm to wipe away the tears before she could see, and squeezed his eyes shut again.
After he took a deep breath, he let said arm fall to his side and walked forward, his knees miraculously started to work again, which was a lucky occurrence. Usually when he's this excited, his knees will refuse to work, which made his previous relationships awkward sometimes. Was he getting better at controlling his emotions? He felt more about her than any of his other relationships, but even though his emotions towards her were so intense, he somehow fought back enough for his legs to not give way and stop working.
He felt his arm pull Fira forward as he walked through the portal blindly. The feeling of her other hand grabbing his made his heart almost jump out of his chest again. He took another deep breath as he felt the purple roses that cover the ground of Purgatory crunch under his feet.
He gave her hand a yank and opened his eyes, and the scenery, once it met his eyes, calmed him. Her left shoulder connected with him as she bumped into him. He let go of her hand and pulled it back, then spun around and gestured towards the scene before her as the portal behind them closed itself.
The ground as far as the eye could see was covered in the same purple roses that they were standing on, A large gray castle was close by, it's tower tops colored purple. He stepped to his left so she could see the ornate gazebo that was only a short walk to the castle, it was embellished in gold, and the mahogany wood glistened in the light of the sun.
"So, what do you think?" Pain said with a smile, he had even created magical versions of the sun and moon to provide light to his world. He worked very hard to make his own special place perfect.
"It's beautiful, you made all this?" Fira put both hands to her face, eyes wide with wonder.
"Yes. You're the only human who's stepped foot in here in a while, about two years, I think." He turned and walked towards the gazebo, then gestured for Fira to follow him.
"What other human has been here before me?" She asked, every step she took to keep up with him making a soft crunch as she stepped on the roses below.
"Well, just two before you. They were… Past lovers," Pain said as he pulled out a wooden chair as ornate as the rest of the gazebo, and sat down. He gestured to the chair next to him, inviting her to sit.
"Really? So you've only shown your past girlfriends this place? So, does that mean…?" She stood there, an excited look on her face. He now knew that she felt the same.
"I'm saying… That I really like you, and I wanted to show you this place because it might give me luck." He felt his face heat up again, and turned his head away a bit, enough to still keep eye contact with her.
He brought her to Purgatory because before, he would only bring girls there after he had already started dating them, and that maybe bringing her there before would mean they were destined to be together. If she said yes, he would do anything to keep her, and would do everything in his power to make sure that the relationship wouldn't fall apart or that she would have to leave him.
He already argued with the sun spirits about not asking Fira to join them, which they agreed that they wouldn't. His most recent girlfriend became a moon spirit, so he was terrified that if he and Fira got together, that she would become a sun spirit and have to leave him, because spirits are not allowed to have relationships.
"So… What kind of luck would liking someone need?" She said inquisitively while she smoothly walked over to the chair he was gesturing to, pulled it out and sat down.
"Oh.. Well…" He painted himself into a corner, all of his previous comments came back to him all at once, he let too much of his feelings for her slip, all because of his big mouth and him not thinking straight.
"Enough about that, why does your lower jaw look like that?" She put her elbows onto the table and pointed at his prosthetic jaw.
"Oh, it's a prosthetic, I lost my original one due to an… Unforeseen circumstance, one that is a very touchy subject for me. I'll tell you someday but, not at the moment." Pain looked away and closed his eyes, trying to force himself not to remember, to think about what's going on right now instead.
"Can you feel this?" She said, and without having time to react, he felt her hand caress his chin.
"What are you…?" He opened his eyes and looked back at her, a small smile was on her face and her hand glided across the polished metal of his lower jaw. He immediately felt himself blush for the umpteenth time
"Well, can you?" She asked with a giggle, her own cheeks becoming red.
"Yes, I can. You'd be surprised how far technology has come in terms of sensory implants in prosthetics." He wanted to pull her hand away from his chin, but didn't want her to get the idea that he didn't like her.
"Then why doesn't your jaw move?" She said and her hand moved up to where his jaw joint would have been.
"They couldn't make one that could let me do that without it hurting after a while. This one is much more comfortable." He put a hand up to the same place on the other side of his lower jaw.
"Hurt? Why would it hurt?" She pulled her hand back and her smile faded into a look of concern.
"It's complicated, long story short is the curse that keeps me in my body makes the wounds that were given to me unable to be closed and cause a lot of pain. And it only goes away with intense magical intervention. The thing holding my lower jaw in place is a special kind of magical adhesive that can essentially close the wound. The other lower jaw I use to eat and talk with can only keep the wound closed for a few hours before the adhesive starts to wear off, there's too much movement involved there that the adhesive can't take it… I've had the unfortunate experience of it slipping off before, it's a work in progress." He clutched his lower jaw with the hand he already had on it.
