章 18: Break Down
Sheen already went home after spending an exhausting night at the hospital.
She did not know that Kady was there, all she was told about is that Wyn was the one who brought her since Bea knew that she will not love to hear Kady knowing about her condition.
"You know, if you have something on your mind, you can always tell me, right? I am just a call away, Sheen," Bea was making a tea for Sheen who still feels weak.
"I always have something on my mind, and I can't always bother you, Bea," Sheen was scrolling down her phone while reading her favorite webtoon, she lays on the couch comfortably.
"But you can't keep that to yourself. If it's about those guys, you will leave already so stop thinking about them, alright?"
Sheen was not thinking about the 'guys' but the 'guy' she had always thought about.
She wonders how did she fell in love with such an arrogant man.
All she was able to see before was his good sides.
But now, she realizes he's a total as*hole.
Now that she weighs the personality traits of those guys, you can clearly see that Wyn's the best and Kady's the worst while Blue is...
"Now, you're thinking about them, are you? You're making that annoyed face again. Your brows are about to meet and your eyes stare sharply at nothingness," Bea mimicked Sheen's face while giving her tea.
Sheen sits up for Bea to sit as well beside her.
They both sipped their tea while listening to silence.
They were both in their own thoughts.
'Is she going to be alright?' Bea thought.
'Will I be alright?' Sheen thought as well.
Sheen was never the type of girl who will be alright, she may try to hide her feelings, even from herself, but she will end up breaking her shattered pieces to fragments to dust until she will no longer build herself up again.
'Why is my relationship to other people always suck?' Sheen thought while sighing.
It's true, other than her parents and Bea, she has no other good relationship.
Or not.
It may also suck.
Bea's always been told when they were young to look after her, if she was not, she might've turned her back from her as well.
Her parents are also stuck with her, 'cause they're her parents.
Kady left her.
Blue also leaves her, she was not always a part of Blue's life.
She might even leave herself if she can.
"Hey, what'cha thinking?" Bea looked at Sheen who's already at the verge of crying.
"Nothing, this tea's just too hot," Sheen answered.
'Why am I always too hard on myself?' She questioned while finishing her cup of tea.
'Well, I'm not my own cup of tea,' she giggled.
"Why're you giggling? Are you going crazy? Is that a side effect of fainting? Do you want to go back to the hospital?" Bea looks terrified with what Sheen did. After the silent atmosphere, Sheen suddenly giggles.
"Huh? No. I am just, you know, imagining things."
Bea suddenly smiled, "Yeah, I remember you always imagined marrying Kady before and being the best wife he will have."
SheenSheen did remember that, though she did not bother to react negatively. She did not have the energy to do it and the reason why she has to.
"Yeah, I did," she's tired of the mess she got in.
Her book will never be published.
The story that she started will never be finished.
What kind of story did she even made?
"You can start over again, you know that right? You're going to have a new life away from every thing that hurt you," Bea rests her head on Sheen's shoulder. She can feel what Sheen feels just by looking at her.
"I hope I can, 'cause I'm tired. I'm so tired. I can't even breathe without feeling pain in my chest," Sheen suddenly started to cry which startled Bea leaving her with wide eyes yet she did not move away from Sheen since if she will, she might also cry.
"I can't even walk along the streets without thinking of jumping infront of a moving car, I can't even climb up the stairs without thinking of tripping myself to break my freaking bones, I can't even look outside the windows in high floors without thinking of jumping. I can't even think that I deserve to be happy, but I just want to be happy yet here I am stuck with... myself."
With every word Sheen says, she can't keep the sobs along with Bea trying to suppress her tears.
"I'm so tired. I always tries to give my best but no one sees it as a best thing. I'm so tired of feeling tired," Sheen breaks down with her hands swaeting and trembling. She can't feel anything other than the pain.
"That's why I took the medicine again, I thought I might die if I continue taking that, yet here I am stuck with a more massive pain. I can't save myself anymore... I just want someone who will do."
クリエイターの想い 
Yannaaaa
Yannaaaa Yes, it's short but I can feel Sheen. Who else does? Or who won't? I hope I can just go other places like Sheen to start a new life but here I am stuck with my course that I am not even sure about. <3 anyways, rate, comment, and vote! Thank youuu
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