"Oh, I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't know." She looked away with a frown.
"It's alright, don't worry about it. I was asking the same questions too when I first got them both. The other lower jaw causes too much grief, I only use it when I'm going out in public." He smiled at her, not a fake smile either, he remembered how nice it was sleep with his lower jaw adjustment after they found out that him not having a lower lip caused him to drool all over his bedding.
"Pain! There you are!" A familiar voice called out. It was Matilda, the ghost from the middle ages that got too attached to him, so he made her his assistant.
He looked over to see her floating over to the gazebo, her flowing purple dress fluttering wildly because she was gliding by so fast. Her long purple hair had gotten into her mouth, but she hadn't seemed to notice yet. Her fair face was curled into an angry expression, making her icy blue eyes seem piercing.
"What is it, Matilda? Can't you see I have a guest?" Pain got up out of his chair, what was it now? Why was she so angry? Was it because he was neglecting his work?
"It has been a whole week, you cannot keep him here forever! Only beings who understand human language can consent to staying here, remember? That is what we agreed on!" Matilda balled her fist in obvious rage.
He knew who she was talking about. The cat that had been taken in a few months ago that hated humans, or anything that resembled them. His name in the book of death was Bub Roberts,the poor animal was more than mistreated by his owners, and the hate almost corrupted his soul. The last time he saw Bub, he was very loving, signaling the rehabilitation had worked.
"Do we have to do this now?" He turned his head away from the both of them, embarrassed that he was shirking his responsibilities to impress the girl he liked.
"You told me that you would release any spirit that was ready to be released that cannot understand human language, we have been through this a thousand times. You locked yourself in your room, which I cannot get into, for a week, and expect me to wait?" Matilda folded her arms and made an annoyed noise.
"Fira, can you stay here for a bit? I need to take care of something." He turned to Fira and put his left hand out in front of him, his palm facing her.
"No, I want to go with you." She got up and with one swift motion, grabbed his wrist.
"Are you sure? I'm… Still not the best at my job, even after years of doing it. I may be the head of the reapers but… One aspect of the job still is very hard for me, and I still have trouble with it to this day. It's hasn't gotten better for me, even after all this time doing it." He looked at her with desperate eyes, he didn't want to have her see him like what he knows without a doubt he will be like when he releases Bub.
"I don't want to leave you alone like that, please let me come with you." She looked back at him with the same desperate expression.
He had two choices, risk ruining everything and brush her off, or risk ruining everything by letting her see what he's like when it comes to reaping animals. Either one could end in less than good terms between him and Fira. On one hand, he could completely ruin any chance of a relationship with her by leaving her there; on the other hand, letting her follow him could end disastrously in terms of destroying any chance of romance. He paused, and took a moment to choose whether to leave her there or let her come with.
"Alright, follow me." He pulled his hand back and gestured for her to follow. He had decided on her being there, because if he was too afraid to show her his weaknesses, he would never fully be able to open up to her.
He stepped back onto the rose covered ground, and lightly crunched his way towards the castle, the roses behind him magically regenerating themselves, only to be stepped on again by Fira, who followed close behind. He pushed the heavy wooden doors open and stepped inside. The inside of the castle looked very much like the insides of the castle on the light side of Elega, only the lighting was dimmer, and the velvet was purple, as were all the curtains.
He went to the left, where he kept the animal spirits for rehabilitation. He could only handle a few at a time, the rest were in the Soul Bottle that was on his utility belt, it was a round bottle with small vertical creases in the black glass and with a dodecahedron of a crystal glass cap that kept the bottle closed. The souls inside are in stasis, so they don't get too stressed inside.
He walked into the room, and was immediately greeted by Bub, who snuggled his leg. He knew it was time, but he regretted having to leave him. Bub's fur in his spirit cat form was light purple, as was the color of everything else on him. The lighter the purple, the purer the spirit. Bub was a dark purple when he first came to Purgatory, the anger and hate inside him made his spirit form look menacing. Now, besides the color, he looked like a normal cat.
"Aw, what a cute kitty." Fira kneeled down to pet Bub, who headbutted her hand.
"Forgive me, Bub… I'll miss you." He said and felt his face contort into a pained expression as he materialized his scythe.
"What are you doing?" Fira got up and looked up at him.
"He can't stay, I need to sever his ties to the human realm so he can go to heaven." He gripped his scythe and tried to hold back the tears that were surely coming.
"Are you crying?" She stepped closer to him, it was too late to wipe away the tears that had already formed and were cascading down his face.
"Step aside, for your safety." He pressed his eyelids together to force out the vision impairing tears.
He looked at Bub, who looked at him with content eyes, not knowing what was about to happen. A hard lump had already lodged itself in his throat that made his breathing slightly labored. He held his scythe out in front of himself with his left hand, and ghostly strings that glowed with a soft white light appeared over Bub. He brought his weapon back, his hands far from steady, and with one swift motion, he cut every string. Bub laid down on his side and closed his eyes, his spirit form then slowly disintegrated.
A loud clank rang out as he dropped his scythe, and it desintagrated a second after it hit the ground. He couldn't handle the guilt and sadness that immediately overwhelmed him as soon as he cut the ties. He couldn't see past the cloudiness of his tears, but he heard Fira's footsteps quickly coming towards him. He fell forwards, just in time for her to catch him. He sobbed openly, and put his arms around her as he hid his face in her shoulder.
"It's ok, he's in a better place now." Fira reached behind him and patted his back.
"It's so hard. They don't… They don't understand! I can't tell them how much I love them, that's why it hurts so bad! If only they could understand what I say, it wouldn't be like this!" He communicated telepathically while sobbing at the same time.
"That's not true, even if they knew it would still be hard." She started to gently rub his back instead of patting it.
"It goes for humans, too! When they're that young I… I don't even want to think about it!" He balled his fists, it was too much for him. He couldn't tell her yet, but he usually would get a fellow reaper to cut the ties of children young enough to not understand speech, it was much too difficult for him to do.
"The fact that you are like this shows that you care, it isn't just a job. It's something that you feel needs to be done, despite any emotions otherwise." She hugged him and gave his back another couple pats.
"Now you understand why I didn't want to bring you here, right?" He pulled back a little and raised his head, his face wet with tears and snot.
"Of course, but I care about you too much to let you go through that alone." She grabbed her sleeve and used it to wipe his tears.
"What are you saying?" He choked back more sobs and wiped the his nose on his upper arm.
"I'm saying I want to be your girlfriend." She grabbed his arm and gently pulled it outwards.
"Wha-... Really? Even after all this?" His heart skipped a beat; He didn't understand, he was so used to being berated for being a crybaby, that all of this took him by complete surprise. His whole body heated up this time, and this time, with her hand on the skin of his arm, she could definitely feel how fast his pulse was.
"Yes, of course… Hey, are you alright? Your heart seems to be beating… A little fast." She looked up at him with a worried expression.
"I'm fine now, I just… I don't know what to say, I-..." Her confession completely knocked what he just had to do out of his brain, along with everything else, his mind blanked.
"So… What do you say? Can I?" She smiled at him, though a hint of worry was still on her face.
"Of course, why did you think I brought you here? That was always my intention." He grabbed her hand that was on his upper arm with his free hand, and entwined his fingers with hers.
They spent the rest of the day there. They talked, laughed and had a wonderful time until the cloudless skies got dark. When Purgatory's sun had just about completely set, Fira turned to Pain, her hands behind her back.
"So, I guess it's time to go back." She grabbed his wrist and moved her hands down to his hand, then firmly grasped it.
"Yeah, I'll drop you off at the front gates, they won't know anything different. Oh, by the way, I've made that abandoned temple we met at a little home away from home. So next time you want to go there, ask me, with this." He pulled out a similar flip phone to his that was next to his own on his utility belt, and handed it to her.
"Oh, isn't this yours?" She reached for it with her free hand, but was just short of touching it.
"It's an extra I was given, my number is already on it." He smiled at her and placed the phone into her hand.
"So this is essentially giving me your number then?" She grinned and clasped the phone tightly in her hand.
"Well, we need ways to contact each other" He nodded and used the hand that gave her the phone to materialize his scythe again.
He pulled his other hand away from her and turned to the left, then promptly teared into the air to create another portal.
"Where does this go? Does it go back to where we entered?" She asked as she pointed to it.
"It goes to where we were before, yes. But the sun will be coming up in Elega when we get there, so the Darklings won't want to come out of their holes." He dematerialized his weapon and gestured towards the portal.
"That's good… Hey, can we… Hold hands again?" She meekly held out her left hand.
"Of course, darling." He winked seductively at her and grabbed her hand.
"Wow, you got over being embarrassed real fast," she said with a chuckle.
"Well, it was only because we weren't dating yet. I'm sure I'll get embarrassed later though." He chuckled back at her, and they walked through the portal together.
The portal closed behind them after they stepped through. He turned to her and then felt her lips connect to the metal of his lower jaw where his lips sat, and felt her upper lip connect to his in between the zig zags of the metal of his prosthetic. As soon as he realized she had just kissed him, she pulled back, waved, and quickly walked back over the border. He put his hand up to his mouth as he blushed, and grinned.
Read the rest of the book here: https://moonquill.com/book/46
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